Facebook: The New Wave in Passive-Agressiveness

Today was another quiet day in the office. At least it wasn't too gloomy which makes a big difference. When I came home this afternoon, the sun was actually shining and I got to work in the garden for a bit. I had some asparagus roots to plant and this required digging a trench. This may not seem too huge since it only had to be about 7 feet long and eight inches deep. It actually didn't take too long to dig it although since my garden is hideously infected with tree roots from trees that are no longer standing but will forever leave their legacy, it took a while to dig around the roots, snapping them when possible.

Of course, it didn't help that the puppies also wanted to help. They were all about the trench and wasted no time jumping down and having a dig. It was actually quite useful. Well, it was until they spotted the asparagus roots that were ready to plant and decided to try to run off with them. Then, after I'd done the planting they tried to dig them back up. I put a little fence around the area but I'll have to play close attention to make sure they don't try to sneak around the fence.

The nice thing about gardening is that it's a great way to clear your head. When the sun is shining and there's a nice breeze, it's a nice thing to kneel in the dirt and go to work. It's a good way to work of frustration and stress.

Not that I feel too much of either at the moment. I'm in a contented place. I know that, like with everything, that's subject to change at any moment but I'm quite thankful that things are going fairly quietly in life at the moment.

It doesn't seem that way for everyone though, especially for my Facebook friends. I've been on Facebook a while. If you go back in my blog, I've written about it before and how it's a good way to have a reunion with old friends and unite all aspects of your life. However, even though I love Facebook for this reason, it's also a fantastic way to be passive-aggressive.

If you don't know what I mean, you're either very lucky or you don't go on Facebook much. I have quite a few 'friends' on there now and I get the feed of all their status updates. I love this because you get to know what they're up to but don't have to actually call them to talk or email. It's a great, quick way to stay in touch without having to, you know, be in touch.

Except no everyone uses this to say things like, "Captain Monkeypants is having fun shopping at outlet malls," or "Captain Monkeypants just made lettuce wraps." No, a lot of my friends use the status as a form of venting.

I get that. I mean, when I'm upset with friends, I do occasionally have the urge to post a Facebook status update that quietly points the finger at the friend and say, 'hey, you- you hurt my feelings."

I don't though because I know that this is childish and, also, most of the time, whoever I'd be aiming the update towards wouldn't get it and I'd have wasted the typing. But I do understand the urge.

I think the trick is not to give in to it though. Otherwise, you post something like, "I am furious- one of the people I trusted most has hurt me beyond words. You liar!"

(Which, by the way, is taken from a post I read not too long ago.)

Now, while that update might be aimed at someone specific, chances are that while that person may know they did something wrong, no one else knows who did it. Thus, all the people who read that status process it as, "was that me? Did I do something?" without knowing. This is, of course, assuming that the intended recipient of the update is a Facebook friend in the first place. Also, it makes everyone who knows you and many of your friends try to guess who you're angry with and what they did wrong and gossip starts to form and spread.

Granted, it's not a big deal- much like high school when you'd fight with your friends in public, Facebook allows a way to show the world that you're pissed. It lets everyone talk about you being angry and trying to guess what's going on. If they don't find out, they make something up.

I'm not condemning. I'm just seeing it more and more. Some people use song lyrics, some people most cryptic, intriguing little teases that lets you know something is wrong but never, what exactly. Some people just keep it light and fluffy.

No matter what though, this type of status update does what it's intended to do- it gets your attention. It lets someone know you're angry with them but doesn't require you picking up the phone to scream at them or sending them an angry email. As I said, I've been tempted. It's just not worth it because it's just not fruitful. Back in my younger days, I know I would have done it. I was shy and not very confrontational. But, with age comes less patience for games. If someone upsets me, I try to tell them about it or solve the problem myself. I find this works. If I weigh the problem and discover it's not large enough to bother with, I move on.

Everyone's different. For some people, Facebook is a tool for therapy. It's an outlet, a way of showing the world how you feel. I can't say I always salute that because I think some things should just be kept between you and your offenders but that's just my opinion.

Facebook has many uses. It's a communication tool primarily, a point of contact also. It also seems to be a great place to go farming as so many of my friends status updates imply. I still haven't figured out the point of Farmville or whatever odd little virtual world you're trying to create on there but I do consider that a far healthier way to spend your time on Facebook than calling someone out anonomously in front of everyone you know to scold them or chide them without direct confrontation. Of course, I do find it odd that people are trying to plant nachos but, as I always say, to each his own.

Happy Wednesday!

Celebrating Triumphs through Facebook....

I've been distracted by puppies lately. I've realized I'm in danger of becoming one of those people, the ones who gush and show pictures every time someone asks me how the puppies are.

I never thought I'd be like that. I thought I'd have a dog or dogs for companionship and while I loved them, they would just be my dogs. I think I might have been a bit unrealistic about that.

Instead, I think I'm becoming one of those insufferable pet parents. If someone asks me how the puppies are, I always have a story, how cute they are, how clever Sookie was because I finally got her to go to the bathroom on the puppy pad I put in the corner or how sweet Rory is because when she's scared, she runs straight to me for protection, letting me know that she knows who her mummy is.

Even when I type that, I feel a bit like Hagrid from Harry Potter. The big, scary man was a big softie when it came to animals and I think that might just be me and the puppies. I can't got to a shop with a pet section without seeing if they have any good squeaky toys because those girls, they love their squeaky toys.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a good pet parent. I just have to be careful not to make the puppies the only thing in my life.

Take for example, last week. My book was published and up for sale on Amazon.com. I sold my first copy.

That's huge, really. Yet, I let it pass by without taking in the fact that I am now a published author. It's been a dream of mine for a while and it finally came true.

That's something I think I should stop and enjoy, really, don't you think?

The nice thing is that thanks to Facebook, I have a little pep squad, some friends who ordered the book the minute I told them it was available. There was no hesitation, no "I'll do it later," or "I'll wait until I get paid." No, they put it straight in their Amazon.com cart and it's already being shipped. That's also something to celebrate.

It's nice to have friends like that. Some of them are close friends, others are simply friends I went to high school with and found on Facebook. Some are in the U.S., some in the U.K. It's a strange, humbling thing to realize that people believe in me that much that they don't stop and wonder if it's worth the money, they just buy it.

It also goes to show how much a part of our lives Facebook is these days. I don't go a day where I don't at least check people's statuses on my phone, to make sure they're all ok and there's no catastrophes at hand and to see what everyone's up to at that moment.

It's ironic, really. People say technology is forcing us apart, making us reliant on computers and gadgets and less on each other. To some extent, that's true. It's easier to do things online than go do it in person. It does cut down on our interpersonal interactions.

But I don't think it's forcing us apart. For me, Facebook has become almost a virtual scrapbook of my life. My first very best friend in England is my friend on Facebook and even though we haven't seen each other for years, I can see her children's photos, her husband, her parents. I have friends from my first days in the U.S., friends that I enjoyed in high school but didn't think I'd see again once we graduated. I have other friends from high school who I wanted to see again but we all went our separate ways. I have close friends who I email outside of facebook or talk to on the phone. I have friends from my many jobs...

You get the idea....for me, Facebook is a way of pulling the social history of my life together and laying it out for me to see how my life has evolved. These are people who all knew me at different stages of my life, from my evolution of being a slightly scruffy little bookworm to becoming someone who actually writes books.

As a writer and as a human, I have to say, Facebook is a great invention. I don't use it the way many people do- I have yet to ask ANYONE for a cow or a barn in Farmville and I intend to keep it that way- but I love that it lets me connect with my many friends.

As a published writer, it's a wonderful way for me to realize how kind people are. They're taking a chance on me as a writer and as a friend and it's a pretty darn good feeling.

So, for anyone who knows me, has bought my book or is my Facebook friend, I thank you kindly for your confidence and belief in me. That means an awful lot to me.

And, also, if you want to see any puppy pictures, just let me know.

Just kidding. Mostly.

Happy Tuesday!

Buy my e-Book! (I mean, uh, Happy...Thursday!)

It's already Thursday. For those of your that didn't get Monday off, I'm sure the week feels like it's dragging. I did get Monday off and the week, so far is whizzing by.

It probably helps that I'm busy at work. I like it when that happens. At the moment, I have the type of projects that absorb me from the time I get into the office until the time I leave. It's actually fun. I get to use my brain. For me, this is a feat. I confess, until recently, I don't think I used my brain at work in quite a long time. Unless, of course, you count the effort it takes to calculate how long I have to surf until the coworker-who-can-always-see-what-I'm-doing-on-on-my-computer-when-he-turns-his-head returns from the bathroom. And yes, I admit, I do pay attention to this sort of information. When you used to have adequate time to surf the web and are now reduced to seconds, you learn when the vital moments happen. Also, you learn to surf Facebook on your phone. I have recently learned this is a wise decision; my company has just restricted access to Facebook, MySpace and Twitter.

A few months ago, I would have been outraged at this. However, MySpace is SO 2008. EVERYONE uses Facebook now, I mean, come on, MySpace, really? I have a MySpace account but I haven't used it in several months. It's all about Facebook. And Twitter?

Well, I admit, after probably what adds up to be over a year, maybe two, I still haven't, um, figured out the whole "Tweeting" thing. As someone described it to me, it's like posting a status update on Facebook for any subscriber to see. It makes sense...theoretically. However, hearing the horror stories of 'tweets' from celebrities, I just can't be bothered. At least on Facebook, I know the people who read my updates are 'friends' of some kind or another.

I suppose I should be irritated that my company has stripped yet another freedom from us. In actuality, I don't even care. If I didn't have a Blackberry, I might. After all, even if our PC's or, in the case of 99% of my coworkers, Mac's, are blocked from finding Facebook, they can't block my Blackberry. Thus, when I get into the office, I'll just hit my Facebook App's 'search for updates' option and see what my friends are up to. They can take my freedom, they can take my liberty but they can't take my cunning or covertness from me. I WILL continue to keep abreast of my friends' Facebook updates, darn it, oh yes, I will.

Yet, even with this minor distraction, I'm still keeping busy at work. I'm shocking myself with my productivity. I'm actually annoyed with myself for doing so much work. However, I will admit when I have a project that makes the day whiz by while you're trying to get it done, it makes work feel pretty decent. I won't say I LOVE my job because, well, frankly, that would be a lie. However, I can't say I don't like my job because, at the moment, that, too, would be a lie. I'm testing software at the moment. I'm being paid to try to break it. To me, that's a challenge. I hate to sound arrogant, but I think I'm pretty good at it, too. According to several of the programmers I work with, I have a 'unique' way of testing. When they say that, it has an air of disdain. To me, it has a tinge of victory. Of course I have a unique way of testing it! First of all, I remove all my intelligence and try to approach our software like I'm a newbie who has no idea what they're doing. Then I give myself a cool name like Sookie Stackhouse, Buffy Summers, Hermione Granger, Lorelie Gilmore...whatever I feel like naming myself. Then I test our software as though I'm clueless. It's a failsafe system: I end up finding the weirdest bugs that our entrenched, experienced programmers had no idea existed because they don't think about seeing the software through new eyes.

I'm not saying I'm great at my job just that I do have a unique approach: I pretend I've never seen it before. On occasion, I'm told that I'm being naive, that, chances are, the user will know what they're doing and the bug I find is minute and insignificant. To me, it's always significant. I found it, therefore someone else will.

It's my job and I don't mind it at all, as long as someone listens to me. Even if they don't, I make my point known in our staff meetings. My boss looks at me for a moment and then his eyes glaze over and I know he doesn't care why I think a bug is significant. However, to me, it is. It's a tiny thing but it means something.

The nice thing is that if I find a bug and no one acknowledges it, chances are that a client will find it a few months later. It becomes significant then and I get to play the "I told you so," card. That's a valuable asset, unto itself.

In the meantime, I continue to find creative, out-of-the-ordinary ways to test our software for bugs. It's working nicely for me, even if it means I have to use my brain.

As long as I don't use Facebook, MySpace or Twitter. Because that's forbidden.

Happy Thursday!

PS* If you do get to surf the web at work or at home or whenever, feel free to check out my first e-published novel. At the moment, you have to read it on the Amazon Kindle or the iPhone Kindle App but, shortly, it'll be available on any e-reader that's out there. It's cheap, $1.99 for an entire novel...but please feel free to help out a struggling writer....it's worth your while, I promise: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0038M2C3U

Facebook: Our Grown-Up Playground....

We seem to be stuck in a system of gloom. The humidity outside is so thick that inside, everything feels almost sticky. The easy solution for this would be to put the air conditioning on but, so far, at home, I refuse. It's almost October and the temperature gauge is only reading 82 degrees. It seems extraneous to turn it on when fans are sufficing. It's just that blasted stickiness which isn't going away.

I listened to the weather this morning. I know, I know, it's pointless as I complain regularly. Yet I was hoping to find out when this nasty, humid, gloomy front would pass us by. Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, Mr. Weatherman doesn't seem to know. All he can say is, "you might have thunderstorms." Seriously, he seems positively befuddled at what's happening and hasn't any idea how long it will last and if, in fact, it will even rain, even though it always seems to look like rain. So....basically, I have absolutely no idea if it's going to rain or if the humidity is going away any time soon.

Ah well, I suppose it means it'll be a surprise if anything actually happens with the weather. It doesn't mean I don't often wonder how Mr. Weatherman keeps his job. That's just one of the mysteries of life.

Still, I'm sure there's much more to not knowing what the weather is going to do than it seems on TV.

While I was waiting for Mr. Weatherman's vague forecast, I had the news on. I like to listen to the news in the morning. I did prefer it when I didn't have to leave quite so early for work because they do a segment that's called, "News from around the U.S." that airs later in the morning. This report usually features cute stories about bears that wander into people's yards, monkeys that do cute things in various zoos and dogs that are awfully clever. There's something nice about seeing animals on the news instead of just hearing about people shooting each other, shooting policemen or shooting themselves.

One of the stories I did hear is that the Florida Bar Association (or something similarly named) is now using social networking sites such as Facebook to research candidates for law jobs and law school. Apparently, they're using it to research job candidates who might have joined Facebook groups like, "Lawyers Suck!" or "I HATE my lawyer" and then decide to become lawyers.

Now, personally, I think this is a little bit too much. Also, I'd like to think if I hired a lawyer who had joined a Facebook group like that and then become a lawyer, he or she would be smart enough to unjoin the group before actually becoming a lawyer.

Still, even so, I still think that's a bit of a snoopy job practice.

I admit; I love Facebook. I used to be on MySpace when that was the trendy place to be. Unfortunately with MySpace, it got overrun with porn, stupid spam mail and just became a bit of a ghost town because all my friends were defecting over to Facebook.

I followed them only to reconnect with the most bizarre assortment of friends I could ever have expected. I found old friends in England, friends from high school whom I had lost after graduation, cousins, aunts, uncles...it was and is fantastic for that.

I don't spend quite as much time on the site as a lot of my friends do. Most days, my time on there is spent updating my status to something rather asinine and reading my friends' statuses. It's a fantastic way of knowing what people are up to without having to make too much of a commitment. I love it.

I don't use Facebook for sharing really personal information. Some of my friends give a lot of personal info in their status updates, stuff I wouldn't want the entire world of my facebook making to know. It's a personal choice, I get that. It's not one I make but it doesn't mean I frown on those that do share information.

For me, the key word there is personal. Facebook is a place to electronically socialize, to catch up, to take silly quizzes and just have fun. I found out that if I were a character in True Blood, it would be Pam; I actually was quite pleased with that. She's sarcastic, hilarious, a snappy dresser and best of all gets to hang around with Eric. I also discovered my personality type, got addicted to Bejewelled Blitz and found out that my Patronus (from Harry Potter) would be a polar bear.

What it comes down to is that Facebook is a big old place for us grownups to go play as if we were kids again. The games and toys are not dolls and miniature cars, they're quizzes, silly games and becoming fans of TV shows, authors, groups, chefs...you name it, there's probably a group. It's a big old electronic playground and the time we spend there is like our playtime, our recess.

So, naturally, feeling the way I do about Facebook, I find it a little off-putting that employers seem to think this is a good way to spy on potential candidates. I'm not saying that I don't see why they're doing it. I suppose it is a good way to get a sense of a person. Also, you can make your profile private so that they can't see more than your picture. But if it means employers are asking permission to see a profile, that's a different story. That, to me, is a violation of my personal life. I wouldn't allow them to come over and search my house to find out who I am, what I like, what I do in my spare time. IThat seems to be what they're doing by looking around Facebook. I'd get it if I were applying to be in the FBI or CIA or something classified. I mean, you wouldn't want someone whose addicted to Farmville and can only think about that to become a CIA agent, would you? Then again, I don't think a person like that would be applying to the CIA so it's a non-issue.

So, really, I don't think there's many excuses for an employer to be snooping on my Facebook profile. Granted, if I'm silly enough to befriend my boss, I don't think I'm daft enough to do anything on Facebook that's incriminating. In that case, it'd be my choice that I'm allowing them into my personal life; at least I know my boss and I'm consciously allowing them to snoop.

For potential employers though, it doesn't seem quite right. I know there are arguments to my point and I'm absolutely willing to hear them. For me, personally, however, I just don't think it's right that because in 2009 we have an electronic 'playground' like Facebook, employers are exploiting that. After all, when we were in our early years of school, we'd huddle on the playground and swap erasers, pencil sharpeners and stickers. Granted, it was in the more innocent days when underage drug deals were still an unreal notion but teachers didn't stop us; they'd take one look at the bright coloured swap-materials, smile and walk away. They knew that playtime (recess to you American readers) was for the kids, not for the teachers. Provided we didn't do anything obviously naughty, they left us to our own devices.

The obvious point is that just because employers can do that, doesn't mean they should. I could argue that it's different for employees than it is for potential employees because then, at least, that employee has an obligation to the company for which they work in that they don't do anything to put it or it's reputation in jeopardy. Yet, even then, Facebook snooping should only be utilized in the most necessary of circumstances: Suspected murder, pedophilia and the like. Otherwise, it should be off limits and for the nosy boss who can't resist, they should NOT be allowed to hold anything they read from the employee against them.

I suppose it's all debatable really. As always, I'm just stating my ranty opinion. There's always two sides to an argument. Still, for me, as long as I know I can hide behind a 'private' setting on Facebook, I'm only letting people I know 'friend me' on Facebook. I don't even do anything on there that I'm embarrassed to share... It's more just the point of the thing. Facebook is my play place and I shouldn't be afraid to be me on there in case someone holds it against me or decides that because I belong to Mario Batali's fan group, I'm a pig and I eat too much...

Overall, I guess what I'm trying to say is that Facebook allows people to judge unfairly based on how they utilize the website. It's easy to dismiss someone for the groups they belong to, for the jokes they share when, in truth, that may not affect the fact that they'd be a stellar employee and could reap great things for a company.

When we were kids, we used to do things like run around with our coats extended, pretending we were superheroes, flying around. Teachers just let us do it because it blew off steam. We needed that. We still need that. Sure, it's probably not smart to declare you hate lawyers and then become one but...so what if you do? Unless you have a Dexter-like habit of waiting in the shadows and taking them out one-by-one, does it really do any harm? Does it mean you're not a good lawyer because you don't like other lawyers?

I suppose it's all in the interpretation.

Thanks, as always, for reading.

Happy Wednesday.

Facebook and Attempts at Normalcy

Wow, it's already Monday again. It feels like I was just here, blogging away about looking forward to the weekend. It's amazing how time flies by when you're actually doing things you want to be doing...like on weekends.

It's not that I don't enjoy my job and that coming to work is a torture. In truth, I quite enjoy my job. I have a lot of different projects, I'm usually busy and the days go by quickly. Also, I like my coworkers which is a huge part of any job. It's a very good thing to like your coworkers, I mean, spending 40+ hours a week with them is quite a percentage of one's life and if you hate them, well, it just makes work difficult.

Yet there's something about weekends that makes you feel like you wish you could hold onto them and not let them go. I tend to be a little different at work than I am in my personal life; I mean, I never break out into a private dance party at my office the way I do at home. Well, not yet, anyway. Though I will say at my old job in California, there were nights when I was the last one in the building and my iPod and I would have a good old dance/flail around the top balcony of my office building. Very therapeutic. Also, tons of fun although occasionally I would boogie on down to the bathroom on the first floor and realize that though the windows to the building were tinted, there was a chance that people could see me and, well, it probably wouldn't do to have the Systems Analyst dancing around the building after hours.

I haven't started doing that at this job. I'm never the last one here. Also, I'm still trying to maintain some attempt at professionalism and normalcy. I don't want these people realizing exactly how strange I am. Although since the URL to this blog is posted on my Facebook page and I am friends with some of them on Facebook. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they realize that I am a wee bit quirky at times.

Yes, I am on Facebook. I used to be on Myspace but everyone slowly migrated over to Facebook and I decided that I, too, would give it a whirl. Wow, has that become a strange 'place' to be. I have a lot of friends. This is not to brag that I am popular because, I'm not. It's mostly to illustrate how much of a global monster Facebook has become. Through the wonder of facebook, I am now back in touch with my old friends from England, the ones I grew up with. My aunts and cousins are on Facebook and so I can keep tabs on what's going on with the British side of my family. The oddest thing is that a lot of people I went to high school with are on Facebook and they are my friends. They weren't really my friends in high school. Now I look back, I realize that when I was an insecure, shy little creature with low self-esteem in my high school days, I wasn't the only one. Back then, I truly thought that all the other kids in my class had their act together, that they really were as cocky and confident as they acted. Now, thanks to the wonders of television shows like "One Tree Hill" and "The O.C.", I see that all teenagers are neurotic messes and that most likely most of my high school peers were struggling as much as I was.

I'm just kidding about "One Tree Hill" and "The O.C." by the way. Any show that has twenty-something actors playing seventeen year olds can't be taken too seriously.

I'm not kidding about Facebook though. I actually do in enjoy it. It's a way of keeping in touch with friends, even when you don't have too much time. You can comment on their 'wall', a casual way of interacting, you can 'message' them which is to send them a real email message or you can 'poke' them which means you're letting them know you're still around and haven't forgotten them. There are a billion other things you can do via applications but most of the time I ignore these. There's only so many times you can have a stapler thrown at your head or be sent a virtual drink before you realize that you don't really want to install all the applications that you're invited to join. Still, I do enjoy reading the notes people put up there. Recently the "25 Randoms Things About Me" note was popular. Everyone posted 25 odd facts about themselves. I actually enjoy reading those; you get to know people that way and it's fun to realize that everyone's a weirdo.

I hear a lot about Twitter now, not quite so much about Facebook. I'm still not 100% sure what Twittering is or what it entails but I'm trying to resist it. I already have enough distractions with Facebook.

I'm rambling, yet again. However, being that it is a Monday morning, I hope you'll forgive me. My brain is always a little slow on Monday mornings. Actually...most mornings...but I'll try to do better tomorrow. As always, thanks for reading...

Happy Monday.