Monkey Massacre!

So, as is the nature of life, today was the complete opposite of yesterday at work. This is to say things were rather slow in the office. It also didn’t help that our boss is currently taking a few days’ vacation. Even when you really like your boss, there’s something rather nice about it when he’s gone. Things become more relaxed.

This is actually quite a feat for us. Generally, on most days, we’re quite relaxed in the office anyway. However, when he’s gone we’re even more relaxed. After the busyness of the past few days, I admit it was quite nice to have a breather. I clearly wasn’t the only one who felt this way because by 4 p.m., we were all gathered around our coworkers desk looking up each other’s addresses on Google maps so we could see each other’s houses.

In addition, our daily meeting was also more relaxed. This is probably why we all shared what we’d had for dinner last night. This stemmed from a description of our coworkers dream in which we were all at some mystery wedding and one of our salesmen was trying to convince the bride and groom that they wanted fish sticks at their reception.

As I said, things are more relaxed when the boss is gone.

It’s fun to work in an office where everyone gets along and there aren’t any awkward politics. There’s no one sucking up to the boss to try to climb to the top of the corporate ladder and there are no cliques. It’s a refreshing change of pace from my last office which was a mess of tangled politics and loyalties, not to mention the alliances and cliques.

Since I still keep in touch with some of my former coworkers, I do hear about some of the things that are going on in my old office. Suffice to say when someone mentions the name of the product you used to have to work on and you get a shudder running down your spine, you know you made the right decision to leave.

I’m very thankful that I found this job. While there are some days where I feel like banging my head against the keyboard because no one is returning calls or emails and I’m not getting anywhere, there are days like yesterday where good things keep happening and you actually feel exhilaration at your accomplishment.

And then there are days like today where even though no one is answering my phone calls and all the resumes I’m getting in response to my job postings are completely unsuitable, it’s ok because I’m having fun.

I’ve learned, by the way, why it is that I get the resumes I do. I did not realize that when some folks are at a certain level of their unemployment compensation that they are required to apply for a certain amount of jobs per week. Now I know this, it explains why Mitch the forklift driver from Idaho is applying for Java developer position in Cincinnati. While I have compassion for Mitch, it’s rather tiresome to have to wade through the large pile of completely unsuitable resumes to find the ones that are actually from people who genuinely are interested in the job I have posted.

Still, you learn something new every day. Today was no exception. Today’s lesson was actually not at work but, rather, at home.

It was this: Never leave two playful dachshunds home alone with a one legged monkey.
You might think this sounds strange. It makes perfect sense. You see, Rory and Sookie have a favourite toy. We call him Monkey for that is his name. This is actually Monkey 2.0. Monkey 1.0 met an untimely death because Rory and Sookie had a tug of war with him. I felt bad for the pups since they really loved their monkey. So I found another one at Petsmart.

Monkey 2.0 lasted a good three months. Then, early this week, I looked out the window at the snow-covered backyard and noticed a small blue thing lying there. Curious, I investigated to discover it was one of Monkey 2.0’s legs. Since it was frozen and stiff, I brought the limb inside and put it somewhere safe so that I could stitch it back on when it was a)defrosted and b)I had time.

Alas, that time never came. When I came home at lunch today, I discovered poor Monkey 2.0 disemboweled on the living room floor surrounded by the polyfill that used to be inside him. In my absence, the puppies had their own private Monkey Massacre.

It was my fault. I should either have confiscated Monkey 2.0 or stitched his leg on in a more timely fashion. I could have saved that little blue monkey but, alas, he is no more. I laid him to rest in the rubbish bin. His time of death is estimated to have been between 8:10 am. and 12:20 p.m. No autopsy will be necessary.

Now I’m trying to decide if we should think about a Monkey 3.0 or we should find something a little more durable. It’s just that the puppies clearly favour Monkey above all their other toys. It’s fun to watch them share him as they trot outside, each one carrying a limb in their mouth as trot off proudly.

Of course, this is probably why I find little monkey limbs outside in the snow on occasion.

Ah well. Like I said, you learn something new every day. My lesson today was that perhaps Monkey is not the best toy for two dachshunds who love to play tug of war and can grip an object very tightly in their teeth for ages. Sookie, especially, is very determined and when she sets her mind to holding onto her toy, she’s not letting go for anything.

This time, it was poor Monkey 2.0 who paid the price. I vow to not let it happen if there should be a Monkey 3.0.

Monkey Massacres are no fun to clean up.

Poor Monkey. May Monkey 2.0 rest in peace.

Happy Friday!

Good Days, Bad Days...It's Nice to Like My Job...

This week is going quite quickly. Tomorrow's already Thursday which means it'll soon be Friday.
You'll hear no complaints here. This has been a better week at work. I've learned there's an ebb and flow to the recruiting business. Somedays, it's like spending the day fishing without getting a single bite. Even when you think the fish is biting, it turns out that your hook is actually caught on a week or you've caught a leaf. In my case, it tends to be that the weeds and leaves in the analogy are job seekers who, sadly, aren't really authorized to work in the U.S. even though they indicated on their resume that they were. It's frustrating for both sides- it's not that we don't want to sponsor anyone's visa but we simply aren't in a position to really do that.

Sometimes the weeds that masquerade as fish are people who simply don't want to accept the realities of the world. For example, I contacted a woman today about a potential job. She's been out of work for a while but not desperate for a job yet. She wants $100K for a position. The position I offered her was $85K and she pretty much snorted into the phone with derision. I have to admit, I have no tolerance for that attitude. I deal with enough desperate professionals each day who are victims of the economy that people like this woman make me cringe. I suppose it shows my middle-class upbringing but I can't help but think of all the people who take jobs as fast food employees, cleaners or shelf stockers just because their unemployment has run out and they have to feed a family. The economy is improving but it's still not great. There are still a lot of unemployed folk out there. I get irritated at people like this woman who don't understand that to the average, middle-class or lower worker, $85K is a pipe dream. In all honesty, she was on the third tier of people I contacted anyway so it's not like she's top of the line. Still, it's a lesson to me that not everyone really wants a job, even when they advertise online that they do.

It's all a learning experience. I'm learning that, as a recruiter, sometimes you have to sell your candidate to the account manager. So far, my instincts aren't proving too badly. My first placement was someone my boss didn't think was fabulous and yet he managed to get the job. I have another candidate who I knew could do a job but my account manager on that one didn't believe me. He's going into the second round of interviews so he's definitely not doing too badly.

It's all rather fun at times even though the days when you don't get a single bite are frustrating. They make me feel a bit like a failure. I've been told that it's a silly way to feel because then I'll have a day like today where I get three candidates for submittal. It's all just a big old circle. What I'm learning is that talking to people and getting to know them is the best way for them to want to work with you. Today, I helped a woman who's reuniting with her ex-husband from 30 years ago get a job interview up near Dayton. I helped another woman who's been job seeking for months and wants to live anywhere she can find a job get an interview. I found out she's been having a lot of bad hair days and so it's only natural she gets the interview during a period like this.

It's fun to get to know people. There are some rude ones- the guy who decided that he needed to send a rather long email correcting my grammar in response to a bulk email I'd been told to send, for example- but there are some really fun ones too. There's nothing better than talking to someone who's dejected and tired of job seeking and offering them a lifeline in the form of hope. It's satisfying. It's also fun to reach out to them as a human, to find out that they're having a bad hair week and they're wondering if it would be bad to wear a hat to an interview or to find out that they're reuniting with their ex-husband after 30 years.

It's not all like that but I'm quickly learning that the nice people make up for the rude people. It's one of the reasons I wanted a job like this. It's much more rewarding to get a message on your voicemail first thing in the morning from someone you placed in a job that tells you how happy they already are and how much they love thier new job. They say thank you. It's what I missed about my old job. There was no instant feedback like that. There was really no feedback at all though I'll blame that on the bad politics/human resource efforts of my former company rather on the nature of the software industry in general.


It's nice to be told thanks. It's nice to hear "good job" from your boss when you do something right. It's addicting because it makes you want to keep doing it. Granted, I get a commission for every placement I do but it's not about the commission, it's about the feeling of satisfaction and success I get when I do my job well.


It's been a while since I've had this feeling. It feels nice. It's nice to come into an environment like this from an environment where not getting fired seemed like a good reward, even if you had no reason to even get fired. You don't realize how paranoid you are that you might just get axed until after you've seen a company fire three people at different times, seemingly out of the blue. I'm sure it wasn't completely out of the blue but that's how it seemed to me and to the rest of the minions at my old company.


In addition, it's a pleasure to work for a stable company. I confess, given the rocky transition of my old company from being a university-owned company to being a private company to being a merged company, it never made me feel very secure. I'm hoping for the sake of my former coworkers/friends that the company sticks around but, honestly, I don't think anyone will be astounded if things don't go so well in the future.


So, four weeks in to the new job and I can safely say that I'm glad I made the decision to try something new, to leave behind the safe but crazy world of my old office. Having a day like today where I feel like I did my job well almost makes up for the bad breakup I had to endure with my old boss.

Almost, at least. It's going to take some time to get over that one.

Happy Thursday!

Awkward Reunions and Cold Wet Puppies

How is it possible that it's already Sunday evening? I feel like it was just Friday evening when I was sneaking out of work a little early with two of my coworkers to get margaritas. We weren't really sneaking- our boss told us to do it so I guess you don't get any less sneaky than that really.

Anyway, the fact of the matter is that it feels like it was just a very short time ago we were drinking the margaritas and now, time is whizzing by so quickly that in a few short hours, it'll be time to go to bed and say good bye to the weekend.

It was a nice weekend, even if it did start off with a visit to my old office. It was, as you might suspect, very awkward going back there. I knew it was going to be. My old company, in the grand scheme of things is quite small. My current company caters mostly to big companies. This is because big companies can afford services like ours. We're not a terribly inexpensive service. Big companies don't mind paying us for what we do because we take the hassle out of having to find employees.

Smaller companies like my former employer don't usually use us because they usually don't need us and, also, they can't really afford us.

As I suspected on Friday, my former HR manager was obsessed with the cost. She didn't want to know what she'd be getting for the cost. She just wanted to know how much it would cost. We sat with her for almost an hour while she obsessed about percentages and facts and figures. It was, to say the least, a little...odd. I know they need to watch their spending but if you call someone in to explain how they work, the least you think they'd want to do is, you know, hear how we work. Instead, we sat there while she kept trying to find out what we'd charge.

It was painful. To make it more painful, my ex-boss came in late and sat there without saying much, staring awkwardly at us. It was completely clear to me that my account manager and I were wasting our time but we had to persevere anyway. To make matters worse, when my ex-HR manager told me what salary they were willing to pay this new employee that we might help them find, my jaw dropped. I've only been doing recruiting for 3 weeks but it's long enough to know what a beginning/entry-level programmer expects. Let's just say my former company was willing to pay significantly lower than most companies.

It's no wonder the position has been open three months. To top it off, they want someone with a combination of skills that is going to be pretty near impossible to find in one package let alone for the salary they want to pay.

Needless to say, by the time we left, I wasn't expecting them to go with us. I don't think they will even though we were told they'd call us to work out details. I'm hoping they don't go with us because, frankly, as much as I'd like to bring business into my new company, we'd end up taking a loss with them anyway by the time we're done. Ah well, c'est la vie. As long as I don't have to go back again any time soon, I'm ok with that.

So, by the time it was margarita time on Friday, I was ready for the weekend.

All in all, it's been a great weekend. I went to my parents early on Saturday and had a lovely day hanging out with my mother. We went out for lunch to this new Vietnamese restaurant that's not too far from their house. They're a pho restaurant. Pho is one of the things I miss about Los Angeles- it's a vermicelli noodle soup with meat, spiced broth and herbs and it's just good comfort food. I tried it here at a local place once and it was nothing like the real thing. Thus I was delighted to find that the pho I had on Saturday was as close as I've ever had since I left Los Angeles.

I also decided that I might as well give into Christmas so I started my Christmas shopping in earnest. I'm doing pretty well considering it isn't even Thanksgiving yet.

Today, I spent the day with my parents, their dogs and my puppies. It was a nice day but chilly in the wind. Not so chilly, however, that the puppies didn't have a great time running around my parents' yard and going in their ponds.

I'm not sure what the fascination is but my dad has this little fish pond with a waterfall and the puppies were obsessed with it. They spent the day running around the edge of the pond. Naturally, Rory being Rory, slipped off a rock and ended up soaked to her belly. Sookie got a little wet too and, as a result, our drive back home was a little pungent.

Now, because the smell of pond is not appealing, I have two shivering puppies on my couch. I had to give them a bath and they were not happy. They're currently wearing their pink mock-Burberry coats, wrapped in a pink mock-Burberry blanket and looking as pathetic as I've ever seen them. It's not like they can possible be cold. Their coats and blanket are made of fleece and I've had the heat on as well. I think they're just making me feel bad.

I do feel bad. I didn't want to bath them but, well, they smelled like a pond and since they sleep burrowed in my bed at night, I really didn't want them curled up next to me smelling like stale fish and algae.

I'm hoping they'll forgive me soon. They're almost dry as it is. Still, knowing my pups, they're going to milk their sorrowful mood as long as possible and make me feel like I have to sit with them and cuddle them.

Still. There are far worse ways to wind down a weekend.

Happy Monday!

Day 2: The Polar Opposite of My Last "Day 2"

Today was Day 2 of my new job. If life were like a video game or, even an episode of a TV show, I'd have had that fact depicted over my head in the form of a chyron that said "DAY 2."

It's interesting. My last "Day 2" was the second day after I'd turned in my resignation. It was horrible. My boss was in his stage of our 'breakup' that was a cross between depression and anger. It was a horrible day. It was the day where I finally cried because my boss had been so mean and the fallout of my decision to leave my last job was intense.

This "Day 2" was about as opposite as you can imagine. For one thing, I didn't feel a sense of depression and gloom as I went about getting ready to go into the office. When I did get to the office, there was a pleasant atmosphere. I wasn't being called into impromptu meetings in which I was forced to explain my decision.

Instead, as a pleasant diversion, I was, instead, treated to a good day in which I felt that my decision was explained for me by the powers of the universe. For one, I received more training. This, in itself, is different from my last job. My new boss is nice. He's not just the type of nice you get when you're new. I think he's just...nice. When we finished our training session, he assigned me some tasks but told me no pressure. I thought I had an idea of what to do so...I did it.

Truth be told, actually doing stuff at a new job is nervewracking. I tend to like my hand to be held until the very last minute. As a child, I was painfully shy. As an adult, I'm much less so but the recumbant gene of youth makes me feel shy and nervous when confronted with the idea that I have to talk to strangers. Fortunately, with adulthood comes maturity and while my instinct is to shy away from making phonecalls, the reality is that that once I've dialed a few numbers, it's quite easy to babble to strangers.

As a result, I had a rather successful day. What iIdidn't realize is that my boss didn't actually expect anything. This is not to say he's treating me like I'm special...as in the type of special that rides a special bus and that he didn't expect anything because he knew I would be able to do it. It's just that he's normal and he knows I'm new. Thus, he didn't expect me to do very much.

Nevertheless, I gave it a go and it turned out to be quite fun. I had a productive day. I'm already getting the hang of the job. I already love it or, at least, the idea of it. It's a lovely feeling to know that the people I'm calling to interview for a potential job may not not have a job at all and that they may be glad of my phone call. It's nice to know that even though I'm having to interrupt people's days, it's for a good cause.

Most of all, it's nice to have results. It's nice to see that the work I'm doing is yielding something.

This may sound dramatic. Yet, when you've been in a job for two years where the yield of your work is measured in the fact that you don't get fired, it's ok to be dramatic.

What's more dramatic is when your boss leaves for the day and makes a point of coming by your office and actually saying, "You did a great job today," that for a split second, you suddenly want to a) either hug him in gratitude, b) have a brief cry because you're simply not used to any type of feedback and even the small stuff is overwhelming at this point in time or, more likely c) where your mouth falls open with shock for a split second because you're simply not used to praise. Yes, this is dramatic for a job. I get that. It shouldn't be dramatic, that's the point. Instead, this is how a good company/manager/boss operates. You should always know when you do well.

For me, today, it was a start. More than that, it was an affirmation that, if there was any doubt at all that leaving the familiar cocoon of my last job, regardless of the problems, that doubt is assuaged and I have, in fact, done the right thing in leaving.

I'm hoping that as time passes and my job suddenly feels familiar rather than slightly foreign as it does currently, none of these positive things will strike me as odd. Instead, I'll get comfortable with the fact that they are, actually, quite normal.

At the very least, I'm hoping my job becomes normal in that it becomes the way I earn money and that I do it well but it's not the focal point of my life. While I know my job supports my writing, my writing has been there to define me and who I am. Lately, with my past job, I felt like my writing fell short because my soul was being sucked dry. Slowly, but surely, my soul will come back to me. I can feel that now and it's nice to have hope again.

It's also nice to have a little bit of praise and feedback because, sometimes, that's all it takes in jobs, in life and in everything else.

Happy Wednesday!

Breaking Up is Hard to Do...

Today was probably one of the most draining days I've had at work in a long, long time. It wasn't supposed to be draining. Today was supposed to be a happy day. You see, I decided after less consideration than I probably ought to have given it to quit my job and take the other one that I have now officially been offered.

I walked into the office this morning. I was feeling a little nervous about telling my boss but lighthearted about the fact that after months of complaining and stressing about this job, I had finally found a way out and it looks to be a positive change.

When I got to my desk, I typed out a short, polite generic resignation letter indicating that I was giving two weeks notice as of today. I know not to put too much in writing when it comes to letters like that. The less said, the better. If they want to know why, they can do an exit interview.

By the time my boss came in, I had decided to give him a fifteen minute settling in period before I gave him my news and my letter. All went as planned. Then I went in, shut the door to his office and told him I was leaving.

It turns out that contrary to my belief that he had wind of me job seeking, he had absolutely no clue. I had blindsided him. His jaw literally looked like it dropped to his desk and for a minute, I felt like I'd kicked a puppy.

He didn't know what to say. Shock was involved. Then speechlessness and then, finally, in a slightly less confident voice than I'm used to from him, I heard him say, "I don't understand. Is it something I did?"

This is not what I expected at all. I tried to give him some of the more general reasons but I outlined why I was accepting this other job and why I was giving my notice. It wasn't good enough. It was rather a painful experience. He finally looked at me and said, "If I can come up with a better position for you here, would you consider staying?"

I knew most likely nothing was going to change my mind but he seemed...desperate. So I told him I'd definitely consider it.

What followed was a stressful morning. He instant messaged me. He called me into his office for another painfully awkward conversation. He dashed off to speak with his boss- our company president who has also resigned- and then I got an email outlining a new position and the responsibilities.

I knew as soon as I saw the email that I wasn't staying. Truth be told, my reasons for leaving are as much due to the politics and environment of the office as they are with me being bored at my job. I had told my boss that one of the reasons I was resigning is because I needed more responsibility, more control over my own work. The job description he cobbled together was a desperate attempt to appeal to that area of my request.

I spent the afternoon being almost angry with him. I've worked for him for a year and a half. I met with him no less than four times to tell him I wanted more to do. I met with our company president and told him the same. Finally, I talked to our incoming company president with the same request. Nothing. I've spent months of feeling like I'm useless at my job because I get no feedback. I watch my coworker get rewarded with projects, a Mac laptop and whatever software she needs while I sit and have to download free versions of software on my old Windows desktop.

Then, I finally quit my job and suddenly, I'm irreplaceable. I'm invaluable. I'm necessary.

I was annoyed. I had hoped my boss would express regret that I was leaving but graciously accept my decision. Instead, I spent the day feeling guilty and dishonourable because I'd let him down.

In all honesty, it felt like a rather bad breakup. I've had those before. One in particular was with a rather nice man who I liked a lot but I was too young to settle and so knowing it wasn't going to go anywhere, I broke up with him. He had no idea it was coming. He was upset. He begged me to change my mind. He asked what he'd done wrong and what he could do to fix it. I felt horrible because he was so broken.

My boss was like that today only it was the 'professional' version of a breakup. I quit my job. He doesn't understand. He wants me to give it another go because it might work out.

Finally, late in the afternoon, I was summoned to our outgoing president's office. My heart sank. My head was already pounding from the stress of dealing with my bosses attempts to awkwardly communicate. Nevertheless, I trudged down to his office, waiting for yet another promise of improvement and fulfillment of my professional needs.

To my intense pleasure, it turned out to be a great conversation. Having resigned himself, our president understood that my decision wasn't just due to job dissatisfaction. He understood how stressful it's been to have entered a company during a time of turmoil- being sold, being merged, moving, being renamed, etc. He understood my need to get away from an office where, while I like most of the staff, the cliques, gossip and favouritism was too much for me. He understood that, sometimes, you just know when it's time to move on.

I felt much better when I was done talking to him. So much better that I went straight to my bosses office and told him the decision was final and that, while I enjoyed working for him, it was time for me to make a change.

He took it...ok. He was clearly surprised I didn't cave to his counteroffer but I think he knew he'd lost before that really.

I feel right about my decision. A wise friend of mine, Ms. P who is down in Texas, compared my job situation to one of my favourite Christmas movies- "The Holiday." It's a romantic comedy about two women who swap houses and find love. Specifically, she compared me to Kate Winslet's character who has been in love with a man for years. She's done everything for him, tried to make him love her but she was just a square peg trying to fit in a round hole and he can't appreciate her for the great woman she is. She leaves him and he finally realizes what he's lost yet our heroine, Ms. Winslet, realizes she deserves better than that and leaves him for good.

In this case, my situation isn't a man but a job. I've tried for two years to fit into the company. I've worked hard. I've done everything I can to be a good employee and yet I've felt as though I'm stuck in my cupboard under the stairs, underappreciated and invisible. Then, when I finally decide to leave and move on with my life, the company realizes what it's losing and begs me to stay.

Well, like Kate Winslet's character in that film, I think I finally found the gumption to move on with my life. I'm not sure what the future holds but I have a strong feeling it's going to be better. If nothing else it's a new opportunity.

I never thought I'd say it but I'd like to thank the Most Optimistic Bathroom in the World for dispensing some wise advice: "Live for Today for your Life is Now."

Of course, my guess is that when our CEO picked out those signs, she didn't intend them to inspire us to quit our jobs.

Ah well. The deed is done.

Happy Tuesday (and thanks for reading!)

Short Weeks, Long Weekends

Today was my Friday at work and I couldn't be more glad. Even though most people in my office have to go to work tomorrow...I don't. To me, that makes for a good end to a somewhat tough week in the office.

It hasn't been a tough week, workwise. It's just been one of those weeks where the coworkers who generally annoy you a little, end up annoying you a lot. It's been one of those weeks where even the tiny normal daily hiccups turn into big delays in the daily breath of your working life. My computer would freeze. I'd have to reboot. My software would stop working. I'd have to reboot. You know how it goes. In the end, it turned into one of those weeks that should have been relaxing since the boss was gone but ended up being a bit of a waste of time.

Still, it's my 'weekend' now. It means I don't have to go to bed at a reasonable time if I don't feel like it. Of course, these days, I tend to go to bed at a reasonable time even when I don't have to get up early. Nevertheless, it's nice to have the option. These days, the best part is that I no longer have to blearily find my way out of bed at 4 a.m. because the puppies need to go out. They're now fully capable of sleeping through the night without having to do their business outside. I find it odd that I can relate a little too much to a coworker whose young son is being potty trained and she was excited that he got through the night last night without an accident. I found myself relating to her with the puppies before I realized I was comparing a dog to a child.

I'm seriously becoming one of those old English ladies with the mismatched outfits, big old hats and a high pitched voice that trills on about her dogs. The thought frightens me a little even though I have a feeling, at the moment, it's inevitable.

I did go out tonight after work. A coworker invited me to grab drinks with her and some of her friends from her former office. I like her and hadn't been out for a while so I thought it might be fun. It was fun. Of course, it did get a wee bit odd when our company president showed up to say hi. In a way, it wasn't as out-of-place as you'd expect: My coworker is good friends with his brother and fairly good friends with him and she'd jokingly invited him.

Naturally, it changed the atmosphere a lot. Aside from passing chats about TV shows, I don't really talk to him much. As you know, I'm not always happy with the way things are at work but I mostly don't blame him. He made a point of telling me that he thinks I'm intimidated by him because I never show up in his office to complain like everyone else. While I'll admit, he is a little intimidating because, well, he's our company president, I politely told him that from my past experience, I've been conditioned to approach my manager/boss if I have a problem. Since he's, you know, the company president, I tend to figure he has more important things to do. Then I asked if he'd prefer me to talk to him.

I think I surprised him. He finally said that he wished everyone had that approach because he spends half his day listening to people complaining.

Here's the thing: I do complain about my job. You know that. I do it a fair amount on here. There are things I don't like- primarily the office politics and our stingy PTO policy. However, whether or not it's right, I do tend to think that even if he's an odd man, our company president got where he is for a reason. I do wish he'd take more action after seeing that inaction was not benefitting his employees but, in an ideal scenerio, the reason there are managers in our company is that they're supposed to manage the day-to-day operations of their department.

It was an interesting conversation. I didn't have to say much. It turns out that, as I suspected, he's much more aware of things than people seem to realize. For example, my issue with the 'clique' is not just my issue. In a strange way, it made me feel better.

The danger, of course, is that I let down my guard just a little. I let myself believe that it was ok to relax around our company president. Then again, that might not be such a bad thing. I suppose we'll have to see. What it came down to was that he asked me questions and I answered them. I'm nothing if not blunt although I can be quite tactful when necessary.

In the end, it turned out to be a fun and interesting evening. I met some new people. I heard some bad music and I got out of the house for a bit. In the spirit of me being boring, I intend to have a quiet weekend now with only necessary errands like car services and doctor's appointments to run. Sometimes, though, those are the best weekends: Nothing firm, just open time to spend as I will. I plan to relax with the puppies.

As long as no bunnies are involved.

Happy Friday and have a great weekend. Thanks for reading!

Self-Discovery and the Art of Distraction...

Today has been a sad, hard day. All I can say is that Sausage is no longer with us. When I'm ready, I'll say more about him but my mother reads my blog and I know it's been a rough time for her too so I don't want to go on about it right now.

When it's time, I'll blog about it.

I'll miss him. That much is probably obvious if you've read my blog for any length of time.

It's funny how a cloud like that hangs over you all day. You know it's inevitable and you know it has to happen but it's still always there in your mind, the minute you stop and think.

I do think we get to know ourselves better when something like this has happened. I learned that I really am rather British. When I found out that I was going to lose Sausage, I did what any good British person does: Made myself a pot of tea. There's something about tea which is infinitely soothing. The warmth of it, the familiarity of it...there's nothing more comforting in all the world.

I also learned that I'm one heck of a worker when I need to distract myself. I think I got more done at work today than I have in a long time and I've actually been working lately. It was the good kind of work that sucks you in and absorbs you and before you know it, the day has gone by and you actually find yourself staying a little late to get stuff done.

And you know when I do that, something has to be wrong because I try not to stay later than I have to stay. As I've said before, I don't hate my job. I just don't feel like I'm loyal enough to put in any more effort than I get paid for. It's a sad fact but it might explain why I don't want to be part of the "Great Bowling Adventure" on Friday.

Our company president has decided that we need to bond as a 'team'. Instead of ordering pizzas and putting a movie on the giant HDTV's we have in our building and rarely use, he wants to go bowling.

I admit, I am not a bowler. The only time I like bowling is with friends, beer and silliness. Awkward Bowling Adventures are not a way I like to spend with my coworkers. They are far worse than Awkward Bagel Days. Trust me on that one. We had one last year. Not fun. People show up out of obligation, everyone tries to sneak out early.

Still, I suppose it's the thought that counts. To me, it only counts if it's during work hours. If it's in my free time, I'm sneaking out too.

Still, the idea of an awkward bowling day was a nice distraction from brooding about a dog. As was the fact that my boss sat at my lunch table and found out that I was publishing my novel in a paperback form. He actually was quite excited and even pulled up the Kindle version when he got back to his office. His enthusiasm surprised me. He's going to buy one. I admit, I'm a wee bit worried that when he gets to the part when my heroine lets a demon run rampant in her office building because she's not fond of her job, he might be concerned. Also, my heroine has an awful lot of similarities to...me. I just hope he takes it with the dark and twisted humour it was intended. I'm not cruel...I might be a little...sardonic but it's all in fun...right?

I'll let you know when he reads it. He was also the first person to inform me I had a five star review on my novel and I don't have a clue who posted it. If it's one of my blog readers, I thank you. If it's a stranger, I thank you too. It's very flattering and it made me feel very good, as a writer.

Also, it was a nice distraction and I needed that today.

Thanks for reading. Happy Wednesday.

Sharpening the Pencils to Death....

I think today was what you call "karma" in the office. After my blog yesterday that gently poked fun at the Weight Watchers, it turned out today that I was the only member of the "anti-Weight Watchers" in the office. I did not relish the thought of sitting in the kitchen, eating my salad that had real fresh pieces of leftover bacon on top and having the Weight Watchers ask me what I was eating and make "The Face*," so I ended up running errands and eating my not-as-healthy-as-I'd-like-but-really-tasty salad at my desk.

(*Definition of the face: Picture the food that appeals to you most in the world. Picture how it tastes and smells. Then picture a big metal cage being placed on the food so that it's unreachable. Yet you can still smell it and imagine how it tastes... but you can't eat it. Now look at your face in the mirror. That...="The Face")

I didn't really mind too much. It was that type of day, anyway. It was, in short, a typical Thursday; a day in which I got much done but my mind was looking forward to the weekend.

Then again, there's nothing much new about that, is there?

Still, I can't complain. Today went by pretty quickly. My boss has not spoken to me in two days, not since the meeting we had on Tuesday. I'd say I'm heartbroken but in actuality, it's actually quite nice. My boss does this thing that my coworker and I call "Drive-By Managing." For the most part, he ignores our existence. Then, every now and again, he'll come out of his office and take turns to stop by our desks and say, "hey, how's it goin'?"

And that's it. He just stands there, waiting. We usually say, "Pretty good." And then he stands there some more. So then we launch into a description of what we're working on. He still stands there. It's like he wants to chat but has no idea how. With the males in our area, he stops by their desks and talks sports. They can do that for hours. Yet with my coworker and I, both of us females, it is in a word...awkward.

This is the type of 'awkward' that should be muttered or whispered in two syllables- "awk. ward" - while looking out of the corners of your eyes down at the ground. If you don't know what I mean, try it. You'll understand.

I want to chat to him, don't get me wrong. Yet when I do, he looks fearful, as though I'm going to say something sarcastic. I've mentioned this before: He thinks everything I say is sarcastic when, in actuality, only about 50 percent of what I say to him is intended to be sarcastic.

No, I've actually tried to engage him in real conversation, to ask him about his kids, his wife, his dogs...you name it, I've probably tried it. Granted, it's getting a little personal but when you have the type of boss that walks up to you and says, "you look nice. Why are you so dressed up? Do you have fancy social plans?" it doesn't seem so out-of-the-question to try to take an interest in who he is as a person aside from who he is as a boss.

It's just plain...awkward. The most frustrating part of it is that we have bi-weekly meetings to discuss what our area has been doing. We go around the meeting table and say what we're working on. Compared to the programmers, I'm pretty dull- I could go into great technical detail about what I've been doing but the way I look at it is that no one really cares. Unfortunately, some of the programmers do not feel this way and feel that it's necessary to break down into intricate detail exactly the work they've been doing down the programming code. It's not that I'm not interested because I am. Yet when it gets down to when they're naming every single phone call they received and the answer they gave and the respondent's reply to their answer and then the follow-up emails that occurred...well, by then they've lost me.

Yet, since our boss does take notes at these bi-weekly meetings, I suppose what I hope is that he actually listens and makes a note of what we're doing. However, two days later, he's standing by my desk saying "hey, how's it goin'?" and I have to recap what I'm working on which, most likely, isn't that different from what I said in the meeting.

I forgot to mention, during this time, he's fiddling. He's a fiddler, my boss. If he's standing by my desk, he's got to be touching something on my desk. Sometime it's my name plate which he knocks down quite a lot. He usually does this when he's trying to perch on my desk. It's the perching which actually alarms me. My desk really isn't perch-able. It's a got a decent work top but it's got two cubby-holes above it with overhead lift-up lids. They sit pretty low. Thus, perching on my desk means your shoulder can't quite fit comfortable with these cubby-holes. Also, my desk is a little slick. Since I've never tried to sit on it, I can't say that I've experienced sliding on it. However, seeing as how my boss takes a little bit too much of a slide every time he tries to perch, I have to assume it's a bit slippery.

So, the perching ends up with my boss looking slightly flustered because he's either knocked my name-plate over, gone sliding or whacked his shoulder on my cubby-hole. So, usually, by this time he's on his feet, trying to think of the best escape plan so he can save a little face.

When he doesn't perch, he's usually looking at some of my toys- either my Geico Gekko statue or my Green Day SuperAction figures. It alarms me when he picks up one of my Green Day men and 'fiddles' with it. He doesn't know he's doing it. It's a bit of a violation of my space. Also, I don't think Green Day would appreciate quite the manner in which he's trying to remove Mike Dirnt's chicken from his hands. Trust me, you have to see it to understand quite how odd it is.

So, long story short, days upon which my boss doesn't speak to me are actually not that bad at all. Since he has absolutely no clue what it is I really do nor what it is I actually am capable of, I tend to get a little annoyed with him in general anyway. I've tried repeatedly to have him take me seriously, to listen when I suggest something or to at least understand that I'm not a complete twit. Nothing seems to work.

Yet he is a 'drive-by' manager. I can't decide if this is better or worse than a micro-manager, someone who wants to know everything I'm doing all the time. I think it's probably better although at least with a micro-manager, he might actually realize that I'm constantly having to find my own projects to work on because otherwise, I might stab myself in the eye with a pencil out of boredom.

I don't want to stab out my eye. I quite like having my eyeballs. I also quite like my pencils. I've kept those away from my boss when he comes to 'perch' on my desk. My pencils are very personal to me. I mean, think about it, a pen runs on its own ink. A pencil...a pencil must be sharpened in the palm of your hand. It becomes personal the first time you sharpen it. Each turn of the sharpener serves to make it work better for you.

Yet, really, you're slowly slaughtering the pencil in order to make it more efficient.

Not terribly unlike my company, when I think about it. Or most companies, for that matter. Eek gads, what a thought.

But it's Friday. That's a better and slightly less dark and twisty thought. I think I'll stick with that, what do you think?

Happy Friday and have a good weekend!

An Ode to Gingerbread Pancakes...

It's a wet night out there. The streets are dark and shimmering with puddles. I think the rain has calmed, at least for time time being but, ever since I got home from work, it's been hammering downwards, making me glad I'm safe inside, the glow of my Christmas tree reflecting against the rain-spattered windowpane.

It's supposed to snow tomorrow morning again. I hope that doesn't mean the roads will be bad for the commuters who have to come into the office from further distances than me. Naturally, I'm concerned for their safety but, also, selfishly, I don't want to hear how 'lucky' I am that my house is so close. I am 'lucky' but, really, it just means I'm quite smart. I bought my house with the full knowledge that I had one left turn from the street on which I live in order to get to my office. Mostly, this is because winter driving still scares me a little; I got a lot of practice last year but the unpredictable nature of tires on ice and snow still keeps me alert in bad weather.

Yet, tonight, it's still just rain. I'm safe inside my house. It's been a festive day for me. Though I had an almost-insufferable three-hour meeting at work, the day was made better by the celebration of a coworker's birthday. All I can say is "Gingerbread Pancakes." We went to IHOP for lunch because there is a restaurant, literally, in the front car park of our building. I think our CEO may actually own the IHOP as well as our office park. We didn't get a discount though. Our birthday girl chose the brunch location specifically because of the gingerbread pancakes. Normally, as a pancake non-enthusiast, I'd be apathetic about speciality pancakes. Yet, I cannot resist gingerbread. Thus, it came to be, that I decided to be adventurous and order them.

Let me tell you, if you like gingerbread, you simply should try these things. The pancakes are basically warm slabs of the delicious baked goodness. You can get them with whipped-cream and festive decorations. I chose just powdered sugar. They were, like a good cup of chai, a celebration of Christmas in my mouth. There's nothing like a bite of warm, soft gingerbread to kick home the fact that it's the holiday season.

It's hard to go back to work in a bad mood after such a thing. Even though the afternoon passed slowly, I didn't mind. I even had a cup of holiday tea to make the day seem even more Christmas-sy. It wasn't the best day at work. It wasn't the worst. It was just another day in which I realized that my job and I are not made for each other. I don't think anyone can say I haven't tried. I've now approached my boss three times with suggestions for ways to improve my job so I'm more productive and help be an asset to the company. Each time, I end up watching my coworker be put on every new project and I get to sit at my desk and keep myself busy.

To be fair, I'm learning that it's not so bad to sit there and keep myself occupied. I'm undertaking a project that has needed to get done for several years. It's coming along nicely. As long as I have time where I'm not instructed how to spend my minutes, I'll keep working on this. I like it because it's the first time in the entire year and couple of months in my job that I've found something I like to do a lot and I think I can do well. It's writing, really. Just like this blog. Just like my novels. Yet the writing at work is instructive and formal, a way to get newbies who are using our software for the first time to understand how to use it. Too many times I've read technical documentation that makes me feel like I need to be in MENSA to understand it. Thus, I tend to try to not make my readers feel dumb and inexperienced. That's the nice part of being on both sides of the fence: You get to know what really is needed, even though the Powers That Be try to be high falutin' and fanciful with their efforts. The people who actually do the work just need instructions in English as to how to get started. That's it.

So, in actuality, work isn't horrible, as long as I can cut most of the people out of the equation. Granted, my desk is literally falling to pieces which I handily repaired with a paperclip and tape (thanks, MacGyver!), my chair is still not dried from the gluing and my computer is the only non-Mac in the entire area, as long as I keep my mind occupied, it's not so bad. Also, I've decided that until I'm told off, I shall continue listening to Pandora and KROQ online since I caught one of the bosses streaming media to his computer the other day. These are the small perks.

Also, there's gingerbread pancakes to be had, just across the parking lot. Combine this goodness with coming home, having a mug of mulled wine and watching "Elf", you have a rather nice, festive day. I love the Christmas season, it makes everything pretty with the addition of fairy lights, spices and Christmas cheer. Yes, as I've said before, I'm a walking cliche but I don't care. It makes me happy and, sometimes, that's all we need in life.

Happy Wednesday!

Strange Happenings in the Office...

It's gloomy out there today. I have been assured, however, that the grey skies are going to clear up and the sun will soon be out...sometime. It might be today, it might be tomorrow but the sun will shine again.

I'm thinking maybe a career change to being a weather woman might be quite easy. I know there's supposed to be some education involved but, really, to us layfolk, it seems awfully easy to sit there and spout things like, "We may see some rain today but it might pass us by," and "The sun will shine again sometime in the next few days!"

I know, I know...there's probably some meteorological school involved or something. I just don't really see how that works when, really, with all the Doppler 5000 technology, it just involves reading the weather off a computer.

Still, for now, the sun is not shining and the greyness of the day is pressing inwards. Our president fired someone yesterday. One minute she was here, the next minute the news is flying around the company, urgently whispered as so to keep it covert. Naturally, we all knew within five minutes although we still don't really know why. She was a fairly new hire and it's likely, we'll never know the reasons she was fired. I know she reminded me of one of my old bosses, someone for whom I had so much trouble working, I finally threw in the towel and found another job. Yet, since I didn't know this woman that well, I can only guess what her crimes were.

Of course, it has sent a fear into all of us. Even the most secure of employees here has to realize that being fired is a simple process: One day you come into work like usual and the next thing you know, you're carrying a banker's box of possessions out the door and being asked to submit your computer passwords. In the days when we worked with the university, it was harder. Being fired from a university is a long, tedious process and it takes months, even years unless there is a good, obvious reason like, say, you kill your manager or something.

I'd like to think that if I were in trouble, I'd at least know ahead of time. I think usually, a firing is preceded by closed door meetings in which bad behaviour is discussed. If the bad behaviour doesn't stop, a firing happens. It's abrupt, it's quick and all we employees ever know is what comes in the standard email: "Effective immediately [Name of fired employeed] no longer works for [our company name] Please direct all questions to [Name of President] or [Name of HR Manager]." That's it. We have the gossip chain, of course. We all have our suspicions, our own anecdotes of how the fired employee misbehaved but we never get anything more official than that email.

The thing I find amusing is that if we have questions, we're supposed to ask the president or HR manager. Yet, if someone asks "Why?", they're told, "I'm afraid we can't discuss it." That pretty much says it all. The only thing we all want to know is "Why"? but that's the one question they won't answer.

I know they can't say why for legal reasons. This is a litigious society we live in. Anything that we're told could be admissible if a lawsuit is filed by the employee if he/she feels it is a wrongful termination.

Yet, the why of the situation would be good for all of us. It would ease some of the self-doubt that is swimming around everyone's minds: What did she do that was so bad and am I doing it too? What sort of thing could we get fired for? Was it because she was always watching videos on her computer at work? I do that too! Am I going to get fired?

You get the idea. Sometimes the cold, hard truth is better than the speculative worry that floods the atmosphere when people's thoughts are left to stew.

So, today, this morning, everyone seems to be walking around, a little stunned. We can't discuss it because our company President is upstairs, ensconced in his office, a deterrent to gossip because he hates gossip. We can exchange surreptitious comments, raised eyebrows but we can't talk about it at work.

It means we're all on our toes, worried about our own job security. I'm not too worried...yet. I haven't been summoned to my boss's office. I do get my work done, even if I don't do it with beams of joy and sunshine flooding off me. I never fail to meet my deadlines. I hope this means I'm safe but...you never know. And I know I'm not the only one thinking this.

I suspect the quiet in the office will last all day while we tiptoe around. It makes for a productive work environment, even if it is a little tense.

As for me, I think I'll keep a low profile, do the odd chair dance and, if things get really bad, do a mental dance around the teapot.

I'll just make sure no one sees. Just in case.

Happy Thursday!

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life...

I'm really late blogging today due to work commitments. I hate when work gets in the way of fun.

I had to give a co-presentation today on a software product I've been working with. I'm not terribly fond of speaking in public or even speaking in front of a group but, over time, it's become easier. It really helps when you know what you're talking about. The more you speak, the easier it gets, this I've learned.

Unless, of course, it's your first product demonstration for the company that fairly recently hired you and the company president decides to sit in. Then...all common sense and experience goes out the window and you turn into a stuttery bag of nerves.

This is what happened to me. I know the product, I know how it works. One of my special skills is that I can talk both technical speak and user speak which translates to me helping normal people figure out what the technical jargon means. I'm usually pretty confident when I'm talking about something I know well. I enjoy it.

Today, I didn't. Today, I feel like I just want a nice big sandpit in which to bury my head. It was ok except when I'm nervous, I talk too fast. I have a British accent. Combine the two and you realize I'm a little incomprehensible when I first start talking. That wears off quickly: I slow down, I relax...I'm doing ok.

Then...the software blows up on me. I'm supposed to be showing it to a client to try to persuade them to buy it and...it doesn't work. Our server crashes. The demo has suddenly gone from organized and controlled to a frenzy of disorganized chaos. I managed to recover but the damage was done. Not only did I show a weakness in our product but I got flustered in front of my boss.

So, now it's all over, I'm having the typical "may I go jump off a cliff?" reaction I always get when I don't do my best. I like to be good at things. I like to prove that I am good at things. I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to criticism- I'm harsher on myself than I ever am on others. I'm not good at what I deem failure, even if it's not really a failure. I like to be good at things. The problem is, there are some things I'm just not good at.

I always hated realizing that as a child, much as I do now. If I was interested in something, I wanted to be good at it. I loved watching gymnastics when I was little, I loved watching Nadia Comaneci. I took gymnastics, practiced when I could but the sad fact of the matter was I wasn't very good. I had that built-in fear of hurting myself that the best athletes seem to lack. I was cautious. I couldn't do a fancy vault because I would stop myself for fear of falling. I had to realize there were limits to the "You Can Do Anything!" encouragement that I heard.

There are many other things in my life that I've realized for which I will never reach above an average level of expertise. Mostly, I'm ok with this. Yet I've always wanted one thing, one defined thing in my life that I am good at, that I can do without fear of failing, without fear that everyone will laugh at me when I fail.

I'd like to say that's writing which is why I don't take rejection well. I'm not sure that's true though. I adore writing, it's easy for me to do. It's something I don't have to think about. I can throw words together and come out with a product much like a chef does with ingredients. But...I don't know if I am any good at it. I suppose it's all relative on who is judging us really, isn't it?

Yet it is the thing that I'm most comfortable with. It's the security blanket I turn to. This is probably why I'm using it to come to terms with the fact I feel like I blew my demo today. Chances are, I really didn't but....it feels like it because I know I screwed up.

Yet, as always, if I take a step back, I realize it was my first one. I realize that having the software break meant I'd found a bug that we can fix before we release it. I know I'm good at finding bugs because I'm good at breaking software. That I know I'm good at. I just wish I hadn't found the bug in front of a potential client. Or in front of my boss. But I didn't get fired so...always look on the bright side, right?

Happy Wednesday.