Monday, January 24, 2011

Nonsensical Ideas in a Non-Sensible World

Today was, without a single doubt, a Monday. I think I’ve mentioned that I find some Mondays more Monday than others. I think, actually, Monday should become a noun as in “I feel very Monday today.”

I think everyone would know what you mean. Real Mondays are gloomy. For me, they’re days where I wake up groggy because I slept badly the night before. The day is grey and unsettled and seems indecisive about what it wants to do so it just stays grey. The sun doesn’t come out. It doesn’t rain or snow. It’s just…grey.

Mondays at work are days when no matter how much you like your job and enjoy what you do, you don’t want to be at work. You feel fuzzy headed because of the lack of sleep and you feel like you’d be better served going back home, flopping back under the bed covers and being lazy. Then, when you did finally get out of bed, you didn’t HAVE to do anything, you could simply do…nothing.

I’ve often felt that it would be quite beneficial to employers to allow employees to have one three day weekend a month. It would be nice if the three day weekend always included the Monday. That way even though the Tuesday of the week would become the ‘Monday’, it still wouldn’t be a true Monday.

Ah well, that would be in a more sensible world, wouldn’t it? We don’t really live in a very sensible world. If we did, there would be things like a three slice toaster. I invented that in my head. It would be a triangular shape with toaster slots on each side and a warmer in the middle to soften the butter. It’s always been annoying to me that butter is often too hard to spread on toast without ripping it up.

I take my toast very seriously. I put a lot of thought into my Tri-Toaster. Well, about ten minutes, anyway. I also invented the solar road around the same time. This would use solar energy to heat the road in the winter for colder climates. This way, there wouldn’t be much need for snowplows. Granted, it would be expensive but in the long run, think of the manpower it’d save in having to deal with bad roads. There’d be less accidents as well as less corrosion on cars.
The only problem is that I’m not a scientist or an engineer. I’m a writer. Thus, I like to make things up…like inventions. I come up with the ideas. I need a scientist/technical-type person to actually make them a reality.

Of course, I’m not even sure my inventions are possible. In fiction, if you don’t know how to do something, you make it up. Thus, if I was writing a story that included solar roads, I’d invent a miraculous bit of technology named something like the Solarium Sprocket that made it possible to harness the power of the solar ray, amp it up and pump it into a special complicated underground system of chambers. These chambers not only allow the energy of the sun to be stored for centuries but also distribute it to a central point (The Ra-Eye) on each major highway so that all roads within a cold region would be thermalized.

Granted, once I invented that technology in my work of fiction, I’d then think of all the evil ramifications of such a nifty system and it would end up turning toxic and create particles that became evil beasties that destroyed human life but, hey, the technology would be interesting, right? This is probably why I like to make things up rather than actually invent them. Also, the physics behind it would make my brain bleed because my brain is not humanly capable of doing complex mathematics. Also, I’m not smart enough.

What was I saying? Oh, yes, the world isn’t sensible but it should be.

The only problem with that is that I’ve just proven that even if the world was sensible, I’m not always the most sensible person. I try. It’s just that sometimes, my imagination goes a little wild. Also, I can be a little, um, oblivious. Case in point regarding my obliviousness: The first time I wen t on the “It’s a Small World” ride at Disneyland, I had an epiphany mid-ride as to the nature of the ride. You see, I had thought it was going to be all about miniatures or something. We’d already gone through half the countries before my poor, oblivious brain figured out that it was a small geographic world we were seeing.

There. I don’t tell that story to everyone because it makes me look like an airhead. I’m not. I just have these moments of pure ignorance and then, bam! I get it. And everyone around me looks at me like I’m an idiot. I’d say that I feel like an idiot at these moments but, actually, I don’t. I feel quite elated that something that was previously a bit of a mystery has been solved. It took me quite some time, for example, to realize that Wright State University in Dayton, Ohio was named after the Wright Brothers. I knew that the Wright Brothers were from Dayton. It’s just I didn’t put two and two together. That would involve maths, you see and, well, I try to avoid to avoid maths.

I can, however, be quite sensible about some other things. In general, I’m mostly quite sensible. I have common sense, at least.

I just have this horrible habit of tuning out of reality once in a while and letting my brain have some peculiar thoughts. I find they make life more interesting. They also help you come up with some nifty inventions. Now, if only they’d supply the knowledge of how to make the inventions happen.

Ah well, as we’ve established that would happen in a sensible world. A sensible world would probably not have Mondays.

This is clearly not a sensible world.

Happy Tuesday!

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