Awkward Reunions and Cold Wet Puppies

How is it possible that it's already Sunday evening? I feel like it was just Friday evening when I was sneaking out of work a little early with two of my coworkers to get margaritas. We weren't really sneaking- our boss told us to do it so I guess you don't get any less sneaky than that really.

Anyway, the fact of the matter is that it feels like it was just a very short time ago we were drinking the margaritas and now, time is whizzing by so quickly that in a few short hours, it'll be time to go to bed and say good bye to the weekend.

It was a nice weekend, even if it did start off with a visit to my old office. It was, as you might suspect, very awkward going back there. I knew it was going to be. My old company, in the grand scheme of things is quite small. My current company caters mostly to big companies. This is because big companies can afford services like ours. We're not a terribly inexpensive service. Big companies don't mind paying us for what we do because we take the hassle out of having to find employees.

Smaller companies like my former employer don't usually use us because they usually don't need us and, also, they can't really afford us.

As I suspected on Friday, my former HR manager was obsessed with the cost. She didn't want to know what she'd be getting for the cost. She just wanted to know how much it would cost. We sat with her for almost an hour while she obsessed about percentages and facts and figures. It was, to say the least, a little...odd. I know they need to watch their spending but if you call someone in to explain how they work, the least you think they'd want to do is, you know, hear how we work. Instead, we sat there while she kept trying to find out what we'd charge.

It was painful. To make it more painful, my ex-boss came in late and sat there without saying much, staring awkwardly at us. It was completely clear to me that my account manager and I were wasting our time but we had to persevere anyway. To make matters worse, when my ex-HR manager told me what salary they were willing to pay this new employee that we might help them find, my jaw dropped. I've only been doing recruiting for 3 weeks but it's long enough to know what a beginning/entry-level programmer expects. Let's just say my former company was willing to pay significantly lower than most companies.

It's no wonder the position has been open three months. To top it off, they want someone with a combination of skills that is going to be pretty near impossible to find in one package let alone for the salary they want to pay.

Needless to say, by the time we left, I wasn't expecting them to go with us. I don't think they will even though we were told they'd call us to work out details. I'm hoping they don't go with us because, frankly, as much as I'd like to bring business into my new company, we'd end up taking a loss with them anyway by the time we're done. Ah well, c'est la vie. As long as I don't have to go back again any time soon, I'm ok with that.

So, by the time it was margarita time on Friday, I was ready for the weekend.

All in all, it's been a great weekend. I went to my parents early on Saturday and had a lovely day hanging out with my mother. We went out for lunch to this new Vietnamese restaurant that's not too far from their house. They're a pho restaurant. Pho is one of the things I miss about Los Angeles- it's a vermicelli noodle soup with meat, spiced broth and herbs and it's just good comfort food. I tried it here at a local place once and it was nothing like the real thing. Thus I was delighted to find that the pho I had on Saturday was as close as I've ever had since I left Los Angeles.

I also decided that I might as well give into Christmas so I started my Christmas shopping in earnest. I'm doing pretty well considering it isn't even Thanksgiving yet.

Today, I spent the day with my parents, their dogs and my puppies. It was a nice day but chilly in the wind. Not so chilly, however, that the puppies didn't have a great time running around my parents' yard and going in their ponds.

I'm not sure what the fascination is but my dad has this little fish pond with a waterfall and the puppies were obsessed with it. They spent the day running around the edge of the pond. Naturally, Rory being Rory, slipped off a rock and ended up soaked to her belly. Sookie got a little wet too and, as a result, our drive back home was a little pungent.

Now, because the smell of pond is not appealing, I have two shivering puppies on my couch. I had to give them a bath and they were not happy. They're currently wearing their pink mock-Burberry coats, wrapped in a pink mock-Burberry blanket and looking as pathetic as I've ever seen them. It's not like they can possible be cold. Their coats and blanket are made of fleece and I've had the heat on as well. I think they're just making me feel bad.

I do feel bad. I didn't want to bath them but, well, they smelled like a pond and since they sleep burrowed in my bed at night, I really didn't want them curled up next to me smelling like stale fish and algae.

I'm hoping they'll forgive me soon. They're almost dry as it is. Still, knowing my pups, they're going to milk their sorrowful mood as long as possible and make me feel like I have to sit with them and cuddle them.

Still. There are far worse ways to wind down a weekend.

Happy Monday!

One More Into the Breach...

So, I have to go back to my old company tomorrow. I'm not terribly excited.

It all came about because when I left my company, I made a joking comment to my ex-boss ("ex" being the key word) that he should use my new company to help him fill the programmer/developer position that he'd been trying to hire for months.

I made the comment mostly in jest. I mean, my boss wasn't exactly, um, nice to me when I left my old job. He wasn't exactly congratulatory about my new position and he didn't send me off and wish me well with the traditional going away lunch. In fact, the only lunch I did get was with my two coworkers, one of whom paid with a buy one-get-one-free coupon. This was nice of her except I realized that she'd actually owed me lunch anyway because we'd made a bet and I'd won.

The bet was actually to do with an interview candidate for the open programmer/developer job. We had several candidates in when I was still there and somehow, prior to us getting to meet the candidate, my coworkers and I got on the subject of "Which is your favourite mythological creature: Vampire, Zombie, Werewolf or Ghost." Then we got into symantics which lead to a discussion about whether it was blood thirsty creatures rather than mythological creatures in which case then we should add Vikings to the mix because, let's face it, they were pretty blood thirsty. It became an ongoing conversation and it came up yet again while the same group of coworkers and I were trying to come up with questions to ask the candidates. I made the joke of saying that we should ask them about their favourite bloodthirsty creature because that way we'd see if the candidate had a sense of humour. Thus, I was dared to do it. If I did ask it with a straight face and as though it were just a routine interview question, I got lunch.

So, of course, when the time arose, I asked it. The candidate liked zombies best, by the way.

He didn't end up getting the job but I got my lunch. Sort of.

Well, it seems that they didn't hire any of the candidates that they interviewed while I was there. They haven't had any good resumes. They want someone to fill the job.

This happens to be what my company does for a living. Thus, when my phone rang on Tuesday and it was my old HR manager on the phone, I was a little surprised. It turns out that my former boss had taken me seriously. He wanted me to come in and talk to them about assisting my old company with their candidate search.

Now, this side of things doesn't happen to be what I specifically do. Our account managers talk to the clients who are seeking candidates whereas I then help find the candidates to fill the job. I suggested that perhaps I set the HR manager up with a time to talk to an account manager. My HR manager was not having any of that. It seems my old boss had specifically requested I go in because I knew what they were looking for and though they'd speak to the account manager too, it's important that I go since, if they choose to hire my company, I'd be the one looking for the candidate.

This isn't actually true. It'll probably be me and our other recruiter. Still, it seems that I get to tread back on familiar ground and go back to the scene of the crime.

Also, now my old boss has invited himself along to our meeting. This means that, yay, I get to sit in a room with my old boss. Again.

I'm hoping that tomorrow when I go into my old building, it's not with that cold, sick dread of post-traumatic-work-disorder that sometimes follows some really bad job experience. I'm hoping that I don't suddenly feel the run into the bathroom to affirm that I should "LIVE TODAY, FOR MY LIFE IS NOW!" I'm hoping that I don't suddenly start wondering why I suddenly feel like I need a Mac computer in my life again or suddenly need to start singing like Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf .

Most of all, I'm hoping that I won't feel any inappropriately violent urges towards my old boss. I don't quite think I've had time to recover from my last days there yet. Any good psychiatrist would say it was far too soon to go back.

I wish I could say a secret part of me is excited to go back into the belly of the beast to see how it's doing without me. However, given that I see some of my old coworkers or at least talk to them fairly regularly, I have a fairly good idea. As I suspected, they're getting along fine. The coworker who inherited some of my duties is whining about how busy she is when, most likely, she's finally got a full workload instead of having nothing to do but wander around and socialize.

I think the fact that I'm still rather bitter about the whole thing speaks volumes about whether I'm really ready to go back. Give me a few months, I won't care. Give me three weeks....well, I'm already visualizing accidentally running over my ex-boss' feet with my chair. That is not a good sign.

Still, once more into the breach I'll go and hopefully come out the other side, more relieved than ever I left.

Then again, maybe I should go to that bathroom again. It did have have a jolly nice way of inspiring good decisions in me...such as running away to sanity.

Here's hoping the sanity remains tomorrow. Here goes nothing.

Happy Friday and have a good weekend.

Happy 500th Blogday to Me!

This is an important blog for me. It's the 500th one I've written.

I can't believe I've been blogging this long and I've managed to accumulate 500 of them. I remember when I was just dithering about whether to start a blog at all. I finally stopped dithering and started blogging. Here I am, 500 blogs later. My very first blog was written on October 14, 2008. That's two days shy of exactly two years ago.

It's been a fun experience, blogging. If you haven't noticed, my blog wavers from being an outlet for issues in my personal life- most notably my miserable job- to being a commentary on the randomness of life. Since I've had the puppies, it's also been a narrative on the trials and tribulations of being a pet parent.

I find it fitting that exactly 500 blogs later and who knows how many whines, revelations and snarky comments about my job, I'm leaving the job in three days. I finally grew tired of my own bitterness and frustration and decided to do something about it.

I've noticed that 'doing things' is a pattern in my life. It's a good pattern. While I tend to be self-deprecating and lack a fair amount of esteem on most days, I do think one of my fundamental good points is that I'm a 'do-er'. I might be a slight procrastinator on the doing but I do eventually...do it.

I look back in my life and I realize that, for the most part, I've always been in charge of it. I've always managed to do what I want, in some way or another. I decide I want to blog...I start a blog. Then I keep blogging and don't shut up so that eventually, I'm reaching my 500th blogday (that's what Captain Monkeypants is calling momentous days in blogging. Blogdays. Sort of like birthdays but not really).

I got bored of living in the Midwest. I wanted to be a screenwriter. I moved to L.A. I wrote screenplays. Then I decided I'd rather write novels but, nevertheless, I decided to do something and I did it. When I decided to write a novel, I did. Then I wrote 8 more. I'm writing number 10, as we speak. Well, not at this exact moment but I'm writing it at work due to the fact that my boss is still acting like I broke his professional heart and has cut me out of each and every meeting I really should attend in my attempts to make my departure smooth. Since he's now officially acting like I'm already gone, I've decided to also act like I've already gone. I'm still doing the work that gets assigned to me but when I have downtime, I'm enjoying pecking away on Emmy Goes to Hell. If he finds out and decides to let me go early, I shall skip down the hallway with joy. Seriously. If I didn't honour the fact I said I was giving two weeks' notice, I'd have left last Friday.

Anyway, after I wrote some of my novels and had been living in L.A. for almost 8 years, I realized that coming back to the Midwest to see my family were the happiest times in my life. It began to feel like I was leaving pieces of my heart/soul behind every time I got back on the plane to go home. I knew it was time to move back. So I did. I managed to snag a job at my current company who, at the time, were shielded by the finances of the university to which they used to belong, and moved back. Granted, my job has never fit me that well but it helped me move back and helped me find some friends here in southwestern Ohio.

After I was settled, I then decided I wanted to buy a house. So...I bought a house. I wanted a dog...so I got two. My most recent 'do-ing' escapade was realizing I'd not only bored my blog readers to death with the frustration and annoyance I felt with my job but also, my family was starting to get that glassy eyed look every time I had a little whine and a moan about it. I also realized I was boring myself with my frustration. So...I got another job.

This isn't my attempts to pat myself on the back and say, 'look at me, I'm bloody brilliant!'. It's just an attempt for me to show myself that despite the fact that I haven't been able to snag that lucrative yet elusive publishing contract or even so much as get a magazine story published, I've done some things in my life that aren't too shabby. My dream is to be a successful writer. My reality is that I'm a writer who needs to do something else to make money. My dream is to find a man with whom I click completely and can share my life. My reality is I have two little puppies and the hope that he's out there...somewhere. My dream is to have a house near the ocean someday so I can smell the sea as I write. My reality is a little house in the suburbs and a pumpkin spice candle.

What it comes down to is that even if I have a mental picture of my perfect life, the reality of what I really have isn't so bad. I look back over my 500 blogs and I see the good as well as the wallowing, depressed badness. Like any human, I have my ups and downs. My choice here, what I chose to do is to publish them online.

When I look at what I have blogged about, it's eclectic. If you scroll down on this page, to the right, near the bottom, you'll see a word cloud. This includes everything from my Stephanie Meyer rants to blogging about deer and Dexter to ladybugs, avocados, Mario Batali and fire extinguishers. It was originally supposed to be about my writing and the trials and tribulations of being a writer. In a way, it is. It's the portrait of someone who is a writer but that's not all she is. It's also the portrait of someone who clearly has had a beef with her job but hopefully that'll change over the next 500 blogs.

I'm going to keep blogging. I hope you'll keep reading. It's nice to know that there are people out there, reading my random musings. To each one of you, I thank you for reading along. It's been a fun 500. Hopefully the next 500 will be more fun. My new motto...less whining....more writing.

Although I don't necessarily mean that literally. If you haven't noticed, I'm horribly prolific. I'm a babbler. Perhaps I should make my motto, less whining, more concise writing.

But that wouldn't really be me, would it?

Thanks so much for reading. Happy Wednesday!

Bittersweet Mondays and Insane Bosses

It was strange going into the office this morning knowing that it was my last Monday ever there. It was a bittersweet feeling: While I'm glad to escaping that job, I've given it two years of my life and that's two years I'll never get back.

I don't know what I really expected this morning. I suppose I secretly hoped my boss had come to his professional senses over the weekend and realized that he had been acting...rather childish. I hoped that my last week would begin with him having accepted the fact I was leaving and that even though it was going to be a nuisance for him, he wished me well.

Alas, once again, I was, for the most part, the Invisible Woman. He spoke to me when necessary but in the obligatory tone you use when you've fought with someone and don't want to speak to them any longer than you have to. I don't think I'm imagining it either.

What I find amusing is that I've had quite a few jobs in my life. On my quest to discover who I was and what I wanted, I used jobs to help me find the way. I've had jobs I've disliked a lot but even when I worked for a crazy woman who would show her anger by taking off her shoe and using it to make a rather large hole in the wall, my resignation was accepted with some diplomacy and grace. That job with the shoe-hammering boss was one of my least favourite; I worked for an international market research company that really only had one office in Fort Wayne, Indiana but we paid other market research firms from around the world to do our job and our boss would then pretend they were our 'satellite' offices. She was a crazy woman. In a way, she saw herself much like Meryl Streep's character in "The Devil Wears Prada." In reality, she had been married three times and had two children she spoiled rotten in an attempt to make up for the fact that she was never home. She was, I believe, also certifiably mad at times.

Nevertheless, she liked me and appreciated my work. When I quit that job because I was afraid that someday the shoe's stiletto heel would wind up my forehead, she tried to persuade me to stay with a generous counteroffer. When I declined, she told me how sad she was to lose me but she understood that market research wasn't for me and she wished me well.

My other bad boss was when I worked for a law school in California. That boss was supposed to be temporary, filling in for my much cooler and saner boss while she was on maternity leave. Alas, my real boss decided she wanted to be a full time mother and we got stuck with the temp. While she was a temp, she made mine and most of the staff's lives miserable by spending absolutely no time understanding the job but, instead, spending all day on the phone with contractors while her house was remodeled. She was only hired because she was best friends with a 'higher-up' at the law school. She was completely unqualified and absolutely terrible with the students. Nevertheless, she snagged the full-time job and we were stuck with her. She still spent most of the day on the phone with contractors. She befriended the students of rich parents who had a little power. She was rude to the other students who weren't in the top of the class. Generally, she was awful. She was the only boss I ever had who actually told me off for doing too much work. I'm not joking.

She was a terrible boss because she didn't bother to learn the job but, instead, decided to do it however she wanted. It was not a good method and before long, I was job seeking.

When I got another job and handed in my two-weeks notice, she wasn't surprised. She was, however, nice. I think we both knew that it was for the best that I was leaving. Sometimes, there are people that you simply cannot get along with, not matter how hard you try. She was one of the few in my life for whom I knew there was never going to be a good working relationship. We just rubbed each other the wrong way.

Nevertheless, when I left that office, she wished me well and I think she might actually have meant it.

Those are the two worst bosses I've ever had. Both of them were slightly sanity-challenged at times but they still appreciated the work I did and were decent in the end.

My current boss is not un-sane. He's a very logical man who is a very good computer programmer. He is also, unfortunately, a male. Worse than that, he's a bit of a stereotype. When things get tough, he starts talking sports. He talks to the men in the office about sports for hours. This, like so many other communication-challenged men, is his language of safety.

His language of safety does not include communicating with employees who have decided to jump ship when he can't see a logical reason for their impending departure.

Thus, he has stopped communicating with me unless forced.

I find this sad. Mostly because if my two former bosses who were slightly mental were able to be decent about my leaving, I'd expect this sane, Company Vice President to be able to suck it up and wish me well. In the past, he's always taking departing employees to lunch. I expect no lunch. At best, he'll show up to the happy hour my coworkers have planned for me this week and sit awkwardly in the corner out of obligation and he'll end up talking sports to whoever can speak the language of the Cincinnati Reds or the Bengals.

In a way, this bothers me. Those two years I've worked for this company may have been a little bitter for me at times because of the constant upheaval of being sold, being moved, being merged, etc. Yet I still have done my job and I think I've done it pretty well. In the end, I've learned that this means very little to my boss because, as he said to me in a meeting, he "doesn't want to have to go through the bother of hiring someone new because it's so much work."

I think that pretty much sums up how he feels about my departure. It's an inconvenience. I get that. I understand that. Yet, surely, he can't expect people to want to stay forever in a job just because it's going to cause him some bother.

Ah well, in the long run, maybe I'm doing him a favour. Maybe he'll find someone to replace me who a) doesn't mind having a crappy computer, b) doesn't mind blatant favourism of a coworker who has the same job title but does half the work you do because she's always gossiping in someone else's office, c) is a male and so my boss's sexism won't be an issue for him, d) likes sports a lot more than I do and, finally, e) likes his job so much he never, ever dares write a letter of resignation and stands by it.

No matter. I only have four days left until I move on to greener pastures. What's a little silent treatment when it leads to freedom?

Perhaps I ought to take my boss into the Most Optimistic Bathroom in the World and show him that he should "Live for Today because [his] Life is NOW!"

Then again, taking an already moody boss into a ladies bathroom might not be the best idea in the world, not matter how good the intention.

After all, I may need a reference some day.

Ah well, it was a nice visual if nothing else and on a bittersweet Monday, those funny visuals make everything better.

Happy Tuesday!

The Invisible Monkeypants

Ever since I handed in my resignation on Monday, I feel like when I walk in the office, first thing in the morning, there's an invisible sign over the doorway that marks the day. For example, today would have been "DAY 4".

Day four of my resignation was the day on which I became completely invisible to my boss. I knew this was likely to happen. There was no eye contact, no chit-chat...nothing. The only time he spoke to me was in a meeting I had with him and two other people in which he sarcastly commented on the fact that I was eating my second lollipop of the day. I'm glad he's keeping track for me. It's quite useful.

Aside from that comment, my existence was not acknowledge. I find this rather a welcome reprieve after three days of moody behaviour.

In contrast, he made sure to spend a lot of time with my coworker, chatting with her and joking with her. Meanwhile, she milked him for sympathy about how busy she's suddenly become and how much work she's going to have. I'd feel sorry for her but since she's always telling me how very bored she is, I think I'm actually doing her a favour.

This may seem like I'm being a little assumptive in my opinions of how things are at my company. I mean, it could just as easily be that my boss didn't get a chance to talk to me or he didn't have anything to say and he did have something to say to my coworker. My coworker might even have a point about how busy she is.

The thing is, I've worked at my company for a while. Based on Days 1, 2 and 3 of this week, I'm pretty certain I'm not projecting the way I expect them to behave on the way they're actually behaving.

Still, it makes for a nice quiet day for me. I'm finding since my motivation isn't as high as it usually is when I leave a job, it's quite relaxing at work. Usually, when I quit, I want to be spoken highly of and I work until the last hour, trying to make sure I don't leave too much for my fill-in to do. In this case, I'm pretty certain that the minute I leave, I'm going to become the scapegoat for everything that goes wrong. I've seen how it is when other employees leave. Also, I've already heard a few somewhat disparaging comments. Since they're coming from one of the lifers who would lay down in front of a train if it meant proving she was the best and brightest, I don't care too much. I do care that no matter how well I've done in my job, it's going to be forgotten because, by leaving, I've betrayed the company in some way.

It makes me even happier to leave. Tonight, I had to go fill out my new hire paperwork and my future job. Let me tell you, my new boss was nicer to me in ten minutes that my current boss has been in six months and that's not an exaggeration. He was so excited that I'd accepted and he seemed genuine. He raved about how great I'd do and how easily I'd fit in. It made me feel so good about starting my job there.

Also, they let me choose my office.

Yes, you read that right. I, Ms. Cubicle Dweller with the broken desk, mended chair and nasty keyboard is actually going to get an office. Not only that but I go to choose my office.

There were three to choose from. Two were small cosy inner offices with no windows. The third was a large office with a big window. Even though the idea of the window appealed to me, I know that I tend to be a bit of a wimp when it gets cold. I get cold easily. So I asked how it was in the winter. The office manager was honest and said, 'freezing'.

I chose one of the cosier offices. It might be smaller but it's an office and it's going to be mine. They're giving me a new PC with a new Windows 7 installation and Microsoft Office 2010.

I asked for Windows 7 and my current job and I was told there weren't enough licenses.

Needless to say, I think I'm more excited than ever to start my new job. Everyone there always seems so happy. I don't think it's even one of those illusions because I've been there four times and there's this strange aura of calm productivity that I haven't experienced in quite a while.

I think with the knowledge that I'm moving on to greener pastures in which I'm allowed to have new software, an office and work from 8:30 to 5 p.m. on a normal day, I can deal with whatever my boss throws at me.

Of course, to throw something at me would mean he has to acknowledge me.

Ah well. Day 5 is tomorrow and then it's the weekend. I think with it being Friday, it should be a better day. If not, I'll just keep smiling, secure in the knowledge that I'm getting out and escaping. I'll just keep that cosy little office in my head.

Maybe my boss will have moved on to his acceptance stage of being dumped tomorrow. I'll let you know.

As always, thanks for reading and have a great weekend!

Happy Friday!

The Fourth Stage of Being Dumped: Anger

Apparently, like grief, there are five stages to being dumped. The stages are very similar to that of grief:

1) Denial
2) Bargaining
3) Depression
4) Anger
5) Acceptance

Except for the first and last stages, the middle three can come in any order.

My boss is currently on the anger stage. He's been through denial. This stage was when he didn't want to accept that I'd resigned and tried to talk me out of it. This was handled in two awkward meetings on Monday. The second stage, bargaining, soon followed. This was handled in another two awkward meetings in which he asked what I wanted to stay. It was also followed by an imaginary job description that was supposed to appeal to my desire for more control and responsibility. It was not, however, followed by an offer of a salary increase.

Stage 3, depression, apparently followed on Monday. According to my HR manager who called me in yesterday to justify my reasons for leaving, my boss was 'pretty torn up' about my decision to leave and 'very down.' I did not see this. He didn't not tell me that he was torn up. He just denied it and then bargained for me to stay.

What I saw was him move right to anger. If this were an actual relationship in which he were a boy being dumped by a girlfriend instead of, you know, a vice-president of a company whose employee has professionally resigned, this would be the stage in which the dumped boyfriend acts like a complete jerk and treats his ex-girlfriend like crap. He would be at the stage in which he finds a rebound girl intended to make his ex-girlfriend jealous and regret dumping him.

Sadly, I don't think my boss realizes that he's not actually personally being dumped because he certainly has the anger stage of a breakup down pat. Today, for example, one of his only interactions with me was this morning was in reference to the fact that I finally broke down and cried in his office yesterday because I was so stressed from having to justify, explain and discuss my 'reasons for leaving.' Today, his comment was, "Are you feeling better today?"

It sounds like an innocent question but when it's said with the right amount of sarcasm, snarkiness and bitterness, you know he's really saying, "are you going to have another girly fit of crying today?" Naturally, like any ex-, he feels that he has a right to make me feel bad because he's been mistreated by my dumping him in the first place whereas, silly me, tend to think that as my manager, he probably shouldn't be taking this quite so personally.

He moved towards the rebound stage as soon as he asked my coworker to temporarily learn my job responsibilities. This morning, I had to sit through a painful meeting with him and my coworker in which he went through each of the issues I've been working on to see how much I had left to dump on my coworker. If he'd bothered to get to know me personally or, perhaps more likely, he wasn't being slightly vindictive, he would know that while I might not love my job, I still do it. Thus, even though I told him that everything was done, he still had to go through each of my issues one by one to try to catch me out. He failed. I also had to sit through him praising and sucking up to my coworker.

Then, just as he knew I was going to set up to train my coworker on some of my responsibilities, he casually asked for a minute with her. Rather than close the door as he's done with me during 'our breakup,' he kept the door open because I was in the room next door and every word was audible. I was irritated that he knew that we were supposed to meet and he decided that this was the perfect time to talk to her about her new elevated/increased role and how a salary increase would be in order.

I'm probably taking my analogy a little too far but to me, this certainly screams, "look! I can find someone better than you! You're nothing!"

Except, in this case, it's more like: "Look, ingrate! I'm going to give her the salary increase and promotion I wasn't willing to give you because she's better!"

For the rest of the day, he ignored me and spent a lot of time joking with her.
I know that anger is a tricky stage of being dumped and it can last a while so if it goes on for a couple more days, I'm not going to be shocked.

The nice thing is that I don't care that much. It bothers me that he's acting like a child rather than a professional but on the other hand, it sends home the fact that my inevitable escape to greener pastures is a wise decision. It also, sadly, makes me want to do far less to make my departure easy than it has ever done before at any other job. I'll keep trying to be productive but if this continues, I think my motivation is going to dwindle to the point where I might end up just popping over the road to Target for a while instead of sitting at my desk.

Nevertheless, even though his behaviour is making feel like skipping around the office when I contemplate the freedom from the place that I soon will have, I'm trying to remain professional. One of us has to so it might as well be me.

Still, I can't help that tomorrow he'll move on to acceptance.

Happy Thursday!

How to Accept a Resignation Graciously

This is an open letter to all bosses, particularly mine, regarding how to accept an employees resignations with grace and diplomacy.

Dear Bosses,

I'm very sorry to hear your employee has resigned. That's not good. It's always a rough thing when that happens, particularly when it comes as rather a surprise.

However, just as a note, these things should never really come as a surprise. It might seem out of the blue when you find yourself confronted, on a Monday morning, with a resignation letter. It may blindside you temporarily because you had no idea it was coming. Yet, when you stop and look back, unless you have a very, very bad memory, chances are...there were a lot of signs that this might have been coming.

If you do have a bad memory, that's rather a nuisance, isn't it? Especially as you're in charge of people and are expected to manage them. In that case, I suggest you keep something like a journal to keep track of issues that have arisen with an employee.

For example, say an employee has been to see you four times over the past 18 months to tell you she's underutilised and feeling like she could be doing more. Wouldn't you, as a manager, find that a delight? Here is someone willing to do the work and she's not even asking for more pay! Yet, I suppose, it is a bit of a nuisance to come up with more work for this employee when you're already supervising quite a few other people and they're able to keep themselves occupied, even when it's by spending hours and hours in their coworker/friends' offices, feet up, eating candy and chatting away about family trees and the like. So, maybe you don't do anything about it and you hope that the employee finds more work to do on her own. She says she has initiative, right? Then let her prove it! I mean, just because you're a manager or even a Vice President of the company, what power do you have to find more work for an employee to do?

Then there's the issue of equipment. This same employee has had a broken chair. The back is literally disconnected from the rest of it. She complains. The chair is taken to be glued. The glue doesn't hold. The chair breaks. The employee has to sit on a crappy chair for three weeks because hers has been sent away for repair. Isn't there some logical part of you that thinks, 'well, it's just a chair. Maybe we should get her a new one!"

Oh, but why bother! It's just a chair! Just as it's just a computer when you buy brand new Mac's that cost over $1000 each for every other employee in the department but you make her keep her old Windows machine. So what if it means the people this employee works with most have to have a special version of Windows to work with her because she doesn't have the same operating system. Phooey on that!

And when the rest of the department can pick up their shiny new Macs and go work outside on a beautiful Spring/Summer/Fall day, this employee is trapped inside on her desktop PC. No big deal. She'll probably get more work done anyway while her coworker is lounging outside on the grass, not even looking at her laptop.

Another thing you probably forgot to write in your little journal because your memory is so bad, this same employee asked to go to a conference last year with her coworker. They were rejected because it cost too much. This year, the same conference was local. So you let her coworker sign up and also approve another person to go who doesn't even work for you when this other employee doesn't even know about it yet. Never mind that the two people who are going don't really both need to be going and it would actually be more beneficial to send your neglected employee.

So, when this employee who you have been treating as thought she's invisible resigns, it really shouldn't come as a surprise to you, should it? When she does resign, you should be able to look back over your memories (or your journal since your memory is horrible), and at least have some semblance of an idea that maybe there is a reason. There's probably a whole lot of reasons, only a few of which you catch as you scan through this journal you've been keeping since your memory is so bad.

Thus, when she resigns, you should say, "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. You've done a great job here. Congratulations."

THAT is how to accept a resignation gracefully. Since she's been gracious enough to give you two weeks notice even though it's an 'at-will' company that could fire her without any notice, you should be a little disappointed but accept her decision.

What you should not do is this:

a) Act like a boyfriend who's been dumped and ask her what you've done wrong and turn it into something personal.

b) When she tries to be professional and tell you that she 'just wanted a change', don't push and bully her into telling you more. She's trying to be diplomatic so she can leave on good terms. Then when you finally bully her and she cracks and tells you some of what's wrong, do NOT defend yourself and contradict her.

c) Ask her what you can do to change her mind. Resigning from a job with two weeks notice generally means a person has thought it over and made up her mind. If she wanted a counteroffer, she would have said, "I have another job offer. What can you do to make me want to stay here."

d) Even when she says her decision is final, scramble around and invent a position for her that you've composed from pulling various job descriptions off the internet.

e) If you do invent this position, you SHOULD offer her a raise. Chances are she won't take it but when you involve a salary, it means you're serious. What reason would she have to stay based on a quickly thrown together email of a made up job?

f) Keep calling her into your office, making her close the door and bullying her into telling you why she's leaving. She's told you.

g) When you tell her to compose an announcement to the staff, take out everything she says other than, "I'm leaving this job to take another position." When you do, do not be annoyed when she politely asks you to compose and send the email yourself.

h) Make her have to talk to 1) The outgoing president, 2) The incoming president 3) The HR manager and 4) yourself (again) within a 24 hour period in order to explain why she's leaving.

i) Ask her to postpone her start date at the new job because you've suddenly decided that her coworker is going to have to take over her work and needs to be trained. This isn't an unreasonable request but if you're asking her to postpone because said coworker is going to be at the conference you didn't even ask if the resigning employee wanted to attend for three days during the outgoing employees last week at work, it IS unreasonable.

j) Call her into your office again and make her feel guilty for leaving her job. When she breaks down and starts crying because she's just had enough and is stressed out from the way you and the upper management have been treating her, do NOT act like she's an alien from outer space. She is a human being who is embarrassed about crying. Chances are she's crying for a reason.

In conclusion, when an employee wants to resign and she's said her decision is final, for the love of all things that are good and wonderful, LET HER BLOODY WELL RESIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST LET HER GO!

This is how to accept a resignation graciously.

Sincerely,

Captain Monkeypants, an employee whose resignation was not accepted graciously.

The Power of Yoga and a Smile....

Today was one of those days at work that seriously challenge my newfound attitude to say, "it's just a job! Screw it!". I've been doing very well at keeping zen even when things don't always go quite right.

Today was probably the worst day I've had in a while. Once more, my boss decided to completely disrespect the work I've been doing and basically say that I might have been wasting my time, even though he doesn't give me any projects to do. I thought I'd done rather well in undertaking a necessary project that I've heard over and over that needs to get done. Nevertheless, even though I'm almost half the way through, my boss has decided that he now needs to see what I've been doing before I can proceed. Naturally, he did not mention anything else that I would be doing in its stead which means that, as before, I'd be sitting at my desk, bored out of my mind because I don't know what I'm supposed to work on.

It didn't help that I had to sit through almost three hours of solid meetings, one of which was basically one of those where absolutely NOTHING was decided because my boss, the Executive Vice-President of our company cannot make a decision and feels that he absolutely must defer to his boss. While I understand his instinct, it still shocks me a little that he can't make a decision. After all, if his boss should happen to get hit by a bus or befall some other hideous fate, guess who's in charge?

The thought terrifies me a little.

Still, even though there were moments where my resolve was thoroughly tested, I managed to get through the day without getting too upset or angry. This, I think, is an accomplishment. While I still had the brief desire to run away, I didn't get in a snit and tell myself that I'm going to pour over Monster.com tonight and find another job. Granted, I might still have a look, just to see what's out there but it's not with the urgency and fury that I've had in the past.

I think I owe it to yoga. I took it up about two weeks ago, about the same time that I decided my job was not worth giving myself an ulcer over. I'm not the most flexible Monkeypants but that doesn't seem to matter. It's not about the flexibility as much as it is about the breathing and the ability to let your mind go. I think I'm getting the hang of it and I am seriously noticing that my stress level has declined.

So, in my meeting today, I used the same breathing technique I use in yoga. It worked for a little while. Then I visualized using the yoga strap that we inflexible folk use to stretch our legs....

ok, so I did sort of, uh, visualize me wrapping it around my bosses neck and then beating him with my yoga block but that helped too! Yoga is wonderful!

I did my yoga as soon as I got home from work and I can fully state that it really, really does help. While the frustration is there, it's no longer a tangible thing that makes me want to strangle something or someone with a yoga strap- it's a manageable situation that happened earlier today but is over. It might continue tomorrow but, if it does, I can deal with it.

I'm pleased. I like that I've found a way to accept my job and the paycheck I earn without turning it into a drama, without seeking out my coworkers and venting about my boss. I like that even if my relaxation techniques get a little violent, they make me laugh and grin like a loon. My boss caught me grinning like a loon at one point and I could see him look a little confused.

I figure that the more I confuse my boss, the more fun I'm having at work. There's a song made famous by Charlie Chaplin, called "Smile" and the basic concept is to smile, no matter how much life sucks or how upset you are.

"Smile

What's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is worthwhile,

If you just smile."

I can't say that this always works but when it makes your boss wonder what, exactly, is making you smile like in a slightly maniacal manner, something's worthwhile there.

Happy Wednesday.