Falling Birds and Floating Fish...

Things are picking back up after the holidays, it seems. Today, people actually returned a few of my calls and replied to my emails. I take this as a sign that people are coming back to work both mentally and physically.

It’s unusual outside for this time of year. Normally, we have some form of ice or snow on the ground. On New Years’ Day it’s not unusual to have several inches already. This year on New Years’ Day, it started out as a 50 degree day. All the snow and ice melted and it seemed positively balmy. Since then, it’s got colder but it’s still snow/ice free out there.

It’s strange to look out into my backyard and see the yellowed, flattened grass which, prior to my leaving for my parents’ for the holidays, was covered with almost a foot of puppy-trodden snow. Now, the grass is completely clear although you can see the marks where I dug a path for the puppies as well as the paths they themselves made to burrow through the snow.

It’s strange especially as I know they had snow in Southern California yesterday and the day before. Now that’s an interesting thing. During my time there, it got cold. It got rainy but the only time I saw snow in L.A. was when I drove up to the mountains. You could see it glittering on top of the mountains from a distance but unless you drove up there, you didn’t actually feel the cold of snow. Thus, it’s weird to think that my friends in California are having weather that’s more like ours and we’re having weather that…is not like ours.

Of course, that’s not the only odd thing that’s happening. I’m currently intrigued by the state of Arkansas. According to the news, 5,000 birds literally fell out of the sky shortly before midnight on New Years Eve in Beebe, Arkansas. This was preceded by about 100,000 fish showing up dead in the Arkansas the day before only 125 miles away from Beebe. According to MSN, yesterday, another 500 birds fell from the sky just over 300 miles away from Beebe in Louisiana.

I don’t know about you but I’m intrigued. The scientific theory on the birds is that they had a mass trauma. Since it occurred before midnight on New Year’s Eve, scientists are stating that fireworks were being set off and this terrified the birds.

My question is this: Aren’t fireworks usually set off after midnight on New Years’ Eve? Also, what about the fish? That’s a lot of fish.

Naturally, with this kind of weirdness comes the non-scientific theories. The, uh, ‘crazies’ are declaring it as a sign of the apocalypse. Me, personally, I’ll wait for the four horsemen and the locusts to show up before I start worrying.

Seriously, more than anything, the writer in me is jumping up and down with her hands raised saying, “Let me try! Let me try!” and then my brain begins to come up with scenerios that could mystically cause the death of the birds. The easy solution is aliens. I hate aliens. I’m fed up of aliens. If something weird happens, after people start thinking it’s an apocalypse, the aliens are blamed next. It’s an easy way out.

Also, I find aliens a little boring. I mean if they were responsible for killing birds and fish, I find that a slightly dull thing to do to another planet. Granted, I suppose that’s better than any of the following scenerios which are cultivated by the Hollywood idea of aliens:

* They have no water on their planet. Thus they need ours.
* They come in peace to study us.
* They come to destroy us either in retaliation for something or because they’re aliens and according to Hollywood, they don’t really need a reason.
* Their planet is dying and they need ours.
* They’re bored.
* They like earth so they decide to take over it.
* They get stuck on earth because they’re spaceship abandoned them/broke down.

I’m sure there are plenty of other alien scenerios from Hollywood but those are the ones that come to mind.

I don’t want to think aliens are killing our birds and fish. I’d prefer to think of it as something more…exciting. Maybe the fish just had a suicide pact. Maybe theirs was a fish cult and they all drank the fish equivalent of Kool-aid because they were fed up of being bottom feeders (note: the fish were ‘drum fish’ which aren’t usually caught for food). Maybe the birds dropped out of the sky because they ran into a strange, invisible wall that only appears every 2011th New Years’ Eve. Or there was a skyquake which we didn’t feel because humans don’t have wings.

Who knows? My ideas are silly but it’s interesting when such phenomenon’s occur. They’re the kind of news stories that pique my interest because they’re not the normal depressing tales of murder, mayhem and tragedy that often bookend the news. They’re unusual. As a writer, they get my imagination flowing.

It’s just interesting that this is how the new year begins. I’m sure in a few short days, we’ll have someone who’s done the math based on either Nostradamus or Revelation and they will declare that 2011 is predicted as the end of the world. Then they’ll start infecting people who formerly were only a little paranoid and turn them into ‘crazies’ who start buying books called, “2011: YEAR OF THE APOCALYPSE.”

People fascinate me. Mass bird deaths and fish deaths fascinate me. I know this makes me slightly twisted and disturbed but, well, if you read my blog regularly, I make no apologies for that.

I’m going to be keeping an eye on the news. In the meantime, since I’m looking for story ideas, if anyone out there hears of any other interesting news stories (or “News of the Weird”, as it’s called), pass it along. I can always use ideas.

Oh, and if you spot four horseman riding by, let me know that too. Now that would REALLY make for an interesting story. If there’s time, of course.

Happy Wednesday!

Waiting for the Next Idea...

It’s always hard to go to work on a Monday but after over a week away from work, celebrating the holidays and generally being rather lazy, it’s extremely hard.

It didn’t help that it was a very quiet day at work. It was one of those days where people aren’t returning phone calls, everyone is feeling sluggish and not much gets done, even if you have the best intentions.

For me, it felt a little torturous sitting at my desk when, just yesterday, I’d been finishing up a week off by reading, doing puzzles and playing with the pups.

Now it’s time to get busy again. In my case, this means starting to brainstorm ideas for a new novel. I finished my sequel to The Reluctant Demon just about two weeks ago and while I’m editing it, I want to start something new that isn’t quite so frivolous and silly.
That’s a hard thing as a writer, especially because I’m the kind of writer that I am. I’ve tried techniques before of coming up with ideas by diagramming stories, using notecards…all of the things you read about in writing books.

However, now I’ve written ten novels, I’ve learned that the only thing that works for me is for me to sit down and just…write. All I need is a glimmer of an idea and then to create a character who ‘speaks’ to me and thus, a novel is born.

I’m just waiting for that glimmer.

The problem is, I want my next novel to be good. This is not to say that my past efforts have not been good because I know most of them are, at least, very decent. I mean to say that I want the next book to be really good- the type of book that means something to people.

That’s a lot of pressure. I wonder if when some of the great writers of the past sat down to start a book, they intended their novel to be studied and read for generations to come.

Of course, I’m not sure that’s the type of good I’m looking for. Mostly, I want the type of good that, when I write, I can’t wait to get back to it, to see where my character is going to go and what will happen to him or her. My last books were fun. They were great ways for me to use my imagination and envision what a view of Hell would be like from someone who was only there to rescue her demon lover.

So, I’m beginning my New Year by trying to come up with new ideas. Now the holidays are behind us, it’s time to focus on the path ahead. For me, this means writing. This past year was my slowest as far as writing went. Usually I finish two books in a year or, at least, finish one and get another one halfway done. Last year, I only wrote one. Granted, I published one as well but as far as the writing process went, I allowed myself to be lazy and procrastinate. I could blame my procrastination on a number of things. For most of the year, I was in a job which I increasingly hated with each passing day. I finally did something about it in October. Now I have a job I enjoy that I find rewarding. I also adopted two puppies. They’re not as much puppies anymore as they are dogs. They just turned a year old on December 28th. I had to buy them dog biscuits as opposed to the puppy ones. That was hard because it was a concrete reminder of how things don’t stay the same.

I still think of them as puppies though. They still act like puppies and I have a feeling that, in my eyes, they’ll always be puppies. They’re more self-sufficient now than they were a few months ago but they’re still available for cuddles and love whenever I need it. At the moment, poor Rory has an ear infection so she’s needing a little more babying than usual.

Aside from puppies and work, my slump in writing can be blamed simply on me being trapped in my own head. I’m my own worst enemy- I get down on myself and start believing that I’m useless and a fraud. This year, I’m vowing to not let those thoughts overrule me. Instead, I’ll look at what I’ve accomplished and simply be happy that even if my wildest dreams have not and might not be met, it’s still ok to be happy with what I do and what I’ve done.
I suppose you could consider this a New Year’s resolution though I’m not so sure I want to call it that. It’s ok to make resolutions but I think that we shouldn’t use the New Year as an excuse to do so. Instead, we should make them when we realize we need to change regardless of the calendar date. Still, I can’t help but use the new year as a reason to try to improve. It’s a convenient starting point.

I’m excited to see what the New Year brings. Even if it does mean it’s time to get back to work.

Happy Tuesday!

New Year Reflections....

It's officially the last day of 2009. I write this from my parent's house where I arrived last night amidst a snowfall that left the ground white and sparkling this morning.




The end of a year/beginning of a new one is a time of reflection. Last year's was tainted with the loss of a friend. This year has been kinder in that regard and, in all honesty, it's not been a bad year. I managed to buy a house this year. It's something I always planned on doing. Now I own one and still, five months after moving in, I'm still amazed that it's really mine. I love looking out of the window at my garden and planning what to plant next year. I enjoy finding ways to make the decorating look a little more like 'me'. It's slow but it's happening.

Also, despite being dissatisfied with my job, I did manage to keep being employed even though, for a while, it seemed like that wasn't going to happen. There's nothing more unnerving than planning a cross-country move for a job and then, two days before you're due to drive out, you find out that the company that hired you is being sold. I chose to come anyway since I was told I still had a jub but I managed to walk into one of the most uncomfortable situations I've ever been involved in. It was six months of painful worrying about whether anyone would buy us or, as we feared most, we'd be bought by a competitor who would then shut us down. It meant for the six months of uncertainty, everyone was preoccupied. The boss who hired me mentally checked out which means my training was non-existent and I had to teach myself how to do a job which, in all honesty, had never really been defined. When we were bought in March by our 'sister' company, I was kept on, as were all the other staff. I had a new boss. I was happy at first and I'm still immensely grateful that I got to keep my job. This is why I feel ungrateful complaining. Yet, my first boss didn't care enough to even help me figure out what I was doing and my current boss has no idea what to do with me even though I've tried telling him.

On the job front, it's been a weird year. It's strange to feel grateful but feel so frustrated at the same time. I want to be pleased my company keeps me employed but there's a large part of me that wants to run away instead of going in the building everyday. I used to have a job where I meant something, where people needed me to do my job; these days, I feel like I'm just a spacefiller who could be replaced by anyone at anytime.



Nevertheless, it's a new year which, means, for me, it's a time to reassess my life. I've done that a little already. I've questioned my decision to not follow a career path as much as just find a job that makes time for me to write my novels. I see my sister excelling in her path to become a nurse and I wonder if I made the right choice. When she's done with school, she'll be a nurse. That's a career. Me...I'm a floater. My vague description is that I work with software but, over the years, it's been a store clerk, legal secretary, part-time reporter, receptionist, administrative assistant, video editor, theatre stage manager...you get the idea. For me, my career has really always been writing. I just don't get paid for it. Say that to another writer and they nod sagely. Say that to someone like my father who needs labels and evidence and monetary proof and I get a lecture on why I should straighten up and be sensible. I'm not angry with my father about it; I'm used to it. To me, my job pays the bills, my writing gives me passion. I'd love to marry the two and get paid to write and, someday, I will. For now, all I want is to enjoy my day job to the point where I'm not going home and trying to shake off the frustration I feel at work. I've had it before, I'll have it again.



I can't say I've really made any New Year's resolutions officially. I'm not sure I ever do. Sometimes, I think we shouldn't need the excuse of a new year to change. However, it is a convenient start point and so, for me, I'm going to focus on trying to fix the things in my life that I'm not happy with and not let everything get me down so much. That's pretty much the only resolution I've made at this point. I'll probably try exercising and being healthier but, well, I got Mario Batali's cookbook for Christmas and being healthy isn't necessarily going to be convenient there. Perhaps I'll try to find a balance.

No matter what the New Year holds, I hope it's a good one for all of you. May your resolutions hold and your dreams come true.

Happy New Year!

The Anticlimatic Nature of the New Year

This time of year is strange. Two weeks ago, I was rejoicing that it was almost Christmas. We were still buying decorations and gifts at full-price, wrapping them, running around doing last minute shopping, baking....all the warm traditions that go along with Christmas week.

Now, those same decorations that made us feel warm and cosy now seem tired and almost redundant. The stores are selling their Christmas merchandise at 50-75% off. It's a great deal and next year, the bargains will seem purposeful and smart. It is hard, however, to get motivated to go browse the Christmas clearance section. The further behind us Christmas gets, the harder it is to browse. It doesn't help that everything is thrown into one aisle that is crammed with people, fighting to buy that packet of icicles for next years tree that is now only 25 cents.

My tree is still up though I'll take it down tomorrow. As I've mentioned, as is often a tradition in the UK, my family keeps their tree up for the twelve days following Christmas- through Epiphany on January sixth.

What is it about Christmas that seems so exciting until it's passed and then it just seems tired? It's not as though there's much waiting after New Years. January, February and March are the longest months of the year. Here in the Midwest, they're dreary months, full of unpredictable weather, darkness, dampness and grey. Even for people like me who loves snow, they're hard months to get through. Spring is not certain until April when it starts to approach timidly at first and then as May approaches, it's in full swing, even though there is still a chance of a rare snowfall.

It's the next few months that are the hard ones. I always thought it odd that New Years was at the start of the these months. I know it's all based on a calendar but it would be so much more interesting if the New Year began in the spring, the renewal of the earth visible in the little green shoots that quickly become daffodils, tulips, hyanciths and daisies. Instead, we ring in the new year and then....nothing. Months of winter lie ahead, those green shoots just hopes, hibernating in the earth until the snows begin to melt and the earth is newly green again.

I suppose in other parts of the world, New Year isn't in Winter. I should probably take that into account. However, I don't live in the other hemisphere and honestly, couldn't image celebrating Christmas in the middle of summer. That would be strange. It was strange enough living on the west coast and having the days building up to Christmas be 70 degrees and sunny.

Don't get me wrong. I still love Winter. I'm one of the weirdos who doesn't mind a spot of bad weather provided my love ones are safe and not driving the treacherous roads. I like nothing better than a snow day, burrowing down with a mug of hot chocolate, a jigsaw slowly in progress on the table, a stack of books taunting me, trying to get me to choose which one to get lost in as I enjoy the fact that I'm a prisoner of the weather.

Yet I still think that it's odd that we ring in the New Year and then....that's it. We all go back to work. We make and try to keep resolutions and that's pretty much it. It feels as though we should have another big holiday in February, something to get us through that month that may be the shortest on the calendar but can sometimes be the darkest, hardest to get through month of the year.

Then again, maybe Spring wouldn't be so welcomed if we didn't have the bleak period of nothingness before it arrived.

Either way, it's something to think about. I'll take down my tree tomorrow and try to find something to replace the emptyness that the room now presents. Maybe I should put my new exercise bike there. I made a resolution to get in better shape. I figured if I go with an exercise bike, i can watch TV while using it. I can be an energetic couch potato instead of a hippo-like one instead.

Whatever your resolutions may be, if you made any at all, I hope 2009 is a good year for you all, whatever it may bring.

Happy Monday.

Happy New Year!

It's New Year's Eve. I feel as though I should write a deep and meaningful blog, a reflection of this past year. Or I should give my best and worst for the year as other bloggers seem to be doing. There's nothing wrong with that. Ok, so I don't often agree with the choice for the best of 2008 but then again, once I find something I like, whether it be music or not, it becomes my 'best', regardless of what year it's from. For example, if asked what the best album of 2008 is, I would say "Green Day: American Idiot." Ok, so it was released in 2004 but it's still the album I listen to most and since nothing really came out that made me drop this from my 'best' list, then it's still the best.

So, that's why I won't do a Captain Monkeypants 'Best of 2008' list. Because my 2008 is your 2004 or 2005. And once something's the best, it's hard to top that.

Instead, I'll do what I seem to do best...ramble for a while.

New Years Eve has never been a hugely momentous event in my life. Many of my years have been spent quietly at home with my parents, drinking Baileys, occasionally champagne and turning off a movie to watch the ball drop. This may read like I'm pathetic. Perhaps I am. Yet the thing is, I adore my parents. They love me unconditionally and they're always there for me. I know the trendy thing to do is go to a party and kiss someone at midnight but if I don't have anyone I want to kiss at midnight, well, then a quiet evening in with my parents is actually a rather nice alternative.

Ok, so there have been times when there's someone I wish would kiss me at midnight but I've never been much of a romantic heroine and it never happens.

The odd occasion where I've been away from home for New Years have been interesting. One year, I had to go back to school early and my roommate and I tried to go to a New Years Eve party but by the time it was 11 p.m., almost the entire body of the party was either drunk or stoned. It was clear that the seeing in of the New Year wasn't going to happen unless the host of the party stopped throwing up enough to remember what night it was so we slipped out the back door, went home, grabbed a bottle of strawberry wine and went and watched the Midnight fireworks dance over the Ohio river. I have to say, that was a nice way to see in the New Year.

Another year, I was in Pasadena, crammed like a sardine into my friend's living room. That was a fun night. It was a houseful of people, all just relaxing. It was freezing and it was hard to stay warm. We crammed around a little fireplace, warming ourselves enough to go outside. We all planned on seeing in the New Year, watching the Stealth Bomber fly over in the morning, signaling the start of the Rose Parade.

Well, we did see in the New Year. Yet we all managed to sleep until we heard the bomber flying overhead. By the time we all sprinted outside, we'd missed it. We managed to wander up to watch the Rose Parade, a truly amazing spectacle. I don't think watching it on TV does it justice; the sight of a million flowers, wound into patterns, designs, ornaments, adornments....it's truly something to watch live.

Tonight, I've been invited to a party. I was excited to go to a real one. Unfortunately, though, my return to the Midwest from the moderate temperature of L.A. is playing havoc on my immune system and I'm coughing and sneezing and feeling generally unlike imbibing and infecting others with my germs. I may try to go but it may end up being a quiet New Year's after all. It honestly doesn't matter. To me, it's not what you're doing on New Year's Eve that matters but it's how you pass the following year that does.

2008 has been a strange year. It's been a year of loss, change, old and new experiences. It's been a year when I've learned that friends can also be family, that dreams don't die, they just strengthen and grow stronger. It's been a year when I've learned that the important things don't have to be huge, they can be tiny and still mean just as much.

I don't know if I have resolutions for the new year that I don't make every day. It's something to think about, I guess. The year starts anew and we're supposed to also but do we, really? Do we really become better people tomorrow because the year has started over? Do our slates really clean and give us a new chance?

What does the turning of a year offer us that we wouldn't have on any other tomorrow? It's all symbolic, that I know. Yet maybe there is something in the closing of the year that does make everything feel fresh, feel new. Maybe there is a reason to resolve to do things better, to try harder, to reach harder and grab tighter to the dreams we have in our hearts and minds.

Whether I celebrate as a group or I see the New Year in alone, it really makes no difference, I suppose. It will happen, regardless of what I'm doing. My friends in the UK will be in 2009 five hours before I am, my friends in California, three hours after. It's a strange time when midnight hits on New Years: time travel is actually possible. I like that aspect, it's exciting.

I suppose I should think about New Years Resolutions. Perhaps I should resolve to not be so mean about Stephanie Meyer. Although, since it's still 2008, I can safely say the WORST book of the year is definitely Breaking Dawn without breaking that resolution. I'll work on the rest.

In the meantime, no matter what you end up doing or who you end up with, I wish you all a happy and prosperous new year. Here's to 2009, a year of hope and newness.

-CM 12-31-08