The Dachshunds Bill of Rights.

I have dachshunds. If you read my blog regularly, you'll know this. If you stumbled upon it, well...welcome.

The reason I'm stating again that I have dachshunds is that having been around a lot of dogs in my life, these long little dogs are a breed unto themselves. If you're thinking of getting a dachshund, there are certain things you should know. Many of these things you can find online or in books that talk about the personality and temperament of the breed. However, there are some things you won't learn unless you either get your own dachshund or you talk to someone who has one.

The thing with dachshunds is that they're stubborn. This you will read everywhere. What you won't read is the Dachshund Bill of Rights that I'm about to give you. I should say this is the "Dachshunds 'Expected' Bill of Rights" in that you don't HAVE to agree with it. Just know that the dachshund in question will do what he/she wants to do anyway so you might as well know what you're in for.

THE DACHSHUND BILL OF RIGHTS

1. Dachshunds do not like to be cold. Most of all, dachshunds do not like a cold nose. If his/her nose is cold, he/she will find the most convenient source of heat from which to warm the nose in question. This often means you. They especially like it if you're in a bathrobe or under a blanket. It is their right to usurp said blanket or bathrobe.

2. Dachshunds will sleep on the bed with you. It is their right. It is also their right to burrow under the covers. Do not try and stop them. They get rather crabby if you prevent them from burrowing. They will then use you as a source of heat. They also like to lie horizontally across the bed. If you do not have enough room, your dachshund will not care.

3. Dachshunds are the master of the pitiful whine. They also have enormous sad eyes. If you give in once, you will always give in. They want you to give in. This is why they end up sitting up on the couch and sleeping in your bed. They also manage to make you feel guilty for punishing them, even if they deserved it.

4. If you let your dachshund up on the couch, it is his or her right to take up as much room as they want. If you get up for a moment from the couch, you will return to find your dachshund has stolen your spot but still somehow managed to occupy his/her old one. They are long-bodied dogs and they know how to use that to their advantage.

5. Dachshunds are always hungry. You can feed them and feed them and they will still want more. Be careful not to overfeed them. They will try anything once but they may not like it. This does not mean you shouldn't offer them the same food in future. They might have changed their mind. Also, though you know you shouldn't give them 'people food', they want it. Badly. They especially love sausages, bacon, chicken and anything from the meat family. However, they have also been known to enjoy fruits. And vegetables. Also, dachshunds might look small but when they stand up on their back legs, they have quite a height. This means they will try to steal from your table. Beware.

6. Dachshunds dig. You can try to stop them. You can try to make them a digging spot. You can try to encourage them to dig somewhere else so it isn't so visible. This will not work. Dachshunds will dig where they want to dig. You can try to stop them but the minute you turn your back, they will dig a hole. Soon, you will have lots of little holes in your lawn. Fight back if you like but after a while, you'll realize that it's better in your lawn than under your dianthus, roses, marigolds or tomatoes. Dachshunds do not care what is above their digging spot. They like to dig.

7. Dachshunds like to collect things. They will find rocks and sticks from places you never imagined. They will collect piles of them around the holes they have dug. When you go to mow your lawn, you will find their collection. Beware. This habit is not good for lawn mowers.

8. Dachshunds are scent-hounds. They can smell extremely well. When they catch the scent of a squirrel or rabbit, nothing else in the world matters. They will hunt and track that scent until they are dragged away from it. If you are walking your dachshund and they scent a bunny or squirrel, you will know it. The leash will go tight and you will have to hold on. If they actually see a bunny or squirrel, you will need to hold on very tightly. Dachshunds also do not understands that birds can fly and squirrels can climb trees. Thus, they, too, will attempt to fly or climb trees. Both will end in a very dismayed dog who would be content to stand there until the squirrel or bird came back.

9. Dachshunds like to go for walks to smell things. They don't really know the meaning of the word exercise. That is just something that is a by-product of smelling. If you take them for a walk, they will let you know when they're tired by simply sitting down. You might have to accidentally drag them before you realize they're done. Dragging a dog in public is not good. If your dachshund has really had enough, you may have to carry him or her for the duration of the walk. The dachshund will then sit comfortable in your arms as you attempt to arrange his/her long body for comfort. However, if they smell something, they will then wriggle and you MUST put them down.

10. Dachshunds don't understand boundaries of any kind. This may be a physical boundary such as a fence or human-enforced boundary such as, 'don't steal food from the table.' They see both types of boundaries as a challenge. If a dachshund smells 'something' on the other side of the fence, they will somehow manage to fit through the tiniest hole or gap in order to try to get that 'something'. Make sure your fence is dachshund proof. Once they find a hole, they will use it until you stop them. For human-enforced boundaries...good luck with that. Dachshunds tend to be willing to endure the punishment in order to reap the benefits of the crime. When it comes time for punishment, see #3.

In exchange for following this bill of rights, you will receive love, kisses, cuddles and devotion from your dachshund. Unless they don't feel like giving it to you. Or they smell a squirrel.

Just kidding. They're the best dogs in the world, in my opinion. Each one has a very specific personality but it's worth every minute. I think every breed has its quirks and every human is drawn to a certain breed. It's just my luck I get drawn to a stubborn quirky one.

Or maybe it's not luck at all.

Spontaneous Weekends...

This has been a nice weekend. It was one of those weekends where I didn't have anything planned but I managed to fill my time with a mix of relaxation and productivity.

I spent Friday night out with a friend from work. We had a nice time talking and just talking about things other than work. Normally when I go out with coworkers for a social occasion, we end up discussing the office and everything to do with the office. This time, we didn't let ourselves and it was nice to talk to my coworker as a friend rather than just as a coworker. That's always a nice surprise. Of course, when I got home, even though it wasn't late, I had two rather unhappy puppies and a cranky old chihuahua to deal with.

My puppies are a little spoiled. When I go out in the evenings after work, I usually come home, let them run around after being in their crate all afternoon and then I give them a rather nice chew treat to chomp on while I'm gone. Since I don't want to put them back in their crate, I trust them in the living room without being properly confined. They do well with it. At the moment, since The Odious One is staying, he has the family room to roam in and I gate it off so he's not chomped on by the pups.

You'd think this wouldn't be bad of an arrangement. After all, I was only gone two hours. Nevertheless, the puppies greet me as though I've been gone for months. Then they proceed to give me the cold shoulder until I've fussed over them enough that they forgive me for leaving them.

It's actually quite entertaining to see their initial reaction as excitement to see me, to realize that I am coming home and that they haven't been abandoned. Then after their 'kisses' and puppy hugs have stopped being so enthusiastic, they subcutaneously give me a hurt look as if to say, "How COULD you leave us like that," and they they run off outside and won't come near me until I've petted them to their satisfaction.

With the Odious One, he just seems pleased to have someone around. He tends to be pleased when I come home but he's not terribly enthusiastic, that one. On the plus side, he seems to be doing well. I have to confess, he's a very old chihuahua, The Odious One. When my parents left him with me, I had a disclaimer that if he, you know, keeled over or anything while they were gone, it was NOT my fault, I did not kill him.

I think Odie has some life in him yet. He gets around pretty well considering he only seems to have use of three legs. He's a bit lopsided. He also walks around panting at me all the time. Still, he seems quite able to take care of himself. He acts helpless when the puppies try to greet him with their usual enthusiasm but if I'm handing out treats, he's right there, shoulder to shoulder with them as if he's always been their very best friend.

The rest of the weekend was rather nice although I spontaneously decided to go see that new movie, "The Last Exorcism." I decided that since I'm writing a book about demons, even if it is a comedy, it never hurts to see what's going on in the fictional world of Hollywood demons. After all, I did get the idea for The Reluctant Demon from watching that "Paranormal Activity" film.

Well, let me tell you, "The Last Exorcism," was rather daft. It couldn't decide if it wanted to be a 'documentary,' like the "Blair Witch Project" or it wanted to be a horror movie like, say, "The Exorcist." As a result, we got a documentary/movie. Except it didn't make much sense. Also, it was not scary which was a disappointment. In the end, I was left wondering exactly what happened which I think was the point but it wasn't even slightly thought-provoking. Instead, I was left wondering why I paid $7 to see such a silly film. I think I'll stick with "The Exorcist," thank you.

After the movie, I did my usual Saturday errands (grocery shopping and the like) and then I came home to spend the rest of the day with the dogs.

On Sunday, I got up after having let the puppies play outside while I attempted to get a little extra sleep. I discovered that now the tool shed is off limits as far as burrowing goes, they've decided to burrow under the large propane tank I have in the back yard. This meant an impromptu trip to Lowes for some paving stones. I'm now familiar with the paving stones at Lowes. They make an excellent barricade against digging.

Of course, once I'd blocked up the burrow that the puppies have made, they were, naturally, not happy with me. I ignored them. They forgave me. It's pretty simple psychology, really.

All in all, we had a pretty nice weekend. There's just something nice about weekends where you don't plan on doing anything but you end up doing something anyway. Next weekend is a three day one. The puppies and I are escorting "Uncle Odie" home and we'll stay at my parents for the weekend. I'm planning on having a mini writing retreat so I can do some work on my novel. It should be nice. Hopefully it won't rain.

And, if it does, we'll deal with that as it comes.

Happy Monday!

Unwanted Help in the Garden...

Today began in a stormy manner, quite literally. As I drove to work, the rain was coming down heavily and as I settled at my desk for the day, the thunder began to crash outside. I worried a little about the puppies; they're not afraid of storms, per se but they don't like them and get a little restless. I figured they were safe in their crate and they had each other for comfort.

The day cleared up around mid-morning with only a slightly stifling humidity left as a result of the storm. I wouldn't be surprised if we have more storms tonight and tomorrow- that's the only thing that's going to break the humidity and the stickiness in the air.

Since I thought it would rain all day, I hadn't planned on working in the garden tonight. Last night, I worked like a fiend to get all my flowers planted.

Unfortunately, the puppies had other ideas about 'gardening'. While I weeded last night, I found them having surreptiously dug up one of my new perennials- a pretty yellow flower that made me happy to look at it. Fortunately, I was in time to rescue it and I replanted it, adding rocks around the base to deter digging.

I should have known that wasn't enough. While I was indoors, cleaning up a little, Rory was helping me with my gardening. By the time I went out, my yellow flower was no more. I'm sad about it. I really liked that flower. Last week, it was a dianthus that I lost due to Sookie's compulsion to dig.

I suppose I can't really be angry. I mean, they see me pulling up weeds, digging in the garden for hours. Perhaps they really thought they were helping. They can't tell the difference between a burdock and a coreopsis. I've tried to make Rory and Sookie a hole of their own in which to dig but, instead, they're returning to the site of the late yellow flower and making it's former home an even bigger hole. Perhaps I should plant another rose there, something spiky that will deter digging.

Of course, it doesn't help that the Dog Whisperer came out tonight. Lately, he's been driving me crazy by coming home from work, letting his yappy beasts out and then leaving them outside for two hours which, generally, is the two hours that I want to work in the garden after work. I don't know if he thinks it's my fault for leaving my puppies out but, as I've mentioned before, my puppies don't bark.

However, I have to admit, my puppies are rather good rabble rousers. I've watched them and they seem to take great pleasure in running up and down the fence, making the Dog Whisperer's canines chase them, barking, naturally, the whole time. My puppies, however, are silent. They just like to wind up the neighbour's dogs. Then, at other times, Sookie will sit calmly in our garden, about five feet from the fence where the Dog Whisperer's beasts are barking like mad. She will just watch them, as if knowing that she's the cause of the frenzy but not moving a muscle.

Then, Rory will pounce on her and the two will tussle around the garden, doing this weird friendly-growling thing at one another with the occasional yip. This, of course, drives the Dog Whisperer's pets rather crazy.

So, while I think that the Dog Whisperer should definitely exert some discipline over his dogs and discourage them from barking, it's not like my pups are completely innocent. They're clever little things, knowing the effect they have but being smart enough to act like little angels.

Except, of course, when they dig up my flowers. It's sort of hard for them to look like little angels when they have dirt in their coats, and on their faces and their paws are filthy from digging.

Still, as I always say, they keep life interesting.

Saga of the Sausage, Part 2: Carpet-Woes

It is day two of Sausage-sitting and I'm already exhausted. When I picked him up from my parent's, he came with his crate. I felt guilty yesterday about confining him and was also terrified that it would cause him to bark. So, I let him run loose in my bedroom.

Yesterday morning, this method was fine. Sausage appeared to have slept happily on my bed. I had to rouse him to take his lunchtime walk.

The afternoon was another story, however. Due to feelings of massive guilt at the thought of crating him for the afternoon, I continued to let him run loose, confining him to my room. I learned quickly that Sausage does not like to be confined. I came home to discover a huge piece of my bedroom carpet had been ripped up, chewed and clawed in his efforts to free himself from captivity. He's persistant, I'll give him that.

The thing is, I wanted to yell at him, to tell him off but it really wasn't his fault. He has separation anxiety and I know it. He was left alone in a strange room and he was trapped. As a dachshund, his ancestors used to burrow, to dig down into the ground to hunt prey such as rabbits. Sausage does not disappoint his ancestors, digging with the best of them. He tried to dig out of my room. He didn't succeed but my poor carpet suffered anyway. Now I'm going to have to pay for that when I move out. It's an expensive fix, that I know. Lesson learned.

So, today, I left him crated in my room with the TV on. He's watching NBC today. He watched FOX yesterday. I blame that for the digging. I'm hoping NBC is a little more soothing. He was trying to dig his way out as I left. Now I worry that he'll realize he's alone and he'll start those howls of anguish. I have no choice though- if I let him roam, he'll still bark but it'll be more likely the neighbours will hear him.

Truth be told, I do love having him around in the evenings. It's nice to curl up on the couch in the evenings with a dog by my side. When I made dinner, I cooked him his own hot dog (fat-free, of course) on my George Foreman grill so we could eat together. He seems happy in the evenings; it's the days that are hard. I only hope that at the moment, he's settled down to sleep. I gave him his sweaters, a chew-bone and some snacks. It's only four-hours until I can run home at lunch and walk him and then only another four hours before I stay home for the evening with him.

I've realized that having a dog in an apartment is no easy feat. I'm looking into doggie day-care for the next three days. I figure if I have to pay $20 a day for someone else to deal with his howling, at least I won't get evicted and some of the guilt will go away.

Aside from Sausage-sitting, my life is pretty quiet. I did approach my boss and tell him I was slightly bored at work and would love more responsibility. I figure that was easier than going the Monster.com route. Also, I like my company. I just find my job slightly mind-numbing. I know I am lucky to have a job in this economy, even when someone's not saying it, I hear a voice in my head saying that. I just also have a need for some personal satisfaction in a job and when I don't get it, I tend to get restless. I'm hoping that subsides for now.

I'm also thinking that I should start packing to move. I close on my new house in 13 days. Yes, I'm nervous. Actually...I'm terrified. Buying a house is a huge responsibility. I think it'll be a great house and my mortgage will be lower than my current rent and I get a place twice the size of my own. Also, if Sausage comes to stay/live with me, it'll be easier because he'll have more room to howl and less chance of complaints. That doesn't mean I'm not scared. I have a little trouble with commitment and, as commitments go, this is about as big as it gets short of having a baby. Given how hard trying to juggle a Sausage and my life, I have new admiration for mothers.

This is going to be a very long week.

Happy Tuesday.