Long and Squirrelly Weeks

This is turning into one of those weeks. I’m very glad that tomorrow is Friday. I could use a break; this week in the office has been rather stressful.

Our office is not having a great month. We’ve had a string of bad luck with candidates who accept our job, are about to start and then, at the last minute, decide to take a different job. Or, in the case of my coworker and fellow recruiter, he’s had people start a job and then leave within a week. The thing is, this isn’t something we can help. It happens. In the case of the people who leave after a week, it’s usually the same reason that the other candidates don’t end up starting- they find another job that pays a little more and as is so often the case, it’s all about the money.

Today, I had a great candidate who was supposed to start work on Wednesday. I had a bad feeling after not being able to reach him yesterday to set up a time for him to fill out his paperwork. Today he informed me he had a better opportunity and he couldn’t turn it down. He was very apologetic and I know it wasn’t personal but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

To top it off, I got an email from the consultant I’d fired unfairly a few weeks ago. He was formerly very nice and polite to me. He was understanding that it wasn’t our fault that the employer didn’t want him back. Then, today, he sends me a rather snotty email informing me that he’s suing us. This, of course, came as a shock because we weren’t expecting it. He wants to be compensated for the cost of traveling and accommodations for the time he worked for us. This would be completely understandable if we hadn’t have paid him a government-decreed per diem to cover the cost of yes, you guessed it, the cost of traveling and accommodations for the time he worked for us. I feel bad. I know he’s angry and he’s doing what he can but from a legal standpoint, the reason we pay a per diem is to avoid this type of situation.

It still made things a little ugly though. It’s just been that type of week.

Still, outside the office, things are a little brighter…for the most part. I did come home and find out that the infamous trampoline had been relocated so that it was less than six feet from my fence which meant I had screaming, bouncing kids even close to my garden than before. Fortunately, I think the move may just have been temporary because Dog Whisperer and Wife moved it back later that night. Either that or they heard me loudly complaining to Mummy Monkeypants about it but since I did that indoors with the windows closed, I doubt it.

The dogs and I had an interesting walk tonight. We got out the front door and were almost immediately mown down by Lemonade Stand Girl on her bike. We jumped out of the way only to see her stop short, slam on her breaks and throw her bike down. She’d spotted something.

That something ended up being a squirrel. The poor creature had clearly fallen from a tree. I instantly felt bad, as though I’d cursed it with my harsh anti-squirrel blog. I thought the creature was dead at first but then I saw it was hyperventilating. The little girl squealed quite loud and asked if I thought it was dead. Meanwhile, my avid little hunters, Sookie and Rory, were pulling like mad because they’d scented the squirrel. They wanted that squirrel badly. The little girl bent down to try to poke it with a stick- I told her to do it gently. Then with no warning, the squirrel lurched up and stagger-flopped over the grass. The little girl squealed again which attracted some of her siblings/friends. Meanwhile, my dogs were whining and salivating, trying to get at the squirrel. The squirrel didn’t do itself any favours by stagger-flopping close to the dogs. I tell you, pulling two focused dachshunds away from their prey is not an easy task. With great effort, I got them away although Rory would NOT forgive me for quite some time. I got rather reproachful glares thrown back at me for the rest of the walk.

I would like to have helped with the squirrel situations but having the dogs meant that the only way it would end is with a dead squirrel rather than a maimed one. My dogs are as sweet as can be, normally. They’re loving, good natured girls, always up for a cuddle. However, when it comes to hunting, they are VERY SERIOUS and they turn into to demon creatures who MUST HUNT. I haven’t decided if they’re hunting to kill or just to play with their prizes. So far, aside from one baby bunny last year, it seems that they’re much more focused on substituting their captives for their chew toys. i.e. they get them in their mouth and toss their heads from side to side, trying to get them to squeak.

So, we left the squirrel. I was relieved to see that the kids had got the Dog Whisperer to assist and he was on the scene with a box. The sad reality is that I bet the squirrel didn’t make it through the night but I was glad that someone was helping it. Despite my aversion to the ratty little things, I still don’t like seeing any animal hurt.

It’s just been an odd week. I’m hoping that tomorrow being Friday will automatically make the day good but given the way things have been in the office, I might do better to just hold my breath until the weekend and hope that next week will be full of new hope and new possibilities.

I do, however, hope that next week is a little less full of squirrels. They’re definitely not helping matters. Oops, there I go again…sorry, squirrel. RIP little squirrel who fell from the tree.

Happy Friday!

Oops..Sorry Squirrels?

It turns out I may have been blaming the squirrels unjustly for the eating of my tomatoes. According to Possibly-Joe, there’s a groundhog living in the garden that’s diagonal to mine. He’s seen it a few times and his dog desperately wants to eat it.

Possibly-Joe has a rat terrier named Chloe that he ties out on a long chain in the garden. He doesn’t have the luxury of a fence the way I do and Chloe is a bit of a runner. There have been several times when I’ve seen Chloe squeeze out the back door when he’s going through and he’s run around the neighbourhood trying to chase her. He’s done it barefoot a few times too. So far, he’s always caught her. He has my sympathies. When I was a kid, my dad had a thing for Afghan Hounds so we had a couple of them. Afghan’s are REAL runners- if they have the space, they will run. There were several occasions when they managed to get out of our yard and we had to chase them like maniacs all around the neighbourhood. It was never fun, always embarrassing and always a triumph when we caught the dog. So Joe has my sympathies.

Anyway, I know about the groundhog because while I was squirrel-proofing my tomatoes last night, Possibly-Joe came out to chat. This was while the Trampoline Gang was at their wildest and I’d desperately been trying to ignore their yelling. Possibly Joe clearly felt the same way I did because the first thing he said to me was, “as if their dogs weren’t bad enough, now we have a trampoline.”

It made me smile. It’s nice to have catharsis in knowing you’re not the only one who’s irritated at something. I was starting to feel like a cranky old spinster because I can’t sit out on my patio anymore without it having the soundtrack of the kids next door. I mean, I am glad they’re able to keep amused and have fun playing but the selfish part of me wished they didn’t have to do it next door while I’m trying to relax.

Possibly Joe had a gripe about Dog Whisperer’s beasts and how they drove Chloe nuts and then he complained about how the kids on the trampoline liked to wind up Chloe which got her upset. I listened with sympathy. As I suspected, Dog Whisperer and Wife didn’t do themselves any favours by installing the trampoline. I know that their yapping dogs drive quite a few people crazy as I’ve mentioned before. However, add to that a trampoline full of shouting kids…they’re not exactly going to be the most popular house on the block.

Anyway, after Possibly Joe was done with his complaints, he mentioned that there was also a groundhog living next door to him which Chloe kept trying to eat. I didn’t know that I had one of the creatures quite so close to my house. Possibly Joe said he’s seen it stick its head up quite a few times and that’s usually when Chloe goes nuts and tries to eat it. Fortunately, her chain doesn’t go that far.

I was surprised. I’ve never seen the groundhog and I can’t help but think that if Rory and Sookie saw it, they, too, would want to join in the Eating of the Groundhog with Chloe. Well, they probably wouldn’t eat it. What would actually happen is that they would bark at it a lot. Sookie would be the leader of the barking and Rory would stand back, trying to be brave like her sister but rather wary anyway. The groundhog would probably stare at the two barking dogs and then saunter off, probably to eat Larry the Potential Serial Killers sweet pertaters or beans. If my girls did get close enough to the groundhog to actually confront it, chances are that Rory would run off, frightened and Sookie would attempt to bravely capture it but would probably run away if it got too close. The groundhog is, after all, bigger than Sook.

The thing is, Sookie thinks she’s a big dog. This is why when we got out walking, she gives no notice to the Chihuahua’s and Yorkies we pass. She barely acknowledges the miniature poodle. No, Sookie likes to stir up trouble when we pass the German Shepherds or the Golden Retriever. She also is quite fond of barking back at the Great Dane we pass by its back gate. Sookie is fierce and she likes dogs to know it except, really, she’s not. She just likes to bark and when they bark back, she hides behind my legs. This is why I know she wouldn’t really fight a groundhog. A squirrel, she’d fight. She has already taken on a rabbit. She likes voles. She’s fond of bugs. Yet when it comes to things that wouldn’t fit in her mouth, she’s not really that fond of getting too close.

Still, now that I know there’s a groundhog, I’m a little more suspicious of my tomatoes. They were awfully large bite marks in them. I assumed that a squirrel had started the job and Rory had finished since I caught her taking a bite yesterday. However, now I know there really is a groundhog living close by, my suspicions have changed. I’m not sure if groundhogs can climb though- I don’t see how else they could have got to my tomatoes without scaling the fence. Still, it does make me wonder if I did blame the squirrels unjustly.

Hopefully, my chicken wire will suffice. Since I managed to cut myself on it as I was setting it up, I decided it might be dangerous to the girls if they ran through on one of their mad energy bursts that causes them to run round the garden on their circular track. In an effort to remind them the wire was there, I tied some very bright orange fabric all over it. If nothing else, I have the most stylish-squirrel deterrent in the neighbourhood.

Still, I’m going to be on the lookout for that groundhog now I know where he lives. I’ll also keep an eye on the girls just in case Sookie tries to play “Catch the Groundhog” which she is likely to attempt to do if she sees it. My guess is that our chain link fence will provide a safety barrier for both parties but you never know.

On the plus side, all that noise from the Trampoline next door probably discourages the creature from coming out as often as it wants to so maybe there is a silver lining to this after all.

Sorry, Squirrels…maybe it wasn’t your fault this time…

Happy Thursday!

Defend and Destroy!

I despise squirrels. I know I’ve mentioned this before but, once again, my opinion has been justified.

I find them to be rude little creatures. If squirrels were humans, they’d be obnoxious teenagers who’ve had no parenting, treat the world as their playground and talk back to whoever gets in their way. They’re not threatening, per se but no one really wants to deal with them because they’re annoying.

Both Sookie and Rory hate squirrels too. Their hatred is manifested in their desire to capture a squirrel of their very own any time they see one. They whine beneath a tree when there’s a squirrel in it, they pull like crazy if we’re walking and they see a squirrel and they simply cannot understand why squirrels can run up trees and they can’t.

We call squirrels ‘dirty rotten cheaters’ because they sit there, taunting the dogs as we walk, chewing on some item that’s bigger than their heads whether it’s a tomato, a hickory nut, a slice of pizza or an apple and as soon as the dogs get close enough, they run up the nearest tree.

We consider that cheating. I do, however, marvel at how squirrels manage to climb trees without dropping their food items. It’s not fair that my dogs get so close and then the squirrel cheats by running out of reach.

Worse is when the squirrels talk back. They run up the tree and then sit there, making this weird chittering noise that sounds rather like they shouting at my dogs. This, in particular, drives Sookie a little nuts and she gets a little demented in her attempts to try to climb up the tree. Sookie, my sweet but not-as-bright-as-her-sister dog has not yet figured out that she cannot climb a tree. She tries. Oh, but she tries but she always ends up having to concede defeat. She’s a sweetie but there are times when she’s just a little, uh, dopey. Take for example when I try to put her harness on her for a walk. Rory long since figured out that if she steps into each leg hole, buckling the harness is harmless, easy and quick. Not Sookie. Sookie still acts like she thinks I’m going to hurt her when I approach with the harness. When I get her to stay still, I get her to lift a leg to coax her to put her foot in the leg hole. Then the leg stays lifted and I suddenly have a Three Legged Dachshund. She has stood like that for quite a while. I usually get her to put it down by manually lifting her other front leg. Of course, by this time, the first leg is no longer in the leg hole of the harness but it’s worth a shot. Of course, she ends up keeping this leg lifted for a while and we repeat the process until the harness is actually on. So, her constant attempts to climb trees are expected and, well, endearing.

I digress. Back to the squirrels.

Squirrels make our walks more interesting. There are huge amount in our neighbourhood and so when the weather is cool and breezy, they’re out in full force, gathering food and generally being obnoxious.

I can handle them on our walks. It takes a little wrangling to persuade two enthusiastic dachshunds that squirrels aren’t actually food and thus it’s not worth chasing them but it does keep our walks interesting.

I can’t handle them in the garden, however. There are a couple that live in my neighbour’s trees. They run around, jumping from fence to tree branch to bush to fence and so on. They torment Sookie and Rory by perching on the top of our chain link fence, doing that chittering thing a mere three feet above where Sookie stands on her back legs desperately trying to reach them. No matter how high she jumps she can’t quite bag herself a squirrel. The squirrel, meanwhile, clearly enjoys inflicting torment. I half expect them to pelt my dogs with acorns and berries. For all I know, they do.

The worst part is that they’re thieves and sneaks. Twice now, I’ve noticed that my lovely heirloom tomatoes are starting to ripen and I get excited. I decide that I’ll let them ripen a little more and then I’ll pick them. Lo and behold, twice now on my two largest tomatoes, I’ve gone out the next day to discover half-demolished tomatoes ridden with squirrel-sized toothmarks. The tomatoes are no good and I have to throw them away. They also eat my cherry tomatoes and I find them strewn on the ground, half-eaten. Honestly, I’d rather the bloody creatures just ate the whole tomato. At least then, it wouldn’t seem so obnoxious and wasteful.

The dogs are no help because the squirrels attack my tomatoes while they’re inside and I’m at work. Or they do it at night. I still blame Wife of Dog Whisperer who used to plant tomatoes strictly for the squirrels. They’ve got a taste now and since mine are gourmet tomatoes, heirlooms and lovely, they’re hell bent on eating them.

It’s time to declare war. I have some chicken wire that I’m going to attempt to use to secure the perimeter of my tomato patch. Rory and Sookie won’t like it because I’ve caught them having a bite out of the already squirrel- decimated tomatoes when they think I’m not looking. I suppose they smell of squirrel because they won’t eat tomatoes if I offer them normally.

I’ve been researching other ways of getting rid of squirrels. The internet recommends using dog hair around the plants. Since my girls are shedding rather a lot, I’ll use my Furminator on them tonight and try that method too. I’ve also given the dogs permission to seek and destroy but, alas, that’s not having any more effect than their usual attempts to seek and destroy. Apparently, they don’t need my permission.

I’m hoping to salvage the last of my heirlooms. I have a couple more and I’ve been waiting ages to pick them and enjoy them so you can see why the squirrels have inspired my ire. If I succeed in eating at least one of the delicious fruits that isn’t laden with bitemarks, I’ll be happy.

When it comes to my vegetables, it’s serious business. I will take no prisoners. Those squirrels have messed with my tomatoes for the last time.

Now, if only I could tell them that.

Happy Wednesday!

Really Random Musings...

There are times in life when you are engaged in activities that allow for a form of meditation. I’m not talking about the ‘Zen’ type of meditation or any other type of spiritual meditation. I’m talking about the type that happens when you’re doing something like, say, driving or even tiling a floor that requires concentration but also allows you to empty your brain and let the thoughts flow.

Since I had a lot of time this weekend to ‘mediate’ while tiling a floor as well as on my short drive to work each day, I realized I had quite a few random thoughts that tended to occupy my mind. Since this blog is called ‘random musings’, I figured that I might as well share them with you because making lists is sort of fun. Please don’t judge me for some of them. We all know I’m a little odd at times.

Things that popped into my mind either while I was tiling the floor or driving to work:

1) Why some songs just get stuck in your brain for no reason. I currently have that annoying “Keep on Keeping On” jingle from Chase Bank in my head. It keeps going around and around. I don’t even bank at Chase. Grr.

2) Why there are vans for FedEx with FedEx Express printed on them. Does that mean it’s a Federal Express Express van? Why the repetition?

3) HBO’s Game of Thrones. For a show based on a book I’ve never read, it certainly does take up a lot of my brainpower. When I was tiling this weekend, it pretty much kept cropping up. It’s like my brain is trying to solve a mystery that I don’t think really exists. Most odd.

4) Why does one side of my lawn grow much faster than the other? It’s weird. I mow the whole thing to keep it even but it’s only one side that really needs it.
5) Why does Rory Gilmore, my somewhat active dachshund, suddenly decide to plop herself down on the grass and refuse to move when we’re on a walk whereas Sookie wants to keep moving?

6) Why does Mrs. Enormous Trousers insist on telling me everything when I step outside to walk the dogs? Last night, I learned that her daughter thought she needed to wear a better bra, that Mr. Enormous Trousers had to buy new pants and that he got a haircut. All of this while it’s 93 degrees out and the dogs clearly aren’t in the mood to stand around.

7) Why Son of Dog Whisperer is surprised when he falls of his bike because he’s riding around, trying to do it no handed with his eyes closed while wearing no shirt or shoes and resembling a lobster because clearly he didn’t have any sunscreen on all day.

8) Why Canadian geese will decide to settle and nest in the most random places. Also, why is their feces green and why is it so messy?

9) Why I despise Gordon Ramsey so much. I tried to give “Masterchef” a go last night and it made me cringe. He’s so clearly acting up for the cameras with his drama of “TRUFFLE OIL OFFENCE! YOU SHOULD BE SHOT” and his dramatic fingers to his mouth exclamations of “Damn” when he clearly is disappointed in a contestant. Also, these are HOME COOKS- they may not know that in the cheffing world, Truffle Oil is the Oil of the Devil. Perhaps, if you stopped gagging and exclaiming over how offensive and wrong it is, you might politely TEACH her something.

10) I can’t stand fishlips on people. This is a mean and horrible thing today but there are people- mostly men- who have these tiny little lips in enormous chins and they give me the icks. The large judge on “Masterchef” has fishlips and I find them just…unpleasant.

11) Worms. After our last major rainstorm a couple of weeks ago, there was a huge population of worms writing on the sidewalks. Then when it got hot, they dried up and died. Why didn’t they wriggle to safety? Also, I really wish Rory would not try to eat these dried up worms on our walks. People will think I don’t feed her properly when, in fact, I feed her a little TOO well.

12) Squirrels…I’m not a fan but I’m amazed at their ability to climb a tree while holding onto a large object. In recent months, I’ve seen squirrels race up a tree holding a drink can, a near-empty can of Busch’s baked beans, a whole slice of pizza and a bunch of grapes. I’m not sure where the grapes came from.

13) Weeds. Why didn’t my seeds grow but weeds have no problem propagating and multiplying in the same soil?

14) Food. I think about food a lot. Usually I plan my dinner ahead of time. Yesterday, I planned on arroz con pollo tacos for dinner and since I used the tomato juice for the marinade, I had leftover tomatoes in a can so tonight, I’m having gnocchi with roasted red pepper and tomato sauce. Tomorrow, I’ll probably do something with asparagus, gnocchi and white wine. Yes, I’m obsessed. However, healthy good cooking takes some planning and creativity.

15) Why I lost my love for going to the cinema to watch a movie. Aside from “Harry Potter,” there’s nothing on my summer “Must See” list. A couple of years ago, I saw most of the major releases in a theatre. It might have something to do with the fact that ticket prices seem to creep up 50 cents more each time I go.

16) Is a movie in 2011 that is #1 at the box office really breaking records or is it that ticket prices are almost double what they were ten years ago and it just looks like movies are making more money?

17) Where are my hubcaps going? I’m now missing two. I have no idea where one of them went. One, I suspect, was pilfered when I left my car overnight in a train station car park a couple of years ago. The other one…it was just gone.

18) What do those Magnum ice-cream bars taste like? Since I’m trying to be healthy and watch my calorie intake, chances are one of those things would either have to be consumed by me on a ‘cheat day’ when I’m allowed to eat what I want or as an entire meal on a normal day. They look yummy but is it worth the calorie expenditure?

19) Chewing tobacco. That stuff is nasty. My coworker chews it and has a cup in his car that he spits in. He knows it’s vile but he does it anyway. What possesses someone to start doing it in the first place? Smoking…well, not that I’m a fan but it seems to make more sense. Why not chew Big League chew or something?

20) Writing. I still do it although I’m currently waiting for my proof of “Emmy goes to Hell” to arrive so I can move on to a new project. Is it worth writing a new novel or should I consider retiring into the oblivion in which I feel that I belong?

21) What should I do with my bathroom? It’s hideous. My dad has plans to help me remodel but while I think it’s lovely of him to help and he will eventually get it done, his timetable always needs to have a couple more weeks or even months added to it. Since it involves taking out my only bath/shower, I’m a wee bit worried about how long it’d take to replace them. Also, since his plan includes taking out wallboard and sawing the bath in half, methinks a weekend will NOT be enough to get it done.

22) Why do I like Target so much and why is it impossible to leave there without getting at least double the amount of stuff I planned to buy?

23) Will teleportation ever exist? It’d be nifty to get somewhere distant without hopping on a plane.

24) When the pups and I were walking the other day, there was a sock lying in the street several blocks away. I’ve been missing one of those socks for a while and I bought them in the wholesale district of Los Angeles a couple of years ago. What is the likelihood that it was actually my sock and, if so, how on earth did it get there?

25) Why don’t they make seasonal summer pencils? I like to write with pencils and I have pencils that reflect the major upcoming events (Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentines’ Day…). Why can’t I find pencils that reflect summer. It’s not fun to write with a boring pencil or one that’s out of season.

Thanks for reading!

Happy Wednesday!

Beautiful Weather for a Busy Weekend

This was one of those weekends when I didn't have anything planned but it ended up being a blur of business anyway.

It helped that Saturday was an absolutely beautiful day. Having had snow only two days before, it was unexpected but it ended up being almost 60 degrees, sunny, blue skies...perfect. It was the type of day where you feel guilty for staying inside.

Thus, I spent the majority of the day outside, clearing the autumn and winter debris from the garden and sprucing it up, ready to start planting/landscaping when spring genuinally arrives. I had planned on taking the girls for a walk over the park but instead, they spent the time happily playing outside in the garden while I worked. We compensated by walking around the neighbourhood twice. It was a busy walk due to the weather. We saw Larry-the-Potential-Serial-Killer for the first time since the autumn. He was very friendly. The pups and I have actually had to avoid his house for the past few days due to a very Dead Squirrel that was laying on the edge of his property.

Dead Squirrel posed a problem because the girls could smell it and desperately wanted to claim it as their prize. The first day we discovered Dead Squirrel, I was just glad the leashes I walk the girls on were strong. Sookie and Rory both whined and wimpered desperately to be allowed to go get Dead Squirrel but, alas, I had to play the mean mum card and say "No." Also, it violates our Squirrel Rules anyway: Sookie and Rory may claim any squirrel that they personally catch. Squirrel must be in full health when caught. Already Dead Squirrels do not count and thus will not be claimed.

We really do have Squirrel Rules. I like to pretend the girls understand them even though I know they don't care. Squirrels to dachshunds are a little like crack to an addict: They desperately want the squirrel, they need the squirrel. Nothing else counts but getting the squirrel.

Fortunately, squirrels are too fast for the girls and they can climb trees. This, however, never prevents a chase anyway.

I had to explain to Larry-the-Potential-Serial-Killer why we were avoiding his property. He said he'd take care of Dead Squirrel for us so we could walk by. He's actually very nice like that. Also, I'm sure he didn't really want a decaying rodent on his lawn, anyway.

Dead Squirrel was gone by Sunday. Unfortunately, so was the nice weather. We woke up to a grey day that was almost 20 degrees cooler than the day before. Also, it didn't help that I completely forgot about Daylight Savings Time. I actually knew that it was happening this weekend but completely forgot to change the clocks before I went to bed lst night. Thus, when I woke up this morning, my alarm clock read 8:40 a.m. Then when we got up, I looked at my cell phone and was shocked to see it said it was almost 10 a.m. Thus, the lightbulb in my brain went on and I figured it out. Still, I'm not a fan of the time change. Falling back is ok, I suppose but it's the springing forward I don't like. We lose an hour of sleep and it's not that easy to tell our body clock that it's seven p.m. when we know it's really only 6 p.m. It'll take a couple of weeks before it starts feeling natural.

Even with the clock change surprise this morning, I still had a productive day. I finally got my paint picked out for my family room so I spent the day cleaning the room, taping the edges and taking down curtain rods. All that's left is to actually paint it which I forsee happening next weekend. Hopefully it well be slightly easier than the cranberry paint debacle of 2009.

All in all, working in the garden, working around the house and walking 2.5 miles each day with the dogs has made for a busy weekend. It's the type of weekend that makes me feel like I need a hot bath to soothe my aching muscles but also that it's good to have aching muscles.

Tomorrow it'll be back to work. It's another Monday. As we all know, I'm not particularly a fan of those but I'm bound and determined to make sure tomorrow is a good Monday. After all, I've had a lovely weekend with lots of puppy time as well as time to appreciate being a homeowner as well as some much needed fresh air. It really doesn't get much better than that.

Thus, I will make sure to carry that feeling forward, no matter how grey and gloomy Monday tries to be. Although, if it wanted to be sunny, warm and pretty outside, that would definitely help.

Fingers crossed!

Happy Monday.

Tree Climbing Pizza and Other Randomness...

I won’t waste too much complaining about it being a Monday. It’s been a typical Monday. It’s wet and grey and non-committal as far as whether it wants to rain, snow, both or neither. I had one candidate at work decide that the offer from us that he accepted on Friday was no longer his best option and, instead, accepted another position with another company instead. I also have another candidate who is acting squirrelly. This usually translates to the fact that he may have received a counter offer from his current company.

Counteroffers are a pain. They’re tempting in their lure. They offer more money for the same job that you did before. They can make everything seem better. However, as we always tell our candidates, there are lots of statistics/reports to support the fact that 80% of people who accept a counteroffer end up leaving within a year anyway. Whatever was wrong enough with the job to encourage the employee to look for a new one doesn’t get solved with money. Take my old job, for example. Even if my boss had given me a counteroffer, I think I probably would have rejected it. It was never really about the money. It was about the fact that I was bored, the office was a corporate version of high school where cliques ruled, brownnosers climbed to positions of power and those who were really keeping the boat floating were stepped on and ignored.

Also, I had a bad boss. He was nice but he was not meant to be a manager of people and as someone who likes to take action when problems arise, I had a hard time sitting back watching him dither over something that a real manager could easily have decided.

It’s easy for me to look back and say I wouldn’t have stayed for a counteroffer especially as I didn’t get one. I would have been tempted, certainly. However, in my past jobs, I have received counteroffers and I’ve always moved forward because, ultimately, it’s never about the money.
So, this is what we tell our candidates who dither. When they have families and little children, it’s easy to understand why they are tempted to stay at their current job for more money. It’s comfortable. It’s secure. It’s safe.

It’s just hard as a recruiter when you work hard to get them in the running for a position, set them up for interviews, coach them for the interviews, follow up with the interview and constantly try to keep things in motion for them and then, when they actually get the offer from a company, they decide they don’t want it. It’s like arranging a party and having no one show up.

Still, it happens. It happens to me and the other recruiter in the office. People aren’t predictable. This makes them more fun to work with because things stay interesting. It also makes them more infuritating because I have no control and, as we’ve established, I’m a control freak.

Still, it made Monday slightly more eventful than the average Monday upon which people have a hard time coming back from the weekend and they don’t start returning phone calls/emails until late in the day.

Besides, it wasn’t a bad day. It was just, well, a Monday.

Still, you have to find small things that make it interesting, besides the unpredictable nature of people. Today, for example, I was surprised to find that there is a rather large bunch of balloons stuck rather high up in a tree in my neighbourhood. This may not seem so surprising but that bunch of balloons has been there a week. I was more surprised that it was still there. They have managed to survive a minor ice storm, gusty winds, heavy snow showers, rain and frigid cold temperatures. Every time I drive by the balloons, I wonder exactly how they got up so high and didn’t pop. They’re black and red and there are about seven altogether. I’m intrigued to see how long they last. They’re starting to shrink as balloons do which, in my experience, makes them more durable than heavily inflated ones. I’m wondering if they’ll shrink to nothing before they pop. I’ll keep you posted, if you like.

Also, today on my drive, I noticed another interesting thing. A squirrel with a slice of pizza. It wasn’t just a small slice. It was one of those whopper slices you get from places like Sam’s Club and Costco. It was actually fascinating to watch this rather tiny rodent carry a slice of pizza that was at least double his size and still manage to climb the tree with it. What caught my attention was that I didn’t actually see the squirrel at first because the pizza slice was so large. It’s a surreal thing indeed to watch a slice of pizza ascend a tree trunk. I actually had to stop my car for a second and just stare. Naturally, I realized it was a squirrel holding the pizza right away but I admit, for a second,I really thought the pizza was climbing a tree. I was fascinated. I supposed I also didn’t realize that squirrels ate pizza. I pictured them as more the acorn and berry type but this is 2011. Pizza eating squirrels are probably not terribly unusual. I just wonder if someone from 1940 time travelled to our time, what they’d make of squirrels eating pizza.
It just doesn’t seem like something that would have happened back then. Is this a form of evolution, do you think?

It’s amazing the random things that catch our attention, isn’t it? Still, on a bleak and dreary Monday, it’s the small things that make the day interesting.

Sometimes, that’s just all you need.

Happy Tuesday!

The Dichotomy of Seasons in the Neighbourhood...

This has been another very quick weekend. I've discovered that even when you like your job, weekends fly by and you're ready to head back to work before you know it.

Still, I can't complain. This has been a beautiful weekend. Today, especially, was just a stunning autumn day. It was the type of day where I got up with a 'to do' list in my head. It included yard work, cooking, writing, cleaning and doing laundry. I also had to go on a mad early morning dash to Target for their pre-Black Friday sale on behalf of my sister who's in search of this thing for my niece for Christmas called a "LaLaLoopsy Doll" or something to that effect. Unfortunately, Target did not have said doll nor did Walmart. I think this means my sister and I might have a quest for Christmas.

Still, when I got home from my pre-Black Friday shopping trip, I realized that it was far too nice of a day to waste and so I took the pups for a long nature hike over the woods.

It was a wise choise. There was a cool breeze but the day was otherwise sunny and balmy. The woods were a myriad of autumn colours and we had fun chasing nature. That is to say the puppies had fun chasing nature in the form of a woodpecker, squirrel, herron and a flock of Canadian geese whereas I just ran along behind them, enjoying the exercise.

It was a great day for a walk. The air woke my tired brain up and made me appreciate that it's less than a week until Thanksgiving and I could still get by in light jacket and t-shirt without being cold.

I wore the puppies out which is not something I was too unhappy to see. By the time they got home, it was nap time for them while I did some more of my errands. When they woke up, they joined me in the garden as I winterized it- chopping down the dead plants and putting leaves around the roots of the plants that are sensitive to cold.

The day remained pretty and so later this evening, on a break from writing, the pups and I went for another walk- this time on our regular neighbourhood romp.

We discovered that while we had been walking over the woods, enjoying the balmy sunnyness of autumn, many of our neighbours were taking advantage of the good weather and putting their Christmas decorations up outside. While it's still a little early for my tastes, I couldn't blame them. If I were going to do more than put some lights over my bushes, I'd probably have thought about it too.

However, we also noticed that it wasn't just outdoor decorations that had gone up. As the sun set and we continued our walk we noticed more than one house in which a tree stood proudly in the window.

It's still too early for my tastes but it's nice to see the lights, at least. In addition, it's quite fun to see the transition in lawn decorations from autumn/Halloween to Christmas. There are still some houses, like mine, with scarecrows and autumn leaves decorating them. Then there are the Christmas folk with their red and green displays, their multicoloured lights and their icicles hanging from the roofs.

To me, this shows the transition of the season, even if I'm not ready to make the transition yet.

We had fun on our walk this evening. It turned out to be quite a windy day so the leaves had gathered in thick carpets all the way around the neighbourhood. Even those people who had painstakingly raked their leaves and cleared their lawns were back to needing to rake again.

Personally, I only rake leaves when they pose a nuisance such as being trod into the house. otherwise, I leave them. This time of year, there's such a pretty display of reds, oranges, browns and yellows in the fallen leaves that it seems a shame to ruin the cover on the ground. It's like nature is giving us a carpet of colour. Why rake it? When it rots and turns brown, the snow will come and offer a cleansing cover of white. Then the snow will melt and the green of spring will be peeking through. I say let the leaves lie...they're prettier that way.

The puppies, however, don't mind the raked piles of leaves. Rory continues to 'splat' on ever pile she sees while Sookie watches her, bemused. They don't seem bothered by the dichotomy of Halloween meets Christmas that we see as we walk. They're too busy looking for squirrels.

It's nice to still be able to walk. Then again, I'm hoping we can still walk, even if it snows. I'm curious to see the neighbourhood in yet another transition. I hope the puppies aren't opposed.

We'll see how that goes.

Happy Monday!

A Squirrel in a Bucket....

This has been one of those weekends that has gone by quickly because it's just been busy. It's the kind of busy that's good though- where I get things done but still get to relax. Not all of it has been planned busyness. Sometimes that just...happens.

Saturday, for example, I decided that I'd have a relaxing morning with the puppies. I had been woken up early by Wife of Dog Whisperer yelling at her dog. I'm talking 5 a.m.-early. When we got up around 8 a.m., I let the puppies out. Then I saw Wife of Dog Whisperer running around outside in her pink pajamas. Her very pink, large pajamas. It was a cold morning and I couldn't figure out why she was running around with no shoes and coat on. I ended up getting dressed and investigating but I couldn't figure it out. It was peculiar.

I read for a while. I've been plodding through A.S. Byatt's The Children's Book. I didn't like it very much when I started but it's one of those books you feel compelled to finish to see if anything would happen. Well, it took forever and I can safely say that not much really happened at all. Instead, there were pages and pages of minute detail about everything. There were politics. There was social commentary. Yet...not much happened. I was hoping I'd start to care about the characters but what ended up happening is I couldn't remember who was who and all the children just blurred together. Still, I was determined to finish it.

I didn't finish it on Saturday. Instead, I decided to go and see "Paranormal Activity 2" since the first one had inspired The Reluctant Demon and I thought I might get some more ideas. It wasn't a bad movie, if you liked the first one. It was clever how it tied in with the original. However, it was a lot less scary because it was sloppy. For example, most of the initial 'spookiness' is captured through views from individual cameras all over the house. It was very distracting that, night after night, the kitchen camera managed to capture the exact same view- that of the kitchen island with a cup on it and a bowl of apples. Some days, there were bananas in the apple bowl. Other days, there weren't any apples. Yet, every night, there were apples, no bananas and the same cup. I think they were reusing the same image. It may not seem like much but when you're watching a film that is hoping to shock you with sudden, unpredictable things, small details like that mug are distracting. Also, when one of the characters is dragged away by the demon, she's bitten by it too. I'm sorry but even though I'm sure it's terrifying to have a demon in your house that's dragging you down the stairs, for a demon, that was a pretty wimpy bite. I mean, come on- can't the demon have pointy teeth that ripped through flesh or something instead of a human-like bite mark?

I'm overthinking this. This is why I make up silly paranormal romantic comedies about demons rather than try to be scary because it's easy to overthink things and then the scariness vanishes.

Anyway, I digress. So I came home from the movie and let the puppies out. Then they puppies began to bark. Then they began to whine. It's the type of whining they do when there's a bunny or squirrel almost within reach and they can just about taste it. I went out to investigate. I looked around and saw nothing. Then I realized that it wasn't in the yard next door but there was a squirrel laying under Possibly-Joe's fence and it was only two feet away from the pups. Fortunately, there was a fence between it and my puppies but they wanted it and they wanted it bad. They wanted it so badly that Rory literally attempted to chew through the chainlink fence to get to it. I'm just happy she has normal teeth and not super-strong steel teeth or something.

Then, as I was contemplating whether the squirrel was stuck or it was just sitting there, Wife of Dog Whisperer came out to inform me that the squirrel had fallen from a tree and her dogs had almost got it so she had put it on a rake and put it over the fence. Unfortunately, it had attempted to crawl back into the yard. The result was it being stuck under Possibly-Joe's fence within smelling range of two dachshunds. Wife of Dog Whisperer shrugged and said there wasn't much we could do. I, however, disagreed. I mean, the poor rodent was clearly dying. I did not want a dying squirrel anywhere close to the puppies because it was torture for them. They REALLY want a squirrel. I also didn't fancy a dead squirrel there either because...well....ew!

So, I took it upon myself to solve the problem. I shut the pups indoors and went about using a shovel, a bucket and a rake handle. This was no easy feet. The chain link fence is four-feet high. The squirrel was on the other side of it. I managed to get it out from where it seemed to be trapped but getting it onto the shovel was no easy feat. Fortunately, the squirrel still seemed to have a will to live and it helped me out by using it's claws to cling to the shovel. Thus, I hefted it and the shovel over the fence and gently attempted to drop the squirrel in the bucket. The squirrels will to live remained and it would NOT let go of the shovel. I literally had to ply its claws off to let it go.

Thus I had a squirrel in a bucket. It was still alive. I didn't know what to do with it. Finally, I decided that since I was taking the puppies over to the woods for a walk anyway, taking a squirrel in a bucket would be a good idea. Thus, I ended up depositing the poor squirrel- which was still alive- in the woods on a pile of leaves. I have no doubt it was going to die but at least it could die somewhere comfortable.

The rest of Saturday was not quite so exciting though I got my pumpkin carved. Sunday was also pretty quiet although I got a nice phone call from an old friend inviting me to an 'old timer's reunion' at one of my old workplaces.

Am I an old-timer??? I shudder at the thought. Still, she's a good friend and it might be fun to see some of my old coworkers since it was a job at a hospital that I actually liked.

The only other unplanned excitement was that the doorbell rang this evening. This may not seem exciting but my doorbell only rings when I hit the button. The puppies went nuts. Turns out it was Dog Whisperer himself accompanied by Son of Dog Whisperer. He's a boy scout now. Son of Dog Whisperer, I mean...not Dog Whisperer. Dog Whisperer is too old to be a boy scout. Anyway, he's selling popcorn. I bought some because I'm one of those people who is horribly crippled by guilt if I'm directly asked by a child selling cookies, magazines, popcorn or wrapping paper and I say no. So I don't say no. I didn't say no this time. Now I'm going to have an enourmous tub of popping corn that cost me $10. It's a good cause. I just don't eat that much popcorn. I may have to share.

So, that's been our rather odd weekend. It hasn't been bad. The only thing I feel bad about really is that I've been promising Sookie and Rory that one day, they'd have their very own squirrel. I even went looking for trees to plant last weekend so they could have their very own squirrel tree. Then, when I had the opportunity to give them one, I didn't. Instead, I put it in a bucket and let it go in the woods. I know they knew what i was doing and they were not happy with me.

Oh well. I'm sure there'll be other squirrels. Just not in a bucket...I hope.

Happy Monday

The Dachshunds Bill of Rights.

I have dachshunds. If you read my blog regularly, you'll know this. If you stumbled upon it, well...welcome.

The reason I'm stating again that I have dachshunds is that having been around a lot of dogs in my life, these long little dogs are a breed unto themselves. If you're thinking of getting a dachshund, there are certain things you should know. Many of these things you can find online or in books that talk about the personality and temperament of the breed. However, there are some things you won't learn unless you either get your own dachshund or you talk to someone who has one.

The thing with dachshunds is that they're stubborn. This you will read everywhere. What you won't read is the Dachshund Bill of Rights that I'm about to give you. I should say this is the "Dachshunds 'Expected' Bill of Rights" in that you don't HAVE to agree with it. Just know that the dachshund in question will do what he/she wants to do anyway so you might as well know what you're in for.

THE DACHSHUND BILL OF RIGHTS

1. Dachshunds do not like to be cold. Most of all, dachshunds do not like a cold nose. If his/her nose is cold, he/she will find the most convenient source of heat from which to warm the nose in question. This often means you. They especially like it if you're in a bathrobe or under a blanket. It is their right to usurp said blanket or bathrobe.

2. Dachshunds will sleep on the bed with you. It is their right. It is also their right to burrow under the covers. Do not try and stop them. They get rather crabby if you prevent them from burrowing. They will then use you as a source of heat. They also like to lie horizontally across the bed. If you do not have enough room, your dachshund will not care.

3. Dachshunds are the master of the pitiful whine. They also have enormous sad eyes. If you give in once, you will always give in. They want you to give in. This is why they end up sitting up on the couch and sleeping in your bed. They also manage to make you feel guilty for punishing them, even if they deserved it.

4. If you let your dachshund up on the couch, it is his or her right to take up as much room as they want. If you get up for a moment from the couch, you will return to find your dachshund has stolen your spot but still somehow managed to occupy his/her old one. They are long-bodied dogs and they know how to use that to their advantage.

5. Dachshunds are always hungry. You can feed them and feed them and they will still want more. Be careful not to overfeed them. They will try anything once but they may not like it. This does not mean you shouldn't offer them the same food in future. They might have changed their mind. Also, though you know you shouldn't give them 'people food', they want it. Badly. They especially love sausages, bacon, chicken and anything from the meat family. However, they have also been known to enjoy fruits. And vegetables. Also, dachshunds might look small but when they stand up on their back legs, they have quite a height. This means they will try to steal from your table. Beware.

6. Dachshunds dig. You can try to stop them. You can try to make them a digging spot. You can try to encourage them to dig somewhere else so it isn't so visible. This will not work. Dachshunds will dig where they want to dig. You can try to stop them but the minute you turn your back, they will dig a hole. Soon, you will have lots of little holes in your lawn. Fight back if you like but after a while, you'll realize that it's better in your lawn than under your dianthus, roses, marigolds or tomatoes. Dachshunds do not care what is above their digging spot. They like to dig.

7. Dachshunds like to collect things. They will find rocks and sticks from places you never imagined. They will collect piles of them around the holes they have dug. When you go to mow your lawn, you will find their collection. Beware. This habit is not good for lawn mowers.

8. Dachshunds are scent-hounds. They can smell extremely well. When they catch the scent of a squirrel or rabbit, nothing else in the world matters. They will hunt and track that scent until they are dragged away from it. If you are walking your dachshund and they scent a bunny or squirrel, you will know it. The leash will go tight and you will have to hold on. If they actually see a bunny or squirrel, you will need to hold on very tightly. Dachshunds also do not understands that birds can fly and squirrels can climb trees. Thus, they, too, will attempt to fly or climb trees. Both will end in a very dismayed dog who would be content to stand there until the squirrel or bird came back.

9. Dachshunds like to go for walks to smell things. They don't really know the meaning of the word exercise. That is just something that is a by-product of smelling. If you take them for a walk, they will let you know when they're tired by simply sitting down. You might have to accidentally drag them before you realize they're done. Dragging a dog in public is not good. If your dachshund has really had enough, you may have to carry him or her for the duration of the walk. The dachshund will then sit comfortable in your arms as you attempt to arrange his/her long body for comfort. However, if they smell something, they will then wriggle and you MUST put them down.

10. Dachshunds don't understand boundaries of any kind. This may be a physical boundary such as a fence or human-enforced boundary such as, 'don't steal food from the table.' They see both types of boundaries as a challenge. If a dachshund smells 'something' on the other side of the fence, they will somehow manage to fit through the tiniest hole or gap in order to try to get that 'something'. Make sure your fence is dachshund proof. Once they find a hole, they will use it until you stop them. For human-enforced boundaries...good luck with that. Dachshunds tend to be willing to endure the punishment in order to reap the benefits of the crime. When it comes time for punishment, see #3.

In exchange for following this bill of rights, you will receive love, kisses, cuddles and devotion from your dachshund. Unless they don't feel like giving it to you. Or they smell a squirrel.

Just kidding. They're the best dogs in the world, in my opinion. Each one has a very specific personality but it's worth every minute. I think every breed has its quirks and every human is drawn to a certain breed. It's just my luck I get drawn to a stubborn quirky one.

Or maybe it's not luck at all.

Autumnal Winds...

It's starting to have an autumn feel out there. The wind has been gusty for the past couple of days and it's been blowing a lot of the leaves off the trees. Even though it's barely September, the dried leaves crackle beneath your feet as though it's properly autumn. The strong winds feel wonderful as they whip around my face, blowing my hair into manageable tangles and surrounding me with a tornado of fallen leaves.

Unfortunately, the winds aren't so kind in other ways. When I came out of work on Friday, there was the cutest little creature lying on the sidewalk. It sort of looked like a baby alien, in a fetal position with little paws making little begging motions as they curled under its chin.

I didn't know what it was, to be honest. It was bald with a little mouse-like face, a rats tail but bigger than a baby mouse or rat. I ended up having to take a picture and my sister identified it as a baby squirrel.

It was hard seeing it so helpless like that. The wind had clearly blown it out of its nest and it must have fallen twenty feet at the very least. It was going to die, I knew that. But the optimist in me wanted to hope that maybe it was going to be fine so I scooped it up on a little piece of paper and gently laid it on softer ground and covered it partially with leaves, just in case its mother came looking for it.

Sadly, today, it's still there but it's no longer moving. It clearly succumbed to the shock of its fall. I think I might have to give it a proper burial. It was so tiny and helpless. Combined with the bunnies from this weekend, it was a sad sort of weekend for tiny newborn creatures.

It's interesting though that there are baby creatures around. I was always under the delusion that most mammal babies were born in the spring. Obviously not.

Yet even though it's starting to feel like autumn out there, I have to be careful not to get sucked into the delusion. This is the Midwest. In the Midwest, one day it may be a beautiful 70 degree day with a night temperature low of 50 degrees. Then, the next day, temperatures will rocket up to 95 degrees with a high humidity rate. This is why it snows sometimes in May and we have 85 degree days in December. You just can't predict it. In a way, that's fun. In other ways, when you're ready for the oranges and browns of Autumn and the hinted promise of winter snow, it's a bit of a disappointment when it's too hot for a jacket and the Halloween pumpkins turn brown and mushy in the heat.

Still, I'm starting to look forward to the cooler, crisper nights when it feels nice to sit outside, hands wrapped around a cup of pumpkin tea and smell the leaf fires that people are having in their yards.

I'm curious to see how the puppies handle the cooler temperatures. They were born in December so they have known winter but mostly, in their older puppy years, they've known only warm days with hot nights where they get hot in the sun. I have a feeling they're going to be bit babies when it comes to getting cold. Rory has already taken to crawling under the bedcovers on nights where I turn the air conditioning off and let the window fans bring in the cool night air. She's a bit of a bed hog too. She slowly worms her way over so that she's stretched horizontally across the bed. Since she's a dachshund and is quite long, this is quite a lot of space.

I'm trying to debate if I'll need to get the girls little coats for the winter. I tend to be opposed to dog clothes. They might look cute but it's weird to put clothes on a dog. Coats, on the other hand, aren't really clothes as much as necessities when it gets too cold and you have a shivering dog on your hands.

I probably shouldn’t look quite so far ahead. That would mean winter and my mother, who reads my blog, is genetically opposed to winter. It's best not to remind her that it's coming. She knows. She's already muttering about it even though it's several months away. I keep telling her to embrace autumn first in all it's apple-y goodness but she finds it hard to enjoy autumn because it means winter is not far behind.

Still, for me, I can't wait until autumn is officially here and I am able to burn my pumpkin spice candles, drink pumpkin tea and wish I liked pumpkin pie instead of just pumpkin flavoured things.

In the meantime, I'll enjoy the fact that even though it's still summer, autumn is cheating a little and barging its way in, forcing the leaves to fall a little early and the heat to ebb back a little. It's nice to have almost-chilly nights where the cool air makes sleeping a little easier, even if it does mean sharing my bedcovers with a dog with a cold nose.

Now, if her sister decides to sleep under the covers too, we might have a space issue.

Happy Wednesday!

The Call of The Wild...

It was a beautiful day outside today. The humidity went away, the temperature dropped and the breeze picked up. It felt almost like spring, rather than summer, outside.

It was definitely a welcome change from the stifling heat. I don't think it's just me who's been feeling the heat; I noticed the puppies have been a little sluggish- more so when the air is thick and hot outside. Today, they had a lot more energy than they have which they spent chasing each other around the garden.

They're getting so big. I looked at a picture of Sookie which was taken by the people from whom I got her. It was a cute enough picture that I pretty much dropped everything and decided she would be my puppy. She's so tiny compared to how she is now. In a way, it makes me sad that she's growing up so fast but it's one of those things you don't even notice until you look back at a picture and realize how tiny she really was.

Lately, Sookie and Rory's favourite activity in the world is Bunny Hunting. We have two rabbits that like to sit in my vegetable patch. Since they've consumed everything they seem to find tasty- including, but not limited to swiss chard, corn, sunflowers and eggplants- fortunately they seem to be doing no more damage than sitting on my plants.

Rory and Sookie try to take care of my rabbit problem. Now, when I let them out of their crate, they go, excitedly, to the back door where they proceed to jump very high as they they think they can turn the handle themselves. The minute I open the door, they tear at full speed to the vegetable garden. You can practically see the skid marks.

Nine times out of ten, the blasted rabbits are there. They're fast, I'll give them that. What I don't understand is that the big bunnies seem able to shrink to the point that they can squeeze through a tiny hole in the fence. It drives the puppies a little crazy because they can't even fit their nose through the same hole. Believe me, they try. I've seen them lying down on the ground with their noses pushed through the holes in the fence, desperately trying to get to the rabbit.

The rabbit, being a bit of an evil bunny, has taken to sitting about four feet away from the bunnies and just casually eating the grass in Possibly-Joe's yard, just behind the fence at the bottom of our garden. It sits there, defiantly watching the puppies as it slowly chews. The puppies bark. Then they try to dig. No matter how furious they try to unearth the secret way to the bunny, they're not successful.

Now the original bunny has brought a friend and the two of them have taken to sitting there, lazily watching the puppies as they furiously bark. It's as though they're just out for an evening jaunt and they're having one of those lazy conversations two friends do when they're just sitting together, sprawled out in the sun. Or, more likely, they're just making fun of the puppies in their secret bunny way.

Poor Rory and Sookie try so hard to get to the rabbit but it seems to be in vain. To make matters worse, we seem to have an angry squirrel that has taken residence in the sapling that's just way too tall for the puppies to reach but low enough that they can see it. It's taken to making peculiar squirrel noises at them which sounds like a cross between yelling, spitting and squealing.

Naturally, the puppies try to get the squirrel but, fortunately for me, they can't climb trees. I'm quite glad about that.

Sometimes I wonder if there's some kind of communication system between the neighbourhood wildlife as to whose gardens are the best to inhabit for a) safety, b) yummy snacks and c) entertainment value. I'd say we have the last two, at the very least. We don't see the same sort of creatures in the Dog Whisperer's garden.

Last week, as I was driving to work, I saw a racoon ambling along the road. It was a skinny, ragged thing and I seriously think it gave me a dirty look as I watched it. It slowly hunched its way across the road and down into a storm drain. I'm actually waiting for it to get the word that our garden is fun for creatures of most types, as long as they can outrun two little dachshund puppies. I have a feeling that the racoon might be in trouble there but I wouldn't be surprise if it tried.

For now, as long as the puppies can't dig their way out and the rabbits leave my zucchini, asparagus, cucumbers and tomatoes alone, I think I can live with the wildlife whether it's sadistical bunnies, shouting squirrels or crotchety old racoons.

You'd never believe I live in a city, would you?

Happy Wednesday!

When Zombie-Squirrels Attack!

I've been blogging for a year. It's a strange realization but a good one. I tend to look at some blogs like a vanity project, a way for people to make the minutae of their life seem important. In truth, I suppose that's what this blog is in its own way. Yet, looking at it from another point of view, this blog is fun for me. I love the idea of having a writing assignment every weekday unless I'm indisposed. I love having a forum for which to let my imagination and mind ramble.

Most of all, I love having a place to ramble about my life and my writing and have people read it. For that, I thank all of my readers. It's fun to have you around.

Yesterday, I asked for suggestions from readers as to blog topics. A good friend of mine gave me a suggestion based on my zombie blog from yesterday. Why not write a story about zombie squirrels?

Naturally, I immediately thought this was a good idea. Being the Monkeypants I am, I knew I couldn't spend any time thinking about the story. I had to just write it. I do my best writing on the fly, flinging it down on paper and letting the words form their own story. Thus, in honour of Ms. P, my friend from Texas, I decided that for my first year anniversary, I'd do something different. I'm always talking about writing fiction but have never done it here. Not unless you count my rants as fiction.

Which I don't. Naturally. In my mind, I am completely right and justified in my opinon.

Thus, I present to you a cautionary tale, a tale of many squirrels who found a way to take over the world, just as I always imagined they would. Please note, this is a work of fiction. I take no responsibility for the behaviour of actual squirrels. The characters in the story are completely fictional. Or, you know, I sort of based them on someone I knew and changed their name hoping that they don't recognize themselves. It's a bit longer than usual so I apologize for that but I hope it's a fun read.

Without further ado, I present to you...

Staged Attack: Squirrel Zombies from Hell!

It began on an Autumn day. There had been signs of it, of course, but no one had noticed except Fiona but that was only because squirrels had always irritated her. She thought of them as rats with giant tales. Most of the people thought they were cute but Fiona knew better. Ever since the squirrel had tried to steal her lunch one day as she ate in the park as a young girl, she knew they were sneaky little creatures. One moment she had been eating her sandwich and the next, a furry bodied creature had hurled itself at her little lunchbox, rooting around until he found something it wanted. It had taken her pretzels. She’d had grapes in there too but the squirrel who’d robbed her clearly wasn’t concerned with his health.

On this particular October, day, it was sunny. The suburban street upon which Fiona lived was starting to look more like a forest with the ground obscured with fallen leaves in all shades of reds, browns, yellows and greens. She had left for work a little later today since her boss was going to be out of the office. As she backed out of her garage, she heard a very small thud, muffled by rubber. She felt a bump as she rolled backwards; clearly something had been in the way of her tire. Curious, she backed up a little further and stopped the car. Apprehensively, she got out only to discover that somehow, she’d hit a squirrel. It must have scampered by just as her car was rolling over the same spot.

Somehow, it had escaped a state of being wholly squished. It still looked relatively whole, just a little flatter. A pool of thick-looking blood lay under its head and its teeth were bared almost in a frozen grimace. Fiona sighed and contemplated shoveling it up. Since she was already running late, she decided she’d have to wait until later. Instead, she gently kicked it off her driveway onto the grass so that she didn’t make more of a mess of the corpse. She’d put it away tonight. That was the last she thought about it until the evening.

***

She made good time that night, pulling into her driveway and remembering the dead squirrel as she did so. She parked the car, went into her house and decided to dispose of the corpse now before she could get too comfortable and put it off again.

She pulled out her shovel and grabbed a grocery bag and then she headed to the spot where she’d kicked the squirrel.

It was gone.

***

She looked around, confused. “Lost something?” she heard someone call. It was her neighbor, Matt. He was an odd little man, twitchy and small. She called him The Dog Whisperer in her mind because Matt and his wife had three dogs that would constantly yap and bark whenever she went outside. She’d been living there for a while now and kept waiting, as promised, for the dogs to get used to her. Matt’s solution was to scurry out of the house and grab one of the yappers, hold it up to the fence and try to get Fiona to pet it. Fiona was fed up of petting the dog because it did no good. Matt wasn’t exactly chatty so it resulted in Awkward Neighbour Moments.

“Yeah,” she said. “I hit a squirrel this morning and was going to clear it up but it’s gone.”

Matt was silent while he regarded her. He did that a lot. He stared a lot but said little. “Well,” he said, “Maybe a dog ate it.”

“Ew!” she said without thinking.

“My dogs eat squirrels all the time!” he said, a note of resentment in his tone. “It’s not that disgusting. My wife and I have tried making squirrel stew too.”

Fiona felt her stomach churn a little. It didn’t surprise her but it wasn’t something about which she wanted to hear more. “That’s nice,” she said, politely. “If the squirrel wasn’t gone, I’d have given it to you.”

He looked regretful. “Yeah, that is too bad.”

She looked around one more time, feeling Matt still watching her. “There are a lot of squirrels around at the moment,” he said. “Maybe you’ll hit another one.”

“Uh-huh,” she said.

Just then, Matt’s wife, Gloria, pulled up, always home later than her husband. She got out the car and cast a suspicious look at Fiona. She often did that, particularly when Matt talked to Fiona. “What’s up?” she asked them.

“Fiona lost a dead squirrel,” said Matt. Gloria looked surprised.

“Huh,” she said. “You know, I hit one this morning.”

“A squirrel?” said Fiona. “Really? That’s what happened to me.”

“Honey, did you clear it up?” said Gloria to Matt.

Matt shrugged. “Nope, didn’t see it.”

“That’s weird,” said Gloria. “It was pretty squashed.”

“Weird,” Fiona agreed, not knowing what to say. “Maybe a dog ate yours too?”

“One of the dogs ate a squirrel?” Gloria glared at Matt although it was his fault.

“Not one of ours,” shrugged Matt.

“Matt said you made squirrel stew once,” said Fiona. The words came out before she could stop them.

Gloria glare turned murderous. She slapped Matt on the side of the head. “Don’t tell people that!” she said.

Fiona backed away. “Alright then, well you both have a good night.”

“You too,” snitted Gloria. Fiona went inside, feeling sorry for Matt who cowed now in the wake of Gloria’s wrath.

***

She didn’t think anymore about the squirrel until she was making dinner. Usually, there were squirrels in her yard, chasing one another. Instead, she saw something that made her stomach flutter, just a little bit. Outside her kitchen window, on the sill, were six hickory nuts, perfectly aligned, equal distance apart.

Nervously, she went outside to look at the nuts. She often found them in various places, hidden around her yard. She knew it was the squirrels who left them, storing them for the winter. These ones weren’t placed in secret places like behind her propane tank on the grill or under a flower pot. These were in the open. It was uncanny how straight the line was.

Suddenly Fiona felt as though she were being watched. She turned and began to imagine the worst so she hurried inside, checking the back door was locked three times before she was satisfied.

Through the course of making dinner, she’d convinced herself that there was a crazy serial killer hiding in her shed and the hickory nuts were a sign that she was marked to be his next kill. She knew she wasn’t going to sleep well that night because her imagination would get the best of her.
Of course, she didn’t sleep that night at all but she wasn’t to know that then.

***

She was watching her favourite television show when she heard an ear-piercing shriek from outside her front door. Her first thought, though she knew it was a horrible one was, “good! Maybe the Hickory Nut Killer killed someone else instead of me.”

Then she immediately realized how mean that was. She had her curtains pulled and rather than open them to see what was going on, she opened the front door.

Immediately, she knew something was deeply wrong. Outside, on the street in front of her house, it was chaos. She wasn’t the only one peering out to see what was going on. She watched her neighbor from across the street bravely wander down his driveway to find the source of the scream. Immediately, a hundred oddly shaped objects flung themselves at him and he drowned in a sea of furry bodies. Fiona watched in horror as she realized they were squirrels. They moved…oddly, lurching as they scurried. In the darkness of the night, the darkness of the streetlights was not enough to provide much illumination.

Fiona kept the screen door pulled tight against the door frame, her nose pressed against the glass as she clung to the handle. Suddenly, something darted in front of her, seemingly swinging from the beams of her porch. She fought back the urge to squeal. Still holding the screen door handle, she reached over and turned on her porch light. Immediately, she had a gurgled chattering sound, almost like a hiss. The sound was familiar but also…distorted.

She tentatively tried to peer out of the screen door to see what was making the noise but then, without warning, the something that was making the noise swung down, the noise growing louder. Fiona couldn’t help it, she screamed. Dangling in front of her from the beam of her porch was the ugliest squirrel she had ever seen.
It hissed, it chattered, it screamed at her. With horror, she realized that the moving objects that were still on top of her neighbour were also squirrels. There were red ones, there were brown ones…grey ones. So many squirrels that they looked like one object, moving up and down like a quilt billowing in the wind.

The squirrel in front of moved closer and then she saw what was wrong with it. Its eyes were white, not the usual black pits she usually saw. He looked squashed as though he’d been…. She stopped herself for a moment, gulping, now afraid.

He looked as though he’d been run over by a car. Her car.

“Shit!” she said. “I’m under siege by a zombie squirrel.”

She wasn’t the only one. In front of her, neighbours were coming out of their houses. Some were ducking and soon she knew why as a large, hard, green ball was thrown at her window. It was a hickory nut!

“You put those on my windowsill?” she asked the zombie squirrel. He responded by hissing more at her. As far as she could see, he was alone.

She heard the thud of nuts hitting her windows. She wasn’t the only one. Other people were emerging and, each time, a posse of lurching squirrels moved towards them. Unable to watch, Fiona slammed her front door closed, hoping the sound would be enough to scare the zombie-squirrel away.

She leaned against the door, not wanting to move. Her window was still being pelted by hickory nuts.

Then, she head a crashing , splintering sound outside. Falling to her knees, she crawled along the ground and raised herself up just long enough to open the curtains. She fell back to her knees with a scream as a hickory nut landed exactly where her head would have been had the glass between the nut and Fiona not existed. Fiona looked out of the window. She couldn’t believe it. A car had been tossed onto its roof. She watched in fascinated horror as an army of zombie-squirrels turned over another one. Their tiny bodies lacked the size to do it alone but as a group, they were numerous enough that the car toppled over as if it weighed nothing.
Her phone rang and she squealed again. For a moment, she had a horrible vision of a pack of the demented squirrels dialing her number. Then she snapped herself out of it. Strange things were happening outside but she didn’t think the zombie-squirrels were able to dial the phone.

She grabbed the phone. It was Matt from next door. He and Gloria had her number because she’d kept an eye on the house a few times while they went on vacation.
“Hello,” she said, her voice shaky.

“Fiona, it’s Gloria. Are you seeing this?”

“Yes! What the hell is going on?!”

“I talked to Connie who lives on the other side of me and she talked to Thelma from down the road. Apparently, it’s happening all the way down the street.”

“Did you see what they did to Glen?”

“Yes! Did you see what they left of Glen?”

With horror, Fiona peeked out of the window. Where Glen had once stood lay an inanimate object, his head half chewed off. “Did they eat his brain?” she found herself asking Gloria.

“YES! That’s what I thought too!”

“Are you ok?”

"For now. But there’s one on my porch. It’s all squashed and bloody.”

“Does it look like the one you hit with your car?” Fiona asked.

There was a pause. “Oh my God!” said Gloria. “Yes, it does! Do you think it’s the same one?”

“Yes. Call Connie. See if she hit a squirrel. Then call me back, ok?”

“Ok!” Gloria hung up quickly.

While she waited for her phone to ring, Fiona crawled towards the kitchen. She flicked on the light without standing up. Immediately, there was the sound of crashing thuds. More hickory nuts, she thought. Damn.

She bravely crawled into the kitchen and hesitantly flicked on the back porch light. It was far brighter than the front one. Immediately, she screamed with terror.

Outside, on her lawn, just staring at her, lurching slightly as they stood in ranks were thousands upon thousands of zombie-squirrels. Some were bloody. Some had brains leaking out of their eyes, some had limbs that were crushed. They all looked…dead.

Her phone rang and she turned off the light. Maybe not being able to see them wouldn’t be so bad.

“Gloria?” she said.

Gloria’s voice was trembling. “Connie hit one yesterday. She called Bert from down the street. He hit one the day before. Both times, they went missing.”
“I think I found them.”

“What do you mean?"

“Be careful but look out the back of your house.”

“Matt,” Fiona heard Gloria say. “Go look out the back.”

There was a pause. “Holy Fuck!” Matt’s voice, usually quiet and timid, was raised in a bellow of horror.

“Guess they’re in your yard too,” said Fiona. “Is it just here?”

“Let’s turn on the news!”

“Good idea!” Fiona turned to a local channel. In the background of her phone, she heard a simultaneous tone and knew Gloria had selected the same station. Her heart sank. The newscaster looked shell-shocked and was in the middle of speaking:

“...it seems that the entire U.S. is under attack except Hawaii and Alaska due to the lack of squirrel populations in these regions. What we’ve pieced together is that these “Undead Squirrels” staged a plot in which many of their numbers were ‘killed’ or ‘murdered’ over the past few weeks. They did it in shifts so as not to raise suspicion. The remaining squirrels have found a way to resurrect their dead who return to life, infected with Squirrel Flu. In these rodents, this manifests as a state of being dead without….actually being dead. It also results in the strange need for squirrels to eat human brains. The Flu is deadly to humans and spread by a squirrel bite. In addition, it seems to give squirrels ridiculous strength and deadly cunning though we believe now that this may have been existent before the spread of Squirrel flu as evidenced by this planned attack. Experts suggest avoiding being bitten by squirrels.”

“Oh, SO not helpful!” said Gloria from the other end of the phone.

“Agreed. What I want to know is WHY they want to eat brains?”

“What kind of question is that?”

Well, I’ve always been curious about zombies. Why do they eat brains? I mean do they taste good? Is there a nutrient in them that they need to stay zombified? Why?”

There was another pause. “Fiona?” said Gloria. “Now’s probably not the time to ask that.”

“You’re right,” sighed Fiona. “Besides, squirrels can’t talk. We finally get attacked by zombies and they turn out to be squirrels. Not that I’m surprised.”

“I am,” said Gloria in a small voice. “I fed them and everything. I bought them peanuts!”

“Why?”

“I think they’re cute.”

Fiona groaned. “They’re evil. This proves it!”

“You always did say that,” said Gloria. Her voice was still tiny. “So, what do we do?”

“I don’t know,” said Fiona. “What’s going on out the front? Maybe we can make a run for it.”

Fiona sided up to the front window and looked out. The street looked like an apocalypse had hit it. On the overturned cars sat more of the zombie squirrels. There were little fires surrounding the cars.

“Think you could get in your car?” she asked Gloria.

Gloria’s swallow of fear was loud even over the phone. “No,” she said. “No garage. They’d get us before we went out.”

“I could try to get mine out. I think I can weave between debris. I can sneak out through the garage, get in the car and drive. If I unlock the doors, you and Matt can try to dive into the backseat.”

There was a pause. “Honey,” Gloria said to Matt. “Fiona thinks she can get her car out and maybe we can run for it.”

There was a crash. “They broke the window!” screamed Gloria.

Fiona knew it was now or never. “I’m coming!” she yelled.”Be ready to run!”
“Ok, hurry!” yelled Gloria. “They’re coming!”

Fiona didn’t hesitate. She grabbed her keys and ran to the garage, making sure to turn on the light to make sure there weren’t any zombie-squirrels there. There weren’t, thankfully. She sidled too her car and, with trepidation, reached back and unlocked the back doors. Nervously, she hit the button to open the garage door and then, not waiting until it all the way up, slammed the car into reverse and hit the gas. Skidding out, she felt bodies crush beneath her tires and her heart triumphed at each bump.

She saw moment from Matt and Gloria’s house and suddenly, the couple ran out of the front door, Matt swinging his baseball bat and trying to fend off the growing battalion of zombie-squirrels.

Gloria, protected by Matt’s swings, darted towards Fiona’s car. She threw open the door and dived in. Matt, however, was not so lucky. None of them had noticed but an ocean of squirrels had been building behind him and in one swift, coordinated lurch, they dived on him.

“MATT!” screamed Gloria. “NO!”

It was too late. Matt’s brain was already visible through a chewed skull. “Close the door!” screamed Fiona. Yet the hesitation was just long enough. Suddenly, the car was covered with furry bodies, flinging themselves wildly at Fiona’s car. Gloria heaved the door closed but Fiona could no longer see where she was going.
“I got bit.” Gloria’s voice was hoarse from the back seat. “One of them got me.”
Fiona turned. She couldn’t drive anywhere, anyway.

“I think we’re too late.”

"Where are we going to go anyway? They’re everywhere.”

“Maybe we can wait it out until morning?” asked Gloria. “Maybe they were wrong about the Squirrel flu.”

“Maybe they’re already working on a vaccine.” Fiona tried to sound hopeful.

“My husband just got eaten by squirrels.” Gloria choked on the last word.

“Zombie-squirrels,” added Fiona, under her breath.

“What are we going to do?” Gloria whined.

Fiona tried to focus but it was hard when every moment meant yet another cloud of zombie-squirrels was flinging itself at the car. She tried to drive but she was blinded, her windshield a cloud of reanimated corpses.

There was a crash. “We hit one of the cars,” she said.

From the backseat, Gloria didn’t respond in human talk. Instead, the air was filled with a demonic chattering.

“Crap,” said Fiona. She looked back. Gloria was writhing in the seat, her face twisted in pain, her hands poised as though she were holding a giant hickory nut.

For a moment, Fiona contemplated running for it but there was nowhere to go. She knew that now. Yet she couldn’t die here, not imprisoned by zombie-squirrels with a human-squirrel on the backseat. Instead, she opened her door. Immediately, the sound of the swaying, undead squirrels filled her ears. She kicked out at them blindly, her feet striking cold but animated bodies. “Bastards,” she said.

She closed her eyes and tried to run. The darkness and the squirrels were ready, their devouring teeth…waiting. In her mind, she made it to her house, to the safety of her living room.

In reality, she didn’t even make it to the porch.

And, though to a human ear, it sounded like a wild chatter, the sound of the zombie-squirrels wasn’t incomprehensible. If a human had stopped to listen…really listen…they would have been able to make out the sound.

It was laughter.

Copyright 2009, Captain Monkeypants.

A Digression into Zombies...

It's a wet day out there. It's usually light by the time I get to the office but since the sun hasn't come out, it's still only a rainy twilight. It makes it seem much earlier than it is. It's going to be a quiet day today, I hope. Several of my coworkers are out of the office today for a meeting so it promises to be a little more peaceful.

It's supposed to rain for a few days. In fact on my iGoogle panel, there's nothing but rain clouds for all the days that are displayed. There is a chance of snow but not so much for me, more for people north of me...it's rain and snow. I was going to try avoid mentioning that to my mother who despises snow but since she reads this blog, that might be hard. Uh, sorry mum. It's only a chance of snow though. I did not do the snow dance with Sausage. As much as I adore snow, even I know it's too early for it. Snow belongs in the months of November through March. It does not belong in October. We can have frost....that, I don't mind.

I was scrolling through my past blogs to see where I'd mentioned the snow dance and I just realized that tomorrow is the one year anniversary of starting this blog. It's amazing how quickly it passes by. I love to blog. It's become one of my favourite things to do. I'm also grateful to all of my readers who keep me going just by reading and commenting. I love to get comments, it means people are responding to what I'm writing and that's a nice feeling.

Over the year, the blog hasn't really changed in its format; I still blog about whatever pops into my mind. I think there have only been a few blogs that I've planned. Most of my planned blogs have been rants which I don't actually plan, I just know I want to blog about them. For example, my DMV rants, Stephanie Meyer rants and anything else that gets me riled up.

I've realized that, really, my blog is the electronic equivalent of having my own little newspaper column. The realization came after watching "Marley and Me," this past weekend. In the movie, John Grogan, a reporter, is given a column that eventually becomes his full time job. He gets to write about whatever he wants although many of his columns centre around his dog, Marley. I can't help but think that has to one of the most awesome jobs in the world and he got paid for it. I actually like that film although I hate the ending. If there's one thing guaranteed to make me sad, it's when bad things happen to good pets. Take, for example, the silly film, "I am Legend." The whole movie is pretty much Will Smith and his dog. A bad thing happens to the dog and it was sad. When, in the end, a bad thing probably happens to Will Smith, I was just relieved that the movie was over because I just didn't care about his character nor the zombie-things that try to bite him all the time.

That's the thing with zombies. I'd like to know why they're constantly trying to eat people's brains and things. Zombies are sort of en vogue right now, even in the mainstream. I say that because in the world of horror-geeks, zombies are always cool. Yet now thanks to books like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and The Zombie Survival Guide and movies like "Zombieland" and "Shaun of the Dead," zombies are giving vampires a run for their money as the horror creature du jour.

Except there are very few people who explain why it's brains that they eat. I'm sure there's a whole mythology out there as to the evolution of a zombie but as a lazy Monkeypants, I'm not going to really seek it out. No, what I'd like to see is, simply, "Psychology of a Zombie." Don't just tell me it's a virus that creates zombies which seems to be one of the more common theories. Tell me what the driving need to eat someone's brain is really about. I mean, is it because they believe by eating brains, it makes them smarter? If so, that doesn't explain why the zombies keep going after brains even after they've eaten one. Is it because they just crave brains as part of their zombie-ness, kind of like people crave chocolate?

I don't get it. While we're on the subject, why is it that you can kill a zombie by destroying its brain? Isn't the point that it's a zombie mean it's brain really isn't working anyway?

I just did a quick search on 'How to Kill a Zombie." I'm a little alarmed at how many resources there are out there. People...you just have too much time on your hands. There's a fine line between funny and disturbing and the amount of people who are preparing for a zombie attack is just a wee bit disturbing. If it were me, I'd be targeting squirrels. Those are far sneakier and realistic than zombies. I mean, take Nutley 2.0 who, by the way, now has three companions who run around my yard. He's multiplying. So are the holes in my yard.

Yes, if anything were going to stage a coup and try to take over the world, my money would be on squirrels. They're sneaky little buggers and they're seemingly quite clever with their hickory nut mindgames. They also have sharp teeth and they're gutsy. Thus, I think we should have more of a "Squirrel Survival Guide" rather than a zombie one. I mean, has anyone actually seen a zombie? And I'm not talking about any of the following: drugged out people, really stupid people, really tired people or really distracted people.

I thought not. Now, squirrels...I see. All the time. Horrible little creatures, squirrels.

How did I get on this topic, anyway? Oh, yes, sorry. I was discussing how I wanted John Grogan's newspaper columnist job. I do digress, don't I? My apologies. One minute I'm talking about sad dog movies and the next, I'm talking about zombie invasions. Like I said in the beginning, I never quite know what I'm going to blog about. Obviously, I just proved my point.

Still, tomorrow, it'll have been a year since I decided to do this and you'll see from the word cloud to the right that I've discussed quite a few topics. I'm always open to suggestions, however. I can pretty much ramble on about anything. It's a talent. And a curse. Because sometimes...I can't stop. I just keep going.

In the meantime, I better get to work. I can see through my murky basement window (which is more like one of those makeshift windows with blocks of glass to make it seem like we have a window,) that it's light now. There's no sign of the sun. I expect it'll be like that for a few days.

As long as it doesn't snow...yet.

Happy Wednesday.

The Weekend is Nigh...

We made it to Friday. It has been one of those weeks that seems to have whizzed by but, at the same time, dragged a little, at least for me.

It's supposed to rain this weekend. I'm actually quite happy about that. It hasn't rained properly in a while and the ground in hard and parched. I've had to water my plants every night which isn't too much of a hardship except for those annoying dogs next door. It's official; the man thinks he is the Dog Whisperer. He even told me this last night as he, in turn, picked up all three dogs and held them up for me to pet.

I did not want to pet the dogs. Especially as it does not good because the moment he puts them down on the ground, they start yapping again. He told me last night that now when they run out, the come to the fence looking for me and that's progress!

Well, in his eyes, that's progress. In my eyes and my ears, they're still yapping the minute they're let out in the yard and they see my movement. I suppose he thinks that's an honour, that they're yapping in greeting. Maybe they are. The problem is...they're still barking and even when I attempt to say hi, they go ballistic.

Ah well, it's one of the joys of suburban living, right?

Speaking of suburban living, let's talk about Nutley 2.0 for a minute. Yesterday when I was driving, I noticed a sad sight: A squirrel had been run over just a few houses down from mine and lay splayed and broken in the road. I did wonder if it was Nutley 2.0 and was a little sad. For all of his mischief, I don't really wish death on the squirrel even if I do sometimes wish to shoot him with a BB gun.

Well, it turned out not to be Nutley 2.0 as I saw him in my yard last night and he brought with him a new problem: Nutley 2.5. Yes, I think Nutley 2.0 has a girlfriend.

I'm almost certain it was a girl squirrel from her smaller size and the way in which Nutley 2.0 was treating her. He ran across the yard, doing this weird happy jumping thing and then he stopped and waited while Nutley 2.5 caught up with him. Then he proceeded to chivalrously wait while she scampered up the tree and he followed her. Then I heard them BOTH chattering at me.

Maybe they were chatting to one another. Having found the half-chewed rose petals the other night, I did briefly wonder if Nutley 2.0 got himself hitched in some bizarre squirrel wedding ceremony. They probably had tomatoes on the buffet for the other squirrels. I hope they invited the bunny as well.

Then I realized that it's probably an odd thing to think about, picturing a squirrel wedding. I mean, they probably don't get married or anything like that. Not that we'd know. As I child, I used to picture all sorts of humanlike goings on with the wildlife once they were away from prying human eyes. I think I probably watched too much "Wind in the Willows" because I used to picture them in little dwellings complete with furniture.

Actually, I still sort of do that but I do, at least, know that it's not likely. I still like to picture it though. It's a lot nicer than thinking of an insect ridden nest that smells bad.

I'm wondering if Nutley 2.0 is going to settle down. For a squirrel, he has a certain level of cockiness and he's rather large. I picture him as a bit of a squirrel Lothario, bringing his 2.5's to his nest to check it out but then kicking them out in the morning.

Ah well, whatever he is, he's still digging holes in my back yard and I'm not sure why. I keep having to readjust my mulch to cover them. It's an ongoing battle. I was going to put more mulch down this weekend but if it rains as much as the terrible weatherman 'promises', I may get stuck indoors. This won't be so bad. I still have boxes to unpack and hideous curtains to replace. There's plenty to do so I won't be bored.

Especially in Nutley 2.0 has anything to say about it.

Happy Friday and have a great weekend.