The Online Dating Debate...

So, it's finally Friday. I'm very relieved about that. It hasn't been a bad week at all but it's still been a work week. I think part of it's that we're coming off the holiday season and January is a bit of a blah month. Some companies get Martin Luther King Jr. day off on Monday. Alas, my company does not. It would be a nice day to have but given that we've just had a couple of breaks, it's really not something to complain about. And we do get President's Day off so it's not all bad.

It's been a decent week though. I've still got five queries out in rotation at the moment. I've sent seven, total, and had two rejections. Usually, I've had a lot more than that by now since it's been a week so keep your fingers crossed for me.


Aside from that, I'm contemplating computer dating yet again. I tried it recently and ended up meeting yet more overgrown fraternity boys who like to go out with their buddies and get drunk on weekends. While I don't mind a social drinker, I keep wondering when men grow out of the needing to get hammered every weekend phase of their life. Some of the men I've talked to are significantly older than me which makes it slightly pathetic. The last semi-successful date I had seemed ok although he was still a weekend partier

Online dating is hard. It seems that you either have to fill out the fifty-million question personality survey like e-harmony and then jump through a million hoops to just communicate with someone or you use a free site where the respondents think sending you a message that says "hey" is enough to make me want to know more. Seriously, that's all they say in their message..."Hey." Some of them vary it up a bit and say "hi." Sometimes, I even get responses that say "how are you?" That's nice of them to ask but it's a dating site. If I wanted people to just ask how I was, I'd go to work.


I'm probably being a bit finicky. I just go back and forth on online dating. Sometimes, I think it's the only way to meet people because we're all so isolated now and I'm not a barfly who goes out looking for single men. Othertimes, especially in the case of e-harmony, it feels so contrived, like you're genetically engineering a date. Even then, I've had no luck. Last time I tried e-harmony, i got matched up with at least three men who played the bagpipes. I think e-harmony sees "British" in my description and matches that automatically to bagpipers. Either that or cyclists. I do NOT ride a bicycle unless it's the stationary kind. I have no balance. I like to walk.

I think I should try it again. I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong or I just need to commit to it more. I've tried making my profile very specific. I've tried mentioning I want a man who can carry on a conversation and I still get 'hi!" in an email with nothing else. To me, if someone say's "I would like to meet someone who can carry on a good conversation," it seems a little daft to say "Hi!" in your email. I mean, how about you either prove you bothered reading my profile or you give me something more to go on because what will end up happing is I'd reply "I'm fine. Tell me about yourself." And they'll say "Let's meet tomorrow."

Here's the thing with online dating: There's some crazies out there. I'm not a stupid Monkeypants. I'm not about to meet some stranger without knowing anything about him, even in a public place. I want to know a little more first.


Anyway, I'm sure I'll figure it out. I'll probably give it a go again. There are a couple of sites in Cincinnati that are free and that have been recommended by other single folks I've met. The problem is that whole dating thing. The first date is usually awkward. If you get a second date, it's usually slightly better but it takes a while before you get comfortable and my problem is I don't always get to that stage before I start second-guessing myself. It'd be really nice if you could skip the awkward stage and go right to the comfort stage. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make that possible, I'd be pleased to hear them.

In the meantime, I am registered with a dating site. I'll keep looking for someone who actually seems serious because, let me tell you, there are a lot of people out there who aren't. Yet I have some good friends who met online so I have to think that it is possible to find someone compatible....it's all about hope, right...and commitment. Which.....well....I'm going to work on that.


Happy Friday and have a good weekend. Thanks, as always, for reading....

Adventures in Onling Dating

Today is one of those days where I don't know what I'm going to blog about so, chances are, I'm going to ramble. So, pretty much, it's a normal blogging day.

It really seems to be Spring now and not just because the calendar says so. Daffodils are blooming so there's my sign. I always had this idea that I'd get married in the Spring so I could have spring flowers but then again, I always fancied a Christmas wedding. Nowadays, if I have a wedding, I will just be happy.

I'm not good at meeting men so I've been doing the eHarmony dating thing. While I know this method has worked for many people, I'm not so sure it's working for me. It starts out all good and fun because you suddenly have this thicket of men with whom you can connect. At first, it's fun. Then...it gets very, very tedious. You see, eHarmony starts you out by requesting communication between you and a match, depending on who initiates the request for contact. First off, you start with a list of questions provided by eHarmony. You can pick three to ask. Then...he answers them. From there, you move on to "Must Haves/Can't Stands" in which you have a list of things that you either must have in a relation or you can't stand to have in a relationship. You pick three of each. He picks three of each. Trust me, after about five matches, the list stops being relevant and you just want to move on to the next step which is....more questions. This time, you can write your own OR you can use some provided helpfully by eHarmony. These questions are a little more in-depth, at least.

After this, FINALLY, you're allowed to directly communicate with a match. From there, the matches are on their own. We can exchange emails or phone numbers.

As I said, in the beginning, the process is fun. Then it starts to get old. You find yourself asking every match the same questions. You find yourself answering the same questions. The frustrating part is sometimes, you actually find someone you think sounds interesting. These communications end in one of two ways: 1) You communicate with them for a while or 2) They never communicate back.

Yes, eHarmony is a whole new way to experience rejection. Rather than simply 'close' the match as you're able to do, some matches prefer just not to respond. Personally, I think those that don't respond are like me, people who have been doing the process so long, it's just boring.

I've met some interesting men. My first match was easy to talk to on the phone. He had a few red flags such as telling me I didn't sound at all like I looked in my photo which he seemed a little disappointed about. He also told me that he hated when women cut their hair so he hoped my hair was still long. Both flags were a sign that he might be a wee bit shallow. We decided to meet. It turns out that he was still a giant frat boy trapped in a 42-year old body. We went for a drink in the town where I live which, as I've mentioned, is a college town. He couldn't stop staring at the college kids and reminiscing about his own drunken, stoned days of college. He also was more interested in watching the hockey game on TV than talking to me, even though that was the whole point of the evening. I never saw him again.

My second match was a very sweet man who told me he was fairly recently divorced. He had great manners and finally formally asked me on a date. He even made reservations which, to me, is definitely a good sign. We had a lovely dinner. We hung out afterwards. I quite liked him. It wasn't like...Casablanca or anything but..he was nice. I thought we'd definitely see each other again. Then, two days later, he sends me an email saying he's only been divorced for a two months and he's just not ready to date. Yes...well, had I KNOWN he had only been divorced for two months, I would have told him that but since he asked me out....well, I'm an idiot. So...never saw him again.

Since then, I've had a few more matches, a few more conversations, a few more emails and so far...nothing. I find the odd ones. For some reason, I get matched with outdoorsy types. My idea of the outdoors is to find a nice spot to write, sit there and then go home. Or, at the most, go for a lovely walk and then...go home. I don't like camping unless it's in a hotel. I'm not big on fishing because I'm dangerous both to others and to fishing equipment (I think I still owe my friend Eric a fishing rod or reel or something because I got a bit enthusiastic when fishing one time). I don't like riding a bike much unless it's an exercise bike. I fall off a bike. I get distracted way too easily and before I know it, I've hit something or someone.

Recently, on eHarmony, I've been matched with a man who likes to eat crayons, someone who uses about 50 exclamation points per email and someone who told me his favourite book ever was "The DaVinci Code." If you know me, you'll know "The DaVinci Code" is NOT the way too my heart. Trust me, I'm not writing them off for such shallow reasons; I'm trying to give them all a chance. Yet there comes a point when I have to admit I'm tired. Finding Mr. Right shouldn't be so difficult.

Then there comes a point where I have to admit it's me. I know what I want; someone who has his own life and doesn't mind me being solitary so I can write and have some alone time but not someone who disconnects and disengages completely so that he forgets I exist. I know, I know, it's probably impossible to find what I think I'm looking for. I probably don't really know. I suppose it's like my writing really; it just takes a little patience.

I have about a week left on my eHarmony membership. I don't think I'm going to renew. I need a break from feeling obligated to respond. It just feels like so much work and I can't help but think it shouldn't be quite so exhausting. For now, I think I'm going to proudly accept my Bridget Jones status of Singleton-ness and just go with the flow. If, in a few months, I have more energy back, maybe I'll try Match.com. I'll let you know.

Happy Tuesday.