Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Sometimes, You Just Have to Make a List...

Since I had one of those days that would normally inspire some whining, waxing poetical about grey days and being in a funk, I've decided I don't want to subject my readers to that. Instead, I'm going to make a list. It's therapeutic in its own special way.

Things that irritate me by Captain Monkeypants:

1) People that don’t use turn signals.

2) People that do use turn signals and forget to turn them off so you get stuck behind them wondering if they’ll ever turn.

3) Canadian Geese that fly down in front of your car and stand in the road without moving as you’re driving.

4) UPS. For some reason, my package that was “Out for Delivery” yesterday morning at 7:03 a.m. ended up not being delivered, went to Columbus, OH for the night and returned to be “Out for Delivery” this morning. It finally arrived at 4:42 p.m. today.

5) Nickels. I can’t explain that one. I just despise nickels. They’re irritating little coins.

6) Olive Garden. Italian food is supposed to be simple. It’s not supposed to be stuffed puff pastry in a sauce on top of pasta. That’s, like, three dishes in one. Also, it’s very unhealthy. Also, it’s a little bit vile. It’s like an appetizer on top of an entrĂ©e. Next thing you know is it’ll come with a side of pudding to dip the puff pastry thingies.

7) That dog from the Cesar dog food commercials. Its head is enormous. I find it offputting.

8) Termites. They eat your house and they’re creepy. And expensive.

9) Craftsman Lawnmowers: Lawnmowers shouldn’t have the piston explode when you’re innocently mowing and almost hit you in the head. Since my boss had the exact same experience with Craftsman, I’m irritated with them.

10) The lady in my neighbourhood who walks all four of her dogs at once and thusly can’t stop to pick up their poop. This is even more annoying because the poop is always in the middle of the sidewalk and it’s disgusting.

11) Candidates who say they really want a job and need it and then they’re offered the job, they decide “it’s not for them.” I know it’s their choice but, well, it takes a lot of work to get them to the point where they’re offered the job.

12) Rats. I know it’s not their fault they’re vile and disgusting but those nasty little tails disgust me.

13) The fuss about cupcakes. It’s probably because I don’t like cake much but, really, cupcakes are just muffins with a ton of frosting on top. Why all the fuss?

14) Lima Bean Respect Day. I’m just typing that because it’s what my Food Network calendar is calling today. It’s hard to respect a lima bean, honestly. They just don’t command it. Maybe if they made your pee smell funny like asparagus, they’d be more interesting.

15) When my rainproof wellington boots become non rainproof and the water oozes from the ground up, making my socks wet.

16) Bad grammar. I don’t care if it’s slang, I simply cannot get used to people saying, “Where you at?”

17) Having those dreams where you really, really need to call someone on the phone but no matter what you do, you can’t seem to dial the number right.

18) Gordon Ramsey. Horrible man. I don’t know why he has to shout and swear all the time. Also, he seems unable to make a decent Yorkshire pudding.

19) The people in my neighbourhood with the large German shepherd that isn’t on a leash and, when it sees me and my pups, chases us. This has happened twice now. It’s scary.

20) Days like today where no matter how hard I try, I feel like I’m stuck and that I’m horrible at my job because I’m not getting anywhere with anything.

Thanks for reading. Hapy Thursday!

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