I can't complain about gloomy weather as the sun is shining and it looks like it's going to be a beautiful day. My drive was sunlit and green as I drove through the hills and I think at least for a day, we have a break from the threat of rain.
I'm glad it's Thursday. The weekend is getting close and I can feel the impatience in me growing as I subconsciously count down the days.
Last night, I thought I was going to sit down and write for what would be the first time in many months. It didn't happen, unfortunately. I seem to be experiencing quite a bit of self-doubt. Every idea I come up with seems to be silly or unoriginal. Every time I try to put the words to paper, I hear this faint whisper in my mind saying, "Why bother, it'll probably just be bad anyway?"
I'm trying to banish that whisper in my mind and push on. I'm also trying to ignore that fact that I keep reading that there are no original ideas in the world anymore. Looking at the bookstores lately, that actually seems to be true. Vampires have taken over the literary world and no one seems to mind.
I'm trying to banish that whisper in my mind and push on. I'm also trying to ignore that fact that I keep reading that there are no original ideas in the world anymore. Looking at the bookstores lately, that actually seems to be true. Vampires have taken over the literary world and no one seems to mind.
I don't really mind; I like vampires. Trouble is, if I give in to the trend, by the time I've written a vampire novel which couldn't possibly be very original since there's not much original to say about vampires other than the fact that they can't go out in the sun because they sparkle. Which is pretty original, if a little too cuddly for my darker tastes. Also, by the time I'd written one, the trend would be over and the literary world will have moved on.
So, I sit at my computer in the evenings wondering if I really have the right to call myself a writer if I'm not writing. I have written. I just haven't done much lately.
Still, I'm going to try to keep writing. A wise friend of mine suggested I just write crap. Maybe something will come of the crap and maybe it won't. Even if it doesn't, at least I'll be writing.
I like that idea. The problem I'm having now is that I'm having to refresh myself on how to be a writer. It takes a little discipline which I used to have quite a lot of. These days, I'm having to re-fight the urge to procrastinate. That Direct TV is just so...tempting. The stupid DVR records the shows I consider mindless fluff and yet it's fluff that just seems so comfortable. It's so tempting to get home from work, walk out in the garden to see if my tomatoes are finally ripening (they are!), look for the bunny and then go inside to kick off my shoes for the day, sit back with the remote control and...veg.
For a while, it was ok. I'd just moved. I'd just been to Comic-Con. I needed to relax. I think that's now just a convenient excuse. I've had my relaxation, now it's time to remind myself that when I do write, it's one of the best feelings in the world. It's my reason for getting up, going to work and dealing with the politics of my office. It's the reason that when things at work make me a little crazy, I can go home and remind myself that it's just a job, writing is my craft. At the moment, without having a project to work on, it's hard to remember that.
I'm going to though. I need to drown out those horrible negative voices in my head. Who cares if what I write is rubbish? It's the writing I like, the process of making up stuff, of weaving words together in ways I've never done before. It's the feeling that I've made something new, something that seems original.
In the meantime, I might have to hide my Direct-TV remote. There's just too many episodes of Throwdown with Bobby Flay, Cash in the Attic, Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares and Iron Chef to watch. I'm starting to think I might have to write about food since that seems to be the thing I've been watching most. Then I could call it...research!
Seriously though, I do need to find my discipline again. Since I'm going to my parent's this weekend, I think I'll have one of the conversations I treasure with my mother. She's great at helping me figure stuff out and she's good for my fragile ego. Usually, I leave with some good ideas. Hopefully that'll happen this weekend.
And, if not, there's always vampires. I'm thinking a vampire food critic. That might actually be original. Especially if he can only drink blood and he's obsessed with food anyway.
I need to stop watching the Food Network. This is why I never let myself have cable TV before. It's running my life. Help!
Happy Thursday.
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