Almost Sunshine

I think I might have seen the sun today. It was brief and it was filtered but, for a few brief minutes, I think the gloom tried to go away.

Of course, it didn't go away. Instead, the sun went away. Then it rained. The end.

Just kidding. If I ended the blog there, anyone who is even a slightly regular reader would probably fall off their chair in shock at the mere fact that I wasn't rambling.

Tomorrow, we're supposed to actually see the sun for real. I'm holding out a little hope, I must admit. This lack of sunshine is making everyone crotchety and cranky...not just me.

I suppose I could argue that maybe I really am the crotchety cranky one and I'm projecting but, well, for once, that's not true. My entire office has been bickering all week. Case in point- our youngest account manager was yelling at our branch administrator to buy chewing gum with sugar in it. She usually buys sugar free gum. She was getting rather angry with him about it. Of course, I helpfully stepped in and told our young 'un that there was a nice cannister of sugar in the kitchen and perhaps he should stick some of that in his mouth when he chews the gum but that didn't go over very well.

We don't seriously bicker in our office. It's actually quite like sibling bickering. Mostly, it's sort of endearing although sometimes, as in the case of siblings, there are times when I'd quite like to throw something at someone elses' head but it's all done with fondness.

Actually, we're a little spoiled in our office anyway. I mean, not only does our branch administrator provide gum for us but she also buys Coke and Diet Coke and Mountain Dew for the boys as well as microwave popcorn, large pretzels and Cheeze Nips.

I find this all rather nice. The 'boys' in the office tend to take it for granted. When I explain that at my last job we had to pay 35 cents for a can of drink, they think my old office was cheap. I'm not going to say they weren't but, honestly, I didn't mind having to pay. For one thing, when something isn't free, you tend to think before you indulge. Because I get Diet Coke for free at work, I drink it almost every day.

All in all, my office is a good place to work. Even on days like today where two of my candidates decided to quit their jobs and another one turned down a position we were offering him, I like my job. Granted, it would be nicer if everyone stayed in the jobs I found for them forever and people were lining up in the street to work with me but, being a realist, I celebrate the small triumphs such as finding someone a job who really needs it and being able to make sure that someone's contract is extended.

As I always say, it's the small things in life that make it worth celebrating. On gloomy days like today, yesterday, the day before that and the day before that, I find that finding something to celebrate is necessary. In my case, it's that I had a productive day even if it wasn't the most successful. One of my 'quitters' is a man who's finally found a permanent job and though I'll be sad not to work with him anymore, I can't help but be thrilled for him that he's going to have some stability. That's something I think worth celebrating even if its not really a triumph for me.

I'm hoping that tomorrow, I'll be able to celebrate seeing some real, live sunshine. If not...I'll try to find the silver lining on the rather heavy cloud deck that never seems to go away.

But I'd rather it was sunny. Even for a little while.

Happy Thursday

Sunny Weekends...

Sunshine does a lot for the mood and this weekend was full of it. As much as I adore snow, there are times when it's nice to see the sun. I think there's definitely something to that Seasonal Affective Disorder in which depression sets in during the winter months. Spending some time outdoors in the sunshine does wonders for the mood.

It was a little too cold to spend too much time outside but Rory, Sookie and I had a lovely time taking walks around the neighbourhood. We took two each day: One in the morning, one in the evening. I think the pups were pleased to get out. It was a little hard going at times. Even though the sun was slowly melting the snow and ice, there were patches that were a little hard for two little dachshunds and one unsteady human to maneuver. It's not really even snow anymore- it's just snow coloured ice, much like the stuff you see on snowcones.

Yet each time we walked, there was less ice and snow. The grass, flattened and soggy, is starting to show again. The pups seem to appreciate being able to walk on the grass, wet as it is, rather than have to trundle through the snow. I can't blame them- it has to be cold on the feet.

It's been a nice weekend overall. It's the first one I've had at home in quite a few weeks which is probably why I enjoyed it so much. I love going to my parents' because I love seeing them but there's something to be said to having time in your own home to do what you want.

In my case, I took advantage of the time to cook. I now have a fancy KitchenAid stand mixer with pasta roller so today, I spent the day making ravioli. It was relaxing and fun, especially when I put my iPod on my iHome speaker set and had fun dancing while I kneaded pasta dough, made filling and, finally, put it all together in the form of cheese ravioli and butternut squash ravioli.

I even made the ricotta myself. I've seen them do it a few times on the Food Network and Mario Batali kindly provides a recipe for it in one of his cookbooks. It was ridiculously easy and twice as tasty as the stuff you buy at the store. Tonight, for dinner, I'm going to have homemade ravioli with homemade ricotta filling topped with homemade marinara sauce. It's a nice feeling to know that I've accomplished something, even if it is only making food. To me, cooking and making things in the kitchen is relaxing. The only time it's not is when it involves baking becaue I don't find that particularly relaxing. It's ok when I have time but it doesn't help that my oven isn't the best and so baking isn't as easy as I'd like. I do like to bake at my parents' house because they have a nice oven. Also, my dad likes kitchen tools and gadgets and they have almost anything you could need for a good baking experience.

I'm trying to get my kitchen like that. I'm getting there. Yesterday, I bought a fish spatula from Williams Sonoma. My good friend Saz was kind enough to give me a gift card for my birthday so I took advantage of it yesterday. I'm very excited about my spatula. I think I mentioned in my blog a while ago that I thought I might use my gift card for this and it turned out, I did.

I don't know why things like fish spatulas make me happy. It's the same content feeling as having a day where all I have planned is to make ravioli, walk puppies and relax. I think maybe that's one of the reasons I've been feeling blue: I haven't had time to just relax at home for an entire weekend.

Now the weekend is drawing to a close. The sun has set and it's dark outside. I don't know what the weather is supposed to be like this week. I did hear a rumour that more snow is on the way. I don't mind. I never mind snow. It's just nice to separate bouts of it with a little sunshine.

Sometimes, we just need a little sunshine in your life. It chases the Pootle clouds and the January blues away.

Happy Monday!

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow....

The week is halfway over. So far, since Saturday, we've seen the sun for about 30 minutes. That was this evening. It was gloomy up until about 7:15 p.m. and then, miraculously, the sun shone. It shone for about 30 minutes and the gloom took over again but 30 minutes is...30 minutes and that's something. Tomorrow, we're supposed to have a fully sunny day which will be most welcome after the gloom.

I've always loved rain as I've mentioned in my blog before. I like contrasts and one of the reasons I left Los Angeles is because I needed variatal weather. So, I'm not complaining that it's been raining. No, I'm actually complaining because it hasn't really been raining. It's just been...cloudy...gloomy...dreary. Pick any word you like.

However, the sun can do a lot to brighten up the gloom. I took the puppies for their first walk in a week tonight. Fortunately, we didn't run into Larry, the potential-serial-killer. I was quite glad about that. His human hair is now even thicker around his bushes. My mother informs me that it's also an excellent rabbit deterrant which might be why Larry actually uses it. Nevertheless, I still find it slightly creepy and vile.

The pups are finally learning to walk in a civilized manner. Sookie only laid down once and I didn't even accidentally drag her as I've done in the past before I realized that she's actually lying on her tummy rather than standing up. Dachshunds have short little legs. In longish grass, it's a little hard to tell sometimes if they're standing or lying down.

When we got home, I made chicken tortilla soup. I used a recipe from Food Network Magazine as a guide to make the broth but I veered from the recipe when it came to the actual soup. It's actually a recipe from Eva Longoria Parker, she of Desperate Housewives. I have to say, her broth was fabulous. I added some stewed chicken which picked up the spice nicely as well as some chayote squash. It was very, very delicious and actually took me back to my days in L.A. I'd go to lunch with a friend to a local 'mercado' where the was a food court of different international foods. One of them was a little Mexican place that had the best chicken soup. I always loved the broth and I have to say, Eva Longoria Parker's recipe came ridiculously close in taste.

I've started to realize that cooking is definitely my new favourite way of relaxing. Now it's spring, I have fresh herbs ready for the picking and there's absolutely nothing better than going outside, plucking a handful of sage or some springs of thyme and using them in a recipe. Hopefully I'll have some vegetables in the garden by mid-summer but time will tell if rabbits will eat them or bugs will blight them. I'm already losing some basil to invisible beetles. I get up in the morning and my basil leaves are full of tiny holes but there's no sign of the culprit. According to my internet research, they're little tiny nocturnal beetles. Theoretically using cayenne pepper and a solution of soapy water should deter them.

It's amazing what you can find on the internet. There's always someone out there that knows the answer to something. It's quite nice. I've started doing a wee bit more surfing at work merely because the project that I'm plodding away on is so tedious that I HAVE to do something else for a few minutes every so often. My trick is to always go from Google so that while the powers-that-be can still pull up my history from the server, on my computer, there's never any hyperlinks in my history bar except Google. Of course, today, I accidentally types Gooke.com which instantly gave me the "THIS SITE HAS BEEN BLOCKED BECAUSE IT CONTAINS PORNOGRAPHIC CONTENT!!!!" message. Naturally, the first thing I did after I closed the window was glance around guiltily to see if someone was watching. Our handbook clearly states no pornography in the office. I'm sure I'm not the only violator and, also, it wasn't like I did it on purpose.

Of course, our handbook also says no gambling and, call me crazy, but, technically speaking, a basketball pool is considered gambling of a sort. Still, I won a nice clean $50 from that so it's not like I'm going to complain.

Now our Wednesday is winding down and I have two sleepy puppies drowsing at my feet. I'm tempted to wake them up. They're falling asleep too early which means they need to get up too early in the morning. I've now had a 5 a.m. wake-up call from Rory every day for a week. Her wake up calls are a bit of a shock in the middle of the night because they consist of a sudden weight on my head, a wet sensation in the ear and, if I still don't respond, a gentle nip at my nose. It's not exactly subtle.

Still, we're closer to the weekend and with sunny weather on the way, things are looking up. Thursday is almost as good as Friday because it's almost the weekend. It's got a brightness of hope about it and that...is never a bad thing.

Happy Thursday.

In which I pick up a Stray...

There are some days that seem like they were made for not getting up. Today is one of them. The temperature is warmer today; it's supposed to reach almost 50 degrees. For Ohio in December, that's rare. It's also welcome because it means the ice will melt, the ground will clear, renewed and ready for the next snowfall. Today, however, it's raining. It's the gloomy kind of rain that is set in for the day. The sky is a charcoal gry, the clouds angry and heavy, the drops falling sporadically but heavily and the ground is soaking wet.

Naturally, I love it. I love the sound of the beating rain against the window. I got to hear that last night. Despite my intentions to go to bed early and get a good night's sleep in hope of kicking this dark Pootle cloud that I've been under since Sunday, I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned and tried to sleep but it wouldn't come. I hate nights like that. On nights like that, it's hard to clear your head whether it's a 'to-do' list, a writing idea, a bad experience you keep replaying over again or just a dejection at the way life is going. It's hard to sleep with that much on your mind.

When my alarm went off this morning, I was already awake. Though burrowing further under my covers would have been most appealing, I finally got up. I keep the heat low at night because I like the room to be cool while I'm cosy in bed. It was chilly though I knew it was warmer outside. I followed my normal routine but somehow managed to leave work a little earlier. The vague thought of Starbucks danced in my head but I wasn't that early. As I was going out to my car, I was stopped by a man I've seen around my building. He was stranded; he was a student at the university for which I work, his car died and his ride hadn't showed.

Though I don't actually work on campus, I drive right by. I felt sorry for him. I hate being stranded. So I gave him a ride. It turns out he recently moved from San Diego, California, had been in the Navy and now was a part-time student. He was friendly and he was nice. I dropped him off.

That was it, really but, in a way, it was much more than that. It was a break from my routine. It not only took me on a different route to work but it actually gave me a chance to interact with a human before I got to the office where, depending on how you see my coworkers, some of them never seem quite human anyway. Sometimes a little human interaction is all you need to give you a little boost. I love living alone but sometimes I get trapped inside my own head and those shadows of doubt that I blogged about last week seem a little deeper. Playing on Facebook doesn't always help, either. I have a lot of friends on Facebook, most of the time I love that. Yet every now and again, I'll receive a suggestion for a friend that takes me by surprise, it's a face I haven't thought about much in years. It's not always a face that comes with fond memories. Most of those faces are on photos that include children, wives and families. And every now and again, I see a former acquaintance and I can't help but think "HE/SHE has kids?" and then the inevitable "What's wrong with me?" starts.

So, I know, sometimes I need to get outside of my own head. But sometimes I have to go there, particularly when I'm writing. It helps to shut out the world and let my story/characters in. Lately, the writing isn't so easy. I can't get a grip on it. I can't settle down and let it flow. My character's voices aren't so clear as usual. That's a strange feeling for me.

I know that it's times like this that make the sunny days and snowfall seem that much brighter and uplifting. After all, you can't have the shadows without the sun which means eventually when the clouds part, the sun will shine brightly and the darkness will fade. Sometimes, all it takes is a good, fluffy, wet snowfall. Sometimes, for me, all it takes is a trip to the post office, a slice of toast and a mug of tea and a little change from routine.

I've already had my change from routine for the day. Tonight, I get to go to the post office. For most people that's not fun; for me, it always makes me feel like I've accomplished something. I love the order of the post office, the stamps, the flat-rate envelopes. Yes, I know I'm weird but we've established that. I'll save my full adoration for the post office for another blog. In the meantime, tonight I'll pick up my package, go home, make some toast, drink some tea and relax, hopefully to the sound of pelting rain against my patio doors. And, if not, it means the clouds are going away and tomorrow the sun might shine.

If that doesn't work, maybe I'll find another way to break the routine, to try something new, to climb out of my shadows on my own. Sometimes, all we can do is ignore the darkness and find our own light. I still have the glow of my two-hundred Christmas lights. I've added more since then. I figure if I keep adding them, maybe I'll drown out the darkness completely. Either way, I'll try to be cheerier in my blog tomorrow. Maybe I'll pick up another stray. I'll keep you posted on that.

Happy Tuesday.