Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Online Dating Debate...

So, it's finally Friday. I'm very relieved about that. It hasn't been a bad week at all but it's still been a work week. I think part of it's that we're coming off the holiday season and January is a bit of a blah month. Some companies get Martin Luther King Jr. day off on Monday. Alas, my company does not. It would be a nice day to have but given that we've just had a couple of breaks, it's really not something to complain about. And we do get President's Day off so it's not all bad.

It's been a decent week though. I've still got five queries out in rotation at the moment. I've sent seven, total, and had two rejections. Usually, I've had a lot more than that by now since it's been a week so keep your fingers crossed for me.

Aside from that, I'm contemplating computer dating yet again. I tried it recently and ended up meeting yet more overgrown fraternity boys who like to go out with their buddies and get drunk on weekends. While I don't mind a social drinker, I keep wondering when men grow out of the needing to get hammered every weekend phase of their life. Some of the men I've talked to are significantly older than me which makes it slightly pathetic. The last semi-successful date I had seemed ok although he was still a weekend partier

Online dating is hard. It seems that you either have to fill out the fifty-million question personality survey like e-harmony and then jump through a million hoops to just communicate with someone or you use a free site where the respondents think sending you a message that says "hey" is enough to make me want to know more. Seriously, that's all they say in their message..."Hey." Some of them vary it up a bit and say "hi." Sometimes, I even get responses that say "how are you?" That's nice of them to ask but it's a dating site. If I wanted people to just ask how I was, I'd go to work.

I'm probably being a bit finicky. I just go back and forth on online dating. Sometimes, I think it's the only way to meet people because we're all so isolated now and I'm not a barfly who goes out looking for single men. Othertimes, especially in the case of e-harmony, it feels so contrived, like you're genetically engineering a date. Even then, I've had no luck. Last time I tried e-harmony, i got matched up with at least three men who played the bagpipes. I think e-harmony sees "British" in my description and matches that automatically to bagpipers. Either that or cyclists. I do NOT ride a bicycle unless it's the stationary kind. I have no balance. I like to walk.

I think I should try it again. I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong or I just need to commit to it more. I've tried making my profile very specific. I've tried mentioning I want a man who can carry on a conversation and I still get 'hi!" in an email with nothing else. To me, if someone say's "I would like to meet someone who can carry on a good conversation," it seems a little daft to say "Hi!" in your email. I mean, how about you either prove you bothered reading my profile or you give me something more to go on because what will end up happing is I'd reply "I'm fine. Tell me about yourself." And they'll say "Let's meet tomorrow."

Here's the thing with online dating: There's some crazies out there. I'm not a stupid Monkeypants. I'm not about to meet some stranger without knowing anything about him, even in a public place. I want to know a little more first.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll figure it out. I'll probably give it a go again. There are a couple of sites in Cincinnati that are free and that have been recommended by other single folks I've met. The problem is that whole dating thing. The first date is usually awkward. If you get a second date, it's usually slightly better but it takes a while before you get comfortable and my problem is I don't always get to that stage before I start second-guessing myself. It'd be really nice if you could skip the awkward stage and go right to the comfort stage. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make that possible, I'd be pleased to hear them.

In the meantime, I am registered with a dating site. I'll keep looking for someone who actually seems serious because, let me tell you, there are a lot of people out there who aren't. Yet I have some good friends who met online so I have to think that it is possible to find someone's all about hope, right...and commitment. Which.....well....I'm going to work on that.

Happy Friday and have a good weekend. Thanks, as always, for reading....

1 comment:

Ladyaero said...

My friend had been divorced for almost 5 years before I finally got her to try an online dating site (she had done NO dating during that time), and the only reason I got her to do it is because I bought her the LARGE sized margarita at Aqui's (a foodie's version of a Cal-Mexican place). She went through some serious duds (not too mention the REALLY bad ones she never agreed to meet) and had already decided to quit the sites when she met her now-beau (together since May). Moral of the story...don't give up! If nothing else, think of it as fodder for your next book...