Thursday, May 6, 2010

Friends and Mothers....

I promise not to wallow today. I can't lie and say that the self-doubt is gone but thanks to good friends and a great mother, I'm feeling a little less like a failure and a little more like a human.

I'm lucky that way. I have people to talk to when I feel down. I've never been much of a socialite. My social circle has always consisted of a few very good friends and some casual friends who I know but don't know well.

I've always been the type of Monkeypants to prefer quality over quantity. When I was a child, I had a best friend and other good friends I knew but although I was always invited to birthday parties, I never felt like I was likely to become a fan of being with the 'in-crowd'.

That carried through to high school. For the first couple of years, my crowd of friends consisted of quiet, shy girls like me who never felt like they completely fit. We had fun- some of my favourite memories of my early high school days are of playing Uno and eating ice-cream sandwiches. As high school passed, my circle of friends changed a little. We all moved in different directions. It's sad but that's high school. It never meant I forgot those friends, it just meant that we were no longer jigsaw puzzle pieces that fit together- we'd morphed into pieces that were from the same puzzle but from different corners.

College was the same. I had a close circle of friends throughout. Sometimes the members changed but I still always had people to talk to, people who would talk to me.

These days, it's not much different- it's just that my friends are scattered. Some, via Facebook, are my earliest friends from my childhood days. Some are high school friends who are always there for me, no matter how long ago we sat in Mrs. Studebaker's English class and laughed at the fact that she said "eggo" instead of "ego."

Some are newer friends, friends I've made in my 'adult' years. I've always been lucky enough to find good friends with whom I have a lot in common and, like me, see the need to appreciate the goofier things in life.

It's these friends I appreciate most because they're the ones who pick me up when I'm down. I can't go without giving a shout-out to Saz in Washington for being there, even when her own life is dark and scary at the moment. And, Ms. P in Texas- I love that you read my blog, I love that I have my puppies because you persuaded me to make getting a dog one of my New Year's resolutions. The other friends out there, reading....I don't need to name you but...thank you.

Since it's Mother's Day on Sunday, I can't go on without mentioning my very best friend- cheesy as it sounds. My mum hates sappiness. She was born in Germany and raised in England so it's not exactly odd that she feels that way. But, at the risk of making her cringe, my very best friend in the world is my mum. No matter how mean I get, how crotchety I am, how much I waffle on and on...and on and on about my puppies...she's always there. When I'm feeling down about writing, she gets indignant on my behalf because she reads library books and lately seems to have been comparing them all to The Reluctant Demon. I love that she always thinks my books are better. I love that I can go home for a weekend and have a moan about my life to her and she always listens. I love that I can take a picture of flowers in my garden and ask her to identify them- she usually does.

Most of all, I'm just glad I have a mother who I can talk to and whine to when I'm down. I can't believe she hasn't hung up on me yet when I get snappy on the phone with her but she never does...unless those mysterious hang-ups when we get 'disconnected' and she has 'no idea what happened' mean she's hanging up on me. Just kidding- she always calls me back.

So, even though I'm still doubting my ability and my skills, I'm not in such a dark place I can't turn around and see that even in spite of the writing, I'm very lucky in my life. I have people who care enough to try to stop me giving in to my self-pity. I also have people who read my blog and make me feel like I'm not just a voice on the wind...someone is reading. For that, I thank you all.

For now, I'll keep the blog going...after all, I always have something to say, no matter how random. It's what makes my blog

Happy Friday and to all you mothers out there- be it mothers of children, Monkeypants, puppies, pigs, dogs, cats, characters or ideas....Happy Mother's Day.


Saz said...

You are sweet, Captain Monkeypants! And being your friend is a true honor.

Saz said...

You are so sweet, Captian Monkeypants! I am blessed to have such an AMAZING friend as YOU!!!