Monday, June 15, 2009

Another Step in Admitting I'm an Adult...

It's Monday again. It comes around too fast. I mean, you barely have time to register it's the weekend and then, bam!, off goes the Monday morning alarm.

I like Mondays where I can ignore the alarm. However, until I either become independantly wealthy, win the lottery or write a mega blockbuster-book, I'm not likely to be able to ignore it unless I take a vacation day here and there.

Still, it's the start of a new week. I should look at that as a positive thing. I close on my house this evening, if all goes well. Tomorrow I'll be a homeowner. I can't lie and say the idea doesn't fill me with a little fear. It means I'm a grown-up again. I like pretending I'm not. I like hiding behind my Green Day albums and monkey pajamas and ignoring the fact that I'm a thirty-something. However, I can't really avoid being a grown-up now. The time has come for me to stop renting and start investing in equity. Or that's what people keep telling me. I'm not 100% sure what having equity will do for me but I'm sure if I look on Wikipedia, I can find out. It seems like a good thing, anyway.

So, Monday is a big day for me. After that, it should feel like a relief and I can start getting excited about my new place. Of course, I can't actually get in to my new house yet because one of the reasons I won the bid is because I gave the little old lady who currently owns the property a couple of weeks extra to move out after we closed. I can't begrudge her that. As a widow moving far away, she needs time to pack up properly and say goodbye to her home. Though I will say it would be rather nice if I could at least look at the house without her watching me. That was the problem each time I looked at the home; she never left and so it wasn't like I could walk around and poke into closets. It's still her home, even if she is selling it. I suppose someone bolder than me would have no problem with it but, to me, it felt intrusive. Also, since she watched my every move, it was a little off-putting.

So, when she goes and I get my key, I'll actually be able to wander around, seeing how much work needs to be done immediately and what I can put off until I've moved in. I think I've already picked some paint colours for the rooms that need to be painted because the walls are grubby.

Of course, there is another side to my fear than just me realizing I'm an adult now. It's the fact that it means I'm putting down roots. I might have mentioned before that sometimes I have a little trouble with commitment. I tend to shy away from it because the idea of 'settling', of not having the option to change my mind in a hurry...that scares me a little. It means I can't run back to L.A. because I'm bored in the Midwest. Well, I could but I'd REALLY have to make sure I wanted to because selling a house isn't easy. It means I'm here for a while, it means Ohio is my new home. Literally.

I'm trying to be happy about these things but it's a change for me. Yet if the change feels right, maybe it'll reflect more of a willingness to commit in other areas of my life. Maybe I'll finally be able to date more seriously without being afraid that I might be making the wrong choice for both him and for me. Who knows? All I do know is that I'm at an exciting fork in the road of my life. I don't really have a choice in my direction any more. I am doing this; I am buying a house.
Yep. Those words are still a little scary. I think it's time for a chair-boogie to recover.

Happy Monday.

No comments: