Mondays and Pig Heads...

Every Monday I complain that it's a Monday. Last week, I was irritated that Tuesday was Monday.

I can't really promise this week is going to be any different. I think I'm just going to have to admit that Monday mornings are just not fun. It doesn't matter if they're labeled as Monday or Tuesday on the calendar; they're still the sign that the weekend is completely over and only work days lie immediately ahead.

But that sounds so negative, doesn't it?

I'd like to begin this work week with a new attitude, a bright and shiny desire to excel at my job. Unfortunately, there really isn't much room to excel at my job which is, in itself, a sad fact. My company, as I've mentioned, is not particularly forward thinking and their acknowledgment that you're doing a good job is pretty much to let you stay employed. Awkward Bagel Days are usually only scheduled for new employees. When we have a barbecue, we have to bring in the food. I've been told that we used to get bonuses but I have a horrible feeling we won't because we're still struggling to find our feet after being sold earlier this year.

Still, our sweet Warm Vanilla Sugar squirting HR lady has taken it upon herself to give us small perks. Though I still hate the smell of that damn room spray, I do appreciate her efforts to give us these small perks. She buys Coke and Pepsi at the store and then charges us .25 cents a can for them. That's just a bargain, if you ask me. We were never allowed it before. One thing I've learned about my company is if you want to do something, you should just do it. Asking usually leads to getting a no or being made to feel guilty. This includes asking for time off or skipping lunch to leave 30 minutes early. The most they'll do is have a staff meeting in which we're all passive-aggressively scolded and told to stop whatever bad behaviour we were exhibiting. Everyone knows who actually did the deed, no one admits to it.

Anyway, despite this, I mostly do like my company. So, despite the fact that it's a Monday, I'm going to actually attempt to get some work done, even though I'll mentally be counting down the minutes until I can go home and relax.

I can't really complain about not getting relaxation time anymore. I had a nice relaxing weekend. I did make a trip to IKEA for some curtains. Naturally, I came out with the curtains in addition to several other items I had not planned to purchase. That's the problem with IKEA; they have all kinds of nifty gadgets and kitchen stuff and I can't resist. I was very restrained this time, however, and only bought a citrus zester and a melon baller. Of course, this was followed by a trip to Jungle Jim's International Market where I had fun wandering around and just looking. I discovered they sell entire pig heads. I was a wee bit alarmed by this. I probably wouldn't have been so alarmed but I'd just watched an Iron Chef America in which the secret ingredient was suckling pig. This basically amounted to a heap of baby piglets, heads on and looking cute but slaughtered lying there on my TV. When the chefs got hold of the piglets, it was indescribably disgusting. Let's just say they use every part of the piggy.

It would have disgusted me even if I hadn't been eating bacon at the time. I'd DVR'd the episode not knowing the secret ingredient, you see. Then I chose breakfast time to watch it. Fortunately, I'd eaten all the bacon by the time the piglets came on screen. Still, there's nothing more likely to put you off the breakfast than a chef lopping off Piglet's ears.

So, when I saw that giant pig head staring up at me in Jungle Jim from the captivity of its cellophane prison, I was a little taken aback. It looked like something from the Amityville Horror. They also had entire ducks heads packaged up. I know they're used a lot in Asian cuisine but I think I might have a hard time eating a duck head.

I will say, though, I find that sort of thing fascinating. It's also vaguely disgusting but still intriguing. When I lived in L.A. I used to enjoy going to the Asian markets with seafood counters. It was a little like going to an exotic zoo. There were live giant frogs, crabs crawling out of the mound upon which they were piled for sale, nasty looking clams that resembled yellow elephant trunks and, of course, tanks and tanks of live fish. I thought nothing of the tanks of fish until one day I saw one of the staff capture a giant fish and then violently club it over the head until it stopped thrashing. That was an eye-opening experience. Someone bought frogs once and I feared for the lazy-looking creatures but fortunately, they were just bagged up in a cellophane bag and taped tight. I happened to be behind the purchaser at the checkout and those frogs were still trying to leap to their freedom as the cashier rang them up.

I know it's all cultural; it seemed that as the minority in the store, I was also in the minority at being horrified/fascinated by such 'different' practices. I suppose if that's an everyday thing, you become desensitized to it; it seems almost normal. To me, I don't think it'll ever become normal. I actually hope it doesn't. I think I'd rather be slightly nonplussed at the sight of a giant pig head staring at me than accept that as an everyday thing.

I admit though, I did go back a second time to stare at the pig head in Jungle Jim's. It seemed like I wasn't the only one. I was behind a couple who were clearly on the Unusual Food tour of the store; looking, like I do, for the weirdest, most disgusting things to see. I admit, it's slightly wrong but it's also a new way to look at a grocery store. I love Jungle Jim's; they sell kangaroo meat, antelope meat and alligator in the same freezer section. That's pretty fascinating, you have to admit.

Anyway, so that was probably the most interesting thing I saw this weekend. Aside from that, I spent hours upon hours weeding my garden only to discover it didn't look like I'd done much at all. Although it does look better, there are still a ton of weeds there but my sore fingertips and stiff back belie a lot more work than it seems I did.

My neighbour with the yappy dog did come out a couple of times while I was outside. I only had to have one "pet the dog and make awkward conversation" encounter though. Otherwise, I just waved and ignored him. I feel a bit sorry for him anyway; his wife never seems to do anything outside, including grilling dinner. The only one I ever see doing any work is him. I wonder if he's as henpecked as he seems. Maybe he likes escaping into the garden to be the Dog Whisperer.

Still, with pig heads, weeding and IKEA, I had an interesting and productive weekend. Of course, in typing this, I just realized I'm having ham for dinner. I probably should have thought of that before I started talking about piglets and pig heads.

Oh dear.

Happy Monday.

Runaway Cows and Wolverines....

My weekend went too quickly. I know time doesn't move quicker on the weekends but it does feel as though, on Friday evenings, time passes by a little more quickly than it does on weekdays. It's a strange phenomenon. I mean, take the same time period...Monday through Wednesday, perhaps. Time moves far slower on these days than it does on weekends. It does pick up the pace a little after Wednesday but it's only on weekends that it moves at warp speed.

I had a nice weekend though. I got to hang out with a good friend. We went to see "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". I have to say, I enjoyed it a lot. It was much better than the last two "X-Men" films and it kept me interested. When I plan on seeing a movie like that, I have a tradition of refusing to read the review of it in Entertainment Weekly until afterwards. For some reason, EW always gives those reviews to Lisa Schwarzbaum who, in my opinion, is just a horrible reviewer. Lisa is a movie snob which means she really shouldn't be reviewing movies for a pop culture magazine but, maybe instead, for something like The New Yorker where people tend to be a little more highbrow.

On occasion, Ms. Schwartzbaum will like a blockbuster-type movie. This is very rare. She usually hates them, picks them apart layer by layer using rather large words but, in the end, basically says nothing of any significance. For "Wolverine", she complained of the fact that the hero, obviously Wolverine, had too much of an agonizing backstory. She seemed to want to know why heroes always had such long drawn out stories whereas the villains, like The Joker in Batman, just are...villains. That's a pretty daft thing to say, really. One of the things I've been enjoying in the recent comic book/graphic novel adaptations are the layers and personalities given to the heroes. It used to be that Superman would show up, save the day and fly off again. Spiderman used to swing from buildings, saving the weak. Nowadays, we get to find out why they do it.

Personally, I love getting to discover the motivations and reasons behind a hero's need to...be a hero. I now know why Wolverine is who he is. I needed to know that. Otherwise, he's just a man with adamantium claws who has a bad temper. For the same reason, I loved "Iron Man". Tony Stark is a man with a past who realizes that everything he's worked for is wrong and to remedy that, he becomes Iron Man. Yet, like Wolverine, he's flawed. Me...I love a flawed hero. It makes them so much more interesting. I used to think villains are more interesting than the hero: look at Lex Luthor, for example. Nowadays though, I care more about the heroes because they actually are human. There's a lot to be said for that.

I actually didn't intend to blog about the movie for so long. Sorry about that. Aside from the movie-going and working in the garden with my mother, it was a pretty quiet weekend which was very welcome. On the way home from my parents, I didn't see any Amish on Rollerblades this week. However, I did see an escaped cow. For some reason, I found this positivity delightful. Maybe it was the joyous way the cow was trotting away from the pen from which it had previously been imprisoned. Maybe it was the fact that I watched that cow stop and seemingly taunt the other cows who were still trapped behind the fence. It was almost a visible "look at me, I'm free! You're all trapped- na na na nah nah."

That cow made me laugh very hard. I hope he's ok. I'm sure he was rounded up. I did worry for a moment that he'd get hit by a car but then I realized that it'd probably be the car that would be in trouble. It was a big cow. Also, it wasn't exactly moving at the speed of light, more of an ambling trot of exploration. I love cows. I always shout hello to them when I'm driving by a field full of them. It seems the right thing to do.

When I got home from my parents, I noticed that my CEO's boyfriend was out in the field behind my apartment complex, walking the dog. I checked to make sure my door was locked. Three times. He did not visit me. However, he and his partner certainly had an active evening. It is rather difficult to focus on watching "Iron Chef" episodes when your ceiling sounds like it might cave in. I perservered. So did they. A couple of times. Me, I watched Bobbie Flay eke out a narrow victory and I called it a night. It was a good weekend. I hope yours was too.

Happy Monday.

IKEA, Cooking and a Rainy Start to the Week

It's a dark and stormy Monday morning. The sky is grey and heavy and looks like it's going to open any minute and launch a torrent onto the world beneath that is just waking up and trying to be motivated to go to work or school. It's one of those days where there's an ominous tone to the world, heavy with greys and shadows, the flowers looking as though they're trying to hide from the heavy rains that loom, imminent.

I know how they feel. I think most people do on Monday mornings. I have yet to meet a person who sits up and jumps out of bed saying "YAY! It's Monday!!!". If those people exist, they would frighten me.

I think my problem is that I like weekends too much. I love having two days that don't conform to the self-made pattern of my work weeks. I like knowing I can get up when I like, even if it is always around 9 a.m. at the latest. I like knowing I can read in bed if I still don't want to get up, that I can work out any time I choose.

This weekend was another good one. I spent the day on Saturday with a friend. We went to IKEA. I love IKEA. I love that you can go in there and spend less than $35 and come out with a ton of handy items, some of which you might actually need. I do need to make a note to myself that I really need to NOT watch "Iron Chef America' before I go to IKEA. You see, this leads me to do something I never thought I would ever do: Get excited over kitchen tools. I used to mock my friends and my dad for getting excited over odd contraptions like fancy peelers, sodium containment units (a fancy salt pot for those unfamiliar with Alton Brown and the Food Network) and chopping boards. This weekend, I went to IKEA and I got excited over a peeler and chopping boards and a French press coffee maker. Yes, I've crossed over to the dark side. You know you're in trouble when the lemon juicer just has to be yours because squeezing fresh lemons is far better than buying those plastic lemons full of concentrated lemon juice.

Stupid "Iron Chef."

Aside from IKEA, we browsed Barnes and Noble which, alas, did not have any copies left of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, a book that my friend really wanted to read and was kindly going to loan me. Yes, it's based on the original text of Pride and Prejudice but has, you know, zombies attacking the village of Meryton and it's up to Elizabeth Bennett and Proud Mr. Darcy to defeat them. What's not to like about that?

We also went to see a movie. We saw "State of Play". Yes, I know, I know, I've complained about that remake a couple of times. I can hear you thinking, "Wow, Captain Monkeypants is a hypocrite. She's supporting Hollywood in their horrid remake campaign." My defense is....an embarrassed shrug. It's true. I have no defense. I will merely apologise and move on.

Actually, I won't. You didn't really expect that, did you? My friend wanted to see it and it was the only movie starting at the time we wanted to see one. It had good reviews and, I confess, Iwas curious to see what they did with it. It was...ok.

The original is far, far better. I will say the movie did a fabulous job of condensing the mini-series which ran over five hours into a two hour movie. Russell Crowe was excellent in his role. Rachel McAdams was good, also. Ben Affleck played Ben Affleck very nicely. I was a little confused why Helen Mirren decided to act her role as though she were playing Bill Nighy playing her role. I mean, even her gestures were very similar to those of Mr. Nighy in the original. Over all, it was ok. I missed the James McAvoy role from the original and was disappointed that Jason Bateman's slimy character didn't have more screen time or a larger role but, as I said, it wasn't bad at all. I still say watch the original, it's much less polished, far grittier and far more believable. However, the BBC mini-series does lack Russell Crowe's spectacularly bad hairstyle, I'm sad to say.

The rest of my weekend was rather nice. I woke up on Sunday with the urge to cook. Stupid Food Network. Stupid Mario Batali. So, I cooked. I made homemade ravioli. I made the dough myself. It was ridiculously easy because Mario Batali told me it was and he's usually right. I stuffed it with roasted butternut squash and tossed it in a sage butter sauce. I also added a salad of sauteed beet greens topped with roasted beets.

You're scared, aren't you? Yes, me too. I think I might have officially watched too much "Iron Chef America". I will say that the meal was delicious, even though that sounds horribly self-congratulatory. My only problem is that I still lack a rolling pin and I, naturally, do not own a pasta rolling machine thingy so I had to use my infamous trick of using a wine bottle to flatten out the pasta dough. Thus, no matter how hard I pressed down, the dough remained thicker than it should. It was tasty...just thick. I like that I can try these recipes on myself and if they're revolting, I'm the only one who has to know. However, if it does turn out right, I can add that to my repetoire for when I do cook for others. It's fun. I'm planning on trying to cook in my parent's far better equipped kitchen soon. My dad has all the gadgets including a pasta rolling thingy. I plan on using my mother as my sous chef. She doesn't know this yet.

As for the house hunting, that was postponed by my realtor. We're going tonight, instead. I'm excited. It'll be interesting to see the difference between the fiction of the pictures I've been viewing of houses and the reality of the houses themselves. I think I'm prepared. I don't plan on falling madly in love with one place and putting all my hopes on that because I know that often, you have to make offers on a couple of places before you finally get one. The looking is the fun part. I plan on enjoying that.

So, thus ends the past week and today the new one begins. It's a little less stressful since the pressure of making it in the ABNA contest is off though, in the end, that turned out to be little stress, just a good rallying point for me to realize, once again, it's about the roadtrip, not the destination.

In a way, I like that it's raining. It seems fitting for a Monday morning. I'm sure as the week passes, the clouds eventually will too. In the meantime, they provide a convenient excuse for my Monday sluggishness, not the fact that I stayed up too late reading. I shall, to quote Milli Vanilli, those old pop "singers" of yore, "Blame it on the rain." Why not?

Happy Monday.

A Wordsworth Kind of Friday...

"Daffodils" (1804)

I WANDER'D lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way,

They stretch'd in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,

Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they

Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:

A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:

I gazed -- and gazed -- but little thought

What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.

William Wordsworth (1770-1850).

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It's going to be a beautiful Friday. The sun is shining again and the temperatures are supposed to reach the 70's. That's what I call a good start to the weekend. It's been a long week, full of ups and downs but mostly ups...which makes for a good week.

My weekend looms before me, the weather forecast is very typical for the Midwest in the spring; it's supposed to be sunny with a chance of rain and the temperatures will range from teh 30's to the 70's. I have no real set plans aside from looking at houses this weekend. I'm quite excited about that. I've never looked for my own house before but I'm certain that there's a place out there, somewhere, that I'll eventually be able to call my own.

Aside from that, it's one of those delicious weekends in which nothing is written in stone and during which I can do anything or nothing, whatever strikes my fancy.

I like that I've been dreading this past week for a month, the knowledge that my novel, Sleep, would hit its peak in ABNA and I'd be back to starting over with query letters for it. The reason I like that I've been dreading it is because now that it's happened, it's over and rather than bring me down, it's boosted me up.

I had a good evening last night too. I made breakfast for dinner: Scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, hash brown patties and grilled tomatoes and green peppers. I watched "Iron Chef America" on my laptop and discovered that while I adore Mario Batali, I do not care for Bobby Flay. I find him stressful to watch because he seems so focused and intent that he doesn't seem to be enjoying his work very much. When I watch Mario Batali, I get the sense that he enjoys cooking, that he is inspired by the ingredient he's given. Bobby Flay seemed rather miserable about it. Maybe it was just the episode; the secret ingredient was beer and Flay was challenged by an Austrian cook who clearly knew how to use the ingredient. Poor Bobby seemed a little irritated by his ingredient and when his fondue turned about badly, I almost expected him to throw it at his sous chef.

Aside from that, I did download the new Green Day song. As expected, it is good. Then I wrote, while listening to Green Day. There's nothing better.

So, I seem to be continuing my campaign of positivity which, for me, is a pretty good accomplishment. I can be optimistic but I can also be dark and twisty, full of darkness and self-doubt. I'm glad I didn't go to that place but, instead, I let Spring have its effect on me. It's hard not to when the sun is shining so brightly and you pass hosts of golden daffodils constantly on your way to work. Even though I have the work day to get through before my weekend begins, I can live with that. It makes the anticipation of two days of freedom even better.

Happy Friday.

Iron Chefs and Rats Who Shouldn't Cook...

It's another gloomy day today, similar to yesterday but the warmth has gone and a damp cold seems to have found its way into my fingers. No matter what I try, I can't quite get warm. It reminds me of my days of living in England; the damp cold clings to you inside and out and only burrowing yourself into a mountain of blankets in bed can warm chill from your bones.

Thus, I didn't want to get up this morning. I actually slept remarkably well last night which was a pleasant surprise given that today is the day the Top 100 in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award is selected and the rest of the 400 quarterfinalists will be notified that their novels didn't make it. Try as I might, I can't ignore it and I have tried. I've tried to distract myself by not thinking about it. I figured if I psyched myself up to receive that rejection, it wouldn't bother me. The problem with that is that it's negative thinking and that's not good either. So, I'm trying a new strategy: being positive. I'm not sure how that's working for me; it's hard to be in a great mood when you're feeling sluggish and tired and you want to crawl back under the covers. Yet I'm trying. Whatever happens, happens.

So, instead of spending last night obsessively reading the ABNA forums, I found other things to do instead. Besides, the ABNA forums are getting on my nerves. Nothing is going on there other than a little snark, a little teasing and a little patting each other on the back. I managed to get 10 reviews through the process and every single one of them actually made me flush with surprise and happiness; people like my book. That's a pretty awesome feeling.

One of the other things I found to do is watch TV on my computer in bed. I've got a confession; I think I might be getting addicted to "Iron Chef USA." I watched it with my parents this weekend and, well, it's pretty cool. As a food lover, I can't believe what those chefs can throw together in 'one hour'. Since it's TV, I have to think some prep work was done ahead of time and the 'secret ingredient' wasn't so secret. My favourite is Mario Batali. Wow, he makes me hungry. Last night, I discovered that The Food Network has some full episodes to watch online so I watched Jamie Oliver (aka "The Naked Chef") take on Mario Batali. They had to use a weird fish called Cobia. Both chefs made dishes that actually looked like they'd be tasty but as he seems to always do, Mario Batali was the one that made me want to reach into my television and sample his food. There's something deeply satisfying about watching a talented chef cook.

Believe it or not, this weekend was the first time I've ever really seen "Iron Chef". I do love the food network. Alton Brown's "Good Eats" was my previous favourite. He's a great cook too because he makes sense of what he cooks and how flavours work together. Also, he doesn't have all the fancy gadgets to use that make me feel woefully amateur because I do not have a Chinese Hat Funnel in my kitchen. Jamie Oliver used on of those last night on "Iron Chef".

The Food Network is the reason I don't have cable or satellite TV. I know, for a fact, that if I did have it, I would probably always find a way to procrastinate and turn on the TV. There's always something to watch on that channel. I tend to indulge at my parents' house. I love Anthony Bourdain's shows, I like Alton Brown, I love Iron Chef. I've also watched that show with the bald man who goes round the world eating disgusting things. For the life of me, I can't remember the name but it's on late and he will eat ANYTHING. I find it disgustingly entertaining. I also liked that "Dinner: Impossible" show in which a man goes to places and throws together a meal for huge amounts of people in a very short time.

You get the idea. I love food, thus, I love the Food Network. It's very dangerous to my productivity.

Just in case you were wondering and (*SPOILER ALERT), Mr. Batali did defeat Jamie Oliver in "Iron Chef USA". Not that it's a shocker. I will say that Jamie Oliver only lost by 3 points and he made fish and chips using Guiness beer in the batter which made me like him. Also, he's British which made me like him even more. It was pretty amazing watching two chefs battle it out because neither of them got flustered, they just focused on the task at hand. What amazes me is their soux chefs who get none of the glory on screen but are running around, making it possible for the Iron Chef and his competitor to masterfully create dishes with the ingredients they've prepped.

It reminds me of that film, "Ratatouille." Aside from the fact that the film disgusts me greatly because it's a RAT in the KITCHEN, TOUCHING FOOD, I do like the fact that we get inside the hustle and bustle of a busy kitchen at work. I liked the food aspect of that movie. I just can't watch it enjoyably because even if it's a cartoon, there are still RATS. In a Kitchen. Touching Food. I find it ironic that I have a vivid imagination but I can't get beyond the fact that I'm disgusted by the rats, even though they're animated and they can talk. Really, I should be able to suspend my disbelief that these aren't real rats; they're magical talking ones that aren't disgusting and covered with germs.

Yet, after I saw "Ratatouille," I saw a real rat in the jasmine patch I walked by daily when I worked at USC. I tried to picture that rat in a cute chef's hat, talking to me, washing his paws ready to cook. I couldn't do it. All I saw was a nasty, germ infested creature with beady eyes and a horrible, long, naked tail. Apparently, my suspension of disbelief doesn't extend to rats cooking, no matter how often they wash their hands.

I think I'll stick to watching master chefs in the kitchen at work, chefs that stand up on human legs, washing their human hands and cooking human dishes with the help of other humans. I'll stick to my Iron Chef's and my bald men eating disgusing foods. Which, my apologies, is NOT on the Food Network but is on the Travel Channel and it's called "Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman." Sorry, Andrew Zimmerman, I shall try to remember your name and not called you "Bald Man who Eats Weird Food." Still, Travel Channel or Food Network, I still love watching people cook and eat. It's a good distraction from life.

Happy Wednesday.