Really Random Musings...

There are times in life when you are engaged in activities that allow for a form of meditation. I’m not talking about the ‘Zen’ type of meditation or any other type of spiritual meditation. I’m talking about the type that happens when you’re doing something like, say, driving or even tiling a floor that requires concentration but also allows you to empty your brain and let the thoughts flow.

Since I had a lot of time this weekend to ‘mediate’ while tiling a floor as well as on my short drive to work each day, I realized I had quite a few random thoughts that tended to occupy my mind. Since this blog is called ‘random musings’, I figured that I might as well share them with you because making lists is sort of fun. Please don’t judge me for some of them. We all know I’m a little odd at times.

Things that popped into my mind either while I was tiling the floor or driving to work:

1) Why some songs just get stuck in your brain for no reason. I currently have that annoying “Keep on Keeping On” jingle from Chase Bank in my head. It keeps going around and around. I don’t even bank at Chase. Grr.

2) Why there are vans for FedEx with FedEx Express printed on them. Does that mean it’s a Federal Express Express van? Why the repetition?

3) HBO’s Game of Thrones. For a show based on a book I’ve never read, it certainly does take up a lot of my brainpower. When I was tiling this weekend, it pretty much kept cropping up. It’s like my brain is trying to solve a mystery that I don’t think really exists. Most odd.

4) Why does one side of my lawn grow much faster than the other? It’s weird. I mow the whole thing to keep it even but it’s only one side that really needs it.
5) Why does Rory Gilmore, my somewhat active dachshund, suddenly decide to plop herself down on the grass and refuse to move when we’re on a walk whereas Sookie wants to keep moving?

6) Why does Mrs. Enormous Trousers insist on telling me everything when I step outside to walk the dogs? Last night, I learned that her daughter thought she needed to wear a better bra, that Mr. Enormous Trousers had to buy new pants and that he got a haircut. All of this while it’s 93 degrees out and the dogs clearly aren’t in the mood to stand around.

7) Why Son of Dog Whisperer is surprised when he falls of his bike because he’s riding around, trying to do it no handed with his eyes closed while wearing no shirt or shoes and resembling a lobster because clearly he didn’t have any sunscreen on all day.

8) Why Canadian geese will decide to settle and nest in the most random places. Also, why is their feces green and why is it so messy?

9) Why I despise Gordon Ramsey so much. I tried to give “Masterchef” a go last night and it made me cringe. He’s so clearly acting up for the cameras with his drama of “TRUFFLE OIL OFFENCE! YOU SHOULD BE SHOT” and his dramatic fingers to his mouth exclamations of “Damn” when he clearly is disappointed in a contestant. Also, these are HOME COOKS- they may not know that in the cheffing world, Truffle Oil is the Oil of the Devil. Perhaps, if you stopped gagging and exclaiming over how offensive and wrong it is, you might politely TEACH her something.

10) I can’t stand fishlips on people. This is a mean and horrible thing today but there are people- mostly men- who have these tiny little lips in enormous chins and they give me the icks. The large judge on “Masterchef” has fishlips and I find them just…unpleasant.

11) Worms. After our last major rainstorm a couple of weeks ago, there was a huge population of worms writing on the sidewalks. Then when it got hot, they dried up and died. Why didn’t they wriggle to safety? Also, I really wish Rory would not try to eat these dried up worms on our walks. People will think I don’t feed her properly when, in fact, I feed her a little TOO well.

12) Squirrels…I’m not a fan but I’m amazed at their ability to climb a tree while holding onto a large object. In recent months, I’ve seen squirrels race up a tree holding a drink can, a near-empty can of Busch’s baked beans, a whole slice of pizza and a bunch of grapes. I’m not sure where the grapes came from.

13) Weeds. Why didn’t my seeds grow but weeds have no problem propagating and multiplying in the same soil?

14) Food. I think about food a lot. Usually I plan my dinner ahead of time. Yesterday, I planned on arroz con pollo tacos for dinner and since I used the tomato juice for the marinade, I had leftover tomatoes in a can so tonight, I’m having gnocchi with roasted red pepper and tomato sauce. Tomorrow, I’ll probably do something with asparagus, gnocchi and white wine. Yes, I’m obsessed. However, healthy good cooking takes some planning and creativity.

15) Why I lost my love for going to the cinema to watch a movie. Aside from “Harry Potter,” there’s nothing on my summer “Must See” list. A couple of years ago, I saw most of the major releases in a theatre. It might have something to do with the fact that ticket prices seem to creep up 50 cents more each time I go.

16) Is a movie in 2011 that is #1 at the box office really breaking records or is it that ticket prices are almost double what they were ten years ago and it just looks like movies are making more money?

17) Where are my hubcaps going? I’m now missing two. I have no idea where one of them went. One, I suspect, was pilfered when I left my car overnight in a train station car park a couple of years ago. The other one…it was just gone.

18) What do those Magnum ice-cream bars taste like? Since I’m trying to be healthy and watch my calorie intake, chances are one of those things would either have to be consumed by me on a ‘cheat day’ when I’m allowed to eat what I want or as an entire meal on a normal day. They look yummy but is it worth the calorie expenditure?

19) Chewing tobacco. That stuff is nasty. My coworker chews it and has a cup in his car that he spits in. He knows it’s vile but he does it anyway. What possesses someone to start doing it in the first place? Smoking…well, not that I’m a fan but it seems to make more sense. Why not chew Big League chew or something?

20) Writing. I still do it although I’m currently waiting for my proof of “Emmy goes to Hell” to arrive so I can move on to a new project. Is it worth writing a new novel or should I consider retiring into the oblivion in which I feel that I belong?

21) What should I do with my bathroom? It’s hideous. My dad has plans to help me remodel but while I think it’s lovely of him to help and he will eventually get it done, his timetable always needs to have a couple more weeks or even months added to it. Since it involves taking out my only bath/shower, I’m a wee bit worried about how long it’d take to replace them. Also, since his plan includes taking out wallboard and sawing the bath in half, methinks a weekend will NOT be enough to get it done.

22) Why do I like Target so much and why is it impossible to leave there without getting at least double the amount of stuff I planned to buy?

23) Will teleportation ever exist? It’d be nifty to get somewhere distant without hopping on a plane.

24) When the pups and I were walking the other day, there was a sock lying in the street several blocks away. I’ve been missing one of those socks for a while and I bought them in the wholesale district of Los Angeles a couple of years ago. What is the likelihood that it was actually my sock and, if so, how on earth did it get there?

25) Why don’t they make seasonal summer pencils? I like to write with pencils and I have pencils that reflect the major upcoming events (Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentines’ Day…). Why can’t I find pencils that reflect summer. It’s not fun to write with a boring pencil or one that’s out of season.

Thanks for reading!

Happy Wednesday!

A Bouquet of Pencils...

What is it about Mondays that is so thouroughly exhausting? I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that the past two days were the weekend and thus, they were fun. Just as you finally get relaxed, it's Sunday night and by Monday morning, you have to start all over again.

This particular Monday wasn't exhausting for any reason. It just was. I had far too much fun with the puppies this weekend and going back to work and having to crate them back up was hard. I knew they didn't want to be shut up just as I didn't want to be confined to my cubicle.

Nevertheless, it's part of the routine that is the reality of life. It's not all bad. By Wednesday, Monday will seem like a distant blur and the reward of Friday will lie ahead.

I signed two books today. I find myself asking if the requester is serious. I don't think I've quite accepted the fact that I'm an actual 'author' now. I have a book. People want me to sign it. Better yet, people really seem to be enjoying it- which is the whole reason I published it in the first place. There's nothing more rewarding than someone telling me how much fun it was and how they couldn't put it down- and that's now happened enough times that I've stopped thinking people are being kind.

It's just strange to sign the books. I think I need to get a decent pen. Currently, I've been signing them in a cheap-ish ballpoint pen that I pilfered from my company. Well, honestly, I didn't even pilfer it. Our company likes to give out pens. When they change design as they seem to frequently, they divvy up the pens to the employees. Thus, I have a cup full of ballpoint pens which write fine but...not well, if that makes sense.

To be honest, I prefer pencil anyway. I have a little cup with almost two dozen pencils in it. I call it my "Bouquet of Pencils". It makes me happy but I can't explain why. It gives me satisfaction to look at my pencil bouquet and choose the one I want to use. Maybe it's a regression thing; when I was a kid, I wanted no more than to cast aside childish pencil and move onto a more permanent pen. These days, I just like pencils. It's hard to explain the things that really make us happy in such a simple way though, isn't it?

So, between my bouquet of pencils, being asked to 'autograph' two books and having two little puppies to come home to, my Monday could have been far worse. These days, I try not to dwell on work like I used to because there's simply no point. I still dislike the politics of it all and there are many practices I despise but, well, as I've learned to say to myself whenever I feel slightly paranoid...it's just a job. It pays the bills, it feeds my puppies and it lets me splurge on Mario Batali cookware once in a while. When you have a Rory and a Sookie to come home to, even some of the worst days seem a little better as soon as I toss a tennis ball in the back garden and watch their little legs work to outrace the other.

As I always say, it's all about the simple things in life: puppies, pencils and Spring days...even on Mondays.

Happy Tuesday!

Sharpening the Pencils to Death....

I think today was what you call "karma" in the office. After my blog yesterday that gently poked fun at the Weight Watchers, it turned out today that I was the only member of the "anti-Weight Watchers" in the office. I did not relish the thought of sitting in the kitchen, eating my salad that had real fresh pieces of leftover bacon on top and having the Weight Watchers ask me what I was eating and make "The Face*," so I ended up running errands and eating my not-as-healthy-as-I'd-like-but-really-tasty salad at my desk.

(*Definition of the face: Picture the food that appeals to you most in the world. Picture how it tastes and smells. Then picture a big metal cage being placed on the food so that it's unreachable. Yet you can still smell it and imagine how it tastes... but you can't eat it. Now look at your face in the mirror. That...="The Face")

I didn't really mind too much. It was that type of day, anyway. It was, in short, a typical Thursday; a day in which I got much done but my mind was looking forward to the weekend.

Then again, there's nothing much new about that, is there?

Still, I can't complain. Today went by pretty quickly. My boss has not spoken to me in two days, not since the meeting we had on Tuesday. I'd say I'm heartbroken but in actuality, it's actually quite nice. My boss does this thing that my coworker and I call "Drive-By Managing." For the most part, he ignores our existence. Then, every now and again, he'll come out of his office and take turns to stop by our desks and say, "hey, how's it goin'?"

And that's it. He just stands there, waiting. We usually say, "Pretty good." And then he stands there some more. So then we launch into a description of what we're working on. He still stands there. It's like he wants to chat but has no idea how. With the males in our area, he stops by their desks and talks sports. They can do that for hours. Yet with my coworker and I, both of us females, it is in a word...awkward.

This is the type of 'awkward' that should be muttered or whispered in two syllables- "awk. ward" - while looking out of the corners of your eyes down at the ground. If you don't know what I mean, try it. You'll understand.

I want to chat to him, don't get me wrong. Yet when I do, he looks fearful, as though I'm going to say something sarcastic. I've mentioned this before: He thinks everything I say is sarcastic when, in actuality, only about 50 percent of what I say to him is intended to be sarcastic.

No, I've actually tried to engage him in real conversation, to ask him about his kids, his wife, his dogs...you name it, I've probably tried it. Granted, it's getting a little personal but when you have the type of boss that walks up to you and says, "you look nice. Why are you so dressed up? Do you have fancy social plans?" it doesn't seem so out-of-the-question to try to take an interest in who he is as a person aside from who he is as a boss.

It's just plain...awkward. The most frustrating part of it is that we have bi-weekly meetings to discuss what our area has been doing. We go around the meeting table and say what we're working on. Compared to the programmers, I'm pretty dull- I could go into great technical detail about what I've been doing but the way I look at it is that no one really cares. Unfortunately, some of the programmers do not feel this way and feel that it's necessary to break down into intricate detail exactly the work they've been doing down the programming code. It's not that I'm not interested because I am. Yet when it gets down to when they're naming every single phone call they received and the answer they gave and the respondent's reply to their answer and then the follow-up emails that occurred...well, by then they've lost me.

Yet, since our boss does take notes at these bi-weekly meetings, I suppose what I hope is that he actually listens and makes a note of what we're doing. However, two days later, he's standing by my desk saying "hey, how's it goin'?" and I have to recap what I'm working on which, most likely, isn't that different from what I said in the meeting.

I forgot to mention, during this time, he's fiddling. He's a fiddler, my boss. If he's standing by my desk, he's got to be touching something on my desk. Sometime it's my name plate which he knocks down quite a lot. He usually does this when he's trying to perch on my desk. It's the perching which actually alarms me. My desk really isn't perch-able. It's a got a decent work top but it's got two cubby-holes above it with overhead lift-up lids. They sit pretty low. Thus, perching on my desk means your shoulder can't quite fit comfortable with these cubby-holes. Also, my desk is a little slick. Since I've never tried to sit on it, I can't say that I've experienced sliding on it. However, seeing as how my boss takes a little bit too much of a slide every time he tries to perch, I have to assume it's a bit slippery.

So, the perching ends up with my boss looking slightly flustered because he's either knocked my name-plate over, gone sliding or whacked his shoulder on my cubby-hole. So, usually, by this time he's on his feet, trying to think of the best escape plan so he can save a little face.

When he doesn't perch, he's usually looking at some of my toys- either my Geico Gekko statue or my Green Day SuperAction figures. It alarms me when he picks up one of my Green Day men and 'fiddles' with it. He doesn't know he's doing it. It's a bit of a violation of my space. Also, I don't think Green Day would appreciate quite the manner in which he's trying to remove Mike Dirnt's chicken from his hands. Trust me, you have to see it to understand quite how odd it is.

So, long story short, days upon which my boss doesn't speak to me are actually not that bad at all. Since he has absolutely no clue what it is I really do nor what it is I actually am capable of, I tend to get a little annoyed with him in general anyway. I've tried repeatedly to have him take me seriously, to listen when I suggest something or to at least understand that I'm not a complete twit. Nothing seems to work.

Yet he is a 'drive-by' manager. I can't decide if this is better or worse than a micro-manager, someone who wants to know everything I'm doing all the time. I think it's probably better although at least with a micro-manager, he might actually realize that I'm constantly having to find my own projects to work on because otherwise, I might stab myself in the eye with a pencil out of boredom.

I don't want to stab out my eye. I quite like having my eyeballs. I also quite like my pencils. I've kept those away from my boss when he comes to 'perch' on my desk. My pencils are very personal to me. I mean, think about it, a pen runs on its own ink. A pencil...a pencil must be sharpened in the palm of your hand. It becomes personal the first time you sharpen it. Each turn of the sharpener serves to make it work better for you.

Yet, really, you're slowly slaughtering the pencil in order to make it more efficient.

Not terribly unlike my company, when I think about it. Or most companies, for that matter. Eek gads, what a thought.

But it's Friday. That's a better and slightly less dark and twisty thought. I think I'll stick with that, what do you think?

Happy Friday and have a good weekend!

Back to School is More Fun When You Don't Actually Have to Go to School....

This week seems to have gone quite fast- at least for me. I have a feeling it probably it went fast for a lot of people, especially the generations younger than me.

It's that time of year again: Back to School time. I remember the days well, a heavy weight in my stomach as I realized that not only was the blissful freedom of long, lazy summer days over but it also meant starting over. It got a little easier towards the end of high school but before that, it would always be a stressful time. I was a nerdy student, one who actually cared about school so I would worry about what classes I'd have to take and who my teachers were. I'd worry about who was going to be in my classes. It would inevitably result in a phone call or two to my friends and we'd pore over our schedules, checking to see which classes we shared.

The one thing I did enjoy was the back-to-school shopping. The clothes part was ok though I never strived to be very trendy- it was pointless. Even to this day, I consider myself to avoid fashion. I like to think of myself as a timeless dresser, wearing the basics that never go out of style but making sure the height of my waistband and the heels of my shoes are not out-of-date. That's as far as I go to make sure I'm fashionable and that's only because I don't want to be the woman 'stuck in the '80's'. I find that to be a rather shocking time, especially as the fashions are making a comeback. Compared to the low waistband of jeans today, the fashions in my youth made us look like ninety year-old grandmothers with our trousers up to the middle of the chests. I did used to wear trends when I was much younger: Yes, I owned legwarmers, stirrup pants and long blouses with a belt around the middle. I've seen those fashions in the pages of Glamour and Entertainment Weekly again recently and I'm a little scared. Didn't we warn the youth of today how NOT to dress? I mean, just look back at the feathered hair, stiff with hairspray, baggy tops with skinny leggings and ankle boots with our leggings. Wasn't that enough to STOP the trends from coming back?

I don't mind being a child of the 1980's, actually. I think "Fame" was probably better the first time than it's going to be in remake and the same with "Footloose" and "Nightmare on Elm Street". I mean, there's just something delightful in watching Kevin Bacon dance his little heart out in an abandoned warehouse and say things like "Jump Back" that's just not going to be captured in the remake. We were a lot more innocent back then, I think.

I digress. I was talking about back-to-school shopping so I probably should get back to that.

The part I did like was when we moved to the U.S. and we had to get 'school supplies.' In the UK, we had most of our stuff given to us; as children it was a special day when we were allowed to write in ink rather than with our pencils. When our pen died, we'd have to go to our teacher and ask for a new one. We'd try all manner of things to get a new pen, chewing off the caps, making the tips wet so they didn't work and losing them. Most of the time we got a new one. We had glue and coloured pencils provided to the class so we shared them as a community. If we needed paint, it was there. When we got older and went to 'senior school', we had to bring our own pens and pencils but we were still given notebooks to write in and textbooks from the storage closet. We didn't use much glue then though in art class, we still had our paint provided to us.

So, when we moved here and my younger siblings had 'school supply lists', we were mystified. What was this "Trapper Keeper" thing? Why did they need two-pocket folders? Why were spiral notebooks not allowed? What, exactly, was a spiral notebook? Our notebooks in England had been paperback journals with floppy covers and a place to print our names, class number and year. Why did they have to buy two kinds of glue?

After a couple of years, it became entirely natural for us to go to K-Mart and buy the stuff we needed. The older we were, the less complicated the supplies that were necessary. In high school, we just had to have notebooks for each class and writing implements. Anything else was our choice.

I admit, I liked buying school supplies. I love the feel of a new pencil, a pen that has not yet written anything. I loved to buy my two-pocket folders for each class with a matching notebook, colour-coordinated so I could pair them together easily as I grabbed them from my locker between classes. I would love the feel of that new bag or backpack, crisp and unfamiliar with its pockets and hiding places.

To this day, I feel a rush of happiness when I go to Office Depot or Staples. I love that 'new pencil' smell. Ironically, even though as a child I was very excited when I got to write in pen, I prefer pencils. I love to sharpen them and I love their flexibility. Pencils allow you to be indecisive, they allow you to change your mind with a simple sweep of the eraser. Erasable pens are just not the same.

Nowadays, the "Back to School" period in shops is fun, I don't have the gloom that I see in the kids who know that they're having to go back to structure, to getting up early to get on the bus. I get the low prices without the inconvenience of having to go to school.

Of course, most of the time, I do only visit the 'back to school' sections at strange hours. Late at night or early morning is best. Otherwise, the once-peaceful aisles become zoos with irate parent's snapping at their kids for wanting the folders with the Twilight actors on them that cost $1.49 each instead of the plain folders that are currently six for a dollar. The back-to-schoolers turn nice orderly stores into chaos, leaving nothing but a trail of rubble in their wake. These are the times when you find the strangest things in the strangest places when people change their minds and refuse to reshelve. I accidentally went to Walmart a couple of years back during the prime 'back to school' time. To this day, I have never done it again. It was terrifying; almost worse than the day after Thanksgiving. There was no quiet place in the store and I got hit and cajoled by more shopping carts than I can even count. As a non-parent with no kids in tow, I felt as though I was commiting a crime by trying to reach for the 10 cent spiral notebooks.

I do like those bargains though which is why I still visit Walmart and Target during this time of year. Mostly I do it on Sunday mornings when they first open or late in the evenings when the tired parents have trundled home after a hard day of back-to-school shopping. One of my favourite television commercials is the one for, I think, Staples where the Christmas Song, "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" plays and the father dances with glee down the aisles, his children watching with misery and gloom. Now I have friends who are parents, I get the other side of back-to-school. While the kids are losing their freedom, the parents are gaining a little of theirs back. It's a different perspective nowadays for me.

But it's a fun one.

Happy Friday and have a good weekend.