Sometimes, You Just Need a Good Rant...

Today is one of those days in which I'm feeling rather fierce. I don't quite know why other than there are some days where I just wake up feeling that way. It's the type of day where I don't let any other driver on the road get away with behaving badly. If they cut me off, I will yell at them. If they get on my tail, I will slow down.

It's also the kind of day where I just feel slightly cantankerous about things, stupid little things that irk me but inspire a rant because they simply exist and I don't like them. So, today, rather than try to be sunshiney and positive, I decided to spend today's blog having a little rant about the insignificant things that annoy me. Since I don't want to write a novel, I'll try to limit the list. However, I did come up with quite a few things in the short time I thought about it.

Item #1: Turtleneck sweaters.

I despise turtlenecks. I hate wearing them and I don't like seeing them worn. The only time I find them acceptable is on those winter Olympic athletes who need them because otherwise they'll freeze. I hate the way they cling around people's necks, making them look like they're being smothered by their own clothing. It's like the turtleneck has a life of its own and it's trying to slowly eat their head. It probably has something to do with the fact that I, personally, hate anything tighter than a loose scarf around my own neck because I hate feeling constricted. Therefore, when I see someone's head being slowly devoured by their turtleneck sweater, I have the urge to take a pair of scissors and set them free. Fortunately, I have some common sense and even when I'm in my most advanced stage of turtleneck loathing, I have the sense of mind to know that if you move towards someone while holding a pair of scissors and looking slightly maniacal, that's not good.

Item #2: Nicholas Cage

Nicolas Cage irritates me. Nicholas Cage irritates me a lot. First of alll, he only has two roles that he plays. His first role is: "Look at my enormous saucer eyes! I'm emoting. I'm Mr. Compassionate. I'm sad. Look how sad I am because my eyes look like a basset hound's after it's peed on the floor and feels guilty. " (examples of this: "Leaving Las Vegas," "City of Angels", "The Weatherman" and any other romantic movies he has made.). His second role is "I'm Mr. CRAZY! LOOK AT MY CRAZY EYES! I'm cool! I'm edgy! I'm going to go find the Declaration of Independence because I'm CRAZY! I'm going to save the day in my Con Air plane! I'm going to be all goofy and be Gone in 60 Seconds because I'm crazy, man, I'm CRAZY!" So, yes, Nicolas Cage bothers me a lot. The other reason I don't like him is because he sounds like he's chewing his cheeks when he talks, rather like a hamster. I suppose when I think about it, he does sort of resemble that hamster, Rhino, from "Bolt". See evidence above.

Item #3: People who already have their Christmas decorations up

People, it's NOVEMBER 3rd. Christmas in December 25th. I understand that the holidays are a fun time and you want to celebrate them as long as possible but it's NOVEMBER 3rd. Halloween was TWO DAYS AGO. It is NOT acceptable to take down your giant inflatable spider and giant inflatable orange pumpkin that was usually flat anyway and replace it with a giant inflatable Santa Claus and a row of candy canes. Seriously, I saw that someone on my street had done that this morning. I love Christmas. I love everything about it, the smells, sights, shopping and chaos. Yet, it isn't even Thanksgiving! If you have to put something giant and inflatable up in your yard, put up a giant turkey! They sell them! I've seen them! Just because the stores are selling Christmas/holiday stuff does NOT mean you have to give in to the power of manipulative commercialism. Be strong! Resist!

Item #4: The Trailer for "The Twilight Saga: New Moon"

Oh, you knew this was coming. I saw the preview last week. All I can say is "GAHHHH!" Are we REALLY teaching our teenage girls that it's perfectly acceptable to go crazy when you break up with your boyfriend and turn into a thrill seeker who rides motorbikes, jumps off cliffs and essentially tries to kill herself? Also, what the heck is up with that Taylor Lautner kid who is playing Jacob? He looks like he's grimacing all the time. I don't care how much he works out, he still looks like he's twelve. Jacob the former werewolf who became a shapeshifter because Stephanie Meyer either a)couldn't make up her mind or b)read some of Charlaine Harris' books, is supposed to be a strapping, sizzling seventeen year old. Taylor Lautner looks like the Disney Channel version. Also, that's a bad wig. Actually, all the wigs in the movie are bad except Robert Pattinson because he's not wearing a wig, it's his real hair that looks bad. Finally, the preview is very DRAMATIC! Bella almost dies but Jacob saves her. Edward thinks he's dead so tries to get permission to kill himself. He almost wanders naked into public but Bella SAVES him. Hurrah! Then they get to go meet with a council of vampires who all look like they'd rather be in an Anne Rice novel. Sorry Dakota Fanning but red contacts and a pout does not make you that scary. You're still Dakota Fanning.

Item #5: Tootsie Rolls

We've discussed this. They are NOT chocolate. They might have cocoa in them but they are NOT chocolate. Chocolate melts in your mouth. It does not require chewing. When I crave chocolate, I'm not about to reach for a Tootsie Roll. It is not the same thing. Enough said.

Item # 6: The ABC Television Network

Ok, ABC, what are you THINKING? You remake V, the beloved mini-series from the '80's and then you decide to SPLIT UP THE AIRING BY FOUR MONTHS! You can read my review of the first episode of V on my TV blog because I saw it at Comic-Con. It had flaws but it was entertaining. I know a lot of people wanted to see it because they remember the original. Also, ABC has been promoting the crap out of the show. I salute their brilliance in using Muse's "Uprising" as the background music because it's perfect. However, if you're going to drive people potty by showing them the preview over and over then perhaps you should rethink your airing strategy. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, ABC is going to let you watch four episodes now! Then they...make you wait for the rest. UNTIL MARCH! Now, they say it's because they want to make it 'event viewing'. Also, the Winter Olympics would get in the way anyway. So, here's my question. Why not air the show when there are NO Olympics? Also, what kind of an event is that? Do you really think that people would go to an event and then be willing to wait four months for the conclusion? It's like going to a concert, seeing the opening band and then waiting FOUR MONTHS for the next band. That's just silly!

Ok, I promise I'm done for now. I apologize if I've offended anyone. Please bear in mind that Captain Monkeypants was just in the mood to rant and did not intend her opinions to be hurtful, rude or mean. Except perhaps the Twilight ones because irritating Twi-hards and their mothers is actually sort of entertaining. No offense to my friends who like "Twilight." I still think you're insane but I love you anyway. And, um, I'm sorry if I was mean when I compared Nicolas Cage to a hamster. It doesn't mean I take it back but it was a little cruel, I suppose.

Sometimes it helps to just let it out. Thanks for sticking with me.

Happy Tuesday

Comic-Con: The Conclusion

It's a gloomy day out there today. When I left my house, it was pouring with rain. At work, it's grey and the skies look heavy but so far, it's not raining here. It makes it hard to get out of bed and drive to work, particularly when I slept horribly last night and would rather like to try sleeping again right now. Nevertheless, I am here and thus, I will conclude my Comic-Con blogging today with my third and final entry.

Yesterday, I talked about the panels I saw on Thursday and Friday. I also saw a few on Saturday, a couple of them in anticipation of the panel I most wanted to see: The True Blood panel.

Saturday

Lost- This is the last Lost panel that will most likely be at Comic-Con for a while unless they do a reunion of some sort given that next year will air the final season of the show. Thus, the panel was going to be popular and we had to wait in line for a good two hours before they let us in. It was in the largest room in the Convention Centre: Hall H. This is the same room that hosted the Twilight panel, rumoured to be the most popular panel of the convention. It was huge, I don't know how many people it holds but my guess is at least 7,000 and that's probably conservative. The panel itself was excellent. It was supposed to just be the two creators of the show, Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindloff. However, through the course of the panel, several 'special guests' made appearances: Jose Garcia ("Hurley"), Michael Emerson ("Ben"), Nestor Carbonell ("Richard Alpert") and Josh Holloway ("Sawyer"). The panel was probably the most entertaining one I saw with staged interruptions and videos. Naturally, it didn't answer any real questions on the show but given that the creators don't even tell the cast what's going to happen until they get their scripts, that's not a surprise.

V- I actually ended up going to the V panel and screening mostly because I saw the line for the room getting outrageously long and it was getting awfully close to the True Blood panel time. As I said before, they don't clear the rooms between panels so getting in can be tough. So, I lined up and go into the V panel. For the most part, the panel only got maybe 10 minutes at most to talk, the rest of the time was taken up with the screening. The show, obviously, is a remake of the mini-series that ran in the '80's. The episode we saw was the first one and while it was good, it wasn't...great. As I said, I will actually write a review of it on my TV blog but I haven't got around to it yet. The star of the show is Elizabeth Mitchell (from Lost) along with other actors such as Morris Chestnut and Scott Wolf. While the special effects are good and the creepy 'lizard people' makeup is a little...creepy, there are moments of pure cliche that I really hope are remedied as the show continues. While it's nice to have a tough woman as the lead, she also has a teenage son from the Zac Efron school of eyelash-acting who, naturally, does not get along well with his mother and blames her for his father leaving. It would be SO nice to have a show where the strong woman lead has a teenage son who actually admires her for working to support him and doesn't miss his good-for-nothing-dad instead of idolizing him but those are few and far between. Nevertheless, I'll probably watch the show when it airs because I remember the original mini-series from the days of my wee youth; the lizard baby and the skin ripping off to reveal lizard skin are images that sort of stick with you.

Fringe- I confess, I've never seen Fringe. I refused to watch it because it seemed to be such a clear X-Files rip-off, I couldn't bring myself to do it. However, after sitting through the panel, I confess, I actually do want to see it as I was grossly misled as to what it was about and the premise sounds intriguing. Also, the two male leads on the show, John Noble and Joshua Jackson were so entertaining, I have to see them work together on screen. Though I feel a little guilty for taking a seat for a panel that I wasn't terribly interested in when there were people outside who really wanted to get in, the panel served the purpose of most likely getting me to watch the show. I had no idea what was happening on the show and to be honest, the promos on FOX weren't exactly helpful in seperating the show from the shadow of the X-Files but after hearing about it, I'm definitely going to rent the first season on DVD and then DVR the new episodes.

True Blood- This was the panel I really wanted to see. Of course, the time slot and the waiting required to get into the panel did conflict with another panel I really wanted to see: Iron Man 2. Given that the Iron Man 2 panel would include Robert Downey Jr. of whom I've been a HUGE fan for many years, it really was a tough decision. However, that panel was in the infamous Hall H and to see it, I would have had to have stayed in the same seat all day that I obtained for the Lost panel and I just didn't want to do that. Besides, I love True Blood and decided that was the panel I'd rather see. I'm so glad I did. It was really, really entertaining. For one thing, the panel was lead by Alan Ball who first got onto my radar with American Beauty and stayed on it with Six Feet Under. Talk about a smart man. Also, Charlaine Harris (author of the "Sookie Stackhouse") novels was on the panel and as a writer, I had to hear her thoughts on the show since it's taken such a seperate path from the books. When asked how she felt now the books and show have strayed from one another, she gave the answer that I was hoping for, the same one that I've mentioned in my blog: She's happy about it because instead of one world of Sookie Stackhouse, readers get two and though they have similar qualities and are set in the same 'universe', they're different entities and that gives viewers/readers twice the entertainment. I think that's a great answer and one I completely agree with. It is lovely to see the TV show but also a treat to learn more about Sookie from the books.

The actors on the panel surprised me. My favourite character on the show is Eric, played by Alexander Skarsgard. On the show, he has a slight Scandanavian accent. In real life, it's quite a southern drawl that he has. Then there's Stephen Moyer who plays Bill on the show and he has a very, very British accent. And is, I might add, much more appealing in real life than on the show. I'm not a Bill fan: He's a bit drippy for me. However, the actor was not drippy at all. Anna Paquin, who plays Sookie, has a New Zealand accent. On the show, the entire cast has a Lousiana Southern accent. It's just fascinating to hear their real accents and realize how diverse the cast actually is. Ironically, Skarsgard is the only one with a real twang and the only one who doesn't get to use it. The newest cast member, Deborah Ann Moll who plays Jessica was very nervous and much sweeter than her TV alter-ego. All in all, the cast and Alan Ball just had a great dynamic and listenign to them was fun. The only part I was sad about was that Sam Trammell who plays Sam Merlotte on the show didn't get to say much and he's one of my favourite characters.

So, those were the panels I attended. I could go on for days and gush about how great they were but I think three days is gushing enough. Obviously, I have a fondness for the TV panels though there were panels by comic-book authors/book writers I would have liked to have gone to but time didn't permit. One of these was the Joe Hill session. However, Joe, the author of Heart Shaped Box and 20th Century Ghosts wasn't there to discuss his novels but, rather, his comic books which, for me, would have not been terribly useful as I haven't read them.

Overall, what I hope to give you from my blog-series here is a picture of Comic-Con in all it's fandom and madness. So many people think it's just comic books but it isn't. It's a chance of fans of all mediums to come together and indulge their passions. Some of the regular things there still baffle me though this is the third year I've gone. For example, I've never understood the plethora of "Free Hugs" signs. Is it to go along with the "Free Hug Day" or is it just that the people with the signs don't get many hugs so they figure Comic-Con is a chance to cash in? I've never figured that out.

It's a crazy, busy, exhausting adventure but Comic-Con is something that is worth all of it. I'm glad it's only once a year but it's one time a year when it's ok to talk constantly about TV shows, graphic novels, movies and video games. It's a time for geeks, nerds, and normal people who just like geeky stuff to get together and celebrate. It's a mass chaos of people milling, lining up, grabbing freebies and handing them out but the chaos does has a certain pattern. You just have to find it.

Happy Wednesday.