Not One of Those Days After All....

I'm hoping today's not going to be one of those days. It has a few of the signs of being one of those days. For example, I attempted to bake a loaf of bread in my breadmaker last night and I got up this morning to find an odd jagged looking scone-like loaf that was rock hard and inedible. I'm not sure what happened. I used the same recipe I always do. I put the ingredients in like I always do and yet...no bread. Most odd.

I had baked the bread with the intention of making fancy ham sandwiches for lunch. I love homemade bread on a good sandwich. So I had to go to plan B which was to make a salad. Fortunately, I had made a whopper bowl of salad for dinner last night so all I had to do was put some in my tupperware but it's not going to compare to the sandwich I had in my mind. I know you're thinking, "Wait, didn't Captain Monkeypants just complain about how sick she was of ham sandwiches and ham sandwich weather?" Well yes but not the kind of ham sandwich I had in my mind to make. That was to built around ham I had simmered all day yesterday in my crockpot with rosemary infusion. It would have had hydroponic butter lettuce and german mustard on my crusty homemade bread. That's definitely not the same as Oscar Meyer Deli Sliced ham slapped on two pieces of cheap wheat bread.

So, I must settle for my salad. The bread was a disappointment, however. I really wanted that sandwich.

The second sign that it's going to be one of those days is that literally the minute I had stepped outside of my apartment building, rain began to fall. When I say the minute I stepped out, I mean the exact moment I left the shelter. I made it to my car but, naturally, I had picked this morning to take out my rubbish. This means I had to run out in the pouring rain from the shelter of my car and get momentarily soaked just so my flat did not smell like rotting vegetables and stale bread. I have a very small trash can. It fills up fast and when you add a loaf of failed bread machine bread to it, it gets a bit full. So...I got wet.

I would have used my umbrella except one of them was at home and the other at the office. I made a note to myself to keep one in my car. The problem with non-ham-sandwich weather is that it's a tad unpredictable. I like that but I don't necessarily like getting soaked before I get to work and thus entering the office looking a little like a drowned rodent.

Those are really the only signs that it's going to be one of those days aside from the simple fact I had to go to work. I like my job. I just don't like politics and, after over six months of working for a company, I'm beginning to get fed of being the "new person". I know I'll be the new person until someone else new starts in my area but it means I have to constantly be pushed to the sidelines because I'm still not trusted completely, no matter how hard I work. I've had a lot of new jobs in my life because I variety. I've been the new person before. It takes time. I just have to be patient and, eventually, I'll feel secure in my job and not like I'm going to get fired because I'm useless. I'm going to try not to have one of those days at work.

Of course, in the course of my blogging, I've managed to publish my blog accidentally which means, currently, the world can read an unfinished mish-mash of words.

Sometimes I wonder if those days that I speak of, the ones we all have are of our own making or they're days in which the world just wants to take out its bad mood. I mean, we all have days like that. When I'm snippy and crotchety, my poor mother is my punching bag. She puts up with my attitude and listens to me complain. I also have some good friends who know that sometimes all I need to do is vent and get my frustation out of my system. Yet I know on days like that, nothing is going to make me content; I'm on edge and because I am, there's an invisible jagged barrier between me and the world; those are days on which I can't ever relax because nothing feels right.

Maybe the world around me is having a day like that. Or, maybe, more realistically, I'm having a day like that. It's still raining outside. I'm hoping the sun comes out, just for a little while. I'm going house hunting again tonight and my realtor is planning a marathon. I think I have 10 houses to see. I'm not complaining. I'm loving the hunt and the possibility that each place could become my home.

Yet, maybe if I don't concede and admit it's one of those days, it won't become one. Maybe my refusal to acknowledge it will make it not happen. Maybe all I need to do is put on my iPod, listen to the new Green Day song and focus on the positive. I mean, I have a job and I like it. Just because I'm not feeling like I completely fit yet doesn't mean I won't eventually. Maybe it's better that my ham sandwich plans were foiled; salad is healthier anyway. Maybe the fact that it started raining is a present because I love rain. In fact, when I look at the fact that I couldn't have a ham sandwich AND it's raining, maybe that's the universe's way of saying, "hey, you wanted this! I'm just trying to help you out!"

Which means it's definitely not one of those days. It's the opposite. That's a great thing.

Happy Tuesday.

Springtime Activities and the Sneaky Manipulations of a Sausage Dog

I'm blogging just a little later than normal today but at least I'm blogging. When I take a day off, it always feels like a tiny, vital part of my weekday is missing. Sometimes I can't even put my finger on what it is that's missing until I really think about it. Blogging has become part of my routine and, as I've mentioned before, Captain Monkeypants likes routine.

I actually took the day off work today so, technically, I'm still on my Easter Break. It's been a great weekend; very relaxing, fun and down-to-earth. I'm actually writing this from my parent's house and I currently have a Sausage dog staring mournfully up at me. He's actually upside down, lying on his back and craning his neck to make eye contact. His ears are skewered to the side and he's making these awful pining sounds. He does that a lot. Since I am often swayed by the pitiful cries he makes for attention, he expects attention at all times while I'm here. I'm trying to ignore him but those big brown eyes are making me feel guilty because I'm daring to ignore him. He'll probably start to bark in a minute. He has a very deep, melodious bark that's as mournful sounding as he looks. When he barks, I imagine he's saying, "I'm RIGHT here, I need you to pet me and rub my nose because otherwise I shall cry and cry and never be happy again." I'm being strong today and ignoring him. It's not easy.

Aside from spending too much time paying attention to Sausage, I've been up to all sorts of Springlike activities. I did, in fact, colour Easter eggs. I didn't have to do it in the microwave which meant there were no casualties. I did, however, buy one of those kits with the cups, dye tablets and wax crayon. The wax-crayon and I didn't get along well. When I took it out of the package, the top completely snapped off and went flying across the room. My mother, who was assisting me in the Great Egg Dying of 2009, was a good sport and used the blunted crayon. Then, later when I managed to snap the bloody thing accidentally with my avid attempt to draw flowers on my egg, we both ended up with half a wax-crayon each. I pretended I did it on purpose but I know mum wasn't fooled. I'd like to think that the flimsy wax crayon had an affect on both our artistic endeavors. The problem with a wax crayon is that it's white. So is the egg. Thus, drawing on an egg is not an easy feat and our attempts to be creative turned out to be slightly off-kilter and bizarre looking when the dye of the egg revealed our designs. I also ended up with pink and blue fingers because I'm rather a messy creature and even when I tried not to dye my fingers, I did anyway.

Easter Sunday turned out to be a beautiful sunny, spring day. I spent a good part of the day in my mum's garden. Now is the time of year to clear away the old and let the new plants breathe. Clearing away the winter debris seemed quite a fitting activity for Easter Sunday. I also discovered that I enjoy chopping things down. My father actually trusted me with a saw so I could cut away the dead wisteria and honeysuckle vines that were choking the archway to my mother's garden and threatening to topple it down. I must confess, I was rather surprised when my dad handed me the saw with minimal argument. I'm not known for my grace and care with sharp objects but you'll be happy to know that I had absolutely no accidents with the saw. I did, however, have a few incidents with the vine. It pinged me in the head a few times and gave me some splinters but, in the end, I did triumph. My biggest issue was with the windchimes that were hanging from the arch. I keep forgetting they were there and they kept hitting me in the head. It only occured to me afterwards that I could probably have taken them down for the duration of my vine-slaying. Still, it's not a good gardening experience if you don't learn anything. For example, yesterday, I learned the following: 1)Take down windchimes if they keep hitting you in the head. 2) Gardening gloves help reduce splinters, keep your hands free from dirt and prevent hard-to-clean nails. Naturally, I did not have any gloves and thus, after much scrubbing, there's still a layer of dirt ground into my hands. 3) Weeding is not considered successful if you just turn the dirt in which the weeds are growing upside down to hide the weeds from your mother so she thinks you weeded. It's actually much easier to just weed anyway.

Today, the sun has gone away again and we're left with a gloomy, drizzly, dark April morning. While I'd enjoy a walk around the garden to see what changed overnight- which actually does seem to happen this time of year- I also love the constantly changing weather. It reminds me that I've put those ham sandwich days behind me and that I'm back in a place that doesn't allow for predictability in weather unless the predictability is the lack of predictability itself.

It seems on this rainy Spring morning, that Sausage has reached his tolerance for being ignored and is being rather obnoxious. His head is practically on my lap and he's staring up at me like some horribly cliche Hollywood dog that's been trained to be adorable. Naturally, I fall for it every time, just like I'm doing now. Thus I must pay attention to him before he starts to whimper. I hate that I'm being manipulated by an 22 inch long dog that stands about 12 inches of the ground but I let him do it anyway.

I can't help it. I'm a sucker.

Happy Monday.

Variety is no longer a Ham Sandwich...

It's my last day at work for the week today. There's nothing better than a Thursday masquerading as a Friday for the work week. Even the weekends where Monday is a holiday isn't quite the same because you have to go to work for four days afterwards. It's the weeks that give you Friday off because it's three days of pure non-work-related peace. In my case, I decided to splurge and give myself the full traditional Easter holiday. I'm looking forward to not having to leave my parent's mid-afternoon on Sunday as is usually my habit when I go home for a weekend visit.

This has been a good week; I'm not sure why. Nothing of significance has happened more that it's just felt...nice. We've had all the weather extremes to high 70's on Sunday where it was warm enough that it actually felt humid to freezing temperatures that actually provided snow flurries. We've had rain, we've had thunderstorms. Now we have sun. It's amazing to be able to live in a place where you look out the window and don't have to think..."Oh, look, it's sunny again."

I can hear you all thinking, "What's wrong with that?" Well, as I've blogged before about this, I'll just briefly reiterate my previous point. I enjoy sun yet I also like a little variety. For example, for several years when I worked at USC, I would make my lunch every night before bed. It would consist of either a ham, mustard and lettuce sandwich or a turkey, Branston Pickle and lettuce sandwich. I'd also have some carrots, an apple and usually an orange or other kind of fruit. I enjoyed this habit at first. Then, without realizing it, I suddenly found myself groaning at the concept of making another ham sandwich because it meant I'd have to eat it. For some people, they wouldn't have been able to eat them so often in the first place. For me, I liked the routine until, finally, I realized I didn't.

That's how I feel about the California sunshine. I enjoy it. Yet, like those ham sandwiches, I really have to be in the mood for it otherwise, I inwardly groan at the thought. I recently discovered that though my brain still thought it was a good idea, the actually eating of raw baby carrots for lunch was a no-go anymore. I simply had eaten too many.

Thus, I now live in Ohio and I now have variety for lunch. I think I've made an sandwich maybe twice. Instead, since we have a microwave, I bring in healthy foods to eat without having to spread mustard on that bread every night.

So, over the years, I've learned that though I am a creature of habit, I like a little variety. I'm trying to bring a little to my life at the moment by entertaining the idea of buying a house. Everyone I mention this to gets excited because it's a great time to buy, not a great time to sell which means there are great deals out there. It's not to say I don't love my apartment because I do. Yet our company is moving in the next few months and, once again, I'll be commuting in the mornings and evenings if I stay put. I'll be able to do it for a while; I've had enough practice in Los Angeles. Yet I don't want to do it forever and I also think that it'd be nice to have a place of my own. The beauty of Ohio is that, compared to California, it's very cheap.

I have to say, I'm both excited and terrified about the possibility of buying my own place. It's a huge commitment and, well, I do have a few commitment issues. Yet I also know that if I find the right place, I won't care. At least...that's what I think I'll think.

I'm still in the early stages of entertaining the idea. Until I actually move forward, it's going to remain an exciting possibilty rather than a scary reality. Yet I think moving forward might be nice. Apartment living hasn't quite reached the level of intolerance that I've reached with my ham sandwiches but every time I hear the frat boys across the hall with their not-so-bright girlfriends, every time I hear the stomp of my CEO's footsteps on my ceiling, every time my apartment office hassles me to renew my lease even though I have until August, I think how nice it would be to live in a house where I didn't share walls, where I didn't have to feel like I was under my landlady's tyranny because I'd dared think about hanging a picture on the wall. When I moved into this complex, I was handed a list of prices that every potential piece of damage to my apartment would cost me. So, every time I accidentally spill wine on my floor or I notice a scuff mark on the wall, I feel compelled to pull out that sheet and see how much it might cost me if I don't clean it up perfectly.

At least if I owned my own place, I could charge myself for my calamities. Yes, there'd be a lot more maintenance, yes I'd have to fix things myself but...the idea is new and exciting. I'm hoping that I follow it through. It'd be nice to move from my apartment building while I still had some fondness for apartment living. I don't want it become a ham sandwich in my life. I want it to be like the California sunshine: A fond memory, a nice treat to visit but something that I don't want every day, all day anymore.

We'll see how that goes.

Happy Thursday!