Bugs...Bug Me...

It’s been hot and sticky for over a week now and we haven’t had any rain in ages. I finally got tired of going out to my tomatoes with a watering can and I broke down and bought a new hose and a sprinkler.

I’m curious to see how the sprinkler does. I’m more curious to see if the pups decide the sprinkler is a friend or an enemy. Since it’s going to be watering their favourite ‘hanging out and watching for squirrels’ spot in the garden, they’re either going to deliberately get wet or they’ll be sulky because they can’t follow their usual routine.

In all honesty, part of me is tempted to enjoy the sprinkler too. It’s so hot out there that whenever you’re out for more than two minutes, your clothes start sticking to you and you’re instantly sweating. It’d be nice to act like a kid and jump through the sprinklers. However, I’ll probably resist just because even though I shouldn’t, I do care what the neighbours think. This is most likely because it would probably involve me wearing a swimsuit and I’m not sure I want to inflict that on the neighbours. Thus, I’ll just be a responsible grown-up and just use the sprinklers for watering my vegetables.

The heat is making it hard to do much outside. It’s too hot to be pleasant and even if we do brave the humidity and heat and attempt to do something outside, there are these rather unpleasant little gnat things that seem to multiply by the second until you’re so tired of trying to brush them off that you end up running inside.

I’m not a fan of bugs anyway. I find them to be a huge nuisance. When I was younger, I used to visualize how nice it would be to go for picnics in meadows of flowers like you see in the movie. Or I’d visualize running down a meadow-hill like that girl at the beginning of “Little House on the Prairie”. Or running through a cornfield, letting the taller corn embrace me and change my perception of the world for a while.

Why I visualized these things, I can’t tell you. I have a weird way of thinking. If you read my blog, you probably know that. The fact is that I did picture these things.

However, the reality of it was never the same because of the stupid bugs. I have yet to find a place on earth where you can sit outside and have a picnic without having some buggy pest drive you a little crazy. It could be mosquitoes that bite and make life unpleasant. It could be spiders who don’t mean to be ominous but are anyway because, well, they’re spiders. It could be those pesky green flies that seem to thrive on vegetation and the pretty the landscape, the more irritating the green flies.

As for the “Little House on the Prairie”- I have yet to find a meadow without similar bug problems. Granted, when the weather is perfect, the bugs are slightly less prominent but try running through prairie-long grass without having a secret fear of ticks, chiggers and other nasty biting bugs.

And then there’s the cornfields. When my family moved to the U.S., we moved to a house in the country. There was corn on all sides of us. My brother and I decided to play in the cornfields. Then, after a few minutes, we realized between many of the rows of corn were spider webs. Inside the spiderwebs were rather terrifying looking spiders that made the experience suddenly far less fun and far more alarming.

Of course, I found out that the spiders were harmless and wouldn’t bite but, well, would you want to risk having a spider like that crawling on you?

Thus, I haven’t run through the corn since. Call me a chicken. Call me a wimp. It’s just that over the years, all of the pleasant, fun outdoor activities that seem so exciting in theory are never quite as exciting in reality because of the bugs.

I shouldn’t let them bother me but it’s hard not to, really. Last night, I went to a dinner party at a coworker’s and we attempted to sit outside. At first, in spite of the heat and humidity, it was pleasant. And then the bugs decided to join us. It was primarily these little black gnats. I’d kill one and three more would appear. We lit bug candles but that had no effect. In the end, when the flies joined in, we abandoned our outdoor gathering and fled inside.

So, I’m not a fan of bugs. I find them annoying. I’m sure there’s a greater purpose to them than to, well, ‘bug’ us. They probably do some good by at least providing a diet to frogs and things. However, it’s hard to see that when you’re outside and suddenly you’re covered by a layer of horrible, tiny biting gnats.

It’s one of the things in summer that I find the most annoying. However, since it comes with the territory, I’ve learned to accept it.

But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t bug me.

Ok, I’m done with the bad puns now.

Happy Tuesday!

Of Toilet Seats and Spiders....

It's Guy Fawkes' Day today across the Atlantic in England. I won't go into detail as to what that means and what it is because I did that last year and I try not to repeat myself terribly often. I haven't really celebrated the occasion in many years, mostly because when you live in an apartment in Los Angeles, it's not acceptable to light a bonfire and burn an effigy of Guy Fawkes on the flames. Nor is it acceptable to set off fireworks in the beginning of November. Last year, when I moved back to the Midwest, I still lived in an apartment and I didn't do much to honour it, other than to blog about it and remember that it actually was Bonfire Night in the UK.

This year, I had sort of hoped that maybe I could at least have a fire but it turns out that unless it's a firepit type of fire, it's not allowed in the limits of my city. I contemplated buying a firepit and every time I go to Lowes, I admire them lovingly but, alas, as a newish homeowner, I have quickly learned that there are far more useful, far more necessary things to do with the $100 I could spend on a firepit. Thus, while I continue to stare at them lovingly in Lowe's, I don't make the move to purchase one. Also, they've started adding a new item to the price tag- a $10 assembly fee. I looked quite closely to see what that meant but couldn't figure it out. On some of them, it seemed to imply that you just got the pit- the actual place to hold the fire was sold separately which is....odd. Still, on my weekly trips to Lowe's, I shall continue to try to solve the mystery of the assembly fee. I do go to Lowe's fairly frequently. Last week, it was for a new toilet seat. That was an adventure. When you think about buying a house, the idea of buying a toilet seat is something that doesn't really cross your mind, at least not for me. There are a lot of things that don't cross your mind until you realize you need something. For example, for me, a toilet seat is something you sit on...on the toilet. Who knew that there were so many options? There are wood ones, anti-microbial ones, foamy ones that are soft to sit on, economy ones, wood grain ones....there's an entire area of Lowes just dedicated to toilet seats.

These are the things I have learned over the past few months; the insignificant things in my house are not so insignificant that there isn't at least two or three options to choose from. Take my bathtub. I needed a new plug so I could take a bath. It seemed like a normal sized drain hole so I innocently thought I'd be able to find a plug at Lowe's fairly easily. Oh, silly Captain Monkeypants! There is a huge supply of bathtub plugs at Lowe's. They're all different sizes. No matter how confident you are that you know the size of your drain hole, when you start staring at all the plugs, you quickly forget and the self-doubt creeps in. Fortunately, since the plugs were less than $1 each, I did the smart thing: I bought three that looked about the right size and hoped for the best. The one I thought would be the candidate to most likely NOT fit turned out to be the one that fit.

The toilet seat was easier. I opted for a wooden anti-microbial one. I hate the foamy ones. They feel vile when you sink into them. You're not supposed to sink into a toilet seat. It's just....not right. Of course, because my toilet is a rather unpleasant shade of mustard yellow, I thought white might look a bit odd so I opted for a 'biscuit' coloured one. The one I was replacing was one of those nasty wood grain ones. I think now I have my biscuit-coloured seat on my toilet that I understand why there was a wood grain one on there. The biscuit and the mustard clash just enough that it gives the impression that the toilet hasn't been flushed. Also, I tightened the seat as much as I could and yet when you sit on it, you take the teensiest little trip to the right as the seat swings away from under you. Until I really tightened the nuts on the seat, the trip to the right was much more severe and a little alarming.

How did I get on this bizarre topic? Umm....oh, right! Sorry- Lowe's. It's amazing how easy it is to digress.

So, back to the original topic, firepits for Guy Fawkes' Day. I didn't get one. So I won't be having a bonfire. Which I probably could have said way earlier without talking about toilet seats...

Still, the nice thing is that I could have a firepit if I wanted. That's the lovely thing about owning my own house. I can do whatever I want. For example, I noticed that my bathroom ceiling is vile and I'd never noticed. Thus, I can fix it.

There are some things I'm learning about having a house though. I used to live on a second floor apartment. My house is one story. Thus...I'm closer to the ground. This means that on these chilly nights, the warmth of my home is appealing to outdoor types such as Herbert 2.0 who I met last night.

Herbert 2.0 is a rather large spider. He's version 2.0 because the original Herbert lives in my cubicle here at work somewhere. He comes out to visit once in a while. He's quite large and the first time I saw him, I was a little worried and almost squished him with my stapler. Then I realized that it wasn't his fault he was a spider and I put down the stapler and decided sharing is caring and if he wants to make his home in my cubicle, then so be it. We made our peace. As long as I don't find the Original Herbert on my being anywhere, crawling on my skin, in my jeans or anywhere spiders shouldn't be, I think we can both share my cubicle.

Herbert 2.0, however, is not as welcome. Not when he moves towards me as though he's coming to sit on my lap. I was on my settee last night, talking to my friend on the phone when I saw this rather large lump moving on my couch. Naturally, I did the traditional thing. I squealed like a pig. Quite loudly. In my friend's ear. Once I had finished my mini panic moment, I gathered my wits and investigated nervously. Herbert 2.0 was a VERY large spider. He was at least the size of a quarter and he had big yellow eyes. Also, he kept inching towards me. Even though they make me a little nervous, I still don't like to kill spiders because, as I keep saying, it's not their fault they're born creepy. So, thanks to the sane presence of my friend on the phone, I managed to scoop up Herbert 2.0 and put him outside while trying not to squeal again. I made my friend promise not to hang up until Herbert 2.o had been removed just in case he grew even bigger and ate me.

Of course, in retrospect, I realize that there is no possible way Herbert 2.0 could really have grown. Nor could he have eaten me. Yet when you're being faced down by a large, hairy spider with beady little eyes, anything seems possible. I even managed to not squish him accidentally as I tried to liberate him. I hope he doesn't hold it against me that I put him out into the cold when all he probably wanted to do was come and say hi and thank me for my hospitality. Spiders don't hold grudges, do they?

Then again, maybe I shouldn't talk about grudges. We British still apparently hold a grudge against poor old Guy Fawkes who committed his crime over four hundred years ago. If Herbert 2.0 hunts me down, I'll let you know. He probably has a right. For all I know, he's been living in my house longer than I have and I just evicted him.

Oh dear.

Happy Thursday!

Death to Mosquitoes!

I haven't blogged about writing in a while. I haven't really had time to write and I hate that. What with the conference last week and now moving into a new house, there's been little time to just shut myself away with my computer and let the ideas flow.

The ideas are still flowing but I just haven't had time to sit down. I'm hoping that by the end of July when I'm ensconced in my house, I'll find time to do some writing. The wonderful thing that I'm realizing with each box I carry that this is my house. I never have to move again unless I really want to. This is a permanent place; no more will I have to worry about rent increases or noisy sex above me.

At least I hope not, as far as the noisy sex goes. Considering my house is a one-level ranch style with only a crawl space in the ceiling to get to the heating ducts, I'd be really worried if I heard sex sounds coming from up there.

Then again, that might give me some mighty good fodder for my imagination when I do get time to write again.

I'm starting to hate that the house is always on my mind. I dreamed about it last night. That's how I know I'm stressed; when I can't escape, even into the land of dreams. I dreamed that I was trying to mask up the living room to paint but people kept moving furniture and wall fixtures in when I wasn't looking so I no longer knew how I was going to get started or what I was supposed to do.

In actually, I think I finished masking last night. I had to do some re-masking. I bought two types of tape, one two inch thick pack from Big Lots and a pack of standard inch-thick masking tape from Lowes All of my Big Lots tape decided to come unstuck overnight so I had to reseal it yesterday. It was rather frustrating. I'm hoping the Lowes tape holds because aside from laying down my drop cloths, I'm ready to start painting.

The thing about things like painting is, for me, I find them relaxing. The actual work itself isn't relaxing but once I get going on a project like that, it's like my mind just opens up and lets me think of whatever I like. It's sort of a free-flow time as far as my thought processes go. If I'm alone, I usually do my best thinking when my body is occupied in the manual labour. It's why I like landscaping. I love being able to shut down and just focus on the task because, by doing so, it lets me relax into whatever thoughts I like. It's a good time for problem-solving, for coming to terms with things.

Of course, I say this before I start painting. In my mind, it goes smoothly. In reality, I'm a messy little monkeypants and I think I might have to contend with drips and messes rather a lot.

I'm actually not going to the house tonight though. I'm going to spend some time organizing the next load of things I want to take from my apartment. The moving is a slow process but it's steady.

In some ways, I wish I could fast-forward so that the moving/painting/preparation is done. Yet if I did that, I'd miss out on many things. July is a month of birthdays, of weddings, of a trip to Comic-con. It's a busy month for sure but I think it's going to be a fun month. At the very least, it'll be a productive month.

I feel bad that all I'm blogging about is my new house at the moment. I'm going to try to taper off about it so that I don't become a one-note blogger. It's just all so new at the moment and every day reveals something new. Usually it's a spider. I try to rescue them and put them out the back door in lieu of killing them. I've only had one slight-casualty: Bert. I name each spider. So far I've had Bert, Sid and Fred. Bert accidentally lost a leg as I tried to trap him in a container to carry him out. He managed to crawl away though so I have to assume that though he's now a seven-legged spider, he'll be ok. I'm not a big fan of spiders but as I always say, it's not their fault they were born a little creepy and I think they have a bad reputation. This is not to say that they don't make my pulse race a little and occasionally make me squeal but I still try to respect them. Or at least not kill them.

There are other creepy crawlies in my house. I've met a couple of crickets and a mosquito. The mosquito died. I do not regret to inform you of this. I am anti-mosquito. Mosquitos must die. I know they, too, have a purpose in life but given that they attack me in droves whenever I step outside, I'm only repaying the favour. They're out for blood and so am I.

That's the only part of the Midwest of which I am not excited to re-experience. We have mosquitoes in California but not too many; it's too dry. Not so here in the Midwest. They thrive here on the humidity. They also thrive on me. I can be out with someone who might get a couple of bites that are piddly little things. Me, I'll be bitten about eight times and they will swell up into these horrible itchy welts of heat. I hate mosquitoes. I can't figure out what their purpose is in life. I'm sure they have one in the mosquito/insect world. Maybe that's why I like to save the lives of spiders too: They trap and kill mosquitoes for dinner and I salute that.

Still, mosquitoes, spiders or crickets, they're invading my turf and I think I have the right to prosecute them as I see fit. It is my house. I can kick them out/kill them. I never felt quite right doing that in an apartment because though I live there, it's not mine. Actually, I always wondered about that: If a vampire shows up to my apartment, could I invite him in? I mean, yes it's my home but it's not my building. Doesn't the owner have to do the inviting? That's always been fuzzy in my mind. Of course, I do realize that vampires don't exist and they're not going to really show up at my door. It doesn't mean I can't wonder. Spiders just don't have the same allure and, besides, they come in, invited or not.

Just something to ponder, I suppose.

Happy Tuesday.