Unnecessary Remakes: The Sequel

It's a drizzly, foggy, dark and gloomy day outside today. It's one of those days that seems like it will never be fully-daylight. There's a clammy dampness to the air which is making everything feel and look heavier than it is. It's definitely Spring though; that bitter biting chill is gone and for the first time in a while, my hands weren't freezing when I drove to work.

I'm back at work today, obviously. I'm trying to be excited about that but, well, I'm not. I had a four day weekend, thus I'm spoiled and wanting more freedom and less work. Still, it's not like I hate my job so that's definitely a bonus. I also have a meeting with a mortgage broker today which is slightly terrifying but I keep reminding myself it's not like I'm committing to anything and, also, it's just a meeting. I'll let you know how that goes.

During my time off work, I did get a chance to catch up on my entertainment reading. I wish I hadn't, actually. Once more, I'm irritated beyond belief with Hollywood. I already complained a while ago that they were making "State of Play" into a Hollywood Blockbuster when it had already been made rather recently as an excellent mini-series in the UK. I'm ignoring the Affleck-ness of that situation, only that I find myself groaning whenever I see the trailer. I know Russell Crowe is supposed to playing a hard-hitting news reporter, but why does his hair look so terrible? Is he making a statement about news reporters because, if so, that's not nice. It's a bit like Tom Hanks' hair in "The DaVinci Code"- it should have its own separate credit, it's so terrible. Never mind that it's a silly thing to be remaking in the first place. Just rent the original. It has James McAvoy and Bill Nighy in it for goodness sakes and John Simm who is playing what I think is the Russell Crowe role....stellar.

Anyway, I already complained about that. I'm just doing it again because I'm irked. Something that is now irking me more now that I just read about it: Hollywood is remaking "Death at a Funeral". I don't know if you saw the original, I mean it was made SO long ago...Oh, wait, it was made in 2007. For the mathematically challenged that was TWO YEARS AGO. The original was funny. It's a black comedy, set in Britain with a great cast of British stalwarts like Keeley Hawes and Matthew Macfadyen. It's also got some good American actors like the always fantastic Peter Dinklage and Alan Tudyk. It's about an dysfunctional family that becomes even more so at the event of the patriarch's funeral. It's a little twisted but in that nice, dry British way.

The remake is going to star Morgan Freeman, Martin Lawrence and Danny Glover. I think they're obviously going for an ethnic version. Thus, I will add the disclaimer: I am not racist, I don't care what colour the cast is, that is not the point of my tirade.

The point is THEY ALREADY MADE THIS MOVIE. TWO YEARS AGO.

Here's what I'm thinking. Hollywood has given up. The greed of making a few quick bucks at the box office is superceding the need for a quality film with longetivy. At this rate, they're going to be simutaneously making the remake at the same time they're making the original film. I mean, why wait to remake it when you can shoot two movies with different casts on the same lot? They don't have to release them at the same time. They can wait maybe six months so that when the original gets a little stale, you can watch the same thing with different actors. Whoo hoo! We'll have "Candyland, the Movie" starring Miley Cyrus and "CandyLand" starring Kristin Thomas and Michael Cera six months later. Same plot, same script...different actors and slightly different titles!

Yes, I am oozing sarcasm. No, I am not kidding about them actually making a film based on the children's board game "Candy Land." Oh, how I wish I were kidding about that.

Here's my biggest issue with Hollywood. I used to want to screenwrite. I moved to L.A. with the intention of trying to make it. I did discover I preferred writing novels but I did give it a try. I have several friends who are still trying. They are talented, they are original. Each of them would willingly sell their script for pennies just to have a chance to see their work on film. So why is Hollywood ignoring this talent to make remakes of movies less than two years old?

I wish I knew. I can only assume it's because they don't want to bother. They've become complacent with mediocrity. It's much easier to greenlight a movie that's nicely packaged than try to gather up new ideas and new talent and try to find a way to present it and still make money. For every "Juno," there's at least five romantic comedies like "Bride Wars." These are movies with big names with plots that are so predictable a seven-year old could tell you how it turned out. Yes, they're watchable but you walk away and forget you ever saw it. I'm not even talking about the big blockbusters. With those, at least, there's usually some good acting even if the explosions and gloss obscure the fact that there isn't really a great plot.

That's not to say that some good films aren't getting made. I rewatched "Slumdog Millionaire" this weekend and enjoyed it just as much. I still standby the fact that "Watchmen" was an excellent adaptation, even if it isn't your cup of tea. I can't wait for the next "Harry Potter" because...it's Harry Potter.

Yet between the good, there's a slew of bad. I used to want to see at least one movie a month. Nowadays, I barely can be bothered to go every other month and, ironically, I live ridiculously close to several theatres. I have access to the movies but I'd rather save my money and watch a TV show instead. I'm finding more and more that the writing, directing and acting talent is on my TV, rather than at the cinema. I challenge anyone to find more intriguing entertainment than "Lost" these days and to find a stronger acting talent than Michael Emerson as Ben Linus. I've been rewatching "Veronica Mars" on DVD, a show that sadly only had 3 seasons but had the best writing and acting than any show in recent memory.

So, maybe that's my solution. I'll just watch TV instead. It's cheaper, more rewarding and longer-lasting. Yes, they're remaking shows again on TV (90210 and Melrose Place come to mind) but there's still some fantastic entertainment out there. As long as HBO makes shows like "Dexter" and ABC takes chances on hilarious comedies like "Better Off Ted," there is still something produced in Hollywood that is worth watching. And as long as Joss Whedon is allowed to produce TV shows, I'm going to be there on a Friday night watching (yes, that is a note to Fox: Don't you DARE cancel "Dollhouse".)

Yet as much as I adore TV, popcorn at home just doesn't taste the same. Please, Hollywood, take a step back and look at some of the unknown talent that is trying to get their names out there. Give them a chance. Put that remake of "Clue" on hold and see what else you could make that hasn't been made before. Ok, so "Clue" wasn't the highest quality movie but it was good, campy fun and a lot of people are angry about that remake. Try something new....I beg you.

Thanks for reading and Happy Tuesday.