Groundhog...Day

So, apparently, there is a groundhog running rampant around our neighbourhood. According to Larry the Potential Serial Killer, it has done major damage to his garden and he is not a happy camper.

Larry the Potential Serial Killer is precisely one of those people who actually says, “I am not a Happy Camper” (and it sounds capitalized when he says it, too). He actually sounds rather a lot like Ned Flanders from “The Simpsons” and even salutes me with a “Howdy, stranger” when he seems me walking with the pups. He’s very much a “gee-whizz”er meaning that he says things like “gee whiz- that groundhog surely is a nasty critter!”

I feel bad for Larry. He’s rather upset. The mean groundhog ate all his ‘sweet pertaters” and beans. He had apparently planted his sweet pertaters in a barrow and the groundhog had devoured them. I’m not quite sure why they were in a barrow but well, I’m not excited Captain MonkeyPants of the Greenthumb. I like to garden but my knowledge of gardening involves the following:

1) You dig a bit of ground
2) You plant a seed/bulb
3) You water it.
4) You hope it grows
5) You see weeds growing and occasionally pull them up
6) When the weeds grow out of control due to my severe case of Weed Pulling Avoidation, I half-heartedly dig over the soil where I can, slap a bit of weed control fabric over the top and cover it with pretty mulch.
7) If this is not possible because I have already planted stuff that’s overrun by weeds, I try to daintily spray weed killer on the weeds, avoiding the real plants. This inevitably doesn’t work as I usually accidentally end up killing my plants. Thus, I don’t use this method much.
8) Eventually giving up, hoping I can still pick my tomatoes and vowing to be a better weeder next year.

So, you see, while I like gardening, I’m not a die-hard gardener. I also don’t grow sweet potatoes or, even, sweet pertaters because while I enjoy the occasional yam, it’s not a huge part of my diet and I’d never really have too much use for them. Tomatoes, peppers, basil and corn, on the other hand…those I grow. You don’t really grow any of those in a barrow. I try to grow them in pots. This works well for the basil. The tomatoes start out well but end up being too big for the pot and transplanting them never works well for me.

Still, it doesn’t stop me from feeling bad for Larry. Last year, I had half my ‘crop’ devoured by a bunny including all my swiss chard, my corn and my sunflowers. It made me very unhappy. This year, thanks to the fearsome powers of Sookie and Rory, the bunny has been scarce. The one time it did appear, it was chased around frantically until the poor thing almost collapsed with exhaustion before making it out of a tiny hole in the fence. Having dogs is a good thing.

I’m hoping having the dogs means the groundhog won’t visit my garden. I do believe Larry. I’ve seen a couple of groundhogs capering around on this grassy area at the end of my neighbourhood. They’re actually quite cute. Of course, if they were eating my veggies, I probably wouldn’t feel that way. However, having seen the movie, “Groundhog Day,” one too many times, I always have the desire to yell “Don’t drive angry, Phil!” at the groundhogs. Not that I think they’d get my slightly obscure pop culture reference. Nor would they get it if they said, “I’m Ned! Ned Ryerson” or “Watch out for that last step, it’s a doozy!”

Ok, fine, I probably have seen that movie one too many times but I find the comedy of Bill Murray rather hilarious. I much preferred his “Ghostbusters”/”What about Bob”/”Groundhog Day”/”Man Who Knew Too Little” days to his deeper more artsy “Royal Tennenbaum” or “Life Aquatic” days. I miss Bill Murray although “Zombieland” made me love him again.

Sorry. I digress. I do that a lot, don’t I?

Back to the groundhog. I think I’ve actually seen the evil eater of sweet pertaters. On Saturday, I got up early and took the girls for a walk before it got too hot. There was a large furry creature ambling around across the road along with two squirrels. At first I thought it was a raccoon. It could have been a raccoon, I suppose but now I prefer to think that it was the groundhog and I saw it en route to doing more mischief.

Larry gave me the warning about the groundhog last night as I walked the girls. He was fresh off the discovery that his veggies had been devoured and he was hopping mad. The reason I know he was hopping mad was that, well, he said “I’m hopping mad!”

I do appreciate the warning because I do want to keep my precious veggies safe. I’ve worked hard to get them to wear they’re almost ready to pick and if I find a groundhog in my garden…well….I’d probably be hopping mad too. I suppose I could set Sookie and Rory on it but while they think they’re enormous tough dogs, they’re a bit smaller than a groundhog and those things have sharp teeth. Maybe they could tag team it or something.

Either way, I will be watching out for the nasty thing. The last thing I want is to come home and find out that all of my heirloom tomatoes are gone. I don’t even know if groundhogs like tomatoes but I admit, Larry the Potential Serial Killer has got me a bit nervous.

I suspect that it won’t be the last time the groundhog strikes. There are plenty of more-open gardens around the ‘hood where the vegetables are easily accessible. The horrible neighbour in me hopes that the groundhog goes for these before it goes to mine. That’s not very nice of me, is it? But fresh, organic tomatoes are serious business. Sure, you can buy them at the farmer’s market but it’s never the same as going outside, picking a ripe tomato off the vine and eating it there.

If that ground hog dares touch my tomatoes, I won’t be a Happy Camper either.
I’ll keep you posted. At least I didn’t grow sweet pertaters. It seems to like those best.

Happy Wednesday!

Groundhog Day!

We're almost halfway through the week already.That would feel more like an accomplishment except the week is moving very slowly so far.

Today was Groundhog Day. I find that to be an odd tradition. A groundhog is woken from a coma-like state just to be thrust outside to see if he sees his shadow. When he's done, he's put away again. I heard that PETA was trying to stop the tradition and replace the groundhog with a robotic one.

Now, while I really don't get the point of Punxatawny Phil, the groundhog, it's a slightly more logical tradition that getting out a robot.

Ok, when I say logical, I say logical in the way that traditions often are; They don't make a whole lot of sense as time evolves but we still hang on to them as they slowly change over time. Take Christmas, for example. Aside from the obvious Birth of Jesus celebration, Christmas is a hodgepodge of traditions from all over the world, the trees, the yule logs, Boxing Day....when you dissect it, it isn't really a cohesive picture other than the fact that it is Christmas. Same goes for Easter, really. How else can you really tie a giant Bunny that leaves colourful eggs to the death of Jesus?

What it really comes down to is that Groundhog day isn't a real holiday. We don't send cards and to me, that's a pretty good marker of whether something is worth commenorating. If Hallmark doesn't make a Happy Groundhog Day card then it's not a true holiday. Though, by now, they very well might.

In truth, it's a pretty silly holiday. It's a legend- the groundhog sees his shadow and there's six weeks of winter left. Well, it's February 2nd. Traditionally, in Pennsylvania as well as most other places that have seasons, winter generally lasts at least until April, sometimes longer. Thus, we really don't need to wake a sleeping groundhog to tell us this. Especially given that there's always a shadow, as long as there's light coming from somewhere. It might be faint but there's usually a shadow.

So, while I feel like Punxatawny Phil probably could be left to sleep for, oh, say, six weeks longer instead of being forced into the light, it doesn't mean that I support the idea of a robotic Phil-The-Groundhog.

It seems a little silly to me, to be honest. The groundhog is a figurehead, a tradition. It doesn't really mean anything. Even if the groundhog didn't see his shadow, I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's likely there's still at least six weeks of winter left.

Which means that Phil could probably retire and we'd all be ok. We could still call it Groundhog Day, I suppose. Retiring the tradition would probably be slightly more dignified than celebrating Animatronic Groundhog Day. I mean, what if the animatronic version broke down and hundreds of children were watching? Even if it's as realistic as some of those creepy Fur Real pets you see in stores, the batteries could die and when the batteries die, so does the groundhog. Score one for Peta who protected Phil from being woken up but left thousands of children scarred for life because the groundhog "died".

Ok, that's the worse case scenerio, I admit. But it could happen.

I suppose what I'm really getting at is that if we are reduced to an animatronic groundhog, it would be a little pointless. Where's the meaning in that? With Punxatawny Phil, there's the ability to see a furry little critter with somewhat-scary-teeth who sleepily stumbles around for a moment, once a year and lives to celebrate his ongoing fame. He has a personality, even if it is a slightly zombie-like one. Animatronics are not the same. Trust me, I've been to Disneyland and ridden Pirates of the Caribbean many times and even though the animatronic figure looks quite like Captain Jack Sparrow and has Johnny's Depp's character's voice, it's NOT Captain Jack Sparrow and it's just not the same.

So, in defense of Phil, I say if PETA puts enough pressure on to replace the organic creature with a robotic version, it's probably not worth Celebrating Groundhog day. An animatronic version isn't that far off from being a computer in which case, why don't we just design an animation of Phil going out from his hole, seeing his shadow and returning to slumber? It'd be about the same thing.

You probably know that, shockingly enough, Phil did see his shadow again today. Just like he seems to do every year. I don't really wait with bated breath to find out if he will. To be honest, I almost forgot it was Groundhog Day until I heard about PETA's protests. My favourite part of Groundhog Day is the Bill Murray movie. My favourite moment is where Bill Murray, on one of his repeats of the day, enthusiastically recognizes his old classmate who is very annoying with a "Ned? Ned Ryerson?" and then punches him in the face. It's not as violent as he sounds but it's the joyful glee you see in Bill Murray's eyes as he does so that just makes you laugh. Most of the movie makes you laugh. There's nothing funnier than Bill Murray when he's in one of his insane moments of sanity like he was in "Groundhog Day" and "What About Bob."

I should probably watch that movie again. If I recall, they have a real groundhog in the movie, even if it's probably substituted for a fake one during the stunt scenes. If not, I'm sure PETA would have been on the case and the scenes would been dubbed with an animatronic version.

Happy Animatronic Groundhog Day just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

Happy Wednesday!