My Somewhat Ridiculous and Really Not Practical Christmas Wishlist

1. I would like my dogs to be able to understand that they cannot climb trees and no matter how hard they try, they will never be able to follow a squirrel up one.

2. I would like Kim Kardashian to go away. I don’t even know what she’s famous for but she’s certainly in a lot of headlines.


3. Re: #2, I would like celebrities and people of influence to realize that marriage is not just something for publicity. It actually is supposed to mean a lot and it does to most people. Kim Kardashian’s ridiculous wedding could have probably covered the salaries of several out-of-work people in this bad economy and it didn’t even last three months.


4. I would like Ryan Gosling to do the lift from “Dirty Dancing” with me. Shirtless. If you don’t know what I mean, watch “Crazy, Stupid Love.” You’ll get it. Maybe. And if not, I’m sorry but you’re weird or…not into Ryan Gosling which is perfectly fine.


5. I would like “Glee” to be good. I watch it and I don’t know why at this point. It’s over-the-top, irritating and for no reason whatsoever, Lea Michele really bugs me. There’s an easy solution, I know…stop watching. I just…can’t…not yet.


6. I would like the Twilight phenomenon to go away now. I sort of get it. It’s just…not that good and it’s gone on too long. Also, Breaking Dawn did not need to be two parts- it’s about a vampire and human who get married, get pregnant their first time in having sex, have a grisly birth scene and have a werewolf fall in love with their baby. Oh, and there’s some kind of standoff between vampires that ends up fizzling out into nothing more than a conversation. It’s not Harry Potter by any means- one part would have been just fine.


7. I would like my dogs to pick up their own toys and vacuum the floor. Also, it’d be nice if they could make me a cup of tea when I get home from work.


8. I would to know why sometimes I have the urge to climb over the stall door when I go to the bathroom at work. It’s a peculiar urge I have and I don’t know why.


9. I would still like someone to invent a three slice toaster preferably in a triangular design. I’m not scientific/engineering-y enough. However, sometimes, two slices is too little and four slices is too much. I suppose I could just get a four slice one and not use the last slot but a triangular one would just be niftier.


10. I’d like to be able to shoot water out of my finger. I know this is strange but wouldn’t it be fun to point and squirt sometime? This is not my desired superpower but it’d be fun. If I could have my desired superpower, I’d like to be able to heal people with my mind.


11. I would like to teleport. This way I’d never have to go to the airport again and pay ridiculous fees and charges.


12. Speaking of #11- I would like airline travel to become fun again. It was once. I even remember it. I miss the days of free Toblerones, free wine and politeness from the airline staff. Also, I miss the days were you didn’t have to check your bank balance before you got on a plane in case you got hungry.


13. I’d like to be able to perform telekinesis. It would make being lazy much easier.


14. I’d like to know what my dogs are thinking. Just my dogs though. I don’t want to know what people are thinking. That’d be scary and make things a little too complicated. And I don’t want to know what other animals are thinking because then I might have to become a vegetarian and we can’t have that.


15. I’d like to know why the “Happy Feet” movie gives me a feeling of distaste. It’s a movie about penguins! Yet something about it just gives me a slight case of the creeps.


16. I’d like wine to have no calories.


17. I’d like cheese to have no calories or fat.


18. I’d like butter to have no calories or fat.


19. I’d like Mario Batali to cook me dinner with the cheese that has no calories or fat, with plenty of calorie and fat-free butter with a nice bottle of no-calorie wine.


20. I’d like to solve everyone’s problems and make the world happy.


21. I’d like to know why rotting potatoes smell so much worse than rotting lemons.


22. I’d like “Veronica Mars,” “Gilmore Girls” and “Buffy” to come back on the air with new episodes.


23. I’d like it to snow without making the roads scary.


24. I’d like to buy the world a Coke but have it be a Mexican Coke with real sugar rather than corn syrup. And by Mexican Coke, I mean the tasty beverage that is Coca-Cola. Just in case there’s any confusion.


25. I’d like world peace because, well, this is a wish list and doesn’t everyone wish for world peace? Besides, I’ve never understood why people like to shoot each other and blow each other up. This is why I don’t understand boxing. Why do people want to watch people punch each other in the face? Yes, world peace would be very sensible.



I think that’s it for now.

By the way, this is intended to be silly and not an expression of greed in any way shape or form. Also, I tried to stay away from anything too personal or political. That’s my disclaimer.

Thanks for reading- Happy Wednesday!

Christmas Shopping...in November....

As always, this weekend has gone way too fast! It actually seems like life is going by too fast. When you get to Autumn and Halloween passes, suddenly it seems like there are very few weekends between now, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Sure, in terms of days, it seems like a lot but in terms of weekend, there's not as many as there could be in order to get things done.

It's not like I'm even that much of a busy person. It's more that I like to drag out celebrating Christmas and when it's broken down into the cold hard facts of there being about 8 weekends between now and then, it really doesn't seem like much particularly when you're already getting invitations to do stuff, there are birthdays in there and work, as always, might get in the way.

So, I'm trying to get a head start. I actually started Christmas shopping in August. Yes, I know it's early but I'm a firm believer in being prepared and even if it's four months early, if I see something someone I know will like and it's at the right price, it will keep for a few months. I still have a lot to buy, however.

The funny thing is that there are quite a few days until Christmas. Even though I work every day, that's not to say I can't do stuff after work. Also, there are still about eight weekends until Christmas. It might be seven or eight. If I had a calendar nearby, I'd count but...I don't and I'm lazy.

Regardless, I'm feeling oddly...panicked already about Christmas which is...wierd. Normally, I don't get that panicked about the holidays because, as I said, I like to be prepared. It's only when you're lying in bed, two days before Christmas Day, running through the checklist of what you've bought and for whom you've bought gifts and you realize, oops...you still haven't got that thing for person X. I know, I know...Christmas isn't really about the gifts and there's more meaning to it than that. I'm not saying there isn't. Yet the cold hard fact of the matter is if you're passing out gifts to your family and you realize that, crap, you forgot to get something for your sister-in-law, etc...you feel like a complete loser of a twit.

Thus, even though it is about much more than gifts, gifts are a part of the celebration. So, buying gifts is part of Christmas...

No, I think my feelings of panic are entirely the fault of retailers who decided that the day after Halloween was a perfectly fine time to overly bedeck the halls, slam us with Christmas advertisements and start having Christmas sales with great prices.

My mistake is that I went shopping on Saturday. I went innocently- one of the warehouse outlets near me was having a great sale on a fold up table and I'd offered to go get one for my parents who are officially starting a Kids Table at Thanksgiving this year. Since they have no actual table at which to sit the kids, the one I saw in the ad would have been perfect.

I got the table with no problems. However, the store was also having a huge sale on Christmas decorations and toys. Even though I try NOT to jump into Christmas until at least Thanksgiving, I usually resist. However, it's quite easy to get sucked in. My strategy is to try to buy ahead so that there's not too much financial stress right before Christmas. I figured it wouldn't hurt to look.

So I did. I found a gift for my niece. It was a great price and I think she'll like it. However, this find of a gift coupled with the Christmas-bedazzled store and the strange, distant sound of Christmas carols flipped a switch into my brain. Immediately, I began to scour the shelves to find gifts for my other niece and my two nephews. I couldn't find anything that jumped out at me and for one moment, I had that brief urgent distress signal flare up: WHAT IF I CAN'T FIND A GIFT FOR THEM? WHAT IF IT'S THE WRONG GIFT AND THEY HATE IT.

Fortunately, I am actually a mostly rational human. I immediately had an internal dialogue with that side of my brain in which the Christmas switch had flipped that went something like this:

"DUDE! CALM DOWN."
"I CAN'T! I NEED TO BUY GIFTS."
"Sweetie, it's November the Fifth. It's Guy Fawkes Day."
"Thanks for reminding me. I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING THEY'LL LIKE!"
"My point is- It's THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER."
"Yes. And?"
"YOU HAVE EIGHT WEEKS! In eight weeks, I'm quite sure that you'll be quite capable of not only buying gifts for the kids but the adults as well."
"Oh. Ok. WAIT! Should I look for gifts for the adults?"
"No."
"No? But.."
"Shut up and go buy shampoo."
"Oh. Ok."
"And you need drain opener too. Have a look for that."
"Ok. Do you think...?"
"No. Go buy drain cleaner."

You get my point, right? I know that one of the reasons for Christmas saturation beginning so early is that the retailers know that with the economy still being pretty bad, people are trying to stretch out their spending...much like me. It makes it much easier to buy gifts if you're thrust into the season as soon as you walk into a store even if it is only the first week of November.

It's just that, for the first time, even though I have some gifts, I'm already feeling behind which is ridiculous.

It's not just me. The pups and I were walking today and we noticed at least one house that had their decorations up. I get the need to start shopping earlier but, really...decorations? Really? It's quite hard to understand when it's a balmy 65 degrees out, the trees are still quite leafy- albeit splendours in their autumn colours and there are still tomatoes on the vines.

Ah well...I'm sure in a couple of weeks, I'll be contemplating putting my decorations up too...I suppose it doesn't matter really what the date is, does it? When you're ready to start celebrating Christmas, you're ready to start celebrating Christmas...I think I just need to stop fighting it.

It doesn't mean I'm going to go into full panic mode though...not yet, anyway. There's still plenty of time...as long as I keep telling myself that, I'll be fine.

Right?

Happy Monday!

Having a Growl...

Today was one of those days where I realized I was a foul-tempered beast right as I got into work. I was fine when I got up this morning. I was tired and quite comfy in bed and not really in the mood to get up but, as I do every morning, I got up anyway. As usual, I got up just in time for “Fox 19 Stormtracker Weather” which was actually right for once. As usual, I got dressed and then let the pups out.

As usual, I went to do my normal bathroom routine and the pups came back inside and watched me the whole time, waiting for their morning treat. As usual, I made my tea- pumpkin spice this morning- and headed to work.

Then I got to the office and realized I was in the mood to throw things at people. It wasn’t even like they were doing anything worthy of me throwing things at them. It was just that it was one of those days when I really, really was not in the mood to be in the office.

It didn’t help that I’d worked a little late last night trying to lure in a candidate for a job that, based on his resume, would be a great fit for him. I got him excited about the job. I got him to fill out the required paperwork. I was happy that I’d finally found someone for the job who actually fit. Then I discovered that he had actually worked for us before at the same client site where I wanted to place him. Not to worry- that doesn’t mean much since it was six years ago and he seemed to have left on good terms. In addition, during the six years afterwards, he’s garnered a ton of experience and was far stronger than he was when he left the job.

Still, I thought I better check with the hiring manager, just in case there was a reason they didn’t want him back.

Sure enough, the email we got in response to my inquiry is that they had no interest in him. There was no explanation. He even still has references from the company. I was irritated. It’s fine if he’d done something bad, you know, like stabbed one of his coworkers, brought down the entire system or stolen a ton of money. However, all I could discover was that, at the time, he didn’t have the experience they needed so they didn’t renew his contract.

So, that didn’t help my mood. There’s nothing like investing a lot of time into a project only to realize it’s been a complete waste of time.

Thus, I found myself declining into Foul Tempered Beast territory. I’ve been surly and irritated all day long. My coworkers have been irritating me even though they’re doing nothing different to usual. I’m just not in the mood to listen to them laugh and joke around. Also, the new boy is irritating me because he’s cocky and arrogant and likes to try to steal my candidates. Also, it was dark and rainy all afternoon and all I really wanted to do was go home and curl up with the pups.

Instead, I have a meeting to go to tonight for work. It’s part of our extra-curricular attempts to network. I’m not excited. It’s a two hour meeting. It’s two hours when I could be playing “Angry Birds”, writing or do something completely non-work related. On the plus side, I don’t have to go alone- one of my coworkers is meeting me there. It’s just not what I feel like doing on a cold, rainy bad-moody evening.

I think perhaps if I walked around the office and had a good growl it might help. I do that at home sometimes. Growling is fun. Some people find it a little odd that I growl but it’s actually quite a good way to make yourself feel a little better. It’s more fun if I growl at the pups because this inevitably leads to them trying to jump on me and doing their little cute grumble-growls but it’s also fun to do it when you’re simply having a bad day. The only problem is that as I’m still trying to keep up the façade that I’m not a weirdo, I can’t do it when my coworkers are around.

Ah well, I will have a good growl on the way to the meeting tonight. That should help. Also, tomorrow is Friday and that’s a good way to make sure that tomorrow is not a Foul Tempered Beast Day. Fridays are good days by default, I find.

And, if it’s not, I shall simply have a growl. Oh, go on…try it. It works….trust me.

Happy Friday!

Goodbye Halloween, Hello..Christmas?

So, apparently now, the minute Halloween is finished, it becomes completely acceptable to embrace Christmas, according to both the radio and TV.

This is not a surprise and it’s not even the first time I’ve complained about it. After all, the Christmas merchandise has slowly been creeping in for weeks now and co-habiting with the Halloween merchandise. Poor Thanksgiving is relegated to a meager area of pilgrims, turkeys and leaves.

No, I’m talking about full-on, Christmas promotional assault. I’ve already seen one commercial on TV today for Christmas merchandise and I only had my TV for the 25 minutes it takes me to get ready in the morning. To be fair, I didn’t actually see the commercial as much as heard “Jingle Bells” and cringed. Then, two separate radio commercials were about Christmas sales. Different companies, same annoying Christmas song- Jingle Bells.

Now, generally, I’m not opposed to “Jingle Bells.” It’s a good song to caterwaul as you’re driving home on a cold winters night in early to mid December. It’s actually very satisfying to sing especially very loudly and very enthusiastically. It’s just that it is currently November the first. The day after Halloween. It’s too early to be assaulted with the bastardized versions of Jingle Bells that have their lyrics changed to advertise something.

While I accept that Halloween is, in fact over, it was only a mere 24 hours ago that I was putting away the trick or treat candy bowl. By this time, I had realized that I was not going to have the onslaught of sugar-hungry children that I had last year and would have a lot left over so during the quiet periods, I found myself habitually hoarding the Kit-Kats and Twix’s and swapping them out of my bowl with Airheads and Lemonheads. Yes, I’m that person. And yes, I did give some chocolate away but when you realize you bought a metric ton of candy and ended up only giving away half the metric ton, measures must be taken. I knew I’d end up taking the bag to my office. I work with a lot of sugar-addicted office-mates who are always on the lookout for chocolate and sugary goodness. They prefer the chocolate. I do too and while I try not to snack too much at work, it is rather nice to have a mini Kit-Kat when I really want some chocolate.

I was rather disappointed in the trick or treat-ers this year. I was also disappointed in my neighbourhood. I live on a street with a lot of houses. From my porch, I could see only four houses giving out candy. The rest were obviously dark, porch lights off and disinterested. Now, while I know the economy is bad, giving out candy or Halloween goodies of a non-sugary kind is traditional. There are ways to participate without spending a ton of money.

The kids who were trick or treating weren’t as plentiful as last year. I’m a sucker for a toddler in a cute costume so I tend to give extra candy to the ladybugs, bumblebees and Strawberry Shortcakes who come to my door. I also like creativity and cleverness so I reward those kids too. In fact, pretty much any kid in a costume is welcome at my door.

The problem is that last night, there were an awful lot of kids not in costume at my door. In fact, they really weren’t even kids at all. They were teenagers who must have been fifteen or sixteen. They didn’t have Halloween buckets or bags. They didn’t even have pillowcases. They had backpacks and gymbags which they were clearly carrying already, not for the purpose of trick or treating. There were quite a few of them. They travelled in packs. Since I had a ton of candy and not as many kids, I gave them all one piece of candy each. I shouldn’t have done because it’s rewarding ‘bad’ behaviour but since I didn’t want to cause a fuss, I figured it wouldn’t hurt. The one that really made me question her was a girl who opened up her Louis Vuitton purse for me to drop a Tootsie Roll in.

It was a real Louis Vuitton purse too. Believe it or not, I can spot the difference after several years living in L.A. and being surrounded by knockoffs. Now, why is a girl who is carrying a Louis Vuitton purse and high heels begging for free candy?

Still, she got a Tootsie Roll from me. Tootsie Rolls are my passive-aggressive way of being mean to people. I know it’s twisted logic because the recipient might actually like Tootsie Rolls but I find them rather unappealing. They’re one of my least favourite sugary treats. I only had them because they were in a mixed bag of candy I bought.

I actually do have a system for handing out candy. If I think they really embraced the whole dressing up for Halloween thing and they look good, they are eligible for a Reese’s Cup, Twix, Starburst or Kit-Kat. This is the cream of the chocolate crop as far as my opinion of Halloween Candy goes. I’m actually not a Reese’s cup fan but the way the kids were bickering over who got the “Reesy Cup” made me realize they were quite the prize. Next comes the Snickers and the Almond Joys which I will eat if hungry but will not seek out. These go to the kids who made a good effort but I can’t figure out what they’re dressed as or they are dressed in a store-bought superhero costume. It is too easy to buy a superhero costume. I think a little more effort should be made. Following this comes the Lemonheads and the Airheads which are not my favourite candy but there were a lot of them. I give these to the kids who are wearing a Jason mask or a Scream mask without the rest of the costume. Finally, comes the Tootsie Rolls which I give to the kids who didn’t bother wearing a costume and just want free candy.

Yes, I’m a meanie and I have a weird system but when you’re sitting at the door for two hours, playing “Angry Birds” while waiting for kids to come ask for candy, there’s a lot of downtime to think about these things. The pups tried to keep me entertained but even they got bored between trick or treat-ers. Sookie barked at them but most of the time both she and Rory were just curious and they got so many “Aww! WEINER DOGS!!!” yells of delight that they eventually ran outside to get away.

Still, by the time I put the candy bowl away even with the plethora of uncostumed teens, I had a lot of sweets left in my bowl. I slid them into a bag to bring to work and called it a night as far as Halloween festivities went. I figured that it was another Halloween past and another year of being completely wrong in my estimation of how much candy I would need.

Still, even though I knew Halloween was over this morning, it did feel a little wrong to be carrying the leftover candy to work while being serenaded by several different versions of “Jingle Bells”. I’m sure that over the next few weeks, it’ll be a full onslaught of Christmas advertisements. While I do enjoy the holiday season, I do think it might be a little better to wait until people have had a chance to put away the Halloween pumpkins before they think they’re supposed to get out the trees, giant inflatable snowmen and all of the trimmings.

At least let Thanksgiving have a chance first!

Happy Wednesday.

A Learning Kind of Weekend

This has been another fast-flying weekend. It seems like it was just Friday evening and now, already, I have to think about what to wear for work tomorrow.

Still, it has been a good weekend. It's actually been a good weekend for learning. I think probably every weekend is a good weekend for learning but this one in particular has been quite education.

For example, I learned that Possibly-Joe is actually named Matt. This is good because I know longer have to awkwardly stumble around trying to figure out what his name is without having to ask. I learned his name from his mother who I met this weekend. It's rather a relief, let me tell you.

I also learned that carving pumpkins can cause bruises. I spent Friday night having a lovely 'Pumpkin Night'. This involved my annual tradition of watching the first "Harry Potter" film while carving my pumpkins. I also made curried pumpkin soup for dinner which I served in a mini pumpkin as my bowl and drank a pumpkin martini- a 'pumpkintini', if you will. Normally, I drink pumpkin beer but I'm having a hard time finding any this year so I tried something different. Anyway, I carved three pumpkins. By the end of the night, the sides of my wrist and forearm were sore from where I had constantly rubbed them on the rim of the pumpkin while scooping out the insides. When I woke up on Saturday, I had some bruises. I found this quite entertaining actually- I do scrape and scoop my pumpkins with vigor.

I also learned that if you suspect a movie is going to be silly, you probably shouldn't pay $7.50 to see it. I went to see "Paranormal Activity 3". I only went to see it because the first one inspired me to write "The Reluctant Demon" and I felt like since I'd seen the other two, I should see the third one. I find those movies a little like going on a roller coaster- they make you jump and build up the anticipation but when you leave, you sort of wonder why you went on it in the first place. By the way, I'm probably going to spoil the film so if you want to see it and not get spoiled, you can skip ahead in the blog. Part 3 certainly had some of those "boo!" moments where it made me jump but I'm actually a little sad the filmmakers felt compelled to explain why the demon was haunting the girls. I have complained in the past that the demons in movies do all sorts of things to scare the homeowners/people around them but it seems a little silly- why not get to killing the people if that's their end goal? Why rearrange furniture, slam doors or run around in the attic? In the case of "Paranormal Activity 3", some vague witchy explaination is given for what the demon wants and you realize it's chosen it's hauntees on purpose. Yet, naturally, it does a lot of door slamming, running around and peculiar things with sheets. This particular demon also manifests itself an imaginary friend to a little girl. His name is Toby. Toby is apparently very old and tall according to the little girl. Yet, in a scene in the movie, the demon is caught on camera creeping up on a babysitter with a sheet over itself- a bit like Caspar the Friendly Ghost. The camera is mounted on a fan so that it osciallates so in one room, you see the "ghost" and then when the camera oscillates back around, the "ghost" has moved behind the babysitter and then, "poof!" the demon vanishes and the sheet tumbles to the ground.

The thing is, the "ghost" is not taller than a child. I'm sorry but if a demon is only four feet tall, is it really that scary? It should have been a taller "ghost". Also, I learned that if you're a man that likes to videotape things because you have a demon in your house, you're going to get killed by Katie Featherstone- she's the girl from all of the "Paranormal Activities". She's now killed three photographers.

So, overall, I learned that if my instinct is that a film is not going to be good, I should probably just rent it because otherwise I'll always be annoyed that I didn't listen to my instincts better.

Finally, I learned that this song I keep hearing on the radio and getting stuck in my head is called "Pumped up Kicks" by Foster the People. I don't even know if I like the song- all I know is that it gets stuck in my head terribly. I originally thought it was "all the other kids like thier bomb bomb daddies" (don't ask where that came from, that's just what I kept thinking they said. Then I thought it was "all the other kids like their pumped up kitties". Yes, that is a true statement. Now I know they're actually saying "pumped up kicks" but I'm not sure what that means. I have a vision of those shoes from a few years ago that you used to pump up by pushing a 'button' the the tongue of the shoe. That's probably not what they mean but I'm too lazy to google it. I don't particularly like having that song stuck in my head but I suppose it's good to know the actual lyrics.

I'm sure I learned many more things but these are the big lessons. I bet you thought I was going to say I learned something meaningful, didn't you? I probably did but it's not coming to mind at the moment. Thus, I'll stick with the valuable facts that I have, in fact, learned this weekend.

Now it's winding down but there's still time to learn something else new... I'll keep you posted. Happy Monday!

But I Don't Want to Exercise!

It is far more difficult to eat healthily once it stops being nice and warm outside, I find. All year, I’ve been working to try to lose weight and minimize how much ‘bad food’ I eat. I’ve done well so far this year. When you have a mission to lose a certain amount of weight, that mission must be completed- at least in my case.

By the time summer came around, I’d hit my ‘goal’ weight and decided to keep going. It was easy during the summer because it’s hot outside and fresh veggies are plentiful. It’s easy to want a salad when the sun is shining and the ingredients are fresh.

However, now it’s autumn and the fresh vegetables are less fresh. The stores and markets are full of root vegetables and hearty ingredients. When it’s cold and rainy outside, it’s hard to want something light and healthy. It’s much more comforting to settle down with a bowl of beef stew or a nice warming soup.

The problem with this is that beef stew and nice warming soups while not unhealthy are not as light in calories or fat as summer foods. Also, I find that I’m hungrier when it’s cold. This is probably not really the case. It’s probably more that there’s more sitting around and less activity going on than there is in the summer months when I’m constantly outside doing something.

I suppose the answer is that I should start actually exercising rather than using normal every day activities to exercise. This way I wouldn’t have to worry so much about what I’m eating. It’s an easy solution in theory and one many of my friends have incorporated. It’s just that…well, honestly, I don’t like exercising. There, I said it. Once I start doing it and get into a routine, it’s not so bad. I even convince myself that I like it. It feels good. I know it gets the endorphins going. Yet, it’s so easy to…stop. I know the saying goes that it takes 21 days to form a habit and 3 days to break one. I think this is absolutely true. Which is why whenever I start exercising, it’s easy to stop.

For me, it’s a question of time. As I’ve grown older, I’ve become far less patient with wasting my time. It’s in short supply. When you work 9 hours a day, every moment is precious. I am not a Monkeypants who doesn’t need sleep. I need my sleep badly. I have two dogs. They don’t understand why their mother is leaping around in front of the TV breathing heavily and is all red in the face. I’ve tried doing an exercise video in front of them and it results in them trying to join in which, while cute, is not terribly helpful.

I could gate them in the kitchen but, well, I’m softhearted and I feel bad doing that unless necessary.

I could go to the gym but between trying to get back into writing, having an uncertain workday (I never know what time I’m going to get to leave) and liking to cook something decent for dinner….there’s the time factor. I could do it before work but…I’ll have to talk myself into that.

It would probably be easier if I had a buddy to exercise with rather than alone. I might be inclined to do it but, as I’ve pathetically mentioned, I don’t have many friends here because all my friends are elsewhere. It’s hard to meet female friends.

So, for now, until I come up with an exercise resolution, I’ll keep trying to eat less. It’s really just an issue of self-control. I figure that if I stay at my goal weight, I’m ok…anything above and an exercise routine WILL be enforced.

I’m actually quite good at enforcing rules upon myself. It sounds a little odd but I do have rather good self-control. It’s why I can sit in my office with a bucket of candy and just watch as everyone else in the office eats it or I can go out to lunch for a working lunch and make sure I don’t order the pizza that looks so tempting and I order a nice light bowl of soup and a salad instead. I am the consumer who reads the nutrition label. I might splurge once in a while but, well, I try not to on a regular basis.

It’s just a little harder in the cooler months of the year when comfort food is calling and I would rather eat a nice bowl of hot stew than a salad. However, the good thing is that I still like salad and even though I’d rather have the stew, I know when to eat the salad instead and, even if I don’t, I’ll just contemplate finding time to exercise and that salad is more appealing.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t exercise. I walk the pups a lot. I do a lot of work outside and I do on occasion use my ab roller. According to my calorie count software program, I actually burn as many calories on an average weekend doing my normal activities as I would if I did cardio. My last doctor’s visit rule me very healthy with a low BP and everything so, for now, I’m good.

And, yes, this is really my way of justifying the guilt I feel by not having a regular exercise program. But I will think about it.

After all, thinking is exercise for the brain, isn’t it?

Happy Friday- have a great weekend!

The Halloween Decorating Police Game

I can’t believe it’s almost Halloween already. I mean that in more of a figurative way than a literal way. If I meant it literally, I’d be lying because the Halloween decorations began creeping into stores in early September and my neighbourhood has slowly become one long string of “who has the best fake cemetery” and “Who can hang the most ghosts, zombies, skeletons and Frankenstein’s Monsters from their porch.”

Also, there are the giant inflatables. I remember when they started popping up. It used to be just for Christmas. The first one I saw was pretty nifty- it was a giant snowglobe with a polar bear in it and a fan blew the snow around. Then they became more popular and there were trains with waving penguins and santas, reindeer popping out of presents and variations on the giant snowglobe theme.

Then, of course, they stopped being just for Christmas and giant Easter bunnies began cropping up. There were giant turkeys for Thanksgiving and, of course, the Halloween versions. The Halloween versions are actually exactly the same as the Christmas versions except there are ghosts and pumpkins instead of santas and reindeer. Oh, and they’re orange and black instead of green and red. I even saw the “Halloween on a train” inflatable yesterday. Do ghosts and ghouls really ride trains and wave at people? I think not.

I prefer the more gruesome Halloween decorations myself. Someone in my neighbourhood has decorated their cemetery as a crime scene. There are fake evidence numbers scattered around bloody body parts which seem to stick out of the ground. Naturally, I find this quite funny. Hey, if you haven’t figured out I’m a little dark and twisted yet, you clearly haven’t read enough of my blogs. I especially appreciate the touch that they have a decaying corpse watching over the entire scene and he looks disturbingly real.

I enjoy this time of year. It makes walking the pups in the evening even more fun. Our neighbourhood is clustered into batches. There are Those Who Decorate and Those Who Do Not Decorate. If one house decorates, those around it tend to at least place some token decorations outside. Then we’ll walk for a stretch into an area of Those Who Do Not Decorate. These are the boring houses. As daft as it sounds, I like to mentally grade houses on their efforts. It serves no purpose other than to allow myself a little extra amusement while the pups sniff and scamper their way on our walks.

My grading system is easy. A house gets points for efforts. If it’s a really well done decorating job, they get top marks. If they’ve at least made an effort, we take that into consideration. If not effort is made, they FAIL. Nothing much happens except I whisper to the pups that “We have a FAIL on our hands, girls!” They pay no attention to me because there are squirrels to chase and, frankly, when there are squirrels to be chased, a quirky ‘mother’/’owner’ is really not important enough to merit paying any attention.

I’m very generous with my points though. Even if a house has a mere single pumpkin on the porch, they get to scrape a ‘pass’ from me. I mean it’s something. We do take chrysanthemums into consideration too since they are a traditional autumn flower. If a house has a spectacular display of mums that was clearly planted with love and attention, we give them a pass. If they have a token dying chrysanthemum in their flower garden that’s clearly an afterthought, they don’t necessarily pass.

It’s a silly game but I enjoy it. One of my favourite houses is the one where the little old lady has a toy cat in the window and she dresses it in little outfits for the seasons. It has Easter bunny ears, an Uncle Sam hat and now it has a witches hat and cape. She also has a lovely display of Jack o’ Lanterns and some pretty mums. She gets high marks. It’s all about the effort and there’s bonus points for cuteness. I’m not a cat person but I adore her stuffed toy cat because you can tell she has fun with it and what’s life if you can’t have a little fun with it?

I also play the game at Christmas too although it’s usually a little colder and harder to linger. I like to grade the Christmas displays. I know that’s not politically correct because not everyone celebrates and there may be a reason there isn’t a shimmering display of Christmas lights out front but this is why I only grade the houses that do participate. Also, we grade on indoor decorations too so if there’s a particularly pretty tree inside the house but no outdoor decorations, it’s pretty obvious they’re celebrators of Chrismas and it’s ok to grade them.

I am aware that this is probably a peculiar habit and there’s absolutely no point at all. I have visualized forming a squad of Decorating Police but I think I’d be the only member and it would be rather odd to walk up to people and say, “By the way, your scarecrows are dirty and leaking straw. I think it’s time to get some new ones. Also, you have too many ghosts and not enough zombies.” It would be sort of entertaining but as I always say, I do like to keep up some attempt of normalcy with my neighbours.

Halloween is only the beginning. There will be some giant inflatable turkeys popping up over the next few weeks and they will soon be succeeded by all manner of holiday inflatables and lights. I have to admit, I’m looking forward to it. Walking with the dogs is always a nice way to get out and about but it’s even more fun when I can play Undercover Decorating Police.

Happy Wednesday!