Monday, March 28, 2011

Indecisive Days

I’ve started this blog quite a few times. Each time, I write several paragraphs and I hate what I write so I erase it and start over. So far, I’ve started blogs regarding the oddness of my activities and why people think I’m weird because I tell them I throw rocks into sewer drains to amuse my dogs. I’ve written some of a blog explaining that I’m not going to complain about Monday because it’s just another Monday and it’s not a manic one at that. I’ve started yet another blog talking about things that are a mystery to me only to realize it’s a thinly masked excuse for venting.

So, here I am…I’m having one of those days where I’m feeling listless and unsettled. Nothing is holding my attention for long. I can’t decide if I’m hungry or just wanting to eat because it’s something different to do. I’m not having any luck locating resumes for a job I’m trying to fill and for the life of me, I can’t understand why. It’s a great job for an entry level person. The salary is good and the experience will be invaluable. Yet I’ve sent at least 15 emails via Linked In and to people who say they’re looking for this exact type of job and….nothing.

All in all, it’s just one of those days where I can’t settle down and do something. I start reading, I don’t feel like it. I put something on TV to watch and decide it’s not what I want to be watching. I start to blog and it’s not what I want to be blogging about. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it really is Spring Fever. I’m trapped inside because it’s cold and murky outside but I’m mentally prepared for warmer weather, planting seeds, taking warm walks with the dogs and mowing the lawn. There’s not much to be done outside when the thermometer peaks at 38 degrees and even on short walks, my hand that holds the dogs’ leashes gets cold even when I’m wearing gloves.

Some days are just indecisive days. This is one of them. I know I can’t be the only one who has them. I’ve had them all of my life. I remember as a child, there would be rainy days where no matter what toy I got out to play with, it wasn’t what I wanted. Even my books were not appealing because I’d start reading and decide I wasn’t in the mood. Now, as an adult, indecisive days manifest the same way that they did when I was a child. They’re sneaky days. You don’t expect them when you get out of bed.

Some days, they can be identified immediately. You get dressed in the clothes you laid out the night before and can’t decide if you want to wear that particular outfit. If you don’t lay out your clothes ahead of time, they result in a complete wardrobe crisis in which case you don’t even have a starting point about which to be indecisive. Having suffered from “Staring into the Wardrobe Full of Clothes and Finding Nothing to Wear” syndrome far too often in my life, I now attempt to counter this by picking out the next days’ outfit before I go to bed. This, at least, aids in the fact that if I’m suffering from “Staring into the Wardrobe Full of Clothes and Finding Nothing to Wear” syndrome when I pick out the outfit, at least I’m doing so at a time where I have ample time to have the crisis because the only penalty is going to bed later than planned.

If the indecision occurs the morning of the when I’m trying to pick out an outfit, not only am I groggy and unfocused but I’m likelier to be a foul-tempered beast all day because this is no way to start a day. Also, if I stare at the wardrobe for too long, then I could potentially be late to work. If you do lay out an outfit and put it on in the morning, you may not be aware that it’s an indecisive day immediately. Instead, the realization may arrive when you’re trying to decide between a Kashi Cranberry Granola bar, a Quaker Oatmeal Raisin Granola Bar or a Blueberry Nutri Grain bar to take to work for breakfast. It may occur when you’re sitting in a meeting at work and your boss asks which job openings you want to work on and your mind instantly goes numb and you have absolutely no idea. It can occur when you go home for lunch and can’t decide if you want to eat leftovers or make a salad. You get the idea.

The worst part about indecisive days are that no matter which outfit, breakfast bar, job opening or lunch item you choose, it will always seem the wrong one because you’re not really in the mood for anything. So, the day passes, listlessness sets in and indecision prevails. Now you can see why I had trouble blogging about anything. Nothing seemed right. No matter how witty I tried to be, it felt like I was trying too hard. No matter how chipper I tried to sound, I could tell I wasn’t feeling particularly chipper. Everything just felt…off. Thus, I decided to blog about the type of indecisive day I was having. I’ve got this far and I’m making the decision to just go with it. It’s not the most exciting blog I’ve ever written but I’m deciding to go with it because, at least, I’ve made a decision about something. It just doesn’t really feel like the right one.

But on days like this, there really is no right one. Even the right one would feel like the wrong one. I think I’ll blame Monday. That, at least, feels like the right decision.

Tomorrow, I’ll be more decisive.

I’m determined. That’s another decision and it’s definitely the right one.

Maybe things are looking up!

Happy Tuesday!

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