Cures for the Grumps...

Today I almost veered off my attempted course of positivity by being in a cranky mood. It happened because I was trying to get things done at work and the website I needed to use kept crashing. Also, our office was cold. Just as it’s the small things that make life better, it’s also the small things that can make us crotchety.

Still, when I went home for lunch, I was bound and determined to be in a better mood when I got back. Having two waggy-tailed pups greeting me when I got home was a help. Also, after my healthy lunch of carrots, broccoli and cauliflower in low-fat cheese sauce, I splurged and ate a Cadbury Crème Egg. I shouldn’t have splurged because Cadbury Crème eggs don’t exactly fall under the “lose 15 pounds by eating healthy” diet that I’m on but, well, sometimes, you just have to ignore the schoolmarm voice in your head that says “Put. That. Egg. Down. Now. It’s BAD for you!!!!”.

So, I ate the egg. And it was very tasty. Of course, I miss the days when I used to eat four or five of the things and not gain an ounce nor feel guilty but, well, it’s probably better that those days are behind me.

After I ate my egg, I spent some time dropping stones into the sewer grate for the pups. Today had the added bonus of water sloshing down there because it rained a lot yesterday. Rory and Sookie get VERY excited when there’s water sloshing down there. Our stones made a very satisfying PLOP whenever we dropped one.

Then I walked around the garden. It’s amazing to see how much spring has taken over. The lilac bushes have the first teeny tiny signs of flowers coming on them and the hyacinths and daffodils are proudly blooming.

Best yet, my very first piece of asparagus had pushed its way up. I planted the asparagus last year at the beginning of the summer. I had to let it grow and not pick it so it would have seeds. This year, I have my very first edible piece. I’m going to let it get bigger but it’s very exciting. I’m a little addicted to asparagus anyway but to have my very own makes me feel like, well, a grownup.

Fortunately, with the help of my dogs, the crème egg and the asparagus, my bad mood had gone and I spent the afternoon in a much better mood.

It also helped that I decided that a little singing was in order in my office. Thus, I sang a selection of Mumford and Sons songs quite loudly and off key for a while in my office. That helped. Everyone in my office has a sing at some point so it’s not like anyone notices. My fellow recruiter was belting out “I will Always Love You” to his computer earlier. We’re a singing kind of office at times.

My singing helped my mood a lot. I like being in a good mood at work. It helps me get back to my enjoyment of the small things. Today’s small thing was that our branch administrator went to Sam’s club and stocked up on drinks for the office. She bought Coke Zero. I got to get a Coke Zero right from the box rather than from the fridge. I don’t like cold drinks too much unless it’s very hot outside. I like them room temperature. I often get one out of the fridge in the morning and sit it on my desk to warm up. Thus, getting a fresh Coke Zero and not having to wait for it to warm up was quite exciting.

I am aware that this is an odd thing to get excited about but, well, if you read my blog, you’ll know it doesn’t take much to get me excited. Even a lukewarm Coke Zero can do it.

Also, my branch administrator bought a giant box of Cheez Its. I like Cheez Its. They involve cheese and salt, two things of which I am very fond. I find them tempting but, well, I had a Cadbury Crème egg at lunch and I don’t think the schoolmarm in my head would allow a second breach with regards to eating healthy.

I seem to be the only one resisting the Cheez Its. Everyone has little cups on their desk filled with crackers. Their fingers are slightly orange. I find that amusing. I don’t like orange fingers which is why I eat my Cheetos and Cheez Its with chopsticks, toast tongs or a fork, depending on what is on hand.

The nice thing is, I wasn’t sitting at my desk thinking, “I’m SO good for resisting the Cheez Its.” Instead, I was grateful I didn’t have orange fingers. Like I keep saying, it’s the small things in life. Not having orange fingers is a small thing that I appreciate. Then again, I’m a wee bit obsessive compulsive about hand cleanliness anyway. I wash my hands a lot, particularly when I cook. Also, I carry around those little anti-bacterial gel thingies from Bath and Body Works. They make these nifty little silicone carriers for them now. I have a lot of them. I can’t decide if I like my hands to be clean or I simply love the smell of the Blueberry and Strawberry gels that I have.

Either way, I have clean hands. Which is a nice thing. I was reading about unclean places and where the most germs could be found. Bathroom doors, shopping cart handles and free sample bowls in stores are the worst. This is why I won’t try those communal bowls of chips/pretzels and dip in stores.

I’m not a germaphobe. I just don’t like germs. Who does, really? They’re one of the more unlikeable things that we have in our world. Those and mosquitoes which aren’t so different from germs, when you think about it.

Anyway, I’m rambling. I ramble a lot. I apologize. My point of my last ramble is another small thing I am grateful for is that Bath and Body works caters to the scent-tramp like me and provides smells for every occasion- licorice at Halloween, gingerbread-mint at Christmas and blueberry for spring and summer. There are plenty of other scents- it’s usually five for $5 so I have quite a selection. I like selection. This is why I have at least four or five different types of shampoo in my shower at a time. My overnight guests have often commented that they enjoy the ‘smorgasboard of shampoo selection’ that I provide in my shower.

It’s fun to have a choice. I can choose my scents, my shampoos, my guilty food-pleasure for the day and whether or not I want to have orange fingers.

Best of all, I can choose if I give in to a bad mood or I make it go away. Whether it’s by singing or a lukewarm Coke zero, a Cadbury egg or some puppy time, there’s always a solution for the grumps.

You just have to find it, that’s all.

Happy Wednesday!

Bad Moods are All Relative

There are some days you don’t realize you’ve woken up in a bad mood until the day is halfway done. For me, I woke up a little groggy this morning and proceeded to pass the morning at work in true groggy fashion: By drinking a lot of coffee and keeping quiet in my office.

It was only at lunch time that I realized I wasn’t in the mood to speak with people when I had a candidate call to ask about a job posting I had on Monster.com and I wanted to ask her if she could read because all of her questions were clearly answered by reading my posting.

This is not a good sign. Normally, I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and assume there’s a reason they’re asking questions that should be obvious. I did not snap or bark at my candidate, however. I merely politely answered her questions through a veiled layer of irritation.
Then, I also realized that I was in a bad mood when I was driving home for lunch and I was feeling grumpy because I was hot. Given that it’s March in the Midwest, I should be thankful that it’s hot rather than freezing cold. It’s supposed to snow on Thursday. It’s currently 73 degrees outside. I believe I have mentioned the schizophrenic nature of the Midwestern spring. It makes it awfully hard to know how to dress, I have to admit.

Still, I managed to get through the day without being rude to anyway. The pups helped cheer me up. Sookie has taken to not only greeting me at the door at lunch time but also after she’s done her business outside, running back in to say hello again. It’s very sweet and makes me feel very loved. Rory, unfortunately, is still obsessed with the storm drain in the garden and this seems to obsess her as soon as she gets outside. Today, I spent five minutes throwing rocks down there so she could hear them “splash.” Unfortunately, for some reason, this sent her into a slightly mad bout of whining and running frantically around as if she just had to get into the drain for whatever reason. I’m still baffled as to why she likes the drain so much but I’m hoping she gets bored with it eventually.

Besides, her distraction is Sookie’s advantage. Sookie is fully aware that Rory is too busy to spend much time with me and thus, The Sook, as she is often referred to by me, takes full advantage of being able to get petted and cuddled by me.

It really is amazing how much a happy dog can cheer me up. Even though I still wasn’t in the best of moods this afternoon, I no longer felt like throwing something at anyone.

Also, I realized that I couldn’t have been in that bad of a mood anyway. I realized this when my coworker came in, picked up my stress ball from my old job which has a bamboo skewer embedded in it and asked me why I had a skewer stuck in the ball. My explanation was that if he looked, he’d see an eyeball drawn on the ball and the skewer was stuck in this eyeball. This, I explained, was how I dealt with the fact that I really couldn’t stab my ex-boss in the eyeball with a skewer and so when I felt the urge to, in fact, stab him in the eyeball, I stuck it in the stress ball instead.

This caused my coworker to put the ball down calmly, say “Oh,” and move out of my office. I realized after how violent that sounded but given how much I disliked my old job and the fact that my boss was very passive-aggressive and ineffectual, it made sense.

Still, violent tendency or not, it was nice to realize that even though I’d been in a bad mood this morning, I’d never once had the urge to stab anyone in my office in the eyeball with a skewer, pencil or other uncomfortable object.

This means that my bad mood was not that bad. Also, working in a place that doesn’t incite you to have violent, bloody or mean thoughts towards your coworkers definitely scales down the bad mood a bit in the first place.

I don’t think I’ve smiled maniacally once at my current boss in the six months I’ve been at this company. I’ve never pictured strangling him with a yoga strap and I’ve never wanted to throw something at my coworker’s head. I’ve said it again and I’ll say it before, I can’t tell you how grateful I am that I found a different job.

My stress ball has never been happier. I should probably take the skewer out of its handdrawn eyeball but it is a nice reminder of how far I’ve come.

Also, it reminds me that even on a day when I’m in a bad mood, things could always be much, much worse and that thought alone is enough to put me in a better mood.

Happy Wednesday!

Wrong Side of Bed Days

Today was one of those days where I feel like I got out of bed on the wrong side.

It’s not that I didn’t get enough sleep. The pups and I went to bed at a very decent hour. Granted, we had a 4:00 a.m. bathroom break but we went back to bed right afterwards.

So, I don’t really know why I woke up in a crotchety mood. I just did. It continued through most of the day . At work, I felt disgruntled because I’d found a few good candidates for positions only to have them rejected by my account managers. Meanwhile, my fellow recruiter is swimming in successes and I’m feeling like I’m just sucking at my job lately.

Of course, I’m not really sucking at my job. At least, I don’t think so. It’s hard at the moment because we don’t have any really good job openings. Most of what we have are the same as what most of the other major recruiting firms have and there’s only so many people in Cincinnati who are qualified. Also, since the jobs are still open and no one’s been able to fill them for months, that tells you just about how hard they are to fill.

Every now and again, I get an email at work from someone applying for one of our jobs. Thus, I get quite excited. Then I open the email and discover that a) It’s from someone who clearly just needed to apply for a job for unemployment purposes or b) It’s from a candidate who didn’t read the posting closely to see that it’s a permanent position which requires a U.S. Citizen or Green Card holder.

Thus, I’m feeling cranky. It’s a grey and gloomy day out there which doesn’t help. Stupid me naively believed Mr. Weatherman who promised we’d see some sun today. Since he’s been wrong almost every day for the past few weeks, you’d think I’d have learned that he’s wrong. But no, I listen and plan my day/wardrobe around the type of day he SAYS it will be rather that the type of day it actually is.

I think everyone’s entitled to be in a crotchety mood once in a while. The only stipulation is that they have to acknowledge that they’re a foul-tempered beast. I know exactly when I’m feeling foul-tempered and thus, I warn people. I think that’s only fair. There are people who swear up and down they’re not in a bad mood but proceed to snap at you and bite your head off whenever you talk to them. Thus, they’re in denial about their mood. Knowing is half the battle, as G.I. Joe said.

Also, I find that if I acknowledge I’m in a bad mood, it makes me feel less like I’m in a bad mood. I usually allow myself license to have a bit of a whine and a moan about silly things that annoy me. I usually keep my moaning to myself although I do occasionally unleash it on my dear and patient mother who listens, says, “oh dear” in the appropriate place and sympathizes. This is one of the myriad of reasons I love my mother.

However, sometimes, I just like to complain about things that she wouldn’t really ‘get’. This is when my lucky dogs get to hear their ‘mother’ talking a lot. I know to them, it sounds like this: “Blah blah human sounds blah blah hey, did she just say treat? Blah blah blah. Something that sounded like walk. Blah.”

To me, it may be about something as silly as the TV show “Glee” which for reasons unknown to me, I continue to watch weekly even though it’s gone from being fun and clever to being preachy, non-sensical and completely over-the-top. Or it may be about Facebook which I used to enjoy because it was a good way to check and see if all was well with family/friends and see what they were up to at any given time. Now it seems to have become a series of political statements, links to Facebook apps that “show you what your first ever Facebook status was” or “Click Here to See Who Unfriended You Lately!” or news articles about political statements. It’s not that I don’t care per se but, really, I don’t care. There, I said it. It’s one thing if it’s something personal to my friends- i.e. they have a success. For example, my friend, LadyAero just won a song writing contest. Now that’s the type of thing I WANT to read.

However, I don’t really want to read how Obama screwed up or read cryptic status updates that need to be translated by an “Inside Joke Handbook.” Darn it, Facebook used to be WAY more fun!

Either way, it’s actually quite nice to have something so…unimportant to moan about. I do recognize that I’m quite lucky when all I really have to complain about are superficial things and that my bad mood is just a result of getting out of bed on the wrong side especially when I have friends who are dealing with much more serious stuff. I’m sure if I wanted to find something more serious to moan about, I could but that’s not nearly as therapeutic as unleashing my pent up irritation on Facebook, Glee or Justin Bieber. I still don’t get the fuss with The Bieber but, then again, I’m not ten years old. Perhaps I’m not meant to get it.

Still, even though I got out of the wrong side of bed today, tomorrow is another day. Hopefully things at work will pick up and I won’t be quite so crotchety. Also, perhaps Mr. Weatherman will be right.

Though that... I very much doubt.

Happy Wednesday!

Evil Strawberries of DOOOOOM!

It's not so cold this morning. As I was coming in to the office, I saw three deer scamper off into a nearby field. I miss the deer. I used to see them all the time in my apartment but now, living in a more urban area, I never see any. I see plenty of squirrels and the occasional bunny but no deer.

I woke up in a bad mood this morning. Don't you hate that? I've been trying to be in a good mood but it's the type of day where I just feel like sniping and being crabby. It'll wear off in a while, I hope. I just can't help it. Sometimes, we just wake up in bad moods. I realized I was in a bad mood when I was yelling at my toast for popping up too soon even though it was my fault I hadn't adjusted the darkness level. My toaster is not a good toaster. In order to get the bread to pop up, you have to turn the dial all the way to the left. This is fine until you make toast again and you forget to readjust it. It means soggy toast. Soggy toast doesn't make me happy as crispy toast.

It's still toast, however and I am not a Monkeypants who turns down toast, even the soggy kind.

I am going to try to pull myself out of my bad mood. The problem is that I stay up too late. I plan on going to bed early and then when it's time, I realize I had intended to get a lot more done with my evening so I don't end up going to bed for at least another hour. Nevertheless, it could have been worse. Fortunately, I don't have any meetings today so I can stay at my desk and be bad moody by myself.

Wait, correct that...I do have a meeting. Bugger. Oh well, I'm always complaining I never get invited to meetings while my coworker, supposedly my 'equal' goes to about five or six a week. She's the one that gets put on the project teams. Me, I get to stay at my desk and make sure everything else gets done. Not that I'm bitter.

Oh, who am I kidding?I am bitter today. It's a result of my crotchety mood. I don't even get to go to this meeting today by myself; my coworker is going to join me because heaven forbid I actually get to do anything on my own to show that, you know, I actually have skills.

Still, I quite like meetings. I've taking to doodling and making origami. Yesterday, I made a large pencil topper origami thingy that I called the quadopus. It's an octopus with only four tentacles. Hence the quad part. That's the latin word for four, right? It actually more looks like a circus tent but in my mind, it's a quadopus. I think the origami might have been a bit distracting so maybe I should keep to my doodling.

Lately, my doodlings have been odd. It started with a little picture of fruit that I called "The Evil Strawberry of DOOOOM!" I then drew a sad banana that I labeled, "The Sad Banana." I also drew "Boomer Blackberry." For some reason, I seem to enjoy doodling fruit. I'm not sure why. Yesterday, I drew "The Great and Awesome Pumpkins", "The Raincloud of DOOOOOM!" and "The Squashed Strawberry." Clearly, the strawberry had done something in my mind and had passed off its dooming mantel to the raincloud. Don't ask me, I just doodle.

It's ok until my boss asks me what I'm doodling. I think he thinks I'm not paying attention. The thing is that if I don't doodle, I can't focus. I need to be doing something like that so I can listen. I rarely take notes in meetings anyway unless I deem it necessary. If I doodle, it streamlines my brain so that I can actually listen to the exciting talk of WAR files, API's, server switching and XML files that really doesn't affect me that much. I showed my boss one of my doodles the first time he asked. It was a picture of the Kool Aid Jug Man as a vampire. My coworker was wearing a shirt with the Kool Aid Jug Man on it with a caption that said "Oh, yeah!!!" Apparently, this is something I should know but the only exposure I've had to the Kool Aid Jug Man is on "Good Eats" with Alton Brown on the food network. He was making some disgusting frozen pickles that he flavoured with a 'drink mix' that he wasn't allowed to name for license purposes. However, he gave us a 'clue' by having a Jug Man crash through a wall and say "Oh, Yeah." I figured it was Kool Aid but I had to Google it to see what the "Oh, Yeah" thing was about. I'm still not sure except it was part of the advertising campaign way back when.

I seem to make a lot of things monsters in my doodles. Aside from making the Kool Aid Jug Man a vampire, I made a pine tree into a Frankenstein. In our conference room, we have one of those paintings with Indians in it (meaning the Native American kind, not the Asian kind). They're on a trail in the snow and there are pine trees all around. So I drew a tree and it turned out crooked so I made it into a Frankenstein.

I suppose my corruption of normal-seeming objects into monster-type things speaks of some psychological misfire on my part. I'm not sure. All I know is that it's quite fun to draw Evil Strawberries of DOOOOM! Actually, it's just fun to say DOOOOOOM!" which is probably why I always label my Dooming objects.

I'm not sure what I'll doodle today. I'll let you know if it turns out interesting. I consider it a stream of consciousness thing. I rarely plan my doodles. I just go with the flow. Which, now that I think about it, might not be something I should really admit because that may make me seem a little twisted.

My boss just came by to see how things were going. He does that from time to time. He's not in the office much lately; he's too busy trying to get our new building up and running. We just found out that we'll now be there by the first weekend of December. Two days ago, it was "definitely by Thanksgiving." I know our lease in the current building expires at the end of December so we have to be out by then. As long as the weather cooperates, I can live with it.

My boss is gone now, obviously. He doesn't really have a clue what I do. I think he tries to but he'd rather do the more technical stuff and I can see his eyes glaze over when I tell him what I'm working on. Also, he doesn't really know how to talk to me because he thinks every thing I say is sarcastic which, actually, is not true at all. Still, he doesn't seem bothered with how I spend my time as long as I am working. For the most part, I am. I just think I need to get in a better mood.

Maybe I'll doodle some more evil fruit.

Happy Tuesday.

Pre-Trip Bad Moods....

It's the day before I go on vacation for four days. I think I'm supposed to be happy and excited but at the moment, I'm actually feel rather crotchety and irritable. I know I timed this trip badly; at the moment, all I want to do is just go home, put my feet up for a bit and then putter around the house for a few days. I know I'll have a good time when I get to Comic-Con in San Diego but at the moment, I'm too tired to actually think about going.

Today is one of those mornings in which I feel like I got out of the wrong side of bed: I'm having a bad hair day, I feel like I look awful, traffic was terrible this morning and my coworker and fellow Comic-Con attendee has stood me up in the office. We were both supposed to get here early so we could leave early and yet...I'm here and she's not. Which now means, chances are, rather than leave early, I'll have to work late until she's ready to leave. These are all small things but if you combine them with a rather tired Monkeypants and...I think that means I might be a little scary.

I'll try not to socially interact until I'm feeling mellow. It's probably better that way. The timing of my bad mood couldn't be much worse: I know that.

Now my coworker is here and...sadly, she's also in a bad mood. We're both suffering from pre-travel stress: Me, because I'm in a bad mood, her- because she's afraid her credit card has been cancelled and it happens to be the card under which our hotel room is reserved.

Strangely, this has put me in a better mood. I probably should be worried about the credit card but...I'm not. That has a logical conclusion and solution...it will just take a little time. My bad mood is irrational and silly.

I have no reason to be in a bad mood, honestly. In the grand scheme of things, life is going well. I am a rather lucky Monkeypants in that respect.

I find bad moods fascinating. Most often, there is a logical cause for them but on other days, days like today for me, they just hit you with no real reason. It's like you wake up and even though the sun is shining, you still feel like there's a big old raincloud floating right above your head, just like the Flump named Perkin did. Everything just feels like it's not quite right, hence the bad hair day. I tried to make a cup of tea and then realized I'd already put the rubbish out and there was nowhere to put the teabag without starting a new bin which was not something I wanted to do when I was going to be gone for almost a week. I went to make toast and realized that it had popped up and become cold while I was worrying about the teabag. My ponytail holder isn't tight enough and no matter how many times I redid it, my ponytail looked stupid. Behind all these tiny little things is the bigger worry that I've forgotten something very important that I'm going to need for my trip.

Then, I drove into the office and got stuck behind the world's slowest driver. He was one of those people who constantly rides the brake so it actually looks like he's blinking his lights at you from behind, it occurs so frequently. I always try to keep a cars-length between me and the driver in front of my but it's hard to keep consistent when Mr. Brakey is tapping out morse code on his brake pedal. When he finally turned off, I got behind Mr. Inconsistant. This is the type of driver who is going 70 mph one minute and then slows to about 45 mph the next. Fast and slow, fast and slow...in a way it's worse than Mr. Brakey.

I probably wouldn't have noticed had I not been in my grouchy mood. However, the smallest little things tend to bother me on days like this.

As I got to the office, I noticed there were some of the Facilities crew outside, cutting down a tree right outside the office windows. On a normal day, I'd probably be quite excited that there are lumberjacks outside...lumberjacking. Which, actually, now I type it, is actually a rather hilarious word. Go on, say it again...LUM-BER-Jack. I think it's the lumber part that's funny. What is a lumber, anyway? LUM....BERR.

Um...I digress. I have a thing about words. I've mentioned that before. I find words delicious and I love to say some of them out loud. LUMBERJACK!

Ok, I feel even better now. I think I'll just shout out "lumberjack" if I'm feeling crabby. Of course, that's if anyone can hear me over the sound of a chipper-shredder outside the window. Which, of course, leads me to think about the movie "Fargo" and the creative use of a chipper shredder there. Which is strangely interesting...

This is turning into a rather strange blog. I apologize. I'm going to a comic-book convention so I suppose being strange is probably actually...quite normal.

Which leads me to tell you that I probably won't be able to blog until next week. Captain Monkeypants is going on vacation. My apologies but I will return with stories from my trip. In the meantime, I'd like to thank you all for reading, for putting up with my strangeness and enduring my bad mood. I am feeling far better than when I started this blog. Yet, just in case my bad mood threatens to return....

LUMBERJACK!

Happy Wednesday....

A "Five Things" Kind of Day....

I think I'm in a bad mood today. I can blame it on the fact that I'm tired or I can blame it on the fact that lately, things just haven't been going the way I planned. I suppose I should be glad that life isn't predictable but, at the same time, it's nice when I know I'm going to have a good day or at least have good things happening.

Part of it is work. No matter what I do, I seem to be treading water here. I tried talking to my boss to tell him I wanted more responsibility and he greeted that idea positively. Yet, all of the projects seem to be falling to my co 'team member' who has been here much longer than me and likes to have job security so she never says no.

I like job security too but given that I currently have maybe two projects to do, neither of which could make or break my company, I'm beginning to wonder what's going on. I keep getting told there's a learning curve here and that after a year, I'll be given more work. I thought this was nice at first. Now I realize it's just a little....silly. I'm perfectly capable of handling a heavy workload. I have skills to offer. I'm willing. So...why wait? I mean, ok, so it's their payroll but if you have an employee that has asked for more work, does it really make sense from a business viewpoint to keep that employee with a light workload? It's nice...sure but....it's a for-profit business too. It's just not making much sense to me.

I've realized that being happy in a job affects my life a lot. I don't want it to. I want to go home and put the workday behind me but I've never been able to do that. Instead, I dwell. I hate that I dwell.

If I was writing at the moment, I'd be better. I could convince myself that my true passion is writing and my day job doesn't matter. I'm not writing though. I'm trying but I have to climb out of a very large hole that Amazon.Com, Publishers Weekly and my own self-doubt dug for me. I shouldn't have to but the hole is there and whenever I think I'm ready to clambour out, I look over at my shelf of unpublished manuscripts, the slew of rejection emails I have and just sit back down in that hole. It's quiet there. Quiet and dark and there's no pressure.

I can't sit in that hole forever though. I have to write something again soon. Something with a beginning, a middle and an end. It's not a lofty goal. At least, it didn't use to be.

Sorry I'm a bit of a misery-guts today, as my mother would say. I'm just feeling a lot of inner turmoil and stress. With my parents away, my friends constantly busy and my siblings all occupied with their own lives, the only outlet I have at the moment is in the form of a long, brown dachshund who is good company but doesn't provide much comfort unless I'm holding something edible in my hand. I keep hoping he'll have one of those "Marley and Me" moments where he'll sense I'm having a cruddy day and just sit with me but Sausage is...a little dense. He doesn't get it.

Yet I'm starting to enjoy having him around. He's starting to get used to being around too, I think. I only have two days left with him before I can take him back to his real home. I will miss having him around for the company though leaving home alone in his crate is hard. I hate doing that to him but it's for both of our own goods. My torn carpet is evidence of that.

On days like this I have a little tradition. I remind myself that my life is pretty good compared to most and to prove it, I make myself name five things that I love in my life or for which I am grateful, not including family because that's just a given. Today's top five are: The fact that I'm able to buy a new house, 2) That I'm getting to experience springtime in the Midwest. 3) That I do have a passion for writing even when I'm in a dull spot. 4) My nice Roxy flip-flops that my friend gave me for Christmas because they're comfy and don't make that flip-flop sound. 5) For "Iron Chef America" and "True Blood" for giving me something to enjoy watching during the slow summer TV months.

I forgot to mention that I allow myself to be random in my 'five things'. I could probably come up with a hundred more but those are today's. They remind me that life is never as dark as it seems and that there's always bright spots that make it just that little cheerier, even in the form of flip-flops.

Happy Thursday.

Snowless Days...

It was supposed to snow last night. I was very excited about that. I've been in Los Angeles for seven years. It doesn't snow much there. It does snow in the mountains, sometimes out towards the desert. Yet, it never snows in L.A. It's propably for the best; even when it's supposed to just rain, it turns into STORM WATCH 2000-and-whatever. The newscasters on the local news talk of nothing but rain. When it does, indeed, rain, they interview people on the streets to ask them what they think about the rain. Most of the time, the people on the streets' reaction is pretty classic..."It's wet." Sometimes people have stories about the rain, how they were going to work and didn't realize it was raining and their car was all wet or how they walked their dog and they weren't wearing boots....the news isn't terribly thrilling when it rains in L.A. I suppose it'd be interesting to see what they'd be like if it snowed but since this would probably indicate some freakish global warming phenomenom that was all our fault because of all the Aqua Net hairspray that was used in the '80's, it probably wouldn't be good for it to snow in L.A.

Then again, it'd finally make sense for all those college students to walk around in their tank-tops, mini skirts, scarves and massive fur or sheepskin boots. Then again, will that ever make sense?

I can't say that I haven't seen snow in seven years. After all, I've been home to the Midwest for Christmas and Thanksgiving every year since I moved out west and it did snow when I was home. Yet, to me, it's not the same. I want to embrace the snow completely and not wave hello politely, enjoying it for a day or so and then hop on a plane to seventy degree weather. And yes, I just realized that by saying that, it probably truly labels me as being abnormal because most people would LOVE that to be the case. What can I say? I like weather.

So, anyway, I was looking forward to snow. I mean, I know it's October but that means I could have had a nice snowfall that probably wouldn't stick around. That's the best kind of snow. Except at Christmas when it's SUPPOSED to snow because that is just how it is supposed to be. I'm an old fashioned Monkeypants. I like Christmas with the snow-dusted holly and pine trees in the garden, the smell of sausage-rolls and mince-pies in the air (yes, I am hopelessly British) and the silent, muffling snow falling outside.

I can't say I inherited my love of snow. My mother despises winter. I think she'd hibernate if she could. When the weather forecast says snow, I can hear my mother groan, even from 100 miles away. I once bought her a snowman kit in hopes of enticing her outside to see the beauty and fun of snow. I ended up using it to build a snowman when I was home for the holidays and it snowed. My dad views snow as something to clear from the driveway though it does give him an excuse to get out his tractor and turn it into a snow plow. I don't think men ever grow out of the wanting to ride tractors and trains phase. They're Iron Cowboys, those snowplow drivers. At least while it's snowing.

So, back to my original point. It was supposed to snow. Maybe it did while I was sleeping and I missed it. When I got up this morning, there was not a flake on my poor, dented car. I am very disappointed by the failure of the weather to follow-through on it's promise of snow. I'm big on follow-through. I like people and weather to deliver on a promise that is made unless there's some unforseeable circumstance that means the promise can't be delivered. Maybe that's why it didn't snow. I can't pretend to know these things. I'm trying to be ok with the lack of snow-follow-through.

It didn't help that I woke up in a foul mood. I didn't sleep well. My neighbour has a noisy dog that was barking at 2 a.m. I also had the strangest dreams about the Heroes TV show. That's what I get for cramming six episodes into three days. So, when my alarm went off and those insipid "Two Angry Guys" popped on, I slammed my alarm off. My snowless drive to work made me irritable because a tractor-like thing pulled out in front of me and then proceeded to go, literally, 15 mph in a 35 mph zone. (Captain Monkeypants isn't on a first name basis with farm equipment; it looked a bit like a tractor and thus it is a tractor-like thing.) I know he's just doing his job but part of me was silently shouting at him for driving during rush hour. I mean, ok, fine, rush hour in my tiny town in Ohio isn't exactly on a scale with, say, L.A. but it's still the heaviest traffic time. Driving farm equipment during this time is frowned upon, at least by me. It's a traffic faux pas.

So, I'm hoping my mood passes. I put my iPod on and it seems to be in sync with me; Marilyn Manson is playing as we speak. Mr. Manson is perfect for bad moods. He's always WAY more angry and miserable than me. I'm already feeling better. I know in the grand scheme of things, I have nothing to complain about. But there are just some days on which it's hard to be perky and chipper even when there's nothing actual wrong. They're the days on which burrowing down at home and not venturing into society are probably best. I think all humans need that once in the while, days away from the world in which we get to recharge. Unfortunately, they're not always possible. So, I'll just sit quietly in my cubicle, drink my coffee and let the day wash over me. . I know if I read the news, I'll know, once again, that my complaining is insignificant and petty. The sun is peaking through the window already and I suppose the right thing to do is embrace it and be glad that it's trying to penetrate the gloom of my mood.

I think I may let it take a while though. I'm not quite ready to be chipper just yet.