In Search of Writing Inspiration and Discipline...

I can't complain about gloomy weather as the sun is shining and it looks like it's going to be a beautiful day. My drive was sunlit and green as I drove through the hills and I think at least for a day, we have a break from the threat of rain.

I'm glad it's Thursday. The weekend is getting close and I can feel the impatience in me growing as I subconsciously count down the days.

Last night, I thought I was going to sit down and write for what would be the first time in many months. It didn't happen, unfortunately. I seem to be experiencing quite a bit of self-doubt. Every idea I come up with seems to be silly or unoriginal. Every time I try to put the words to paper, I hear this faint whisper in my mind saying, "Why bother, it'll probably just be bad anyway?"

I'm trying to banish that whisper in my mind and push on. I'm also trying to ignore that fact that I keep reading that there are no original ideas in the world anymore. Looking at the bookstores lately, that actually seems to be true. Vampires have taken over the literary world and no one seems to mind.

I don't really mind; I like vampires. Trouble is, if I give in to the trend, by the time I've written a vampire novel which couldn't possibly be very original since there's not much original to say about vampires other than the fact that they can't go out in the sun because they sparkle. Which is pretty original, if a little too cuddly for my darker tastes. Also, by the time I'd written one, the trend would be over and the literary world will have moved on.

So, I sit at my computer in the evenings wondering if I really have the right to call myself a writer if I'm not writing. I have written. I just haven't done much lately.

Still, I'm going to try to keep writing. A wise friend of mine suggested I just write crap. Maybe something will come of the crap and maybe it won't. Even if it doesn't, at least I'll be writing.

I like that idea. The problem I'm having now is that I'm having to refresh myself on how to be a writer. It takes a little discipline which I used to have quite a lot of. These days, I'm having to re-fight the urge to procrastinate. That Direct TV is just so...tempting. The stupid DVR records the shows I consider mindless fluff and yet it's fluff that just seems so comfortable. It's so tempting to get home from work, walk out in the garden to see if my tomatoes are finally ripening (they are!), look for the bunny and then go inside to kick off my shoes for the day, sit back with the remote control and...veg.

For a while, it was ok. I'd just moved. I'd just been to Comic-Con. I needed to relax. I think that's now just a convenient excuse. I've had my relaxation, now it's time to remind myself that when I do write, it's one of the best feelings in the world. It's my reason for getting up, going to work and dealing with the politics of my office. It's the reason that when things at work make me a little crazy, I can go home and remind myself that it's just a job, writing is my craft. At the moment, without having a project to work on, it's hard to remember that.

I'm going to though. I need to drown out those horrible negative voices in my head. Who cares if what I write is rubbish? It's the writing I like, the process of making up stuff, of weaving words together in ways I've never done before. It's the feeling that I've made something new, something that seems original.

In the meantime, I might have to hide my Direct-TV remote. There's just too many episodes of Throwdown with Bobby Flay, Cash in the Attic, Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares and Iron Chef to watch. I'm starting to think I might have to write about food since that seems to be the thing I've been watching most. Then I could call it...research!

Seriously though, I do need to find my discipline again. Since I'm going to my parent's this weekend, I think I'll have one of the conversations I treasure with my mother. She's great at helping me figure stuff out and she's good for my fragile ego. Usually, I leave with some good ideas. Hopefully that'll happen this weekend.

And, if not, there's always vampires. I'm thinking a vampire food critic. That might actually be original. Especially if he can only drink blood and he's obsessed with food anyway.

I need to stop watching the Food Network. This is why I never let myself have cable TV before. It's running my life. Help!

Happy Thursday.

Death to Mosquitoes!

I haven't blogged about writing in a while. I haven't really had time to write and I hate that. What with the conference last week and now moving into a new house, there's been little time to just shut myself away with my computer and let the ideas flow.

The ideas are still flowing but I just haven't had time to sit down. I'm hoping that by the end of July when I'm ensconced in my house, I'll find time to do some writing. The wonderful thing that I'm realizing with each box I carry that this is my house. I never have to move again unless I really want to. This is a permanent place; no more will I have to worry about rent increases or noisy sex above me.

At least I hope not, as far as the noisy sex goes. Considering my house is a one-level ranch style with only a crawl space in the ceiling to get to the heating ducts, I'd be really worried if I heard sex sounds coming from up there.

Then again, that might give me some mighty good fodder for my imagination when I do get time to write again.

I'm starting to hate that the house is always on my mind. I dreamed about it last night. That's how I know I'm stressed; when I can't escape, even into the land of dreams. I dreamed that I was trying to mask up the living room to paint but people kept moving furniture and wall fixtures in when I wasn't looking so I no longer knew how I was going to get started or what I was supposed to do.

In actually, I think I finished masking last night. I had to do some re-masking. I bought two types of tape, one two inch thick pack from Big Lots and a pack of standard inch-thick masking tape from Lowes All of my Big Lots tape decided to come unstuck overnight so I had to reseal it yesterday. It was rather frustrating. I'm hoping the Lowes tape holds because aside from laying down my drop cloths, I'm ready to start painting.

The thing about things like painting is, for me, I find them relaxing. The actual work itself isn't relaxing but once I get going on a project like that, it's like my mind just opens up and lets me think of whatever I like. It's sort of a free-flow time as far as my thought processes go. If I'm alone, I usually do my best thinking when my body is occupied in the manual labour. It's why I like landscaping. I love being able to shut down and just focus on the task because, by doing so, it lets me relax into whatever thoughts I like. It's a good time for problem-solving, for coming to terms with things.

Of course, I say this before I start painting. In my mind, it goes smoothly. In reality, I'm a messy little monkeypants and I think I might have to contend with drips and messes rather a lot.

I'm actually not going to the house tonight though. I'm going to spend some time organizing the next load of things I want to take from my apartment. The moving is a slow process but it's steady.

In some ways, I wish I could fast-forward so that the moving/painting/preparation is done. Yet if I did that, I'd miss out on many things. July is a month of birthdays, of weddings, of a trip to Comic-con. It's a busy month for sure but I think it's going to be a fun month. At the very least, it'll be a productive month.

I feel bad that all I'm blogging about is my new house at the moment. I'm going to try to taper off about it so that I don't become a one-note blogger. It's just all so new at the moment and every day reveals something new. Usually it's a spider. I try to rescue them and put them out the back door in lieu of killing them. I've only had one slight-casualty: Bert. I name each spider. So far I've had Bert, Sid and Fred. Bert accidentally lost a leg as I tried to trap him in a container to carry him out. He managed to crawl away though so I have to assume that though he's now a seven-legged spider, he'll be ok. I'm not a big fan of spiders but as I always say, it's not their fault they were born a little creepy and I think they have a bad reputation. This is not to say that they don't make my pulse race a little and occasionally make me squeal but I still try to respect them. Or at least not kill them.

There are other creepy crawlies in my house. I've met a couple of crickets and a mosquito. The mosquito died. I do not regret to inform you of this. I am anti-mosquito. Mosquitos must die. I know they, too, have a purpose in life but given that they attack me in droves whenever I step outside, I'm only repaying the favour. They're out for blood and so am I.

That's the only part of the Midwest of which I am not excited to re-experience. We have mosquitoes in California but not too many; it's too dry. Not so here in the Midwest. They thrive here on the humidity. They also thrive on me. I can be out with someone who might get a couple of bites that are piddly little things. Me, I'll be bitten about eight times and they will swell up into these horrible itchy welts of heat. I hate mosquitoes. I can't figure out what their purpose is in life. I'm sure they have one in the mosquito/insect world. Maybe that's why I like to save the lives of spiders too: They trap and kill mosquitoes for dinner and I salute that.

Still, mosquitoes, spiders or crickets, they're invading my turf and I think I have the right to prosecute them as I see fit. It is my house. I can kick them out/kill them. I never felt quite right doing that in an apartment because though I live there, it's not mine. Actually, I always wondered about that: If a vampire shows up to my apartment, could I invite him in? I mean, yes it's my home but it's not my building. Doesn't the owner have to do the inviting? That's always been fuzzy in my mind. Of course, I do realize that vampires don't exist and they're not going to really show up at my door. It doesn't mean I can't wonder. Spiders just don't have the same allure and, besides, they come in, invited or not.

Just something to ponder, I suppose.

Happy Tuesday.

Sookie Stackhouse: Now Those are REAL Vampires...

This week is going fast. I rarely say that but, for once, it's true. Maybe it's because I bought a house, maybe it's because it's busy at work suddenly but...whatever it is, it's already Wednesday and the week is almost half over.

Sometimes it seems like the week is going too fast, like I get home from work, work out, make dinner and it's almost time for bed. Of course, that may be because I'm having fun reading at the moment and I love to go to bed early and read until I'm ready for sleep. I think I mentioned that I'm working my way through the Sookie Stackhouse Southern Vampire series at the moment. I'm on book five already. They're so easy and fun to read, I'm having to pace myself. I feel like, suddenly, it's ok to like vampires again.

I've always liked vampires. I used to read this series when I was young called "The Little Vampire" by Angela Somer-Bodenburg. They were about a vampire child named Rudolph who was too young to drink human blood but was from a family of ancient vampires. He introduces his family to Tony, his new human friend and, naturally, adventures ensue. After that series came Dracula, naturally and then Anne Rice. I loved the first four books in the Vampire Chronicles. I read the ones that she wrote after those and with each one, the mysterious, romantic and erotic world she created began to suddenly be beyond ridiculous. Lestat lost his sexy bad-boy appeal and became almost as whiny as Louis, the narrator of Interview with a Vampire.

Then I stopped reading vampire books for a while. There was plenty of other fiction out there. Sure, I read Salem's Lot, Stephen King's rather creepy foray in the vampire genre. I played vampire video games with my brother, Dracula Unleashed being our favourite. Yet I stopped searching for vampire fiction.

Then, of course, came Twilight and it's subsequently and increasingly awful sequels. While I've blogged about the fact that, if I'd been a sixteen year old girl, I'd have probably liked the novels more, I'm not a sixteen year-old and thus I think the novels are pretty awful. I've blogged about the books already and why I think they're awful so I won't go into that again. Yet, I can safely say, now I'm reading Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series, I can point my finger at Stephanie Meyer and say, "Lady, did you think of ANYTHING original?"

Sookie's been around a fair bit longer than Bella, the whinier, more helpless heroine of the Twilight series. She's a telepath whereas in Twilight, Edward Cullen is the telepath. Sookie doesn't have many friends because people are freaked out by her mind-reading ability. Bella doesn't have many friends because she's annoying and whiny and falls in love with a vampire because there's not much else to do in rainy Forks. Sookie's boss and sometimes-crush is her boss, Sam who happens to be a shapeshifter and proves himself a loyal friend to Sookie. Bella's friend, Jacob, is a loyal friend to Bella and also happens to be a werewolf. That is, to say, in the first three books, he's a werewolf. In Breaking Dawn, Stephanie Meyer decides he and his co-werewolves are now shapeshifters because, well, why not arbitrarily change a character at the last minute?

I could continue on. There are more than a few more similarities between the books. In the very first book of the Sookie series, Dead Until Dark, Sookie describes how the vampires skin seems to glow, how the vampires are all beautiful. It turns out that it makes it much easier to get human prey that way. Interestingly enough, in Twilight, the vampires are described as having glowy skin and are stunningly beautiful because, you know, it makes it easier to get prey that way. I'll give Meijer kudos for getting around that pesky traditional " the sun kills vampires" lore; in her books, the sun makes the vampires sparkle "like they've been dusted with diamonds" and that's why they have to stay out of it because otherwise humans would realize they were vampires.

I know that, really, much of Charlaine Harris' vampire/supernatural creature lore is not original. Vampires are cold because..they're dead. Werewolves run hotter than humans because...they're part wolf and plenty more. Yet Harris presents it in such a fun, matter-of-fact way that you can almost believe there are vampires, shapeshifters, werewolves and fairies hiding in the moss-dripping trees of the Louisiana Bayou.

The other thing about her books is that...they're sexy. I'm not faulting Stephanie Meyer for the fact that her books are rated PG that even the pillow-tearing, headboard-breaking 'sex scene' has all the sensuality of a Victorian teaparty. It's nice that she can give our over-sexed teenagers something to obsess over that isn't about sex but is about love.

Yet, I'm not a teenager and I quite like reading a good sex-scene and, let me tell you, Charlaine Harris is the queen of the good sex-scenes. I never much cared for Bill, Sookie's vampire boyfriend, because I thought him a wee bit drippy yet in bed, I quite liked Bill. Of course, then there's Eric. I had to turn the air conditioning on when I got to book four because, let me tell you, it might not be literature but it is fun. And really, really...uh....hot.

I realize my mother reads my blog. Fortunately, my mother doesn't seem to get shocked when I bring up sex as I do every so often. So I don't think she's going to say, "Captain Monkeypants, I raised you better than that!" Also, she and my dad watch True Blood, the HBO adaptation of the novels so she knows what they're about. I'm going to loan them to her, in fact.

So, anyway, I guess the purpose of today's blog is to recommend the Sookie books if you're into fun reads. I have to give credit to two friends (and loyal blog readers) who recommended I read them. You know who you are...and I thank you both, Mrs. Future Texan and Mrs. Likes-Twilight-a-Little-Too-Much-But-You're-Completely-Forgiven-For-Sending-Me-Your-Sookie-Stackhouse-Books.

Granted, the books aren't at the level of, say, Jane Austen but even she has been adapted to fit the modern world with Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Is it too hard to imagine Mansfield Park Full of Vampires or Sense and Sensibility And Fangs? I, personally, don't think so. Also, I think that would be intriguing. Probably horribly wrong...but intriguing.

Happy Wednesday.

The Vampire Trend

It is a nasty, damp, steamy day out there. We had thunderstorms last night, not the air-clearing kind but the clinging kind that come in, rumble, rain and then evaporate, leaving the air heavier and stickier than ever.

It's grey and gloomy and feels like a 'stay in bed' type of morning. Unfortunately, I have work commitments and I had to rouse myself. I also had to rouse Sausage who does NOT like to get out of bed until he's ready. He growls gently at me when I make him get up. It makes me laugh. I don't think he means to be funny.

Things are going a little better with the dog. I think he only barks a little in the crate and settles down to sleep after he realizes he's in there for a while. At least, this is what I've convinced myself. There's less guilt involved in that. Doggie day care didn't work out. For one thing, they never called me back and, for another, I realized they'd need proof that Sausage had his vaccinations as a puppy and, naturally, I don't have that proof.

So, it's just me and Sausage for a few more days. We have a routine now, at least I think we do. I get home from work and we walk. He hates walking because he's a lazy dachshund. Once he's done his business, he doesn't see the point of walking anymore. I think exercise is good for him. In disagreement, there will be times during our walks in which he will sit himself down on the grass and refuse to move. Then, when I make him get up, he gives me disgusted looks and trots along until he decides to sit down again. Like I said, we have a routine.

Of course, having a routine with Sausage means my regular routine is a little off-kilter. I haven't been able to write in a while because of house-buying, Washington D.C.-visiting, Sausage-sitting and various other interruptions. Of course, I do recognize the fact that I could still find time to write but...I'm not. I hate that I'm not. I hate that the past few years have spurned a flurry of books from me and this past year has been very thin on the writing front. I love to write. I want to write. It's just been a bad year as far as getting anywhere with my writing. I can blame the economy a little for that. I can also blame my writing for that. I'm writing what I want, not what's popular.

At the moment, I should be writing vampire novels, it seems. That's the trend. People give credit to Twilight and Stephanie Meyer's other vampire books. I don't. Vampires weren't invented by Meyer, they were just Victorian-ized, stripped of their natural eroticism and made sparkley. I'm reading Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse books at the moment and enjoying them immensely. Now these books are what vampire books should be: Sexy, funny, witty and clever. While I know the actual writing in them isn't perfect, the beauty of Harris' books is that I don't care. I'm so taken in by the story and the characters that I forget to notice the writing. To me, that's the mark of a good writer, not necessarily the structure, the words, the grammar and the formal side of the craft.

What I love about Charlaine Harris' books is that she has fun writing them. You can jump right into the story and when you're reading them, it seems perfectly natural that vampires have come out of the coffin and are fighting for equal rights in society, that shapeshifters are lurking in the shadows, trying to hide what they really are by keeping a human form, that mythical creatures lurk in the woods. I enjoy reading about Sookie because she acts like a real human; yes, she makes some unwise choices because she's a little naive but...I find it perfectly believable that she would fall in love with a vampire. I also rather like that though she loves the Vampire Bill, she's still horribly disgusted with the more bloodthirsty vamps and the fact that they're actually...you know...dead. She's also declared that she adores sunshine and has no intention of becoming a vampire. I love her for this. Unlike, say, Bella Swann from the Twilight novels who fell for a vampire, is enamored with their beauty and was already begging to be turned into a vamp at the end of the first novel. Sookie also can take care of herself or, at least, thinks she can and tries admirably. She doesn't always needs to be rescued. I like that in a heroine.

Anyway, these are only two of the vampire series flooding the market. In the teen market, in particular, there are multiple other series or stand-alone books on the Barnes and Noble display tables. Next season on TV, a series called The Vampire Diaries is being filmed for the CW network. Now there's talk about a remake of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. If you've seen the first movie, you'll know it was awful. It was bad. It was campy crap that only has significance because it was the springboard for the brilliant TV series by Joss Whedon.

Of course, Joss isn't going to be involved in the movie. From what I'm reading, he wasn't asked and the studio responsible for the stupid idea is hoping to jump on the vampire band wagon. Also, knowing what I know about Joss, he probably said, "what a dumb idea," shrugged, and continued filming Cabin in the Woods or whatever is the name of his new movie. You see, Joss probably knows what all we Buffy fans know. Buffy was only Buffy because of Joss. Take the Whedon out the equation and essentially what you have is...the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie with Donald Sutherland, Luke Perry and Kristy Swanson which...sucked. Joss wrote the script for that movie and was essentially taken out of the equation because the studio so heavily rewrote his script. When the movie bombed, Joss took his idea and made the series which, to me, is still some of the best television ever created.

I know I won't be going to see that movie. What's the point? I've lived in Buffy's world and it's in Sunnydale, California which, blew up at the end of the series. Buffy and the slayers are all around the world these days. That's the Buffy I know. It'd be a little like going to see a remake of Star Wars in which Luke Skywalker was allowed to exist but there could be no Han Solo, Princess Leia or Darth Vadar because the studio didn't have the rights to the characters. Dumb, right?

I could rant all day about this but it won't do any good. Movie studios are greedy. They've long forgotten to make movies for the filmgoers, concentrating instead of the cheapest way to make a lot of money. Fortunately, there are talents like Joss Whedon out there to give us what we really need: Good entertainment that actually makes us think a little at the same time we're laughing.

I've digressed from my original point which is why I stopped writing for a while. I want to wait and see when the wheel of trends turns, what will be next. We've had pirates, wizards and dragons recently...I'm curious to see what's next to be in vogue. Then again, if I get my act together, maybe I can try creating something original that sparks a million other ideas.

You just never know.

Happy Wednesday

The Gift of a Rainy Day

Before I write today's blog, I'd like to thank Nathan Bransford for responding to yesterday's blog about "Writing as Identity". It's always nice to know that people are reading the words you write and I do actually agree with him after rereading my blog: Our opinions are not so different after all, just different vantage points, I suppose.

Moving on. It's a really rainy day out there today. It's been thunderstorming on and off since yesterday. It's a very Midwestern spring day. Even down here in my basement cubicle, I can hear the heavy rain beating down and making me glad to be inside. It's supposed to be like this for the next few days.

I love days like this. I think it harkens back to the fact that I was born and raised in the UK where rain happens as often as it's sunny. When I moved to Indiana, it also rained a lot. Thus, when I moved to Los Angeles and I had too many ham sandwich days thatI realized how much I did enjoy rain. Rainy days like this are the best because if you look at the weather on Google, it shows rain for the next few days. This means it will keep raining and I won't be disappointed because the sun will come out.

That probably sounds a little strange. Imagine that. What I mean is that when it's a rainy day, I like the idea of a rainy night in which I can go home from work, make something comforting and rainy-dayesque for dinner and then curl up with a book or good TV show, listening to the rain beat down. Better yet, it's good writing weather which means I can sit at my PC and hear the rain pouring down and mixing with the music I have playing. There's nothing more disappointing than planning an evening like that and then, when you get home, the rain has stopped and the sun is trying to come out from behind the clouds, thin and weedy but still managing to brighten up the world and stop the rainy day.

I don't hate evenings like that. Sometimes after a couple of rainy days, they're rather nice. In those cases the sun isn't greedily trying to steal the thunder from the rainy day but, instead, is making a guest appearance to promote the sunny day that lies ahead tomorrow. It's welcome then. We can't have all rainy days.

I think today I'm safe. I think the rain will continue and I'll be able to enjoy it through at least the next couple of days. I'm hoping to squeeze in a little writing tonight. Of course, given my penchant for writing darker stuff when it rains, perhaps I should wait. I'm trying to write something a little happier. Well...maybe not happier but a little less "world of the dead" like Sleep or less gritty like St. Jimmy or even less brother vs. brother like Rainlight.

That's the thing. I'd love to come up with something nice and safe, like chastely brooding vampires who sparkle in the sunlight. The problem is I like the other kind of vampires better, the ones who drink human blood, hide in dark alleyways and always have a witty comeback. I like the sensual dark side of traditional vampire, rather than the current popular version.

I suppose I should stick with what I enjoy. Besides, I'm crap at trying to keep things on a happy, uncomplicated path. I try that and then I ask myself, "ooh, what if..." and then the nice sunny path takes a detour in the dark shadowy woods and it begins to rain and...

...You get the picture. Hence the fact I enjoy the rain as much as I enjoy sun. I'm a firm believer in needing the shadows to emphasize the light and vice versa.

Thus, I shall enjoy this lovely rain day, letting myself get wet as I go home so I can shower and throw on my lazy clothes and curl up with a hot cup of tea. There's nothing better sometimes. It's a renewing sort of day, the world around me closing down for a while so that when the sun comes out, it knows it's appreciated.

Happy Thursday.