Monday, August 23, 2010

Odious Mondays...

Today has not been a bad Monday. It's still very much been a Monday but it managed to go quite quickly and productively which, compared to some Mondays, is a lovely thing indeed.

Also, today was just an ordinary Monday for me whereas, around these Midwestern parts, today was the common back-to-school day for both local universities and school systems. As I drove in to work this morning, I passed by the group of neighbourhood kids waiting for the school bus. They were all dressed in what looked like new clothes, standing unhappily together but not really interacting. As the school year goes on, they'll become more familiar with each other and the dynamic will change but this is a new year and thus, a new thing for some of them.

For me, the newest thing in my life currently is the Interloper. He's managing just fine. For a somewhat disabled dog, he certainly can move when the puppies are in pursuit. I've taken to gently squirting the pups with water from my pink spray bottle when they try to use Odie as a chew toy. It's working…slowly. More than anything, they're simply fascinated by him. They watch to see what he's going to do. When he does ordinary things like eat and poop, they Poor Odie seems to have no dignity. The minute the poor dog squats to do his business, Rory is there, about a foot away, watching with her head cocked. When he eats, both puppies sit side-by-side, watching. I've also discovered they're rather possessive of me. They make a point of making sure that they are sitting on my lap and the space is thus occupied. Odie doesn't mind though; he's not much of a lap dog anyway.

I like to call Odie the Odious One. I think it suits him. When I'm feeling Greek, I call him Odysseus. Don't ask me why I sometimes feel Greek. Sometimes, I feel Italian and I call him Odio but that doesn't sound as fun. No matter what I call him, he seems to know I'm calling him.

Though I have to say, I might tease and poke fun at him but he's not having such a bad stay with us so far. He's in his crate, just as the girls are in their crate. The Odious One is not used to this. He's used to being allowed to be free. Usually this translates as sitting in his 'den'- the bottom shelf of my parent's bookcase- for about 8 hours. His den here is a fairly good sized crate with a bed, food, water and snacks. And he gets to run free with the girls. He gets treats like they do and I'm making a conscious effort to make him feel welcome.

He's always going to be Odious the Interloper though.

Aside from the Odious One, this Monday has been fairly run of the mill. The most exciting thing was trying a new pizza place for lunch with some coworkers. It was pretty nice. My life is very exciting, I know. It's very, uh, food centric.

In some ways, I guess it's good that this Monday is pretty routine. It's good that the most exciting thing is a visiting dog and a new pizza place. Things could be far worse. I could be having a bad day at work. The most I really have to complain about is that I'm feeling a little stuck in a rut.

The problem is that I feel a bit trapped in my job. This happens fairly routinely as I've mentioned before in my job. In a non-bad economy, I job hunt. The problem is at the moment, I'm just not sure what I'd even hunt for. So many of my jobs have been supplements to help fulfill my dreams of being a writer. Now I suppose I can call myself a writer but…well, it's not what I really imagined. I want…more.

It's greedy. After all, I'm lucky enough to be able to write in the first place. It's hard for a lot of people to write novels. For me, that's the easy part. The hard part is accepting that reaching a dream sometimes takes a bit of reworking. I used to dream of getting a book published. Well, I took that bull by the horns and dealt with it. I got my book published. My current dream is for the right person to read it and see that I have potential.

That's a lot to ask. It's the type of thing that doesn't really happen in real life and, if it does, it doesn't happen to 'Middlings' like me. I can keep dreaming. There are a thousands of inspiring quotes about dreams out there. There are millions of success stories. There are posters proclaiming that dreams are vital.

So, I just need to believe it. After all, there's not harm in having a dream, is there? No one says it happens all at once. If I take a step back, it's been a succession of achieving a dream already. I used to dream of finding out what I do best. I think that is writing. I dreamed of doing something with it. I wrote nine novels. I dreamed of getting one published. So I did it. I dreamed of people liking my work. I've got fan emails to prove that people are enjoying it.

So, why am I so unsatisfied? Why, as humans, is it so hard to accept what we have and not at what we don't have? Is it just me who can't feel satisfied? Is it because the picture in our heads never actually becomes the reality of our lives?

I don't know. I just know that I need to figure out where to go next and how my dreams fit in with that.

In the meantime, I'll keep plodding along. At the very least, having The Odious One as a houseguest is keeping things from feeling completely routine which on a standard Monday is actually quite a good thing indeed. And, if all else fails, he'll be good writing fodder.

I just have to keep the dream alive.

Happy Tuesday!

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