Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Adventures in Onling Dating

Today is one of those days where I don't know what I'm going to blog about so, chances are, I'm going to ramble. So, pretty much, it's a normal blogging day.

It really seems to be Spring now and not just because the calendar says so. Daffodils are blooming so there's my sign. I always had this idea that I'd get married in the Spring so I could have spring flowers but then again, I always fancied a Christmas wedding. Nowadays, if I have a wedding, I will just be happy.

I'm not good at meeting men so I've been doing the eHarmony dating thing. While I know this method has worked for many people, I'm not so sure it's working for me. It starts out all good and fun because you suddenly have this thicket of men with whom you can connect. At first, it's fun. Then...it gets very, very tedious. You see, eHarmony starts you out by requesting communication between you and a match, depending on who initiates the request for contact. First off, you start with a list of questions provided by eHarmony. You can pick three to ask. Then...he answers them. From there, you move on to "Must Haves/Can't Stands" in which you have a list of things that you either must have in a relation or you can't stand to have in a relationship. You pick three of each. He picks three of each. Trust me, after about five matches, the list stops being relevant and you just want to move on to the next step which is....more questions. This time, you can write your own OR you can use some provided helpfully by eHarmony. These questions are a little more in-depth, at least.

After this, FINALLY, you're allowed to directly communicate with a match. From there, the matches are on their own. We can exchange emails or phone numbers.

As I said, in the beginning, the process is fun. Then it starts to get old. You find yourself asking every match the same questions. You find yourself answering the same questions. The frustrating part is sometimes, you actually find someone you think sounds interesting. These communications end in one of two ways: 1) You communicate with them for a while or 2) They never communicate back.

Yes, eHarmony is a whole new way to experience rejection. Rather than simply 'close' the match as you're able to do, some matches prefer just not to respond. Personally, I think those that don't respond are like me, people who have been doing the process so long, it's just boring.

I've met some interesting men. My first match was easy to talk to on the phone. He had a few red flags such as telling me I didn't sound at all like I looked in my photo which he seemed a little disappointed about. He also told me that he hated when women cut their hair so he hoped my hair was still long. Both flags were a sign that he might be a wee bit shallow. We decided to meet. It turns out that he was still a giant frat boy trapped in a 42-year old body. We went for a drink in the town where I live which, as I've mentioned, is a college town. He couldn't stop staring at the college kids and reminiscing about his own drunken, stoned days of college. He also was more interested in watching the hockey game on TV than talking to me, even though that was the whole point of the evening. I never saw him again.

My second match was a very sweet man who told me he was fairly recently divorced. He had great manners and finally formally asked me on a date. He even made reservations which, to me, is definitely a good sign. We had a lovely dinner. We hung out afterwards. I quite liked him. It wasn't like...Casablanca or anything but..he was nice. I thought we'd definitely see each other again. Then, two days later, he sends me an email saying he's only been divorced for a two months and he's just not ready to date. Yes...well, had I KNOWN he had only been divorced for two months, I would have told him that but since he asked me out....well, I'm an idiot. So...never saw him again.

Since then, I've had a few more matches, a few more conversations, a few more emails and so far...nothing. I find the odd ones. For some reason, I get matched with outdoorsy types. My idea of the outdoors is to find a nice spot to write, sit there and then go home. Or, at the most, go for a lovely walk and then...go home. I don't like camping unless it's in a hotel. I'm not big on fishing because I'm dangerous both to others and to fishing equipment (I think I still owe my friend Eric a fishing rod or reel or something because I got a bit enthusiastic when fishing one time). I don't like riding a bike much unless it's an exercise bike. I fall off a bike. I get distracted way too easily and before I know it, I've hit something or someone.

Recently, on eHarmony, I've been matched with a man who likes to eat crayons, someone who uses about 50 exclamation points per email and someone who told me his favourite book ever was "The DaVinci Code." If you know me, you'll know "The DaVinci Code" is NOT the way too my heart. Trust me, I'm not writing them off for such shallow reasons; I'm trying to give them all a chance. Yet there comes a point when I have to admit I'm tired. Finding Mr. Right shouldn't be so difficult.

Then there comes a point where I have to admit it's me. I know what I want; someone who has his own life and doesn't mind me being solitary so I can write and have some alone time but not someone who disconnects and disengages completely so that he forgets I exist. I know, I know, it's probably impossible to find what I think I'm looking for. I probably don't really know. I suppose it's like my writing really; it just takes a little patience.

I have about a week left on my eHarmony membership. I don't think I'm going to renew. I need a break from feeling obligated to respond. It just feels like so much work and I can't help but think it shouldn't be quite so exhausting. For now, I think I'm going to proudly accept my Bridget Jones status of Singleton-ness and just go with the flow. If, in a few months, I have more energy back, maybe I'll try Match.com. I'll let you know.

Happy Tuesday.

1 comment:

Cindy said...

I don't think rejecting someone because their favorite book is the Da Vinci Code is shallow. Rejecting them just for liking the Da Vinci Code would be shallow, but their favorite book? I would be out of there so fast!