The Limit of Zombies and Other Musings...

Today, it is Tuesday. This is significant because it means it is NOT Monday. Also, Tuesdays are always much kinder than Mondays.

My Tuesday began with a dream about zombies. It was a rather alarming dream in which I discovered that not only was there a zombie apocalypse out there but, also, I had been volunteered to join the fighters who were going to take them on. This lead to a rather alarming reunion with virtually every human being who’s played a role in my life that turned into a dance party. This, of course, was penetrated by the zombies and when I escaped to safety with all of the people I knew, it turned out we were actually already dead and we were to walk into the light together.

I blame this dream on a) my catching up on AMC’s “The Walking Dead” TV show. It has sat on my DVR for months. I’m finally watching it. It’s true zombie glory. If you like zombies. I do. I also blame it on b) the TV show “Lost” because at the end of “Lost”, the cast finds out they’re all dead and walks into the light.

I probably should have done the courteous ***SPOILER ALERT*** on the above paragraph just in case you haven’t seen “Lost” in its entirety yet and I’ve just ruined it. Yet, mean as it sounds, if you haven’t and still don’t want to be spoiled almost a YEAR after it aired, that’s not my problem. Also, it’s nothing that won’t have been spoiled by every entertainment magazine/website/blog out there.

Besides, I was talking about my dream which was an amalgamation of two TV shows as well as my own bizarrely twisted imagination. If you throw in the fact that the character of Bailey from “Grey’s Anatomy” was also in my dream and she joined us in the afterworld because she was killed by zombies while performing surgery, it’s an amalgamation of THREE TV shows. This goes to show a few things- a) How impressed you are that I used the word amalgamation without having to reach for a thesaurus to do so, (Ok, fine, I thought not), b) I let TV seep a little too much into my subconscious and c) even when you’re dreaming, thinking you and everyone you love is dead is a little scary.

By the way, I refuse to acknowledge that perhaps it also means I watch too much TV. I’d like to think I have a nice healthy balance of TV shows. On a week with no reruns, it’s probably six hours a week. Maybe seven if I watch the “Graham Norton Show” on BBC America on a Saturday evening. Given that each show has adverts and runs at approximately 42 minutes per show, even with Graham Norton, this means I really only watch 4.9 hours of TV. Really, in the grand scheme of things, that isn’t really very much when you consider how much I could be watching. Yes, I’m defensive. Also, I love TV, so there.

One more thing, Food Network doesn’t count as TV time. Now, if Bobby Flay had been one of the zombies in my dream or Mario Batali had his brain eating by a pack of zombies then you might argue that my TV time should be curtailed a little.

I digress. The fact is, I dreamed I was dead this morning. Being dead in a dream is fascinating because one part of you knows it’s a dream and the other is slightly freaked out when you wake up that you might actually be dead. Even when you awaken to the weight of a small dachshund sitting on your head and waiting to start licking your nose as soon as your eyes open, there’s still a slight moment of disorientation as to whether you’re still in the dream or not and are, in fact, still dead in the dream.

I’m glad I wasn’t really dead. Also, I’m glad that all my friends/family/acquaintances who moved on into the light with me in my dream are also not dead. That would be weird. Also, it would mean I was on a first name basis with Bailey from “Grey’s Anatomy” and considering she’s a fictional character, that would be rather peculiar and unrealistic.

Then there are the zombies. I’ve had a lot of dreams about zombies lately. This is actually what triggered me to actually watch “The Walking Dead” because I had a dream about zombies.

I like zombies. I like “The Walking Dead”. I think, however, it’s time to move onto another horror-creature that’s a little…less limited.

The thing with zombies is they really don’t do much but lurch and shuffle, look disgusting and eat brains, flesh or body parts. Sometimes, they grunt “BRAINS” a lot. Sometimes, they’re created by a virus. Sometimes they’re created by a supernatural occurrence. Sometimes, they’re just…created with no explanation given. Yet, really, there’s not much you can do with a zombie. They try to kill the non-zombie-still-humans. The non-zombie-still-humans form little groups to try to destroy the zombies. Yet, ultimately, when the world has experienced a zombie apocalypse, what’s the end result going to be, really? It’s the population of the world as zombies against a rag-tag bunch of survivors. Procreation can only do so much.

At least with werewolves and vampires, there’s still a human tie. They can think and feel and thus, have personalities. Granted, this is not always the case (see: Twilight) but the potential is there. Not so much with a zombie. If a zombie did have a personality, he probably wouldn’t be a zombie, would he? Because if zombies become reasoning, thinking things that live in a somewhat civilized manner, we’d call them a vampire. We already have a genre for that.

You might wonder why I’ve just spent 15 minutes randomly musing about dreams and zombies. The fact is…I have absolutely no idea. It’s Fat/Shrove Tuesday today (aka: Mardi Gras); I probably should have written about that or something else more meaningful.

Still, for today, you get one of my more random blogs. Feel free to chime in on your own thoughts about zombies. I’m happy to entertain the possibility that I’m wrong and they’re not nearly as limited as I think.

Besides, it might even mean another dream about zombies which you’ll get to hear about. Aren’t you lucky?

Thanks, as always for reading!

Happy Fat/Shrove Tuesday, happy Mardi Gras and watch out for those zombies (although it might be hard if you’re going to a true Mardi Gras celebration!)

Food Musings

Have you ever noticed when you can’t have something, it’s all you seem to want in the world?

In my case, at the moment, it’s bad food. Since the new year, I’ve been working on being healthy and trying to lose a little weight. Since I’ve finally had to acknowledge that the days of having a super fast metabolism that lets me eat pizza with French fries and cheese sauce for lunch and not gain an ounce are gone, I now have to watch what I eat.

Also, now I’ve learned the glorious ways of The Food Network and what it is to really cook, I confess that I cringe at the idea of pizza and French fries with cheese sauce. Separate, they’re ok. Together?...What was I thinking???!

Still, food is different in our youth, I think. Unless you’re born knowing that you love food and want to spend your life cooking it and appreciating it, food is a learning process. This is why, as a child, I preferred things like fishfingers and chips and frozen pizza over more exotic things like, say, beef casserole or meat pie. I think there are two types of children: The picky eaters and those that will eat everything. My nephew who will be eight this year is a picky eater. He eats Oscar Meyer Weiners, cheese puffs, cheese and a few other very select things. My niece, on the other hand, will eat almost anything.

I was a picky eater. I didn’t like very many things at all. I wouldn’t eat mashed potatoes. I didn’t like ‘gravy’ dinners. I didn’t like anything remotely different so Chinese food was out. I used to think lasagna smelled like vomit. You get the idea.

I stayed a picky eater all through high school. I remember in my last years of high school, I went on dates to exotic places like The Olive Garden (don’t mock- in high school in Indiana, that is exotic). I would order fettucine alfredo because it was ‘safe’. There was no scary tomato sauce or meat or weird vegetables in it, it was simple.

Then, in college, something changed. I hung out with a group of friends that liked Chinese food and Mexican and seafood. Our dining hall offered things to eat I’d never tried and since it was ‘all you can eat’, I started to try new things.

From then onwards, I was no longer a picky eater. I don’t even know the moment of revelation where I realized that I was now eating ‘different’ food. It just happened. I don’t know if it’s because, in college, I was always hungry because I was quite active and busy or because I was just exposed to more. It’s hard to say but I do know that that time period in my life changed my food habits.

Of course, college is also the time when it’s ok to eat junk food. It’s ok to have pizza several times a week or to eat an entire bag of Doritos and wash it down with Mountain Dew while you’re studying. It’s ok to run to the express area on campus and grab a Pizza Hut personal pan pizza and a bag of barbecue potato chips for lunch. There’s no one standing next to you saying, “Where are your veggies?” My eating habits weren’t that unhealthy though. I liked veggies and fruit so even with the junk food, I still got some nutrition in there.

But, even with the occasional injection of healthy eating, my college years were filled with the food that belongs to the young: pizza, hamburgers, tacos, Doritos, etc. This is not to say that older people don’t eat those foods but hopefully you know what I mean.

Nowadays, I don’t eat like that. It’s partly because I can’t eat like that and partly because I don’t want to eat like that. Now that I cook and like to expand my horizons as to my cooking techniques and habits, food is no longer just something I have to eat to keep going or because my stomach is rumbling. Food has become a pleasure to both eat and to cook. I’ll never be a chef because the idea of working in a kitchen being screamed at by a Gordon Ramsey wannabe makes me cringe but I do love to cook. It’s become one of the ways I unwind. I write. I read. I watch TV. I cook. These are the simple things in life that make me happy.

I like to buy things like fish spatulas and ricers. I will treat myself to a new Calphalon pan rather than a new pair of shoes. I will appreciate things like Maldon sea salt and Spanish sweet smoked paprika because they really do make food taste better.

Now, for me, the hard part is trying to balance my love of cooking and flavour with trying to lose some of the extra weight that the holidays and indulging in too much bad food have helped me gain. It’s not that hard, really. I tend to cook a lot of vegetables and vegetable based dishes anyway so as long as I’m in control of the food that I eat on a daily basis, it’s not hard to stay within my calorie/fat range for the day and still try to lose a little weight.

The hard part is that the minute I know that I can’t have something, I suddenly think I want it. Chocolate, for example. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth. On occasion, there are times when I want chocolate more than anything but that’s not too often. So, when I plan to watch what I eat, it’s automatic that chocolate won’t figure in because I don’t eat much of it anyway.
So, of course, what happens? Yes…all I can think about is chocolate whether it’s those yummy Lindor Truffles (the red ones) with the melty milk goodness in the middle or a rich bite of Cadburys with it’s singular sweet flavour.

It’s not just chocolate. It’s things like bacon. I love bacon. Bacon is the meat that will always prevent me from being a vegetarian. Sometimes, you just need bacon. When you’re trying to eat healthy, bacon is not a huge part of your life. Sure, you can substitute turkey bacon but unless your taste buds are lifeless and dead, it’s NOT the same, regardless of what JennyO might say.

There are other things too: French fries, pizza and salty potato chips. I try not to eat them. It’s hard when suddenly your brain fixates on the idea of McDonald’s fries and you can almost smell them or, worse, you go downstairs at lunch and the lobby smells like fries.
It seems that the more I try to resist, the more my brain says, “oooh, go on! You deserve it!”

Sometimes I do. I’m not being so healthy that I’m denying myself everything. Complete denial leads to binges. It’s just that I have to balance the bad with the good so I have to ‘plan’ for the indulgences. If I want French fries for lunch, then I will have a salad with light dressing for dinner. That’s how it goes. It’s working out well so far. I just need to get my brain to cooperate with me a little more and try to get it to convince me that baby carrots ARE just as good a snack as potato chips (though I still think the TV ads that are promoting them that way really need to face reality- they are NOT the same) or that apples with honey are a much better TV snack than salt and vinegar potato chips.

It’s an ongoing process. It’s just interesting because before I was watching my food intake quite so much, I never craved bad food as much when I actually let myself have it often. I suppose it’s true: We always want what we can’t have.

Even though every now and again, it’s ok to cheat…just a little. Life’s more fun that way.

Happy Wednesday!

The Reality of Being a Foodie...

I think Spring is actually here now. Today, the temperature warmed up again and it's only going to get warmer. I think this is really going to force me to have to remember which of my giant tupperware-like storage containers holds my Spring/Summer clothes. Of course, this is all assuming that my clothes will still fit. Given my obsession with the Food Network and my devotion to Mario Batali and his highly caloric though delicious recipes, I might have an issue there.

Weight is a funny thing. I was a skinny little thing through most of my life until I got to about age twenty-seven. Then I realized that being skinny was starting to take work. Now, some years later, it's definitely taking work. I'm no longer skinny. I'm not overweight, not by all those Body Mass Index thingies they insist on having you participate in at health fairs. Still, I know, compared to the Captain Monkeypants of ten years ago, I'm no longer skinny.

I go back and forth on that. I see friends and coworkers who are gung-ho for Weight Watchers. They count their points. They exercise. They deny themselves of all things tasty and truly delicious, replacing them with low/no-fat substitutes that try to convince us taste exactly the same as the naughty versions but, in reality, taste almost like nothing.

Quite frequently, at work, I'm pouring a cup of coffee in the kitchen and a coworker will come in to make toast. They use that healthy bread that's low in calories. Then they spray it with some generic "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" type of spray. Then they leave, excited to eat their breakfast.

I think it's the 'non-butter' spray that gets me. That's not butter. It's a sprayable form of margarine. Butter's bad qualities are saturated fat and cholesterol. Margarine's bad qualities are trans fat.

Also, in the Butter vs. Margarine battle...well, honestly, have you ever had a good slice of toast with butter and then tried one with margarine? If not, try it. You'll realize that while margarine might be more Weight Watcher's friendly, in some ways, there's no comparison, namely...taste.

I suppose I do admire those Weight Watchers who actually do keep track of their points and their trips to the gym. I've tried it. I like my yoga but, currently, trying to do yoga with two puppies running around is pretty much a complete loss. If I tried to do a downward-facing-dog, I'd have an upward-facing-puppy trying to lick my nose nip at my trousers. I could crate them but I'd have a cacaphony of puppy-whining to accompany my 'relaxing yoga music'. When they're older, it'll be easier. In the meantime, given that I crate the puppies for 8 hours, total, a day (with a one hour break for lunch), I can't deny them their evening freedom.

So I think what I'm trying to say is that...I'm not a Weight Watcher. I can't be. I like food too much. If I was on Weight Watchers, I'd be forbidden from going to Jungle Jim's and trying all the delicious things I see on Iron Chef America and want to try for myself. Cooking is so much more fun when you don't have to really substitute for calories. It's far less limited to have everything on hand for which a recipe calls and then not have to read the labels to see if it's ok to use the ingredient to meet a diet.

I'm not saying I'm being a glutton but if a recipe calls for bacon, I tend to use...bacon. I've tried the turkey stuff and, well, it's not bad but it's not bacon. If it was, it wouldn't be called TURKEY-bacon. It's hard to substitue a recipe and have it taste as good. Take, for example, Mr. Batali's recipe for Fettucini Alfredo. His version has four ingredients: Egg noodle fettucini pasta, parmagiano reggiano cheese, butter and water from the boiled pasta. Oh, and salt and pepper to season. It's simple. It's absolutely delicious. It's not as healthy as a Lean Cusine meal, that's for sure. Yet if you try to substitute any of the ingredients...it's not the same dish, no matter how optimistic you are. You can replace the pasta with whole wheat noodles, the butter with margarine and the cheese, well, you could try to replace it with any low-fat cheese you find, even that bagged "parmesan" that you get in the pre-shredded cheese section. When you try...you get...pasta and cheese. It's not Fettucini Alfredo anymore. It's...something else.

I think that's the reason I'm getting heavier and can't necessarily fit into those thinner-person clothes I own. I've learned that for pure taste, there's no substition. You can cut corners in some places but when it comes down to it, taste is the best part of any meal.

Still, just like any normal woman, I admit, I'd like to do something about that excess weight that arrived somewhere between the last of the summer salads and the end of the winter comfort food. I may try to work in some exercise time at work. I'd like to be able to wear some of my older clothes even if I know that some of them will never fit me again.

I think, though, what it really comes down to is self-perception. Isn't that always what it comes down to, when we really look at it? Several years ago, the skinny Captain Monkeypants prided herself on being healthy and being able to avoid sweets. Now, in present time, Captain Monkeypants still exhibits good self-control over sweets and temptations but...she's learned to cook. Not only has she learned to cook but she's learned to cook from chefs who would smack her with a wet towel if they heard her considering to substitute margarine for butter. Stupid Food Network.

I suppose when I try on some of my Spring wardrobe, I may decide that drastic dieting and exercise are in my future. Yet, knowing me, I may try it for a week and then realize that I can't do it. The way I look at it is that while I might have gone up a size in clothing, it's not a hard size to find. I can still find clothes on sale in my size without too much bother.

I think most importantly, I just need to ask myself if I'm ok not being a skinny little rake and, instead, being a more realistic woman with curves, a little too much celluite and a taste for real butter.

As much as the fashion magazines encourage me to be a rake, there's a reason that I don't subscribe to any of them and, instead, subscibe to Food Network Magazine: It's much easier to cook a meal from a recipe in Food Network magazine than it is to try to look like a fashion model. Also, it means I can eat without calculation or having to do maths of any kind.

Of course, when I try on my Spring wardrobe, I might just change my mind.

I'll keep you posted.

Happy Wednesday!

Whirlwind Weekends....

This was one of those weekends that just flew by. I don't even know where the time went. I don't even feel like I did that much but somehow I manage to eat up two days of time without really knowing where they went.

Now it's back to work tomorrow to begin another week. Things at work haven't been too terribly lately. I can't say I'm dancing through the daisies as though I were in the Sound of Music but, for the most part, I haven't visualized using my yoga strap for anything other than relaxing.

And I did have a good weekend even if it flew by too quickly. I managed to get my book formatted and uploaded and a cover designed- front, back and spine- so that it can start being sold on Amazon.com. It's funny, a few books ago, I was very against self-publishing. It always has such a stigma attached to it- an idea that "You can't get published and the only choice you have is to do it yourself."

That's how I felt up until a couple of months ago. Then I wrote The Reluctant Demon. It's the first mainstream book I've really written. It's humourous. It has a female protagonist. I hate to sound arrogant but I'm pretty sure it's written well. And to top it all off, it's a timely subject: A woman falls in love with a supernatural creature. Ok, so, right now, the craze is still vampires but demons aren't that far off....just watch a few episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I still couldn't get an agent to give me the time of day.

I think in my mind, the power has shifted. A few years ago, writers were reliant on agents and publishing companies. Now, the publishing industry is faltering- the small companies have been swallowed by the bigger companies and there's really not many places for new, unpublished writers to go.

So, now, instead of feeling like I'm selling out by publishing myself, I can't help but feel this rush of power. It's in my hands. Granted, I won't have the media campaigns that the popular novels get but it means I can get people to read my stuff. And, in truth, that's all I want. I don't want the money...I just want to be read. I think, at heart, that's what most of us writers want.

I suppose that means I had a good, productive weekend, even if it did fly by. I also got to go to Jungle Jim's which, as you probably know if you read this regularly, always makes a day better. This time, I absolutely, positively have to laud Jungle Jim's. They made my insane obsessive Foodie dreams come true: They had fresh quail eggs.

I know, I know, this may not seem like a huge deal but as I mentioned a few blogs ago, quail eggs had become a quest. I see them on the Food Network all the time and all I wanted to do was try them. Jungle Jim's carries them in a canned form but not in the fresh, bespeckled beauty I always see on TV. In all my trips to Jungle Jim's, I've never found them fresh. And then, when I least expected it, as I was leaving the produce section to move on to the international aisles, there they were, right next to the balut eggs.

As a side note, they usually don't have balut, either. It's one of those, uh, delicacies that has always fascinated me, rather like seeing the sheeps, cow and pigs heads they often carry at Jungle Jim's. For those of you that don't know, balut is a fertilized duck (or chicken) egg with a nearly-developed embryo inside that is boiled and eaten in the shell. It's very popular in the Phillippines. I've never been able to bring myself to try one though I have watched my Filipino friends eat them. I think if I'd been brought up to eat them, it wouldn't bother me but, well, I wasn't and my British palate isn't quite brave enough to try them. If you can't quite comprehend why this might be a little, um, un-palatable, just Google it to look for pictures. You might get it then.

Even if I wasn't about to buy any, I was impressed that Jungle Jim's had some in stock.

Not as impressed as the quail eggs though. I snatched a package up- gently, of course. I confess, I, um, sort of hugged them a little in my excited. Then, as I walked around the rest of the store, I kept my hand on them to a) keep them safe so they didn't get broken in transit and b) to make sure no one stole them. Since they had a plethora of them, I'm quite sure that no one would have stole them but in my haze of excitement at actually finding them, I wasn't about to take any chances.

Also, they had my cipollini onions that I haven't been able to find. Fresh, small, cipollini onions....I think it's safe to say, Jungle Jim's is the best grocery store...ever. As of this moment, there's no longer anything I've seen on the Food Network that I haven't been able to find at Jungle Jim's.

It's odd the things that make a weekend good....quail eggs, self-publishing and a long, leisurely walk around a grocery store. I suppose it's good when the small things in life can make me happy.

Or they make me weird....or, at least, odd....Nevertheless, I cooked my first quail eggs today....

Delicious.

Happy Monday!

Stuck in the Middle of the Pile...

It's come to my attention that I am what I've started to refer to as a "Middling." I'm not rich and I'm not poor....I'm in the middle. I'm usually in the middle when it comes to most things.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing; I'm very fortunate when I think about the people who don't have what I have: A job, a house, a family, security....the list can go on.

It's just that being a middling, you tend to get passed over for almost everything.

Take, for example, the show I watched tonight. I've been DVR'ing "The Worst Cooks in America" and I finally watched the first episode. The show takes twelve of the worst cooks in America and will put them through a ten-day boot camp where they get to learn how to cook from Anne Burrell (who, by the way, was Mario Batali's sous chef on Iron Chef America") and Beau MacMillen who....well, I'm not sure who he is but he sounds like he's from Boston.

Now, while I'm sure these people are the worst cooks in America because based on their sample dish, they certainly don't seem to know how to cook but...well...there's a little voice in my head saying, 'hey, that's not fair!'.

I'm ashamed to admit I hear that voice more often than I'd like. These people get to learn from professional chefs and have the chance to win $25,000 because they are terrible cooks.

On the flip-side, there are the shows like Chopped, Top Chef and The Next Food Network Star that reward the best cooks, professional chefs who want the chance to move further in their career. I salute the contestants on these shows but they're picked because they're professionals.

So, you have shows for the best and shows for the worst. What about us humble cooks who'd like the chance to compete, to win money because we can cook, we just haven't been to culinary school?

I know...I'm whining. Yet I can't help but get frustrated when I see shows like Clean House on the HGTV network that reward people for being huge, giant slobs by having professionals go in, clean their house and buy them all new stuff. Or shows like "What Not to Wear," that give terrible dressers $5000 to improve their wardrobe.

I'd like $5,000 to improve my wardrobe. Unfortunately, with the exception of the giant gold blob incident, for the most part, I'm a safe dresser. I know what works for me and I stick with that. My biggest wardrobe crime is that I'm boring. I'd like to be more daring but, unfortunately, no one has give me $5,000 to try being more daring with my wardrobe.

I'm not begrudging people who really deserve it but once in a while, I feel like I want to quote Ben Linus from Lost and just say, "What about ME????"

But I'm a Middling like so many other people I know. I make too much to be poor but not enough to have enough money to be frivoulous. We slip through the cracks because we're not worthy of aid or help. I looked into going back to school and filled out a financial aid form. I got it back to discover I'm not eligible because I have a full-time job. Which is true except I need the full time job to pay my mortgage, pay my bills and support myself. There's nothing left for school. Since I'm still paying off my undergrad loans even though I graduated 12 years ago, there's no way I can take on more loans.

So, I won't be going back to school. It's not that I had my heart set on it but I would like the chance to actually think about it and at the moment, it's just not financially possible. On the other hand, my brother and sister-in-law who are both unemployed and have three children are both going to a private university and not having to pay anything.

I can't begrudge my brother that. He was laid off and I'm proud he's trying to get an education. He's lacking direction and I hope he can find it.

I do admit, I'm a little bitter. The devil on my shoulder whispers in my ear that I work and pay taxes while they don't work and therefore don't pay taxes. Yet somehow they get to go to school for free and live off government aid while I go to work at a job I really don't like.

The angel on my other shoulder tells me that I wouldn't want to be in their situation and at least they're trying to improve their lives.

I agree with the angel but that devil certainly can be loud sometimes.

The problem I'm finding is that since I can't go back to school, it's going to be hard to move up into a job that pays much more than I'm earning now. Which means for better or worse, this is my standard of living and short of winning the lottery, miraculously landing a lucrative publishing deal or marrying someone wealthy....I'm stuck treading financial water.

Thus...I'm a Middling. We Middlings tread water, making ends meet, sometimes a little too creatively but we manage. We don't need help so we don't get any. When it comes to pride, that's a pretty good boost. Yet it does occasionally lead us to wonder why, exactly, that's always the case. Can't there be something, some reward for those of us that work each day, doing too well to be bad, yet never truly great because that's beyond our reach?

I'm not intending to be political at all although I'm sure this could easily turn political if I let it. I don't want to though. It's no one's fault- it's the way things are. If I really, really wanted, I'm sure I could do something about it. After all, I'm a dreamer and I believe that if I want anything badly enough, I can get it in some form or another. It's just that once in a while, I admit...I want to be lazy. I want someone to notice me, to remember that there is something in between rich and poor and while it's nice not to be at the bottom, the middle can be awfully dreary sometimes.

It's just that between the best cooks and the worst cooks, the biggest losers and America's Next Top Models, there are those average folk...the ones who aren't really anything enough to rank on a scale of goodness or badness...we just are. We're the steady ones, keeping everything going. I guess there's something to be said for that.

I apologize if I've got too heavy. Trust me to get philosophical after watching The Food Network. Don't get me wrong, I'm not at all unhappy with my life. I may not like my job but I'm not in the dark place I was a few weeks ago. It's my job, for better or worse. It's just that sometimes, I think everyone wants to be Cinderella, to have a fairy godmother make things better, even for a little while. It doesn't matter what form the fairy godmother takes: government, TV network, Simon Cowell, Ty Pennington....it's just that sometimes I worry that the fairy godmothers forget that sometimes life can always be a little better for everyone, regardless of how good, how bad, how rich or how poor they are.

In the meantime, I'll enjoy the fact that I'm NOT one of the Worst Cooks in America or, at least, I don't think so. I'll enjoy the fact that I'm not deluded enough to go on American Idol. And I"ll enjoy the fact that my house is clean because I want it to be. I suppose in a way, I am rich...I'm independent and have power over my life....I'm also free to make choices.

That's not such a bad thing.

Thanks, as always, for reading. Happy Wednesday.

Weekends, IKEA and Blobby Kitchen Messes...

Somehow, it's managed to become Sunday again without my being fully aware of it. That's the thing about weekends, they're tricky. I'm still convinced that there's some weird time-space continuam thing where time slows down while we're at work but speeds up as soon as we have some free time.

Since it's Sunday evening, my free time is rapidly moving by and Monday morning looms closer. Since I plan on spending part of the evening with Jack Bauer on "24", I anticipate wildly-ridiculous plot points, a miraculous recovery for Jack who was formerly dying and lots of "Damn it!" spoken with Jack's trademark inflection. Naturally, I'm still looking forward to it.

I can't complain though. I've had a very productive weekend. I managed to clean and organize and my house is feeling much better. I also got to go to IKEA which is always dangerous. You go there for one thing and come out with ten. For example, I was looking for some shelves for my pantry. I managed to find something better- a unit with interchangeable drawers from baskets to tubs to fabric ones. Because it was IKEA, it was inexpensive. I also managed to buy some towels, some candles, two toy mice/rat things- one for me, one for my niece- heat pads for hot pans, tupperware-like containers and a rug. All I wanted were the shelves. Curse you IKEA for your inexpensive products that are very useful and have odd names.

Of course, I realized when I got home that my shelf/drawer unit thingy really did need that worktop that I thought I could live without. Having it would give me much more storage space on top. Also, it would make my pantry look tidier. Since my kitchen currently looked like a bomb had hit it because I'd taken everything out of my pantry, I ended up going back to IKEA for the worktop. I emerged with the worktop...and a set of washcloths to match my new towels and a 79 cent vase that I thought would look nice in my bathroom. Curse you, IKEA!

I'm willing to concede that it probably isn't really IKEA's fault. I really need to NOT put things in that handy blue bag you pick up when you walk in the door.

Aside from my IKEA trips, I also managed to finally watch "Julie and Julia." I'd been loaned the movie by a coworker but hadn't watched it. Then my good friend, Saz, gave me it as a Christmas gift so I figured it was time to watch it. You'd think I'd have done so much sooner since I'm a blogger and a foodie.

I found the movie entertaining. I like the idea and I admit, I could relate to Julie rather a lot. As a yet unpublished writer, having a blog is one way to feel better about writing. I like her idea too- cooking your way through that many recipes in a year would be fun and a challenge. Since I've recently become obsessed with cooking, i think it's a cool idea. Yet, like so many of those, someone else had it first. Now everyone else would be a copycat.

Yet the thing I like most is that Julie took on the project so she could finish something. It's good to have a goal like that. For me, that's what the National Novel Writing Month challenge was for. I actually spent the evening editing that novel and as horrible arrogant as it sounds, I made myself laugh out load a few times. In my defense, I haven't read the book since I wrote it and though I can't speak for other writers, for me, at least, when I'm writing, it's like being in a different world. I often just write and let the words flow out and not know what I wrote until I reread it a few days later. It seems alien, foreign...not something I created. It's like stepping out of your body and observing yourself from a distant point of view. You think, "I wrote that? The demon says that?" Sometime, it's the characters writing the story. For this last novel, I can't say that was the case. It just...happened.

Yet, like it was for Julie when she finished her 365 of cooking Julia Child's recipes, finishing a novel in a month was a feeling of accomplishment. Granted, unlike Julie, I don't have publishers, editors and the Food Network leaving me messages but that's ok. I can live with that.

Though it'd be super fantastic if the Food Network called me. Don't you think "Cooking with Captain Monkeypants" has an interesting ring to it?

I'm kidding. My food tastes pretty good but it never quite looks....pretty. For example, I made radacchio pancakes for lunch (Mario Batali's recipe, naturally) and while they were delicious, it really showed me that I haven't got the hang of presentation. The pancakes looked a bit like uneven, discoloured blobs of egg that were not round but more like, uh, clouds...misshapen, slightly awkward, blobby clouds. I really must work on my plating. Still, when it's just me, it doesn't matter. I'm just afraid that if I ever cook for someone else, they'll balk at the sight of my blobby, odd-looking food that makes the plate look messy even when I try to wipe it the way I see the chef'\s on TV do it.

Anyway, all in all, it's been a very nice, productive sort of weekend. The nice thing is that there's another one coming up in under six days.

If only that pesky work-week wasn't in between.

Happy Monday!

The Art of Adaptation

It's my last day in last day in this building today. This means it was also my last commute. People in the office keep telling me how lucky I am that my house is only ten minutes from the new building. I agree, to some extent although I do prefer to think of it as strategic planning, rather than luck.

Also, I'm actually no longer opposed to a commute. I was when I first moved back to Ohio because commuting in Los Angeles is enough to kill the joy of driving for anyone. Seriously, the mere fifteen miles of distance from my apartment to my job could take up to an hour and a half on a bad days. Thus, moving back and living in the same town as where I worked was quite a novelty. Then I moved and the office didn't and I was back to a commute.

Yet, this time, the commute was steady. It rarely differs in time at all. It's a straight 45 minute shot and it's about 26 miles from home to this office. That's not a bad drive. Also, it's pretty. Part of the drive is an interstate. Then my exit takes me to a two lane highway that eventually slims down to a one lane highway. It's primarily rural so, especially at this time of year, the scenery is beautiful with all the trees, leaves, greenness and quiet.

Since I've been listening to audiobooks, the commute is something I almost look forward to because it's like my own private time to 'read' and relax.

That time has reached its end for now. I don't mind because for someone who complains about getting out of my warm cocoon of a bed as frequently as I do in this blog, a ten minute commute is rather a luxury.

I think, more than anything, it proves you can get used to anything if you do it enough. I think that's why they call it adaptation. We can all adapt, even when we least expect it. For example, my aversion to a commute has gently become an enjoyment. I think there are a lot of things in life like that, when you stop to think about it.

It's like cooking, for me. Until recent years, I viewed cooking as something that was necessary to do unless I wanted to eat out all the time. I never counted microwaving as cooking. Yet my cooking was basic, usually involving something pre-packaged. Then, slowly, thanks to Iron Chef America, I began to be interested in food. Now, I cook. I get excited about kitchen gadgets and I love to try new recipes. I've even implemented an 'unusual vegetable of the week' routine. Generally, I go to the grocery store or a market and buy something I haven't cooked with much. Then I attempt to find a recipe that incorporates it. Recently, I've tried things such as rapini (broccoli rabe), escarole, swiss chard, fennel, turnips and spaghetti squash. Some of the recipes work out, some don't. Yet it's making me try new recipes and since I adore vegetables, it's a fun way to make something healthy as well as occasionally delicious. I have a great swiss chard recipe, if anyone's interested.

Anyway, my point is, I got used to actually cooking instead of the semblance of such. I started to care about my knives. I started to use prep bowls and zesters. I think now I've finally reached the point where I'm almost snobbish. Take garlic for example: I used to buy those jars of minced garlic. It was still fairly fresh and it was easy to measure. Then, I bought a fresh garlic and learned how to push down on it gently with my knife to make it easy to peel. Then I began to chop it myself. Now, I can't use any other type of garlic. I still have a little jar of the minced but even when I'm in a hurry, I end up chopping my own. I love the way my fingers smell afterward. I love the slight stickiness it leaves on my fingers. It just feels wonderful to make a dish in which everything is fresh.

Yet, if I'd have written this a year and a half ago, I would have thought I was out of my mind. At that time, I still used garlic powder as a substitute. I thought there was no difference between fresh herbs and those dried ones.

I've come a long way. Cooking has become part of my life. I adapted.

So, you see, I think it's about perspective. My commute once seemed an evil prospect. Now I'm saying goodbye to it, I'm a little sad. I liked that time to decompress after work. It was a good time to call my mother and let a little steam off about my workday. I can still do that stuff but I'm going to have to find a new way to do it. Perhaps I can finally start exercising again because I'll have extra time in the evening.

I'm not fond of exercising, particularly in the winter. It's hard to come home when it's cold outside, peel off my layers of warmth and then strip down to change into workout clothes when all I really want to do is ladle out a bowl of beef stew and sit in front of the TV. Yet, if I do it enough, perhaps I'll get used to exercising again. After all, as I've said, it's really just a matter of perspective. If I start to like it, maybe I'll keep it up. I just have to adapt to the idea, that's all.

But, for today, I have one more commute left: The commute home.

I don't think that's such a bad thing though, do you?

Happy Friday and have a good weekend!

Morning Musings...

I keep reminding myself that tomorrow is Friday. Sometimes, that's all it takes to get going in the mornings on a Thursday. Today, it's not quite enough but it helps.

My Thursday is off to one of those starts. I was already running late due to my ambitious attempts to get a loaf of bread baking in my breadmaker so it's ready by the time I get home from work for dinner. I have a horrid feeling it's not going to turn out. Try as I might to keep the liquids and yeast separated, there was a slight tidal wave incident as I was pouring in my olive oil and the yeast got soaked by that and the water.

Traffic was not fun this morning either. It meant I made it into the office eight minutes later than usual. My coworker had beaten me in to the office; this rarely happens. While many days, she's a lot of fun, she's also one of those people whose mood you can sense when you walk into the office based on how she responds when you say "Good Morning!"

Today was not a chipper response. Today was one of those, "talk to me again and I'll rip your throat out" responses. It's not that she's not a morning person but she's a person whose agenda and duties rank way higher in her own mind than they do in anyone elses' and so there are days when she's far too busy and important to deign to speak to me or our other office-mate. Usually, these are the days where we remain quiet and don't speak because she's a little scary. I don't mean that I'm actually physically afraid of her, it's more that to rile the beast is to have to listen to it and we do not like to do that.

She's also a little, um, noisy. She does not know this. On any given morning, there is the jangle of a bracelet on a keyboard, heavy sighing, the squeak of rubber since she sits on an exercise ball and the frantic, frenetic typing of one who has far too much to type in far too little time.

Of course, as I write this, I'm crunching loudly on a piece of toast. I finally gave in and joined the people who cook in the office. Sometimes, I don't feel like eating my toast while I'm driving in the mornings and today, I figured I might as well join the masses and use the toaster oven in the office. A good choice, I'd say. Having toast at work just makes it a better day.

My crunching toast led to a discussion about toaster ovens vs. toasters. Personally, I concur, toasters are easier. However, we don't have one in the office. We do, however, have a toaster oven. My coworker thinks it takes too long. To that, I say, "it's toast, it's worth the wait." Also, it's not like I'm standing there staring at it. I put it in the oven, walk away and when it tings, there's my toast. Voila!

Ok, so it doesn't pop up but, instead, is waiting for me in the oven which means it actually stays warmer for longer.

I think it might just be that lately, I've learned, sometimes it's better to take your time over food preparation and enjoy the process than just throw something in the microwave.

I blame the Food Network.

Of course, I blame them lately for everything food-related. It's almost like I've undergone a "Foodie Conversion." I still have the Lipton fettucine alfredo mix in my cupboard to remind me of how far I've come in a year. A year ago, I added margarine and butter to my soggy noodles and, voila, fettucini alfredo.

I'm not enough of a food snob that I still won't make this. Quick food has a time and a place and sometimes, it's all you want.

Yet, no more do I reach for the Lipton when I'm craving Alfredo and don't want to spend the money to go out. Mario Batali has shown me that with four simple ingredients, I can make delicious fettucine alfredo.

Bobby Flay has shown me that sometimes, the sauce makes the meal. You can dress up a piece of meat with a few fresh ingredients by making a sauce that tastes good and is usually nutritious.

Giada deLaurentis has shown me how to make simple italian food with easy ingredients that tastes as good as any restaurant food.

Alton Brown has taught me that breaking down what seems to be complicated methods of cooking is actually quite easy. Also, my Alton Brown salt pot is ridiculously useful.

I could keep going but you get the idea. Celebrity chefs are teaching me to cook and I didn't even plan it.

It's put a whole new dimension on my life. I used to mock my friends who used to go to kitchen stores and admire the tools. Now I go to the same stores and do the same thing. This weekend, I was extremely excited to find a nice potato ricer at TJ Maxx. I also got a new saute pan, some stoneware baking dishes and a new grater.

I'm sad. I'm obsessed. Cooking has become part of my life. I think it's probably filling a void but I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm hoping it's not trying to fill the void that I have because I'm not writing as much. I think that's really up to me though, isn't it?

I have thought about writing about cooking. Not a cookbook but a book about someone who likes to cook. Yet there is already quite a plethora out there. For some reason, there's an excess of books about women who seek fulfillment in life and find it in baking. Occasionally, there's a twist and they actually cook, not bake, but it's usually the result of any of the following:

1)Grief over the death of a beloved husband.
2) A way of finding themselves after the husband has left them for another woman.
3)A hidden love of cooking coming to the forefront as a woman discovers herself
4)An accidental discovery as a side effect of running away and needing to make a living...so they cook and discover they're geniuses at it.

You'd be surprised how much this happens. I've come to the conclusion that while chick lit aimed at the Bridget Jones' of the world tends to put the main character in either PR or a magazine setting, chick lit for the generation above them tends to put a recently divorced/widowed woman in a bakery or restaurant.

Anyway, I think for now, I'll keep my cooking separate from my writing. I can do both...I hope. In the meantime, I'm going to try to get some work done. That is if my coworker stops her jangling/squeaking/sighing/"oh shitting". Either that or I put my headphones on and tune her out.

Headphones it is.

Thanks for reading. Happy Thursday.

No Substitute for Bad Food When it Comes to Good Taste

Today is a bagel day in the office. We have those sporadically and they're rather unpredictable. Bagels either just mysteriously appear in the break room or we have these slightly weird gatherings to welcome new employees. The reason the gatherings are slightly weird is because we're summoned to the conference room by our president or vice-president with very little notice. Then we go sit in the conference room and end up chatting amongst ourselves. The new person sits there awkwardly, trying to talk to people around him or her. We all wait for the president to introduce the new person, to welcome them. It never happens. Eventually after we chat and get loud and eat our bagel, we're told to 'get back to work' and we all leave, wondering, exactly, what the point of that was aside from having a bagel.

Either way, we often have bagels. I'm not a huge bagel fan. Most mornings when I'm at home and can eat breakfast, I don't because I don't like to eat as soon as I get up. I have to wait a while. Sometimes I bring fruit so I can eat when I get to work. Yet, on mornings like this where I wasn't hungry when I left home but am ravenous by the time I get to work, they're a good way to stop my tummy from growling.

I suppose I should worry about calories. Bagels aren't exactly good for you especially when you load them with regular cream cheese. Usually, if I have the choice, I will opt for light. Cream cheese is one of those things that I'm not that picky about. It's tasty but unless it has chives in it, isn't something I really seek out other than to just take away the dryness of the bagel away.

There are some tastes that I'm just not fussy enough about to care that it's a 'light' product. Salad dressing is one of them. I tend to like the lower fat dressings.

However, maybe it's my new found love of cooking but I am recently realizing that there are some things that just shouldn't be compromised for 'diet' purposes.

I suppose it's easy for me to say that; I was born with a good metabolism. Until recent years, I could eat almost anything and not gain any weight. As I've got older, my metabolism has slowed and I do have to watch what I eat. I weigh more now than I've ever weighed and while sometimes I wish I was still skinny as a rake, it's really not that bad to have a few more curves. It's taken me a while but I'm beginning to accept it.

Of course, my newfound addiction to the Food Network is probably to blame for some of those curves but, also, for the fact that I am beginning to not mind that I'm not so skinny anymore. The thing that I am learning is that there needs to be a balance between deprivation and over-indulgence. There are just some things that I think life is too short to not eat.

I have a coworker who is constantly on a diet. Over the years, it seems, I've always had one coworker like this. It doesn't matter if it's WeightWatchers, Low Carb, Protein Diet, Fat-Free, SlimFast...there's always one of them.

I salute these current and former coworkers. Diets are hard to stick to but these die-hard dieters manage. Unfortunately, it many cases, they're the types who like everyone around them to know they're on a diet and they make remarks to the rest of us about what they're eating so that we're supposed to feel slightly guilty that we too aren't depriving ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, there are times when I get on kicks where I try to be healthy. It's not a diet per se but I watch my calories and I'm careful not to go overboard on anything that's bad for me. However, for the most part, I'm lucky enough to enjoy healthy food. I'm a vegetable lover. Many of my 'creations' in the kitchen are centred around vegetables. I enjoy some meat too so I don't think I could ever go vegetarian. Yet because I like vegetables, it helps me eat healthily.

I think, as my good friend over at RadLinc Crafts said, I've become a Foodie.

Foodies are people who...enjoy food. They love to eat good food, they care about ingredients and I think it's fair to say they don't compromise for taste. If a fat-free product will detract from the flavour and/or preparation of a dish, it won't be used.

I watched an episode of Iron Chef America last night. I noticed that there's never a pause from the chefs to stop and consider calories. They're making dishes based on taste. There is no compromise for taste. This is why they have the finest ingredients with which to cook. The judges are an assortment of Foodies and never once has a single one said, "I can't eat that. It's deep fried!"

And they deep fry a lot on Iron Chef. It's interesting; no matter what they deep fry, it seems gourmet. According to Alton Brown, the host of the show, deep frying is popular on the show because it's the quickest way to bring out flavour in food and given the hour time-frame the chefs have, they need quick methods of making food tasty. No longer does deep-frying seem like a crime because it makes things fat-laden and greasy but, instead, it's a way of cooking a side dish, a way of adding flavour.

What it really comes down to is moderation. There's a big difference between going to a fast food restaurant that deep fries everything to cooking a side of sage-filled potato rounds, ala Mario Batali. It's ironic really; you go to McDonalds and order a side of fries with your hamburger and you know you're committing a diet-crime. Yet, you go to a gourmet restaurant that serves pommes frites with your steak or "shoe string rosemary fried potatoes" and the guilt isn't there even though, technically, they're still cooked in a deep fryer.

That's where the moderation kicks in. If you eat everything deep-fried, yes, you're going to turn into a bad-skinned hippo-like creature. Yet if you're eating a balanced meal where the deep fried portion is only a small part of the meal, it's not so bad. I'm not saying it should be every meal either, just that if you're cooking to enjoy the taste of food, sometimes it seems a little...wrong...to stop and pause and think "I can't cook that because it's bad for me!"

And again, there's a compromise to this too. There's no substitute for butter if you're making sage-butter sauce but there are 'light' butters out there that are still butter but not quite so bad for you. I admit, I use light butter sometimes just for the fact that it still is butter but it's also a nod to the fact that I know it's bad for my cholesterol. However, if I thought it detracted from the dish, I'd use real butter instead...I just wouldn't make the dish too often.

This is all just my personal philosphy; please keep that in mind. I have friends who diet who have lost a ton of weight and changed their lifestyles to be healthier. I definitely salute them while appreciating and admiring them. It takes a lot of discipline. Yet the thing I've noticed about my friends who have had the most success is that they don't completely deprive themselves of the things they love. They treat themselves once in a while; they're not fanatical about everything. They know what they should and shouldn't eat and every once in a while they 'cheat' with a chocolate bar or a small order of french fries.

In contrast, I've noticed that some of the coworkers I've had are fanatical. They won't eat a single thing that's not on their diet but allow themselves a 'cheat' day. This day usually entails eating about 3,500+ calories in one day.

I'm not judging but it seems like it would be better to more frequently give yourself a 'small' reward than binge like that.

Yet, again, it's not me. I'm hoping that my new "foodie" status doesn't mean that I'm going to have to consider going on a real diet in the future. It would be hard. There's just no substitute for Parmigiano Reggiano cheese or fresh baked bread.

Maybe I should watch the bagels though.

Happy Wednesday.

Las Vegas: A Food Network Junkie's Paradise...

Technically, today is my Friday since I'm flying to Las Vegas tonight and don't have to work tomorrow. Short work weeks are nice.

I'm excited about Las Vegas; it's a fun city to visit. I'm not a huge gambler, for the most part the most ambitious I get is playing up to nine cents a spin on the penny slots. Rarely, I will play a dollar in the 25 cent slots but usually once I spend a dollar with no profit, I usually slink back to my penny slots.

Ironically, though it's the city's best known pasttime, gambling is not the best thing about Vegas, not in my opinion.

Prior to my becoming a Food Network Obsessed Junkie, I used to enjoy the spectacle of the casinos a lot. As you walk down the strip, each casino is trying harder than the last to get you to come inside. From the fire-lit waters of Treasure Island after their evening spectacles to the traditionally engaging dancing waters of the Bellagio, you could spend an entire evening just going from free show to free show without gambling a penny.

Inside the casinos is another story. I find some of them slighly dizzying- Paris, for example. The inside of the casino has blue skies on the ceiling, as does Venice and though you know it's a casino, there's something bizarrely surreal about trying to pretend you're outside while you're actually inside a room filled with clanging, tinging, ringing, trilling slot machines.

Of course, now I'm a Food Network Junkie, I have a horrible feeling I'm going to feel differently about my priorities in Vegas. Being the new hot spot for celebrity chefs, there are restaurants galore there including efforts by Bobbie Flay, Mario Batali, Todd English and many other Food Network favourites. The last time I went with friends, a couple of them wanted to see the outside of Mesa, Bobbie Flay's restaurant in Caesar's palace. They didn't need to go in. They wanted to see it.

I thought they were a little strange. I couldn't figure out why you'd go look at a restaurant and not eat there.

I owe them an apology. I get it now and I hang my head in sheepish embarrassment. Having learned about the abrasive and arrogant charms of Bobby Flay and his talents with food...I understand.

I'd do the same for Mario Batali's restaurants in the Venice Casino.

Yes, I am aware I sound like a fruitcake.

The thing with Vegas is that there's too much good stuff to eat. Almost every casino offers a buffet ranging from the spectacular to the Sizzler-esqe-sadly-hopeful-but-failing-miserably attempts of the lower budget casinos. Restaurants like Flay's Mesa and Batali's Carnevino Italian Steakhouse and B & B Ristorante are expensive for the frugal traveler like myself. Don't get me wrong, I'd splurge in a heartbeat if I had the time and money. Yet this trip especially is two days long and I'm watching my wallet so if I'm going to spend $30 on a meal, I'm likely to go to a buffet. Now, if I knew Bobbie Flay or Mario Batali were going to personally cook for me, I'd reconsider.

I find it ironic that one of the main reasons that I'm going to Las Vegas is because Green Day are playing tomorrow night and I have tickets. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait for the Green Day concert. It'll be fantastic, I'm certain. Yet I do find it rather curious that I'm getting as excited about the Food Network-y ties of the city as I am about the concert.

Still, I'm sure regardless of if I get to peer longingly into the windows of any of the restaurants, I'm going to feel slightly dorky and slightly happy. Rather like when I went to Comic-con. For the longest time, I tried to pretend that I was just a little quirky. Over the years, the fact that I'm just a full on geek/nerd/peculiar person is just getting too hard to hide so... I'm embracing it. The beautiful thing is that the people who love me know I'm a dork and thus, they allow me to go with it. This is why I know that my good friend who I'm excited to meet in Vegas will indulge me should I feel the need to do a 'walk-by' of Mr. Batali's restaurants. Of course, she's very logical and I expect her to suggest that we go inside because that is what normal people do.

Me, I'm just happy to see it. But, then again, we've established....normal doesn't really live here, does it?

Happy Thursday.

Bunnies Make Everything Better, Even Mowing the Lawn

Let me start by saying that I feel like my post yesterday came across as a little too harsh, almost as though were judging my Midwestern peers and coming out sounding mean. When I wrote the blog, I tried hard to present it strictly from my point of view, rather than a factual analysis of the way people really are. Also, perhaps some of it is my fault, perhaps I should attempt to make friends in other ways than work. It's something I'll give some thought to once I feel like I've settled in from moving to a new house. It's a hard thing though to balance a full time job and trying to be a writer. Sometimes I feel hypocritical saying I'm lonely when, truly, my passion in life, writing, means loneliness might be inevitable.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that if I've offended people with my slightly skewered viewpoint, I apologize.

Moving on, it's Thursday. I'm glad for that. The week itself has flown by in some ways; work has kept me busy and life at home has also been busy.

Last night, I had to mow the lawn. I seriously am rather amazed at how quickly that grass grows. While I mowed, I was watched for some time by a bunny who was sitting a safe distance away in the yard behind mine. He was lying down, resting on his front paws, just watching. I wondered if he was just amused at us humans for our seemingly futile attempts to keep the grass at bay when Mr. Bunny knows full well, it'll just grow again. I also wondered if he was a little irritated that I was diminishing his grazing-source. He may very well be the bunny who sits on my lawn and has a snack every evening.

I'm a little suspicious of the bunnies now. I just planted a herb garden with nothing but culinary herbs: oregano, sage, thyme, tarragon, chives, parsley and mint. It was looking noticeably flatter last night when I mowed, almost as though it had been sat on. Since there were no bunny-sized bites out of the plants, I can't accuse them of making a snack out of my herbs but I'm definitely going to keep an eye on that. I did throw out some baby carrots a few times last week, thinking it might be nice for the bunnies to have a non-grass food source. The carrots vanished so I hope that means the rabbits ate them.

Still, I'm feeling slightly more domesticated these days. I'm getting into the habits that are normal to a homeowner. Wednesday nights are the night that the rubbish needs to go out to be picked up by the dustman in the mornings. So, now, Wednesday nights, I drag out my dustbin to the curb along with the rest of my neighbours. It's actually strangely satisfying. When I lived in the apartment, it was more a question of having to take the rubbish out and throw it in the dumpster whenever I was motivated. Now, I can just put it all outside and just put it on the curb once a week. It's quite fun; it's a little like the tooth fairy when you're a kid. You put that rubbish out and in the mornings it's vanished. I've yet to hear the sound of the the Rumpke Rubbish Trucks in the morning either. I've decided that for now, it's one of those mystical happenings. I don't want to see it being picked up. The mysterious disappearance of my garbage is rather a fun thing to behold, especially when I've put grass clippings in there. It's as close to Harry Potter magic as I'm likely to get.

I've also been continuing my cooking trend. I got some tomatillos and jalapenos at the farmer's market on Saturday so I made roasted tomatillo salsa verde the other night. I have to say, it was pretty delicious. I like it a little spicy so the jalapenos added the right amount of kick. I've also learned from prior experience that if you chop jalapenos with exposed hands, no matter how many times you wash them, you'll still feel a burn from the peppers if you accidentally touch or lips or, worse, rub your eyes. Thus I used gloves which proved to be a wise choice. I just have to remember not to use the gloves for anything else.

I'm blaming the Food Network for my cooking again. Now I have Direct TV, it's easy to watch the Food Network and I find too many of the shows to be highly watchable. They make me hungry and they make cooking look easy. It's fun but sometimes a little time-consuming. I find myself deciding to cook and it's after 8 p.m. before it's time to eat. Still, it is nice to resist the urge to order a pizza and use my fresh vegetables instead. Summer is great for fresh produce and I'm definitely making the most of it.

So, Captain Monkeypants is settling down into her new house. It's feeling more like home every day and I love the freedom I have in being a homeowner. I still can't lie and say I've decided that mowing the lawn is fun but it's becoming part of my weekly routine and that is definitely an improvement. It's also more fun if you have a bunny for company. Just as long as he stays out of my garden.

Happy Thursday.

Iron Chefs and Rats Who Shouldn't Cook...

It's another gloomy day today, similar to yesterday but the warmth has gone and a damp cold seems to have found its way into my fingers. No matter what I try, I can't quite get warm. It reminds me of my days of living in England; the damp cold clings to you inside and out and only burrowing yourself into a mountain of blankets in bed can warm chill from your bones.

Thus, I didn't want to get up this morning. I actually slept remarkably well last night which was a pleasant surprise given that today is the day the Top 100 in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award is selected and the rest of the 400 quarterfinalists will be notified that their novels didn't make it. Try as I might, I can't ignore it and I have tried. I've tried to distract myself by not thinking about it. I figured if I psyched myself up to receive that rejection, it wouldn't bother me. The problem with that is that it's negative thinking and that's not good either. So, I'm trying a new strategy: being positive. I'm not sure how that's working for me; it's hard to be in a great mood when you're feeling sluggish and tired and you want to crawl back under the covers. Yet I'm trying. Whatever happens, happens.

So, instead of spending last night obsessively reading the ABNA forums, I found other things to do instead. Besides, the ABNA forums are getting on my nerves. Nothing is going on there other than a little snark, a little teasing and a little patting each other on the back. I managed to get 10 reviews through the process and every single one of them actually made me flush with surprise and happiness; people like my book. That's a pretty awesome feeling.

One of the other things I found to do is watch TV on my computer in bed. I've got a confession; I think I might be getting addicted to "Iron Chef USA." I watched it with my parents this weekend and, well, it's pretty cool. As a food lover, I can't believe what those chefs can throw together in 'one hour'. Since it's TV, I have to think some prep work was done ahead of time and the 'secret ingredient' wasn't so secret. My favourite is Mario Batali. Wow, he makes me hungry. Last night, I discovered that The Food Network has some full episodes to watch online so I watched Jamie Oliver (aka "The Naked Chef") take on Mario Batali. They had to use a weird fish called Cobia. Both chefs made dishes that actually looked like they'd be tasty but as he seems to always do, Mario Batali was the one that made me want to reach into my television and sample his food. There's something deeply satisfying about watching a talented chef cook.

Believe it or not, this weekend was the first time I've ever really seen "Iron Chef". I do love the food network. Alton Brown's "Good Eats" was my previous favourite. He's a great cook too because he makes sense of what he cooks and how flavours work together. Also, he doesn't have all the fancy gadgets to use that make me feel woefully amateur because I do not have a Chinese Hat Funnel in my kitchen. Jamie Oliver used on of those last night on "Iron Chef".

The Food Network is the reason I don't have cable or satellite TV. I know, for a fact, that if I did have it, I would probably always find a way to procrastinate and turn on the TV. There's always something to watch on that channel. I tend to indulge at my parents' house. I love Anthony Bourdain's shows, I like Alton Brown, I love Iron Chef. I've also watched that show with the bald man who goes round the world eating disgusting things. For the life of me, I can't remember the name but it's on late and he will eat ANYTHING. I find it disgustingly entertaining. I also liked that "Dinner: Impossible" show in which a man goes to places and throws together a meal for huge amounts of people in a very short time.

You get the idea. I love food, thus, I love the Food Network. It's very dangerous to my productivity.

Just in case you were wondering and (*SPOILER ALERT), Mr. Batali did defeat Jamie Oliver in "Iron Chef USA". Not that it's a shocker. I will say that Jamie Oliver only lost by 3 points and he made fish and chips using Guiness beer in the batter which made me like him. Also, he's British which made me like him even more. It was pretty amazing watching two chefs battle it out because neither of them got flustered, they just focused on the task at hand. What amazes me is their soux chefs who get none of the glory on screen but are running around, making it possible for the Iron Chef and his competitor to masterfully create dishes with the ingredients they've prepped.

It reminds me of that film, "Ratatouille." Aside from the fact that the film disgusts me greatly because it's a RAT in the KITCHEN, TOUCHING FOOD, I do like the fact that we get inside the hustle and bustle of a busy kitchen at work. I liked the food aspect of that movie. I just can't watch it enjoyably because even if it's a cartoon, there are still RATS. In a Kitchen. Touching Food. I find it ironic that I have a vivid imagination but I can't get beyond the fact that I'm disgusted by the rats, even though they're animated and they can talk. Really, I should be able to suspend my disbelief that these aren't real rats; they're magical talking ones that aren't disgusting and covered with germs.

Yet, after I saw "Ratatouille," I saw a real rat in the jasmine patch I walked by daily when I worked at USC. I tried to picture that rat in a cute chef's hat, talking to me, washing his paws ready to cook. I couldn't do it. All I saw was a nasty, germ infested creature with beady eyes and a horrible, long, naked tail. Apparently, my suspension of disbelief doesn't extend to rats cooking, no matter how often they wash their hands.

I think I'll stick to watching master chefs in the kitchen at work, chefs that stand up on human legs, washing their human hands and cooking human dishes with the help of other humans. I'll stick to my Iron Chef's and my bald men eating disgusing foods. Which, my apologies, is NOT on the Food Network but is on the Travel Channel and it's called "Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman." Sorry, Andrew Zimmerman, I shall try to remember your name and not called you "Bald Man who Eats Weird Food." Still, Travel Channel or Food Network, I still love watching people cook and eat. It's a good distraction from life.

Happy Wednesday.