The (Electronic) Complications that Men Devise

I'm getting a late start on this blog today for no other reason than I just haven't really had time to sit down. I tried to sleep in a little this morning but, as is usually the case, that didn't really happen. Nevertheless, I think I finally have time now.

I spent the last half an hour trying to find a way to put on some nice, peaceful music for my mother who is currently wrapping gifts. My mother does not like to wrap gifts so I thought it might be quite nice if she got a little festive. Unfortunately, my father has one of those ridiculously complicated set-ups for his media system. Thus, you have to turn on the right combination of equalizers and things to even get a CD to play. After having no luck at this, I gave up only to try one other method of getting a CD to play. It's finally working. I find it rather ridiculous that you have to work that hard to play music. At home, I have a CD player. You pop in a disc and voila!...music.

I've never understood those complex audio systems. I know, they sound better when they have about ten components to ensure the best quality sound. I just find it baffling that there are about five different 'on' switches you have to hit to get a CD to play. I've found, for the most part, it is men who care about this sort of thing, really. I know it's a little sexist but it seems to me that we women tend to like things a little simpler. Sure, we like improved sound quality but if it involves much more than either intuitively knowing how to use the equipment OR following more than a simple set of a-b-c instructions, it's just not worth the bother.

Men, however, will go to any lengths to get it right. They will climb on ladders, take out walls, redesign an entire room just to make things just perfect. At least, that's how the men in my life are. I have learned that the translation for "I have a fantastic piece of electronic equipment and it'll only take an hour to install. It'll be a breeze!" really means "I've got this gadget that someone told me was cool and I'm going to spend the entire day trying to hook it up and I will most likely scream and shout at you by the end of the day because it's not working right."

Nevertheless, there are some times when men are simpler creatures than we are. Take, for example, shopping. Yesterday, my shopper's assistant abilities were called into play by my brother. I think I've mentioned that during the Christmas season, I tend to accompany my family individually to help them pick out gifts for each other. Well, yesterday was my older brother. The day before was my mother. I adore shopping with my mother. She contemplates items, wondering if it's just right, wondering if she should buy it. Not so with my brother. You give him a suggestion and there's little debate. It's more of a 'Right! Good idea! Let's buy it."

And that is how we did at shopping. I'd point out a good suggestion for a sibling, nephew, niece or parent and by brother would simply scoop it off the shelf and buy it. In a way, it's quite fun. There's no argument. Mostly there's a 'do you really think that's a good gift?' If I say yes, the item is bought. If not, he often buys it anyway.

Don't get me wrong, my brother is extremely generous and thoughtful with his gift buying. It's just that he needs a lot of guidance. Otherwise, he ends up buying odd gifts that he thinks are great but we tend to wonder what we'd do with them. For example, one Christmas upon which he did not have assistance in shopping, my mother, sister and I all got those Febreze Scent Story machines. Do you remember them? They had a 'compact disc' of scents that would gently waft out. I think, in theory, they were a cool idea. It's just that the discs cost rather a lot of money and really only lasted about three days before it started to get faint. In addition, they stopped making the scent discs quite shortly after we got the machines so, in the end, we had these nice machines and nothing to do with them. It's not that I wasn't grateful but it was a bit of an odd gift.

The year after, he started asking for suggestions and, for the most part, every year since, I've helped him shop. It's a nice way to bond with him as well as make sure he's actually buying gifts that suit people. Tomorrow, I'll be accompanying my father. This is also a slightly necessary thing to do. I don't know what we're buying but usually it requires some intervention. We always go shopping for things for my mother and if I'm not careful, she always ends up with a stack of books that are comprised of serial books. Unfortunately, my dad doesn't always seem to notice this which is why mum often ends up with book 4 of the series when she hasn't read books 1-3. Also, one year, he bought her this rather, um, hideous clay vase thing that you plugged in and it had a diorama of an angel holding out her arms in it. It was not my mother's taste at all.

Thus, I staged an intervention and, as with my brother, it has now become a fun tradition. We always have lunch then head home for a relaxing Christmas Eve. It's a fun thing to do.

But, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Christmas is all about gifts. It just is part of the holiday. The way I look at it is that it should be a chance to show people you love that you know them, that you care about them enough to find something that they'd like. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes not so much. Yet it should still be a fun experience. For me, shopping with my family is part of Christmas as much as opening gifts.

For now, I have to go check to make sure the music is still playing for my mother. It's gone rather quiet in there. I'm hoping her disc hasn't run out because putting a new one in involves a CD changer that doesn't seem to work quite right. Wish me luck.

Happy Wednesday!

The Spirit of the Shopping Season

Christmas is getting closer. A couple of weeks ago, I was miles ahead of the curve with my shopping. Now, with less than a week to go...I'm behind.

I'm not quite sure how that happened, to be honest. I think it's the fact that my family is growing exponentially and every time I think I'm done, I realize that there's still one person for whom I need to buy a gift.

As I've said earlier, I love Christmas. I love shopping. I accept the commercialism because it's part of the season. I love the scents, sounds, vibe....you know all this because I've said it before. Yet, there are times, I confess, as a Singleton, that Christmas is slightly lonely. I have some good friends who are also single so it's always nice to commiserate. Yet when Christmas Day rolls around, I wonder where, exactly, I went a little wrong.

It's a purely passing frame-of-mind. Once Christmas Day is over, I'm ok again. Well, at least until New Year's. Then I start to wonder where my year went and whether it was really worthwhile to spend the year trying to come to grips with a job, write a novel and buy a house.

That's really a trick question to myself: I've had a pretty good year, even if I don't particularly adore my job.

On a normal day, it's easy to look back and reflect upon the good things that have happened over the past year. I wrote a novel, I bought a house, I came up with another novel in my head, I had some minor writing successes, I managed to stay in touch with my good friends, I managed to spend time with my family. All in all, it's been a good year.

Yet there's something about the holidays that make it just a little harder to realize that I'm alone. I've dated more this year than I ever have which, admittedly, isn't exactly a world record. Nevertheless, I've tried. I did finally accept that I'm a wee bit of a commitmentphobe and I needed to move beyond that if i wanted to find someone. Unfortunately, the someone's just don't seem to be matching up.

Nevertheless, I don't want to say I need a significant other in order to enjoy Christmas. I don't. I know this. However, I do sort of wish they'd stop playing all those jewelry commercials on TV. You know the ones I mean, the ones that show the man placing a necklace around his wife's neck while she sleeps soundly. Yet, somehow, when she wakes up, her hands immediately go to her throat and she smiles with pure love and adoration and kisses her husband even though she hasn't even seen the bloody necklace!. I mean, what if, to her, it was the most hideous thing she's ever seen? Yet, they don't show that. They just show her smiling lovingly at her man, knowing he bought her jewelry without even seeing it.

Ok, I know...that's not the point. It's still a stupid commercial. It's not intended to make me feel lonely because I don't have a man to accidentally almost strange me in my sleep by trying to be romantic. It's meant to make men say, "hey, look! I could do that to my wife."

Sometimes I wonder if there are statistics on "Near Death Experiences of Women Who Are Victims of Their Husband's Trying to be Romantic."

Perhaps it's no wonder I'm single.

Yet it's not just jewelry commercials that annoy me. There are plenty of other ones. For example, they're now commercials that tout "Give the Gift of a Lexus."

I'm thinking there should be an entirely different TV network for rich folk because when I hear that commercial, the first thing I want to do is laugh somewhat insanely. Then I want to hit the announcer with my shoe. I mean, ok, so our economy is slowly improving but do you honestly think that the people watching the commercials can afford a Lexus? Yes, I thought not. Those that can afford a Lexus generally can also afford a DVR so they don't even watch commercials.

I hate commercials where the gift is a car with a big red bow on it. I'm guessing that the largest percentage of the audience for those commercials could barely afford the bow, never mind a car. I, personally, don't think a car is a good gift. First of all, it's a bit of a money trap. Ok, so in the beginning it's shiny and sleek. Then it needs gas. Then it needs an oil change. For the richer folk, the driver gets fed up of it and trades it in thereby making the gift slightly redundant. If it's not driven by a rich person, it's driven by a normal person who, most likely, puts off the oil change because they're overpriced. They need to get new tires but don't bother until the tires are bald and scary. Then it starts to cough...then die. Then the owner may decide to enroll in AAA or, more likely, not. The car dies. The owner gets mad...

You get the picture. Cars are NOT good gifts.

It's also like cell phones. Every year, there's a plethora of commercials for cell-phones as gifts. This is just lovely except...cell phones aren't easy. First of all, a real cell-phone needs a plan which means it needs a provider. Every provider has a 'catch.' Secondly, when you buy a phone as a gift, where does the commitment end? You're considered cheap if you just buy the phone and don't bother with a plan. If you get the plan, are you also responsible for overage charges? Do you pay for that extra text message that cost $2.00 to send because the phone-user had just reached her limit when it was sent? Does the recipient of the cell-phone-as-gift hand you the bills to pay? Do you pay up front and assume the user will be obedient and never go outside the limits of their plan?

You can see why I would never, in a million years, give a cell phone.

Me, I prefer to give non-conventional gifts, gifts that aren't necessarily on a Christmas list. I've run into some slight problems with this. I've had friends who have raved about an item they'd love to have and I've made a mental note. Yet, by the time Christmas has rolled around and I've bought them a gift I thought they wanted, they tend to act like I'm crazy for buying it. I also try to buy gifts for people that I know they almost bought themselves but ended up being practical and saving their money. Sometimes this works out but, occasionally, you run into the friend that accepts the gift but seems to think it slightly odd that you actually bought the gift for them.

I suppose it is easier to use a Christmas list. Yet, I confess, I have a slight problem with lists because, to quote my father, "mail order Christmas's aren't right."

I agree with this. I don't like using the holiday as a chance to restock someone's video game supply, movie shelf or book collection. I like to go out and think what it might be that the gift recipent might actually want rather than what they need. I like to think of Christmas as a time to give gifts that show that I actually know a person rather than just feel obligated to buy them something.

I think, perhaps, this may be why I manage to retain my love of Christmas: I blantantly find ways to ignore the commercial side and I make up my own version.

Whether or not my gift recipients agree, that is another story. At the very least, it's fun to shop, to wrap and to remember why I'm buying gifts. At this point, it's not an obligation, it's a fun past time in December that I look forward to every year. Perhaps it's a rebellion against the fact that I'm still single and my obligations are relatively few but I'd prefer to think of it as being strong in the fact of intense pressure.

Either way, it's still Christmas and I still love it.

Happy Friday.

Fridays, Father's Day and The Dread of Public Speaking...

It's Friday. Normally I'd be rejoicing about that but since it means a day of flurried activity and hyperdrive to get everything done, I'm not sure I can rejoice quite yet.

We have, as I've mentioned, an annual conference next week. It's one of those things where we're holding at a hotel and we're staying all week. There's no internet access in our rooms because it costs too much for our company. So, chances are, my blogs will be few and far between.

In the meantime, today is a day about not looking like a twit when I have to do my presentation. I haven't done one of those for ages. I have to talk about a new piece of software. I like the new piece of software but it doesn't really work quite well. At one point, I had to make up Photoshopped images to make it look like it it worked. Fortunately, since then, I've been assigned a new programmer and he's fantastic. Yet, the software still keeps...breaking. He's working hard, I'm working hard but it's always the way, isn't it?

Which means I still don't know if I can actually demonstrate the product or if I'll be doing a PowerPoint slideshow. I'd much rather do a demo so that the attendees don't wonder why we're NOT demonstrating the product since it's due to be released in a month. Yet, at the same time, I also don't want to be left standing in front of an audience and noticing that the software broke again.

Can you tell I'm excited? It doesn't help that I've just been told my session has one of the largest number of registrants. Uh, yay? This is because there's very little else going on at the time of my session and people are paying to see something so lucky, lucky me, they're coming to watch me.

Naturally, this idea does not fill me with a chair-boogie-ing sense of joy. It fills me with a teensy bit of dread.

Today is going to spent trying not to look like an imbecile when I speak to my crowd next Thursday. I'm just glad the days of pitchforks and flaming torches are over. That would fill me with a lot more dread.

Yet, it is nice to remind myself that I have two days between now and Monday, the start of the conference, to stress...uh, I mean, relax. It's Father's Day this weekend. I like giving gifts but not for my dad. That sounds mean, doesn't it? I love my dad. I just don't love buying things for him.

Like many men, he tends to have the "If I want something, I'll just buy it when I want it" trait. Which means that there isn't too much you can buy for him because chances are, if he wants it, he's already bought it. Many a Christmas, my siblings, my mother or I have planned gifts for him only to discover he's just ordered that gift online for himself. When you politely try to explain that maybe he shouldn't buy himself gifts close to occasions where others might be buying them for him, he acts confused. Sometimes, sadly, this usually also results in a bit of a lecture as to how I just ruined his holiday because I told him what someone was going to get him if I manage to stop him ordering something in the nick of time. Or he pouts and acts put out because he wants it RIGHT NOW.

He just doesn't grasp the concept of making a wish list of things he'd like but doesn't buy. For him, if he wants it, he buys it. The worst part is if he does tell you something that he wants for Christmas/his birthday/Father's Day, we'll go to the trouble of hunting it down (as was the case with the Nintendo Wii when it was at the peak of its demand a couple of Christmases ago) and he'll get excited when he opens it. Then, less than a month later, the gift has been put aside and he's moved on. He probably hasn't played his Wii in over a year. Fortunately, my nephew likes it. If he continues to ignore it, I might just be 'borrowing' that Wii for my new house. Waste not, want not. Actually, buying gifts for my dad isn't such a bad thing. I have a nifty pasta press that my sister got him a few years ago and he didn't take out the box. I hijacked it since I knew I'd use it. If he wants it back, naturally I'll return it but, in the meantime, he hasn't really noticed its absence.

This is not to say my dad is a bad man at all. I think he's just oblivious sometimes. He's also a creature of changing obsessions. He's been into maritime books for a while now which is good because aside from Louis L'amour, he never read much. Now, he's reading the high seas equivalent of Louis L'amour but at least he's reading. I've learned more about being on a ship than I ever thought I would because as well as a reader, my dad is a sharer. This means that no matter how often you try to wiggle towards the bathroom, he'll stop you on the way and share some intriguing piece of trivia with you that ends up being a full-fledged lecture. It's not a bad thing but sometimes, he does it when you really, really have to go to the bathroom and he doesn't get the hint, even when you're diving towards the bathroom door handle and he's followed you. Other times, he'll choose to share facts from his reading when you're trying to watch TV or read your own book. Again...I think it's just a bit of oblivion on his part. He can't possibly comprehend that I might not be quite so interested in the adventures of Lord Nelson as he. I let him tell me things because sometimes it is interesting.

My dad is a special creature. I suppose Father's Day is the best time to remember that. This year I got him a bottle of nice wine. I'm not worried about him reading my blog; he doesn't read what I write unless it's an email or letter for his business. I think he'll like the wine though, I tried to pick out a type I know he'll like. It was either that or a gift card but I've been doing that a bit too much lately for him and I decided to try something different.

I hope he likes it.

Happy Friday and have a great weekend.

Birthdays and the Like...

I'm glad it's Friday. I think that's pretty much the tagline for every blog I write on a Friday. This seems like the longest week in ages. Most likely, it's because I haven't worked a full week in a while. That's the nice thing about the Thanksgiving-New Year stretch of time. From Thanksgiving onwards, there's enough going on with holiday parties and the like that even regular length weeks go quickly. This week, it's the first New-Year slump week so that means it's dragged by.

Still, it's Friday now. It's my birthday tomorrow so I'm hoping today flies by. Yet, since it's my birthday, the weather is supposed to be horrible. I'm hoping it isn't since i have plans to drive to my parents. Yet if the weather makes the roads impassable, I won't be horribly surprised. That's the penalty of having a birthday in January. Living in California was actually rather nice for my birthday- it might have been chilly but it was still the sort of weather where you can find yourself taking a walk and enjoying the fact that you're not bundled up to the nines in multiple layers of clothing and a sensible pair of winter boots.

Yet even when I lived in England, I remember my birthday having horrid weather. It's always freezing. We always manage to have a snow or ice storm. One year, I wanted to go to see a movie and though my parents were kind enough to take me anyway, the drive took forever because there was no road visible, just clumps of solid ice.

When I was much younger, my mother would get me a couple of small things for my birthday but then, on my older brother's birthday in May, I'd celebrate my birthday too. It was a nice idea. I'm not sure how my brother felt about it but I didn't mind. It always used to be tough as a kid anyway- the stores are all closing out from Christmas and by January 10th, all that's left is the stuff no one wants.

Not that birthdays are about presents anyway but when you're a kid...presents are good. Ok, fine, as a grown-up, I still love presents. To be fair though, I also love to give presents. It's fun to pick out gifts for people.

I suppose birthdays are about getting older. I'm not a big fan of that anymore. I've reached the stage where I'm happy the way I am and I don't want to be any older. Then again, I never really see myself being the age I am- which I choose not to reveal to you. I still feel like I did ten years ago with perhaps a few more aches and pains and, perhaps, a little more wisdom. Nothing much is going to change tomorrow when the calendar shows I've officially passed another year on earth. I'm still going to adore Harry Potter, I'm still going to love Green Day and I'm still going to eat Cheetos with a fork (or toast tongs, if I have them on hand).

As a kid, I used to think people my current age were grown ups, creatures who were never children. Now, I know I was silly and I probably read too much Enid Blyton. In those books, the grown ups were barely acknowledged, creatures too old and dull to be part of the adventure or fun. Now I'm one of those grownups. It's a little scary when I think about it. I'm not really sure I like being a grownup.

Then again, when I go to the store and buy a bottle of wine (and hopefully not spill it on the floor) or I get to order appetizers and dessert instead of a real meal or I go home, bake cookies and then eat half of them while they're still hot from the oven, I do appreciate the fact that I'm a grownup. I still get a thrill from buying a 2-litre bottle of Coca-Cola all for me. When we were kids, we only had Coke on weekends and we had to share a 2-litre. It was pretty cool and I still appreciate it now. I had pretty great parents- they knew when to say no but never deprived us. It made for a pretty great upbringing, even when I was a bit of a monster in my teens.

So I suppose there are some things to be said for being an adult. Although now I am one, it would be rather nice to stop aging now. Still, it is rather nice to have a birthday. People are extra nice on birthdays. I already have a couple of gifts from my awesome best friend. I've been very good and haven't unwrapped them. This is pure torture for me. I'm horribly nosy and usually have to know what's inside a gift. I'm being good though. It'll make it all the more special when I unwrap them tomorrow.

I've decided that instead of making new year resolutions, I'm making birthday resolutions. After all, I wasn't born on a new year and thus had to wait almost 355 days AFTER I was born to celebrate one. I don't exactly know what those resolutions will be but I'll work on it. I do know that this is the year I'm going to get published in some form or another and I'm not talking about publishing this blog. That's one resolution, at least.

I apologize, once again, for the babbling nature of this email but by now you should be used to it. Sometimes I have a topic, sometimes I don't. Today, i didn't. I just thought, hey, I should probably blog about my birthday so I did. Thanks, as always, for reading.

Have a great weekend!