Long and Squirrelly Weeks

This is turning into one of those weeks. I’m very glad that tomorrow is Friday. I could use a break; this week in the office has been rather stressful.

Our office is not having a great month. We’ve had a string of bad luck with candidates who accept our job, are about to start and then, at the last minute, decide to take a different job. Or, in the case of my coworker and fellow recruiter, he’s had people start a job and then leave within a week. The thing is, this isn’t something we can help. It happens. In the case of the people who leave after a week, it’s usually the same reason that the other candidates don’t end up starting- they find another job that pays a little more and as is so often the case, it’s all about the money.

Today, I had a great candidate who was supposed to start work on Wednesday. I had a bad feeling after not being able to reach him yesterday to set up a time for him to fill out his paperwork. Today he informed me he had a better opportunity and he couldn’t turn it down. He was very apologetic and I know it wasn’t personal but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

To top it off, I got an email from the consultant I’d fired unfairly a few weeks ago. He was formerly very nice and polite to me. He was understanding that it wasn’t our fault that the employer didn’t want him back. Then, today, he sends me a rather snotty email informing me that he’s suing us. This, of course, came as a shock because we weren’t expecting it. He wants to be compensated for the cost of traveling and accommodations for the time he worked for us. This would be completely understandable if we hadn’t have paid him a government-decreed per diem to cover the cost of yes, you guessed it, the cost of traveling and accommodations for the time he worked for us. I feel bad. I know he’s angry and he’s doing what he can but from a legal standpoint, the reason we pay a per diem is to avoid this type of situation.

It still made things a little ugly though. It’s just been that type of week.

Still, outside the office, things are a little brighter…for the most part. I did come home and find out that the infamous trampoline had been relocated so that it was less than six feet from my fence which meant I had screaming, bouncing kids even close to my garden than before. Fortunately, I think the move may just have been temporary because Dog Whisperer and Wife moved it back later that night. Either that or they heard me loudly complaining to Mummy Monkeypants about it but since I did that indoors with the windows closed, I doubt it.

The dogs and I had an interesting walk tonight. We got out the front door and were almost immediately mown down by Lemonade Stand Girl on her bike. We jumped out of the way only to see her stop short, slam on her breaks and throw her bike down. She’d spotted something.

That something ended up being a squirrel. The poor creature had clearly fallen from a tree. I instantly felt bad, as though I’d cursed it with my harsh anti-squirrel blog. I thought the creature was dead at first but then I saw it was hyperventilating. The little girl squealed quite loud and asked if I thought it was dead. Meanwhile, my avid little hunters, Sookie and Rory, were pulling like mad because they’d scented the squirrel. They wanted that squirrel badly. The little girl bent down to try to poke it with a stick- I told her to do it gently. Then with no warning, the squirrel lurched up and stagger-flopped over the grass. The little girl squealed again which attracted some of her siblings/friends. Meanwhile, my dogs were whining and salivating, trying to get at the squirrel. The squirrel didn’t do itself any favours by stagger-flopping close to the dogs. I tell you, pulling two focused dachshunds away from their prey is not an easy task. With great effort, I got them away although Rory would NOT forgive me for quite some time. I got rather reproachful glares thrown back at me for the rest of the walk.

I would like to have helped with the squirrel situations but having the dogs meant that the only way it would end is with a dead squirrel rather than a maimed one. My dogs are as sweet as can be, normally. They’re loving, good natured girls, always up for a cuddle. However, when it comes to hunting, they are VERY SERIOUS and they turn into to demon creatures who MUST HUNT. I haven’t decided if they’re hunting to kill or just to play with their prizes. So far, aside from one baby bunny last year, it seems that they’re much more focused on substituting their captives for their chew toys. i.e. they get them in their mouth and toss their heads from side to side, trying to get them to squeak.

So, we left the squirrel. I was relieved to see that the kids had got the Dog Whisperer to assist and he was on the scene with a box. The sad reality is that I bet the squirrel didn’t make it through the night but I was glad that someone was helping it. Despite my aversion to the ratty little things, I still don’t like seeing any animal hurt.

It’s just been an odd week. I’m hoping that tomorrow being Friday will automatically make the day good but given the way things have been in the office, I might do better to just hold my breath until the weekend and hope that next week will be full of new hope and new possibilities.

I do, however, hope that next week is a little less full of squirrels. They’re definitely not helping matters. Oops, there I go again…sorry, squirrel. RIP little squirrel who fell from the tree.

Happy Friday!

Sometimes, You Just Have to Make a List...

Since I had one of those days that would normally inspire some whining, waxing poetical about grey days and being in a funk, I've decided I don't want to subject my readers to that. Instead, I'm going to make a list. It's therapeutic in its own special way.

Things that irritate me by Captain Monkeypants:

1) People that don’t use turn signals.

2) People that do use turn signals and forget to turn them off so you get stuck behind them wondering if they’ll ever turn.

3) Canadian Geese that fly down in front of your car and stand in the road without moving as you’re driving.

4) UPS. For some reason, my package that was “Out for Delivery” yesterday morning at 7:03 a.m. ended up not being delivered, went to Columbus, OH for the night and returned to be “Out for Delivery” this morning. It finally arrived at 4:42 p.m. today.

5) Nickels. I can’t explain that one. I just despise nickels. They’re irritating little coins.

6) Olive Garden. Italian food is supposed to be simple. It’s not supposed to be stuffed puff pastry in a sauce on top of pasta. That’s, like, three dishes in one. Also, it’s very unhealthy. Also, it’s a little bit vile. It’s like an appetizer on top of an entrée. Next thing you know is it’ll come with a side of pudding to dip the puff pastry thingies.

7) That dog from the Cesar dog food commercials. Its head is enormous. I find it offputting.

8) Termites. They eat your house and they’re creepy. And expensive.

9) Craftsman Lawnmowers: Lawnmowers shouldn’t have the piston explode when you’re innocently mowing and almost hit you in the head. Since my boss had the exact same experience with Craftsman, I’m irritated with them.

10) The lady in my neighbourhood who walks all four of her dogs at once and thusly can’t stop to pick up their poop. This is even more annoying because the poop is always in the middle of the sidewalk and it’s disgusting.

11) Candidates who say they really want a job and need it and then they’re offered the job, they decide “it’s not for them.” I know it’s their choice but, well, it takes a lot of work to get them to the point where they’re offered the job.

12) Rats. I know it’s not their fault they’re vile and disgusting but those nasty little tails disgust me.

13) The fuss about cupcakes. It’s probably because I don’t like cake much but, really, cupcakes are just muffins with a ton of frosting on top. Why all the fuss?

14) Lima Bean Respect Day. I’m just typing that because it’s what my Food Network calendar is calling today. It’s hard to respect a lima bean, honestly. They just don’t command it. Maybe if they made your pee smell funny like asparagus, they’d be more interesting.

15) When my rainproof wellington boots become non rainproof and the water oozes from the ground up, making my socks wet.

16) Bad grammar. I don’t care if it’s slang, I simply cannot get used to people saying, “Where you at?”

17) Having those dreams where you really, really need to call someone on the phone but no matter what you do, you can’t seem to dial the number right.

18) Gordon Ramsey. Horrible man. I don’t know why he has to shout and swear all the time. Also, he seems unable to make a decent Yorkshire pudding.

19) The people in my neighbourhood with the large German shepherd that isn’t on a leash and, when it sees me and my pups, chases us. This has happened twice now. It’s scary.

20) Days like today where no matter how hard I try, I feel like I’m stuck and that I’m horrible at my job because I’m not getting anywhere with anything.

Thanks for reading. Hapy Thursday!

Bad Days are Relative...and Often Fixable

Today was a much better day than yesterday. It was still wasn’t one of the best days I ever had but if I had those all the time, they wouldn’t be best days, would they?

Granted, I went to work in a somewhat dour mood, still a little under a cloud from yesterday. I also realized halfway through the morning when I went to the bathroom that the cute little outfit I’d assembled was a little different in effect that I’d intended. Normally I, Captain Monkeypants, and a somewhat, um, under-endowed female. This is to say that never would anyone look at me and say “Those aren’t REAL!” They’d have a bit of trouble really find them in the first place. However, thanks to the miracles of female undergarments and the wonderous push up bra, today’s accidental effect was for me to look in the mirror and realize that I had a bit of a, uh, ‘boobs mcGee’ effect going on. My top was cut a little lower than normal and the ‘pushing up’ was a little more extreme than intended.

Needless to say, it made me think, “oops,” and so at lunch, I remedied the problem a little. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with being a ‘boobs mcGee’ but, well, it is the office and, well, I’m not exactly someone who goes for that effect very often. If at all. It was almost as bad as the Gold Shirt Wardrobe Mistake of 2010 but it was the type of thing that made me walk around all morning with my arms trying to hide my extreme cleavage effect and made me, well, horribly paranoid that a) people were wondering where the cleavage came from and b) that I was dressed rather inappropriately for work. Chances are, they didn't really care but, well, it's the type of thing you can't stop obsessing about until you remedy it which I did at lunch time. It was a small fix but made things feel better.

So, aside from that slight hiccup, the day wasn’t nearly as bad for me as yesterday. Also, my coworker’s mother passed away unexpectedly and as these tragic events are wont to do, it put my ‘bad day’ in perspective.

That’s the thing with having a bad day, really, isn’t it? Someone’s always got it way worse. The worst feeling is when you have a whine or moan about how irritating your day was because it didn’t go as planned and then you find out the person you’re whining or moaning to has just lost their mother or someone they’re close to has cancer or they just got fired or laid off.

It puts things in perspective.

In my case, it makes me feel instantly guilty and horrible because while I’m complaining about petty little stuff. I hate that feeling because it makes me feel like I’m a lousy human being.

Of course, people are nice and they politely listen and sympathize but even when they say it’s ok to vent because it helps, there’s that voice in my head that says, ‘you’re horrible! How can you whine that your candidate backed out of a job and made you look stupid when [person to whom I am whining] is dealing with [REALLY bad situation]?”

The benefit of this is that over time, I’ve learned to hold back on my venting unless I know it’s safe. If worst comes to worst, I feel sorry for myself for a bit, hug a dachshund and try to put it behind me. I also call my mother because she’s the one person guaranteed to love me even when I’m complaining about silly petty things. Well, I think my dogs love me too but since I’m pretty sure that they don’t understand a word that comes out of my mouth unless it’s one of their favourite words like, “Dinner,” “Walk,” “treat”, “Rory” or “Sookie,” it’s a little different.

The moral of the story is that my day yesterday felt horrible while it was happening. It slowed me down a little at work but, really, it wasn’t anything that I couldn’t fend off with an evening spent mowing the lawn, watching TV and having a nice glass of wine.

It helped that it was the first mow of the season. I hadn’t planned on mowing but the dogs being relatively low to the ground have been having a spot of trouble getting over the rather large, tall clumps of grass as they run around the garden. Sometimes, I’ve lost them and gone out into a panic only to discover they were lying in a tall patch of grass.

So I mowed. My mower was angry. It ran out of oil. I added oil. Mower and I fought. I won. Mower had to mow.

Of course, given the fact that I’m not overly fond of mowing, I wouldn’t say I really “won” per se but, well, the grass is pretty even and the dogs can run freely. Next time I mow, I’m determined to make it more even. It’s hard when there are holes from digging dogs all over the place.

I figure that getting the grass cut was a victory. Also, spending quite a long time yanking the mower’s cord and trying to get the bloody thing to start is definitely a good way to take out some frustration even if a new breed of frustration arises when the mower doesn’t start. It’s worth it the minute the motor catches, finally and begins chugging along.

Also, when I’m mowing, it means I can watch the pups to make sure they’re not trying to find the latest and greatest way to escape. That, I think, is a double win.

In short, with the help of a stubborn mower, a wonderful mother, two cute dogs and a sobering reminder of what a bad day really is, I’m back to normal and grateful that a bad day for me could be solved so easily. Even if I did have an emergency clothes change at lunch.

And it helps that it’s almost the weekend.

Thanks, as always, for reading. Happy Friday!

Focusing on the Small but Positive Things on a Bad Day At Work

Some days just fight against positivity. This is one of them. My small pleasure for the day that I’m focusing on is that I get to leave work and go home. It’s not much but it’s definitely seeing the positive in a vast array of negativity.

It was just one of those days. If something could go wrong, it did. I’m not going to bore you with the details because, well, I don’t want to bore you with the details. It was just the type of day where I found myself wanting to hide in the bathroom in case that made it get better or I just kept counting down until I got to go home.

I’ve had days like this before. I’m sure you have too. They’re unavoidable. Even when you try very, very hard to stay happy and positive and tell yourself that ‘this too shall pass’ and ‘well, it could be worse,’ it’s hard to remember that when the next annoyance occurs.

The nice thing is that this type of day will pass and it could be MUCH worse. It’s nothing that can’t be solved by going home, scooping up a dachshund and hugging her, making something good for dinner and drinking a glass of wine.

The trouble is that while you’re at work and the domino effect of frustration is in full-swing, it’s all you can do to not put your head down on your desk and either weep with frustration or beat your forehead against the desk repeatedly. Either way, you’re going to look strange to coworkers.

I didn’t do either. Instead, I focused on the fact that the day would be over eventually and tomorrow would be a whole new day.

Also, it wasn’t all bad. Despite the fact that my one candidate I had to interview today got lost on the way here and was almost an hour late which really screwed up my schedule…he was a nice guy and I was glad I got to meet him.

I suppose it’s all about seeing the sunshine instead of all the clouds it’s shining through. It’s all about perspective. My bad day was a haze of rejections and mistakes but in that, there were things I did right as well.

It goes back to what I’ve been saying all week. It’s all about the small things. If I focus on the small positives, the day doesn’t seem quite so bad.

In my case getting to go home is the biggest ‘small’ positive. Yet the day had a few others of those. I got to make a terrible “That’s what she said,” joke and have my coworker walk away, rolling her eyes. I got to leave my Diet Coke out of the fridge all day and enjoy it’s room temperature-ness at the end of the day. (Yes, I find that a big positive).

And then there are the non-work things that helped me get through the day. The fact that I’m going to make salmon with asparagus, sautéed spinach and a baked potato for dinner is a positive thing. The fact that the “Top Chef: All Stars” reunion is on tonight and the start of “Top Chef: Masters” is another. The fact that I can call my mother to complain about my bad day and know that she’ll listen, sympathize and be there for me is a big ‘small’ positive.

Finally, the fact that no matter how bad the day is, it’s never enough to make me hate my job and not want to come back tomorrow. That’s a HUGE small positive.

So, what it really comes down to is do I want this day to defeat me or will I conquer it and start it all over tomorrow?

I think that answer is pretty obvious. That, in itself, is the biggest small positive of all.

Happy Thursday!

No Good Crying Over Spilled Tea....

There are days that are just destined to be days where you really should either say, "do over!" or you should just stay in bed, under the covers.

I know I seem to say something of this sort fairly frequently but I'm not talking about days where it's hard to get out of the cosy cocoon of a warm bed or days where work just kicks you when you're down. I'm talking about the sort of days where you really just shouldn't touch anything.

My day began fine until I left the house. I had my tea in my travel mug. It was raining. It was the sort of rain that was heavy in spots, light in others. As I pulled out on the main road from my street and started to drive, someone pulled out of a parking lot without looking. I had to brake quite hard to avoid him. Fortunately, having just had my brakes fixed, I was able to stop with no repercussions.

When I got to work, I discovered that our alarm was down. I couldn't get in. Usually I'm the first one in the office but today, I recognized the truck of our technical support person who's also in charge of the alarms. I knocked on the door to no avail. It was raining. I finally decided to drive around to the front of the building to see if that was open.

This may seem lazy but I'd worn heels today since we had visitors in the building. Also, it was raining hard and I didn't feel like getting my heels stuck in mud while I got rather wet.

Just as I was about to pull out of the parking lot to get to the front of the building, our technical support person came and opened the door, propping it open. Groaning, I backed up and re-parked in the spot I'd abandoned. As I got out of my car, my tea mug lid came loose and spilled spicy black chai all down my very white shirt. I groaned. When I got inside, I tried to scrub it but a rather ugly brown splotch remained.

My morning passed in a tangled web of muddle. Everything I tried to test to make sure it was working broke. This is good because I'm doing my job but when you end up breaking everything you're supposed to test and things are getting fixed, you end up chasing your tail and tripping over your legs.

I finally went to lunch. It wasn't until I got inside my house, I realized my wristlet was missing. My wristlet is a cross between a wallet and a purse and it holds every bit of valuable stuff I have as in driver's license debit/credit cards, green card, etc. I searched my car, nothing. I searched the route I'd taken when I'd come in. Nothing.

I hoped beyond hope in my haze of muddle, I'd just left it at work. When I got to the office I searched for it. Nothing. I began to worry. My coworker said she'd seen me leave with it but she also thought one of my other coworkers may have had it when she'd come looking for me over lunch. I went to her office. She wasn't there and her office-mate didn't think she'd picked it up.

Thanks to the aid of two of my favourite coworkers, we searched my car and still didn't find it. I was trying not to panic. In the end, I decided the only thing to do to settle my mind was to go back home and search again.

I rushed home. I finally found it. Today was trash day. The wrist strap had come undone as I'd been hoisting my rubbish bins over the fence after they'd been emptied. It was lying on the ground. Since it was brown, it blended in with the dirty concrete. My heart rushed to my mouth as relief flooded in.

I got back to work. The afternoon should have passed well after a successful outcome of that near-scare but I have to confess, I was in a funk.

I'd been in a funk all day. It's all because I published my book in every electronic reader format possible and am selling it for $1.99. So far, no one's bought it. I know I just need to be more patient but even with my Viva La Revolution of Self Publishing! attitude, it's sometimes a little depressing how hard I have to work to get people to buy my book.

And I'm not even talking about the general public. I'm talking about friends and people I know. My closest friends have bought it because they're my closest friends and that's what they do. Yet when I step back, I admit, I get a little depressed that I haven't been able to persuade more than a mere fraction of my facebook 'friends' to buy it.

I know. I'm an idealist. I can't help but think that if it was a reverse situation and someone I knew had published a book, I'd buy it, just to help out. To say, "I know him/her!" It's the same reason I watch some bad movies or bad TV: Because some of the actors in the shows/movies are people I went to school with and it's nice to see them doing well with their life, even if the movies/TV shows aren't particularly good.

In my funk, I tend to over analyze. I get a little disappointed sometimes. When I moved out to L.A. nine years ago, I did so with the promise from a former boss/friend that her sister who was involved in Hollywood would help me with my screenwriting career. I moved out there, tried to contact my bosses sister and...nothing. I contacted my boss and after several attempts I realized that it was an empty promise. I tried not to take it personally but it was hard.

Nowadays, it's different. I have a couple of friends who know people in the publishing industry or they do PR but for whatever reason, they can't help me. I know they have their reasons but on days like this, I start to feel sorry for myself and wonder why all the writing books that talk about the importance of networking don't tell you that the majority of people with whom you try to network can't or won't help out.

It's one of the reasons I'm so jaded at times. My closest brush with getting somewhere was having a class with a Hollywood producer when I first moved to L.A. He liked the idea for my script and gave me ideas on how to fix it. I did and, as he requested, I queried his company with my script. I never heard another word.

It's been like that a few times in my life. It's one of the reasons I like the power of self-publishing. It's not about getting your work published because it's not fit for a real publisher as I still keep reading online, it's about no one else giving you a chance so you make your own chances. You have to "create your own luck," as Jack from Titanic says in the movie.

But sometimes, particularly days like this, I feel beaten down by 'creating my own luck.' I just want things to be easy when, in actuality, it's not supposed to be easy.

And yet if I just tipped the glass the other way, my day could be seen from a whole other point of view: My brakes were fixed, therefore I didn't get hit. I found my wallet. My tea didn't ruin my shirt. I still have a book published, even if it's not getting read by as many people as I'd like.

I suppose it's all about perspective. If I take a step back and realize some of the challenges that my friends are facing every day: sick parents, rheumatoid arthritis, sick spouses, no jobs...I really do feel guilty for whining. In the grand scheme of things, things can always, always be worse.

But on days like this, they feel like that could also be just a little bit better.

Still, tomorrow is another day and it's a Friday at that. That's cause for celebration in itself.

Happy Friday!

Snow-Covered Days

Today was a rough day in the office. It started with snow. For all my adoration and love of snow, the one thing I prefer not to do is drive in it. Unfortunately, this morning, I had no choice. When I left for work, the snow was thick on the roads and the plows hadn't yet gone through. As I'm told daily, I'm very lucky in my commute. I back out of my garage, go straight for a half-mile then make a left, travel about 2 miles and turn into the complex that leads to my building.

I know I'm lucky that it's really only about a 2 mile commute. However, for the record, I'd like to state that 2 miles in bad snow is just as terrifying as a 20 mile commute. I've done both. With a 20 mile commute, there's a period of thinking, "what the heck am I doing, driving on this crap!" Then you drive and then you get the hang of the slow breaking, the following other cars and leaving a nice gap. It's not easy, in fact, it's exhausting but when you pull into the car park at work, there's a sense of relief and knowing that it's likely, when you leave, things will be better.

With a two mile commute, there's no time to find a rhythm. It's tension, all the way. This morning, the snow was so thick that it became one of those "make your own driving lane" situations. You couldn't see the lines of the road, you could only guess. You could try to follow in the tracks of the car in front of you but it didn't do much good because it was still thick snow. I had a horrible, slightly terrifying moment where I could not get any traction and I started to slide sideways. I did what I instinctively knew how to do- take your foot off the gas, turn the wheel and try to slow. It worked. I was still a little nervewracked. Then I had the misfortune to get stuck behind a Dodge Charger. Note to people out there: Dodge Chargers might be a sort-of classic car. They might make a great noise when you rev the engine. I even think the Dukes of Hazard drove one so they're either instinctively cool or instinctively cheesy, take your pick. However, Dodge Chargers? Not good on snow. The one in front of me lost its traction at a light and it never recovered. It was painful to watch it try to regain its grip on the road but slowly slide sideways. At one point, it moved backwards and literally came within a foot of my bumper.

By the time I got to the light where I turn to go to my office, I was already shaking with stress. Add to that the slight horror of realizing there's an unplowed hill that you have to maneuver to get to the office? Not fun.

I made it. Then I realized that everyone else had too. We're all parking around the back this week which meant my lovely, normal parking space was claimed by an interloper. I found a spot but I had to search for it.

So, by the time I actually got to my desk, I wasn't in the best of moods. I was shaken and stressed and all I really wanted to do was go back home and curl up in my bed. However, I couldn't do this so I tried to work. All through the morning, I received comments of "you're so lucky you live so close!"

As I've said before, it's partially luck but mostly planning. I did it ON PURPOSE. I knew this would happen so I bought my house accordingly. Also, while I respect that I have a short commute, sliding sideways on a major road is no more fun within two miles of the office than it is within twenty. I'm not belittling the intrepid drivers who made it from afar but I think a little more sensitivity would go a long way. When Captain Monkeypants is holding her highly caffeinated tea mug for dear life with white knuckles first thing in the morning, DO NOT remind her how lucky she is that she lives so close. She does NOT want to hear it. Now, if they invented teleportation, then she'd be lucky.

Aside from that the bad weather, I also discovered that since we changed health insurance companies after the first of the year, my necessary 'treatment' for a condition that I have was no longer covered even though I was told that is would be when we signed up for our coverage. This meant when I called to authorize a medication be shipped to my doctor, I did not get the $30 copay I was expecting, I got a $415 shock. It's one thing to expect that type of co-pay but when you have no idea, I think they call that blindsiding. Several phone calls later, turns out I have to pay it.

I had tried to remain upbeat to this point. I went to the bathroom to try to be inspired by the optimism there. This did not work. I realized I was just not going to be in a good mood. Then, to top it all off, I got an email at work. One of my coworkers wanted to know if it was a possibility that she might 'crash' at my house tonight so she didn't have to risk the snow.

Now, I have some coworkers I consider 'friends'. I have some that I consider to be quasi-friends. Everyone else is a coworker. This was a quasi-friend. In any other circumstance, I would have been more ok with it. In this case, it was more the principle of the thing. You see, as I mentioned yesterday, we're having a training workshop this week, in the office. We have 'Visitors' in the office. They're here. Thus, some of our personnel HAVE to be here too, those heavily involved in the training. The coworker who asked if she could crash is one of these personnel.

My problem is that I tend to have an idealist view of life: What's right is right, what's wrong is wrong. The problem is the world does not work like this. I'm learning that every day but still I live in hope. You see, the coworker who made the request of me and ALL of her 'team members' all have the same boss. He lives five hours away from our office. Each Monday, he drives to our office, each Friday, he drives home. In between, he stays in a hotel. Our company pays for his hotel. Our company pays for his mileage. Yet today, his staff made a request that since the weather was so abysmal, would it be possible that they, too, could stay in a hotel so they didn't have to risk getting trapped by the weather in the morning?

Their request, to the best of my knowledge, was denied. Thus, my coworker asked if she could stay at my place. Because I am a softie and horribly bad with guilt, I said that she could if it was an emergency. I wasn't terribly encouraging but I did not say no either. I did not WANT her to stay but the 'good' voice in my head told me that I had to do the right thing. In the end, she decided to take the risk and drive home anyway. I was thankful. I feel bad about that.

I think the biggest problem I have is that our company is hypocritical and contradictory. Today, our president was 'sick' but he 'worked from home' anyway. Few other people worked from home, even though we had a level one snow emergency. We did not get to leave early, even though the snow kept accumulating. One of our managers is permitted to rack up the bills so he can be in the office weekly without having to compromise by moving closer yet he could not permit his own staff to save the stress of hazardous travel by sparing the expense of letting them stay in a hotel.

I suppose part of me is a put out that a coworker asked me if she could stay with me just because I live close. I suppose it is convenient. It does not mean I want to become an inn for stranded coworkers. If I was a better person, I'd say, "No problem!" and permit them to stay. And, honestly, if it was a true, definite, absolute emergency, I would. It's just that once you start something, it snowballs. It sounds horrible but I know it to be true. If I let her crash this time, will it end there or will other people think, 'hey, spare bedroom! no commute!'

Probably not. It just makes me feel bad to think those thoughts.

And, as Karma happens, when I got home from work, I had to spend a long time digging my driveway out. My street is on the emergency route for the fire station and the police so they keep my street plowed. Unfortunately, when they plow, they push the snow inwards...into our driveways. When I got home, my drive was impassable. Since we were having a snow emergency, we're not permitted to park on the street so it wasn't as though I could leave my car on the street overnight. I had to shovel.

I like shoveling. It's good exercise and it's therapeutic. It's just not something you want to do before you even get home from work. Still, I did so and in record time. I'm proud to admit my next door neighbour, the Dog Whisperer, had a head start on me. I managed to shovel my driveway AND my sidewalk in less time than it took him to shovel his drive.

Now, as I'm looking out of the window, all I'm seeing is white. It's snowing hard and it's blowing. My driveway is covered again. The plows are running and piling the snow against the curb...and our driveways. I have a feeling I'll be late tomorrow because I'll have to dig myself out. I'll probably get mocked because I only live two miles from the office. It doesn't mean I get any less snow and any less inconvenience but I/m sure I'll get teased anyway. I usually do.

Yet tomorrow is a new day, shining with freshly fallen snow. If I have to dig first thing in the morning, I'll be at one with the snow, which I love. I've been forbidden to dance in it, around it, near it or even while thinking about it because, apparently, everyone I know now blames me for the snow when it falls. I know that if that happens, I'll come inside and listen to the news, my eyes flickering uncontrollably to that 'ticker tape' at the bottom of the screen, announcing school delays and cancellations, a tiny part of me wishing that, as it once had, it would again apply to me. I remember the hopeful days of watching that scrolling banner, hoping beyond hope that our school would be on there. When it was, it was like a rush of excitement, killing the actuality of trying to go back to bed but still loving that it was a day of pure, uninhibited nothingness. These days, I live in the real world. Companies don't have that scrolling banner of delays and cancellations.

Oh, but I wish they did. Especially after a day like today.

Yet I can believe that tomorrow will be better...right?

Happy Wednesday.

The Power of Yoga and a Smile....

Today was one of those days at work that seriously challenge my newfound attitude to say, "it's just a job! Screw it!". I've been doing very well at keeping zen even when things don't always go quite right.

Today was probably the worst day I've had in a while. Once more, my boss decided to completely disrespect the work I've been doing and basically say that I might have been wasting my time, even though he doesn't give me any projects to do. I thought I'd done rather well in undertaking a necessary project that I've heard over and over that needs to get done. Nevertheless, even though I'm almost half the way through, my boss has decided that he now needs to see what I've been doing before I can proceed. Naturally, he did not mention anything else that I would be doing in its stead which means that, as before, I'd be sitting at my desk, bored out of my mind because I don't know what I'm supposed to work on.

It didn't help that I had to sit through almost three hours of solid meetings, one of which was basically one of those where absolutely NOTHING was decided because my boss, the Executive Vice-President of our company cannot make a decision and feels that he absolutely must defer to his boss. While I understand his instinct, it still shocks me a little that he can't make a decision. After all, if his boss should happen to get hit by a bus or befall some other hideous fate, guess who's in charge?

The thought terrifies me a little.

Still, even though there were moments where my resolve was thoroughly tested, I managed to get through the day without getting too upset or angry. This, I think, is an accomplishment. While I still had the brief desire to run away, I didn't get in a snit and tell myself that I'm going to pour over Monster.com tonight and find another job. Granted, I might still have a look, just to see what's out there but it's not with the urgency and fury that I've had in the past.

I think I owe it to yoga. I took it up about two weeks ago, about the same time that I decided my job was not worth giving myself an ulcer over. I'm not the most flexible Monkeypants but that doesn't seem to matter. It's not about the flexibility as much as it is about the breathing and the ability to let your mind go. I think I'm getting the hang of it and I am seriously noticing that my stress level has declined.

So, in my meeting today, I used the same breathing technique I use in yoga. It worked for a little while. Then I visualized using the yoga strap that we inflexible folk use to stretch our legs....

ok, so I did sort of, uh, visualize me wrapping it around my bosses neck and then beating him with my yoga block but that helped too! Yoga is wonderful!

I did my yoga as soon as I got home from work and I can fully state that it really, really does help. While the frustration is there, it's no longer a tangible thing that makes me want to strangle something or someone with a yoga strap- it's a manageable situation that happened earlier today but is over. It might continue tomorrow but, if it does, I can deal with it.

I'm pleased. I like that I've found a way to accept my job and the paycheck I earn without turning it into a drama, without seeking out my coworkers and venting about my boss. I like that even if my relaxation techniques get a little violent, they make me laugh and grin like a loon. My boss caught me grinning like a loon at one point and I could see him look a little confused.

I figure that the more I confuse my boss, the more fun I'm having at work. There's a song made famous by Charlie Chaplin, called "Smile" and the basic concept is to smile, no matter how much life sucks or how upset you are.

"Smile

What's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is worthwhile,

If you just smile."

I can't say that this always works but when it makes your boss wonder what, exactly, is making you smile like in a slightly maniacal manner, something's worthwhile there.

Happy Wednesday.

No Point Crying Over Spilled Tea....

I'm hoping today isn't going to be one of those days. I've already spilled my tea while I was driving down my nice newish white sweater I put on this morning. I've used soap and water to get rid of the worst of it but there are still yellowish patches that I'm hoping won't be too visible unless people know they're there.

Also, I had a bad moment while driving and I don't think it was my fault. It was a four-way stop and it was one of those slightly awkward moments when you get there almost the same time as another car. There's a moment of waiting while you both figure out who's going to go. Since it wasn't terribly light out there, it wasn't possible to do the universal wave of 'you go ahead' and have the other driver see it. So, deciding to take the lead, I started to go. Then, the other driver started to go. As we both moved, I thought, "oh, he's going straight, anyway" because there was no turn signal. Since I was also going straight, it didn't seem to really matter who went first. Except it seems that the other driver wasn't going straight, he was going to turn. Only as he pulled forward to the middle of the intersection did he put on his turn signal and then proceed to honk and give me the finger. I'm very sorry but where I learned to drive, the turn signal is intended to indicate that you're turning. If it's not on, how am I supposed to know where another driver is going? Since I'm sadly not psychic, I can't predict these things.

Then, when I get in, I see there are doughnuts in the conference room. I have a feeling this is to accompany our benefits enrollment session that's scheduled bright and early at 9 a.m. today. I wish I was a doughnut person but I'm not. I just don't get excited about doughnuts. My taste buds tend to veer towards savory and salty, not so much the sweet. Also, I find, if I do partake in the morning doughnut ritual, I end up wishing I hadn't because even though I was hungry, that's an awful lot of fat and calories that I just wasted on something I don't like that much anyway.

Still, I do appreciate the effort of our president to sweeten up the enrollments session. I'm not big on these. Working for a small company is very different from working in a the large university environment because it's harder to find affordable benefit packages. So far, this year, I've paid a lot of out-of-pocket costs because our insurance had a fairly high deductible. We were told yesterday that the deductible for the new plan would be a little higher. I'm trying to be excited and hope that it has better coverage but the idea of a higher deductible is a little worrisome.

Yesterday, during our benefits meeting, we also got a very nice pep talk from our CEO about our fantastic new office space to which we'll be moving next week. Maybe. No one quite knows when we'll actually be able to move in; at the very latest, it'll be the Monday following Thanksgiving. I didn't mind this until I found out yesterday that my plans for what I do when I had to work at home were foiled because they're going to be taking down the servers on which I access almost 98% of my workload. So, now I have to find out what, actually, I should be doing when I work from home since I adamently refuse to waste any of my precious remaining PTO days because my company forgot to tell me that they hadn't planned very well.

Still, according to our CEO, our new building is going to be spectacular. She's spared no expense. We will have a colour scheme matching our product suite which, for your information, is purple, a turquoise blue, a butterscotch yellow and red. The mental picture of that colour combination is probably much harsher in my mind than it'll be in reality....right? Even our countertops in our kitchen are speckled with those colours.

Also, we're going to have a workout room with a Wii, a Foosball table and bathrooms with nice showers. Also, the bathroom stalls are floor-to-ceiling for privacy. We may even get a yoga instructor to come and teach classes!

Now, I want to be a bright glow of sunshiny excitement about this. However, one thing I've learned from my company is if you're in the office, you need to be working. If you take time out to do something like, oh, go to lunch, you make up the time by working later. So, I'm having a hard time believing that our President is going to completely change and let us go play a rousing game of Foosball during work hours on a regular basis or that he's going to let us go take a break to run on the treadmill and shower. No, I think it's more likely that we're going to have to stay late to make up any fun time we spend at work.

Now, call me crazy and I know this is because I'm not experiencing 100% job satisfaction but, at the end of the day, I want to go home. I do not want to go play Wii with my coworkers. I do not want to do yoga with them. I want to go home. It's not that I don't like my coworkers. I do. It's just that I'd rather be home, doing something I actually want to do like writing, watching TV, making dinner. We're a company with about 22 employees who actually work in the office and not working remotely. By any standards, that's small. Our new building is the type of place you'd expect from Google, Microsoft....big companies that can afford to rotate work breaks and let people decompress at work. We're too small to really be able to do that.

I'm being negative and I know this. I, for one, like the idea of having a meeting while playing Foosball or running on the treadmill. Yet that means you have to find someone else who is capable of talking work while doing something else: Multitasking. Not everyone likes to do that. Still, on bad days, a game of Foosball is quite therapeutic. I like to play dirty.

Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe it's not such a good idea to have meetings while playing Foosball.

Still, I can't wait to see the new building. It's something to see, according to our CEO. She likes it so much, she's literally getting them to build her an apartment on the first floor so that when she comes in to visit (she's based in California), she has somewhere to stay. You might remember that my CEO likes some, uh, noisy extracurricular activities, things that involve a little spanking and squealing. I can't help but wonder if she's going to invite her boyfriend to her new place during work hours. That might be...entertaining.

I work in an odd place. I am incredibly lucky to work for a company that is trying so hard to make us happy and I really, really wish I could stop seeing the glass as half-empty. I try to be a half-full person mostly but there are times when that pesky sense of rational reality kicks in and says, do we really need custom-made bathroom dividers? Can't we, you know, use that money to increase the wages of the people who are going to paying a lot more to get to work because they now have to commute?

But, for now, I have our benefits enrollment to look forward to and the doughnuts that lie ahead. As long as I don't spill the doughnut on my shirt, if I decide to eat one, my day will already be better. Again, it's the small things in life., right?

Happy Tuesday!

"Woe is Me" types of days....

My bad mood never quite left yesterday. By the time I actually went home, I was almost ready to scream from frustration. It was just one of those days in which I couldn't get much done. One of my coworkers kept talking. Then she talked more. Then she talked even more. It's hard to focus when there's that much jabbering happening. My meeting was fun and exciting. And yes, that is sarcasm. I couldn't even get any good doodling done as I was expected to participate in the discussion.

But the day did finally end, thankfully. Today is a new day. It's supposed to be sunny and warm and I'm hoping that my mood remains non-bad.

I think today was really just one of those days where you discover that just getting out of bed was a bad idea. Nothing terribly bad happened, just little tiny things. It was the kind of day in which cars pulled out in front of me without seeing me coming and I had to slam on my brakes. I didn't hit anyone, fortunately. It was the kind of day in which I brought spicy roasted pepper soup to work which made my nose run and I ran out of tissues. It was the kind of day in which I spilled my soup in my lunchbag and it smelled like cold soup for the rest of the day. It was the kind of day in which, as I was making chicken Florentine for dinner, I managed to drop my entire Sodium Chloride Containment Unit (i.e. a fancy little salt seller with a lift up lid courtesy of Mr. Alton Brown's "Good Eats") into my spinach and onto my cooktop. I managed to rinse off most of the salt from the spinach but I had a mess on the cooktop to clean up. It doesn't help that while I'm not generally superstitious, spilling salt and thinking it's bad luck is one of the superstitions I do tend to follow. The chicken Florentine turned out pretty tasty but the spinach was oversalted. If I were on "Top Chef," I'd probably have been in the bottom three.

Ah well, as I said, today is a new day. Also, I'm not competing on a reality cooking show so salt disasters only affect me and I'm not being judged. These are things I'm using to think positive. A good friend reminded me last night that no matter how miserable my job, it's not who I am.

Sometimes I need that reminder. Lately, at work, I've been feeling like the invisible employee. I shouldn't complain; I'm earning a paycheck, am able to pay my mortgage and can manage my own projects at work. In some ways, it's a dream job. I'm just not sure it's my dream job. In fact, I know it isn't. In my year at this company, I've sort of been left to my own devices and everything I know, I've had to teach myself. I don't usually mind because I am a self-starter. It's just that I wasn't really hired as a self-starter and often, it results in vague comments that imply I need to be doing something else except...there's no follow-up.

I was at my parent's house last Friday. They watch Medium on CBS. I never watch it when I'm home but it's a watchable show and don't mind catching it with my parents. The main male character on the show is hired for a job in which he thinks he's going to be able to contribute, to work on things he loves. He discovers that the owner of the company is a control freak who only works by himself, he only hires people because he has to use a percentage of his budget on employees, not because he needs them. Thus, the employee is told he gets to sit there all day, work on whatever he likes or not even work...he'll still get paid. He just won't be doing anything for the company who's paying him.

At first, I thought this sounded like a dream job. I mean, who wouldn't like to show up at an office, pick up a nice check and do whatever he liked all day long? Then I thought about it. Technically, I could use the time to write novels. Except...I realized, that's not how I like to write. Assuming I'd applied for the job in the first place, the company would be doing something that had interested me. Knowing I was getting paid to NOT work for the company would probably drive me potty after a while. I have a work ethic issue, you see. I tend to think if I'm earning a check, I should be doing something.

I am doing something for my company. I'm just not sure they know what it is. Even if they do, it'd be nice if someone would tell me how I was doing. I've been told that if they don't complain, assume I'm doing fine. That's nice and everything but I'm a creature who likes feedback, especially if I've been working on something I'm unsure is useful in the first place.

Ah well. I'm lucky to have good friends in my life. They're good for reminding me that I'm not invisible. They're also good at pointing out obvious things that I tend to forget when I'm having a "Woe is Me" type of day. For example, I was reminded last night that while I might not have a career with a point A to point B path- i.e. Nursing leads to being a nurse, Medical School leads to being a doctor or something similar...I am a writer and just because I'm not getting paid for it yet doesn't mean it's not worthwhile.

I hate that I need that reminder and yet I'm very grateful for it. Isn't it strange how easy it is to fall into a pattern of negative thinking? I know that's a bad habit of mine but sometimes it's hard to stop.

I'm determined to stop it this time. I can't look at the bad in my life and not see the good. Besides, one of my cubicle-mates is in early and she's muttered, "shit, shit, shit!" under her breath a few times already. That's never a good sign.

Also, I have chocolate eyeballs on my desk. While this might disgust many a person, I personally find them intriguing. Halloween candy is rather fun. Last week, I ate a zombie-finger made out of chocolate and crispy things. I also had a zombie toe. I like the eyeballs. When someone is looking at me and talking, I hold my chocolate eyeballs up and make it look like they're staring. People find it disconcerting. I find it entertaining.

It's the small things, no matter how juvenile, that make an otherwise dull day more fun.

I also have a mini pumpkin on my desk that someone gave me. I'm thinking of giving him a face with my Sharpie marker. I did think about carving him but I know that would make a mess and, also, I lack sharp objects with which I could carve.

Oh, there goes my coworker again with her swearing under her breath. Generally, this is a result of things that do not go exactly her way. She "shit, shit, shit!"'s for everything from a typing error to a full-blown Microsoft crash. You never can tell.

Yes, she's not having a good day. She has my sympathies. I'd give her a chocolate eyeball but she doesn't eat chocolate. Also, she prefers not to eat eyeballs.

She's a little strange.

Thanks for reading.

Happy Wednesday.