Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Alligator in the Sewage Ditch!

I'm trying to wake up this morning; I went to bed far too late last night and woke up this morning feeling less rested than normal. As usual, I got ready while listening to the news and, as usual, the weather report did not help me much. I did learn that in Iceland, they're closing all three McDonald's restaurants that exist in the country. Apparently, the price of a Big Mac has gone up to over $6 and due to a financial crash in the country, the restaurant chain is unable to stay open.

I find that startling. I mean...it's McDONALD'S! It's one of the most ubiquitous companies in the world. Those poor Icelanders; now they're going to have to wait until they leave their country to have their Big Mac's. Of course, I must admit, in my imagination, when I think of Iceland, I think of an entire country covered with a thick coating of ice. The residents always wear eskimo type coats and they ski from place to place. It's hard to picture McDonald's in the middle of all that. Of course, I do know that it's actually a lovely place when it's not covered with ice- that it's green and beautiful but I can't help it- you call a place "Iceland," it does evoke a certain frozen image in people's minds.

I also learned that a man in Falls River, Massachusetts managed to capture a five-foot alligator. Apparently, it was spotted in a dirty drainage ditch by several people and the man who eventually captured it received a text from his brother telling him about the alligator sighting. Rather than, you know, doing what most of us would do which is to say check the newspapers to see if it a.) ate someone or b.)was captured, he decided to take matters into his own hands. He went looking for the alligator and captured it by clamping its jaws together with electrical tape.

I have a couple of questions. First of all, electrical tape????? Any good taper knows it's duct tape that you need! Electrical tape is not necessarily flimsy but the minute that stuff gets wet, there's no stick left. Given that the alligator was living in a drainage ditch, I'm not envisioning it being terribly dry. Also, it's a ALLIGATOR! Who goes after an alligator with a roll of electrical tape?

Secondly, uh, why? Well, actually there is an answer to that particular question. It turns out that our brave alligator capturer is a compassionate soul who felt that if the police managed to capture the 'gator, they'd kill it because they'd be afraid. What a silly notion he had! I mean, why on earth would the police shoot a five-foot alligator, I'm sure they come across those every day!

Unfortunately, despite his hopes and efforts with his handy roll of electrical tape, he had to surrender his rescued alligator because he didn't have a permit. Did I mention that he's a pet store owner? In addition to the alligator, it seems that our brave hero also rescued a five foot boa constrictor from the same area just two weeks before. I think we may have found a successor to the Crocodile Hunter. Of course, being that he's from Massachusets, I don't think he'd say, "Crikey!" Wouldn't it be more like, "Wicked good!"?

I guess this leads me to yet another question. What kind of place is Falls River, Massachusetts that it seems to have some rather large reptiles just sort of hanging out until our Alligator Hunter comes along to rescue them? According to the news report, the pet store owner has a traveling educational exhibit that features a 90 lb tortoise and a six foot iguana. I can only hope he didn't rescue those from Falls River, Massachusetts too.

Aside from the Alligator Hunter and the sad demise of McDonalds in Iceland, I also heard about a proposition on the ballot next week that would keep our libraries open in Cincinnati. I already knew about the proposition but I heard the first commercial today in support of the proposition. I'm happy that there are people lobbying to make sure people can continue to read for low or no cost but the commercial stated that the libraries are for the children, the elderly and families to go and read.

I know, it's a bit nitpicky but to quote Ben Linus from Lost, "what about me?!"

Once again, the plight of the singleton is brought to the surface! We are invisible! I'm not a child, I have no family, I'm not elderly. Can't I appreciate the library too? Why do they have to be so specific? Lots of people like to read! I'm one of them.

I realize that, at this point, I was probably splitting hairs. Fortunately, the Substitute Weatherman distracted me. Our usual 'poetic' weatherman had the day off so we had a sub. He was actually rather bland compared to our usual Mr. Wrong. Of course, the weather report was typically vague. It might rain! It might not! If we see rain on our windshield, we'll know its raining. He actually said that. What's next? If we stick our head out and get struck by lightening, we're having a thunderstorm? Or if we look out and see white flakes, it's snowing?

Still, for a morning's entertainment, you can't beat the local news. Obviously there were less trivial, more serious stories on the news but I choose not to blog about those merely because sometimes it's more fun to concentrate the lighter things in life rather than focus on the doom and gloom that surrounds us. Though, I'm sure if I were a random pedestrian in Falls River, Massachusetts and I came across a five feet alligator that was staring me down, I might feel a little doom and gloom. Of course, now I know to keep a roll of electrical tape in my pocket for just such an occasion.

Happy Tuesday.

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