Monday, May 3, 2010

Reflections on Becoming an Adult....

I've said it before and I'll say it again...I have a horrible feeling I'm becoming a real grown-up. Ever since I got the house and had to start worrying about things like mortgages, grass clippings, dog whisperers and landscaping, I've noticed that I've started to morph into someone else, someone who is definitely an adult.

I think the puppies helped me with that. Even though they can't communicate like children and they're definitely not children, to me, they're the closest thing I have. I realized not long after I brought them home when I opened the door a crack to retrieve the mail and Sookie and Rory escaped that they were, for all intents and purposes, my babies. Sookie went running out, clueless as to the danger and my heart almost stopped as a car headed down our street and Sookie was closer and closer to the road. I finally grabbed her and Rory and pulled them inside. I was terrified. I realized that if I lost them, I couldn't stand it.

I like that I have a family to come home to, no matter how atypical it is. Even though I still enjoy human company a lot, there's something to be said, spending an evening in the garden on my knees, weeding, having two little warm puppies nearby, eating whatever stick they come across. Every now and again, they'll run to me and try to scramble on my lap and give me 'kisses'. It's a nice feeling.

The nicest part is that it makes everything else seem just a little...unimportant. My job is still just a job but now it's just a way for me to buy food for us and keep us sheltered. The politics of the office, the giggling girls who have strange power within the company even though they spend half their days gossiping just don't bother me as much as before. It still irritates me because it reminds me of high school but when I leave the office at the end of the day, I can go home and be welcomed by my pups and settle into my real life.

I always wanted to have a husband and kids. I always thought by this point in my life, I'd be settled. As a kid, it was never a consideration that at my age, I'd still be single. I want a husband but a recent foray into was a disaster- all I met were men who were unmarried because they were afraid of commitment. I can't be angry about that. After all, I was the same way until recently. I even went out with a chef but he turned out to be painfully arrogant, unemployed and rather bitter at the fact that he got fired from his last job.

I'd like to believe that it's not too late- that the husband is out there somewhere and we'll have kids. I just don't know. I've stopped worrying and stressing about it though. I admit, I used to look at every man who was friendly and wonder if he's married. I don't do that very much any more. I just assume they are and move on.

Still, for now, I'm not too far off from where I wanted to be: I have a house of my own with a lovely back garden ready for me to plant and nurture. I have two little canines who make my life strangely complete and I have a family who I actually like and enjoy spending time with. Oh, and I have published a book which isn't exactly too shabby.

All, I think I'm doing ok. It's not the ideal but usually the ideal isn't, well, as ideal as you hope anyway. I'm accepting my adult responsibilities and it's not as bad as I feared when I was younger. It's actually pretty fun for the most part.

In some ways, I hate that I'm a grown-up though. I no longer look at Hot Topic as a house of fun t-shirts. I see it as a place full of overpriced crap. I'm sad about that, in a way. I no longer think it's funny to drive like a maniac to get where I'm going quickly. I don't think it's smart to cross the street while texting. I think it's weird when little Amish boys carry cell-phones on their belts and buy video games at garage sales. And I find it exceptionally annoying when the dog whisperer's kid spends hours and hours bounching his basketball and trying to shove it through his kiddie-hoop which is actually shorter than he joke.

I hope I'm not going to grow up to be a crappy old lady. Though from the paragraph above, it seems I might already be halfway there. Eek gads....maybe I should go listen to some Justin Bieber. I hear he's all the rage. Except, um, I'm not exactly sure who Justin Bieber is- I just hear his name a lot.

Maybe I'll just play with puppies instead. I think that'll keep me young.

Thanks as always for reading. Happy Tuesday!

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