Frosty Mornings and Suicidal Hats

It's a freezing morning out there, literally. The frost is covering the ground and is glittering in the sun. Ironically, I just looked back at my blog archive and on this exact Monday last year, we had our first major frost...just like today. That's pretty exciting.

What's more exciting is that a year ago, I was scraping my car and feeling guilty because she's a California car. My fingers were freezing and I was pledging to buy a new ice scraper because I'd been reduced to using a piece of cardboard. Now, a year later, I'm a spoiled suburbanite. I have a garage. I get to go out to my car in the morning and back out of my driveway with nary a lick of frost on my windshield.

It's a big change. It's also amazing that it's only been a year and I own my own house. I'm still not sure that fact has sunk in. I had to put the heat on for the first time last night. My heating/cooling system is pretty solid. It's also old. This means that when it's on, it's loud. Really loud. Still, better loud than freezing.

It's cosy in my house in the evenings. Last night, I sat down and drank pumpkin-spice flavoured tea as I sat down in front of the television, my electric fireplace flickering. It's a lovely way to hibernate.

Of course, if I were truly hibernate, I wouldn't have to had to drive to work today. Actually, I wouldn't have had to get up this morning. Mondays are always the worst morning to have to get up, as I've stated in many a previous blog. Having a good weekend makes it harder, I think.

For my weekend, I decided to go visit my parents. That's always a nice idea. I still love the fact that I can do that instead of having to book plane tickets to visit. This time of year is my favourite time in which to drive to Northern Indiana. The trees are absolutely amazing. I can't stop looking at them. There are so many hues in the leaves that it really is like looking at a patchwork quilt. The leaves have yet to begin their torrents of falling so the trees are displaying their decor proudly, each one trying to outdo the rest. It's a pretty drive.

I think my mother probably thinks I'm a little strange. I keep pointing out the leaves to her. She's not as impressed as I am. I think partly it's my time in L.A. in which I missed the fall colours of the trees. I also think part of it is that I actually love Autumn and my mother does not. My mother sees the season as little more than a passage to what she sees as the misery of winter. Me, I see it as a season filled with beautiful colours, pumpkins, spiced tea and the smell of leaf fires in the air. Then again, I love winter too with its vicious snowstorms and unpredictable nature. All I have to do is say the 's' word (snow) and my mother cringes. It's the psychological equivalent of poking her with a stick. She's a spring/summer person obviously. She can't see the beauty in a snow-covered landscape.

Still, aside from the chilly evenings, this was a beautiful weekend to be in Indiana and I made a point to try to get my mother to appreciate the leaves. I'm not sure it worked but I gave it a try. We spent a fun Saturday exploring a new grocery store, one of those Whole Foods types with nothing but the best ingredients. We both adore a good grocery store so we spent far too long admiring the produce. I personally like stores like that because, as a singleton, it's much easier to shop for one person. They have a meat counter where you can buy just enough meat for a meal. The chain grocery stores generally package meat for families or even couples. I usually have to buy a package of meat and separate it so it's frozen in individual portions.

Aside from that, I had a lovely Saturday night watching movies with my parents. We watched "The Proposal," the recent Sandra Bullock/Ryan Reynolds romantic comedy. It was entertaining as most Sandra Bullock movies are. The only thing that really annoyed me is that I'm a fan of another of her movies, "While you were Sleeping." In that movie, she's about to marry a man under false circumstances and she confesses at the wedding, telling how much she adores his family and can't hurt them anymore because they let her be part of their lives and showed her what it was like to have a family. I should warn you, I'm about to spoil "The Proposal" if you haven't seen it. However, just picture the exact same speech/circumstances only in a much prettier backdrop.

Sorry if I ruined it. It's still a cute watch if you haven't seen it and, anyway, if you can't predict what's going to happen in the first place, I have to ask you, what planet are you from? I mean, it's a romantic comedy. It's got Sandra Bullock in it. Not exactly a shocker when it ends.

When he rented "The Proposal," my dad had wisely called to run it by me. This sounds horribly arrogant but generally speaking, I know a lot more about movies than my parents. I'm a pop-culture nerd. Even if I haven't seen the movie, if I've heard of it, I usually know something about it and can say whether I think it's worth seeing. I'm usually right (which is the arrogant part.) Now, my father has this amazing ability to go to the video store and pick a DVD up that I didn't even know existed. Usually, these movies are horrendous. I confess, a few years ago, I was even more aware of the movie scene than I am now. Even the little independents didn't escape my notice, even if I hadn't seen them. Nowadays, I know the major independents but some do slip by, nothing more than a blurb in Entertainment Weekly that slips out of my mind.

Such was the case this weekend when my father returned from Blockbuster with not only "The Proposal" but another little gem called, "The Merry Gentleman."

I think I might have heard of "The Merry Gentleman," but I'm not sure. It's directed by Michael Keaton who is also the star. Let me tell you, my father did not disappoint me in his talent of finding an utterly awful movie. "The Merry Gentlemen," is...bad. I'm not sure. Sometimes, I think it was supposed to be funny in the style of a black comedy but it really wasn't. There are these endless periods of silence especially at the beginning that made me wonder if my father had outdone himself and found us a mime-movie. Sadly, it wasn't a mime movie. That, at least, would have been entertaining in a twisted way. No, "The Merry Gentleman," was just...quiet sometimes. No miming.

The premise is this girl with an inexplicable Scottish accent gets beaten by her husband and runs away from somewhere to....somewhere. We never find out where which I think was probably intentional but ended up being rather irritating. She's a nice girl who immediately finds a good job that helps her get a nice, if sparse, little flat. She sees a man on a roof one night who she thinks is suicidal. Turns out she saw Michael Keaton, a contract killer, after he'd just made a hit. We're never sure if he was suicidal in that scene or he was just admiring the view. He's suicidal in a couple of other scenes, you see. He finds out about her and goes to kill her but finds her trapped under a giant Christmas tree that she's tried to drag to her flat. Naturally, as every single man in the movie seems to, he falls for her. They become friends. There's also a rather chubby policeman who also likes her and who conveniently always seems to be the cop who attends to her woes. I can't help but wonder if there are any other police in the city. He's a bit scary with his persistence and eventually discovers she's hanging around with a hit man. She gets scared and runs away from the policeman. The end of the movie is very climactic: Michael Keaton lets his hat try to commit suicide but then rescues it only to walk off into the distant scenery.

I think the ending is supposed to symbolize that Michael Keaton, in rescuing his poor suicidal hat, can't turn away from who he is. There's a rather riveting scene in which he and the girl discuss his hat and how much it must have seen, you see. Thus, I know the hat is symbolic.

The best thing about the movie is that it's quite short. I kept waiting for something to happen.Nothing really ever did unless you count a Christmas tree falling on top of our heroine. This is one of those movies that tries for depth in little vignettes, scenes cut together to represent a passing of time in which the characters interact. Unfortunately, their interactions involve a lot of staring and a lot of silence. Also, there's not much daylight in the movie.

Unfortunately, my dad didn't turn this movie off prematurely. He has a habit of this, you see. Quite often, we'll all be watching a pre-recorded TV show or a DVD and towards the end, it stops. My dad thought it was over and he's decided to turn it off. Sometimes, he puts it back on. Sometimes he doesn't. With "The Merry Gentleman," I kept hoping he'd turn it off but we had to watch it right up until Michael Keaton walked off into the distance. Actually, I think he really kept it on because he, like my mother and I, were surprised that the movie was over. We were still waiting for something to happen, you see.

Still, overall, bad movie aside, it was a nice weekend. Sometimes the best weekends are those when you have nothing planned and just take it as it comes. That's how mine was. I hope yours was good too.

Happy Monday.

A Grey and Humid Day...

It's a humid day out there today. It's not quite raining though it seems like it wants to. A cloud of steamy dampness is floating everywhere and everything feels just a little heavier than normal. I'm not used to the humidity anymore; very rarely is it humid in L.A. Instead, it's just an intense dry heat that feels like it's drying you from the outside in.

I have a feeling I'll be wishing for that heat come the summer months. I know here in the midwest, the thermometer can read a mild 80 degrees but when you factor in the humidity, it feels like it's 105 degrees out there.

Yet, like everything else, everything seems better from a distance. I know I used to HATE that Los Angeles desert heat. The intensity of it is insane. You can feel the heat beneath the soles of your shoes, sinking up from the asphalt. There are 'heat traps,' areas that store the heat and when you find one, it feels as though you are trapped in an oven. The air takes your breath away and you long for a breeze to make the heat fade, just a little.

Then, when the breeze does creep up, it's hot and sultry and it makes you sweat instead of providing a reprieve from the sun-baked world.

It's the nights the provide the relief in the end. That's the beauty of living in a desert. The days will roast you, turning everything yellow. But the nights are cool, chilly even. It's a sharp contrast and it means that if you leave your windows open, the night air will provide at least a little relief.

That's the different between the heat of humidity and the heat of the desert. There's no escape from the sticky air. Here, at night, it will remain so that without air conditioning, even a thin sheet while you sleep is enough to make you feel as though you're being strangled.

Summer is my least favourite season. It always has been. When I was in school, I enjoyed not having to go to school and having the weeks of freedom that the summer holiday provided. I do appreciate the fact that the world is warm and sunny and the flowers are blooming but I don't enjoy the inevitable onslaught of summer heat, 'the dog days of summer' as they're known. I like the mornings, the dew fresh on the grass, drenching my feet as I walk. I like the evenings when the sun begins to set, the sound of crickets chorusing and bringing in the night. It's the days I don't like. I feel like I should be outside because I can be but then when the heat starts to prickle, the idea of being inside in the air conditioning, a cool drink at my fingertips starts to appeal more.

It's not that I don't appreciate summer. I know a lot of people like the outdoors and love that they can stay out longer and enjoy the warmth. They do things like swim and go camping. I don't like camping. I like swimming though I tend to think of it more as 'flailing in the water.' I like to water dance which means I twirl and float and splash a lot to the rhythm of the music in my head. The trouble with that is that I'm the only one who knows I'm water dancing, everyone else worries in case I'm drowning or they complain that I'm splashing too much.

I do appreciate summer food. I love salads and fruits and vegetables. I love walking barefoot in the grass. I love spraying my parent's dogs with the hose. I call that "The Hose Game." Sadly, now when I ask the dogs "Who wants to play the hose game?!" (with great enthusiasm, I might add), they scurry away the minute I edge towards the hose pipe.

Summer will be here soon enough. For now, I'm going to continue to enjoy spring and hope this humid spell passes. Unless it brings with it a nice thunderstorm to break the air, it's going to get old rather quickly. I don't like days that begin with a grey nothingness; I want them to do something.

Yet, I suppose in a month or two, I'll be wishing for the milder temperatures of days like this and wondering why I was complaining. For now, there's still some Spring to enjoy, the tulips are in full swing and the scent of lilacs hangs in the air. This, I have missed over the past few years. If it comes with a side of humidity, I think I can live with that.

Happy Thursday!

Sometimes We All Do Silly Things...

I'm not one to recap my weekend in a blog because I honestly can't imagine anyone being interested in the minute details of my life. Besides, it's Monday morning and I barely remembered that I had to get up for work so remembering every detail of my weekend is not likely.

However, there were some parts of my weekend that I remember rather well and which I think I'll share with you today. Mostly because, as you HAVE to have figured out by now, I'm a ranter. And sometimes I just like to get things off my chest.

For example, this weekend I decided to go shopping. Not Christmas shopping but just...shopping. I went with my mother who is a very good shopping companion. Our first mission was to replace my parents coffee maker because it had recently exploded. And no, that is not an exaggeration. From my mother's accounts, it actually blew up. So, they needed a new one and we decided to make that our mission for the day.

And so we went to Linen's n' Things because it was going out of business and it was selling everything 20% off. Now, an experienced shopper knows that 20% off is the very beginning of a store going out of business and it lasts for a good long time because it's not that much of a discount. This way the store can still make a tidy profit but prey on those lunatic shoppers who feel that Everything Is A Bargain and thus must Shop Til They Drop. And, trust me, they do.

The thing with Linen's n' Things is, besides the fact that it's almost the EXACT same store as Bed, Bath and Beyond, is that they published a weekly flyer. On the back of the weekly flyer for the past years has been a coupon for 20% off anything in the store. Better yet, Linens' N' Things also accepted competitor coupons from Bed, Bath and Beyond which also had a weekly 20% coupon.

So, following that rationalization, I was expecting the store to be quite busy with people seeing what's what and deciding if it was worth buying a potato peeler for $10.40 instead of $12.99. (Note: Captain Monkeypants would like to say at that price, buy a knife. Seriously. There are much more uses to be gained from knives. Just ask Dexter Morgan). But I didn't think people would be too excited because it wasn't like they couldn't have bought that potato peeler for 20% off before with their coupon.

Unfortunately, I made a bad decision. For Linens N' Things was not merely busy. It was a zoo. It was like the day after Thanksgiving. People were insane. They were seeming to singlehandedly trying to say "Whatever" to the bad economy. You couldn't browse without someone barrelling down the aisle with a cart and trying to mow you down. I understand the need to shop wherever the bargains are but in my humble opinion, these weren't bargains yet. They might be in a month or so but for now, the prices were about the same as any other store having a REGULAR sale. I could almost hear the store walls laughing, rubbing their hands together and saying "SUCKERS!"

However, they did have the coffeemaker that my parents specifically wanted and that was a pretty good price. And so we waited in line. For 30 minutes. At least waiting in line was fairly safe. By this time, shoppers had reached that deflation that comes after grabbing as many items as one can cram in a cart and realizing that now it's time to pay. It's the time of Second Guessing the Impulse Buy. Some people take one look at the line at the checkout and decide if it's not worth the wait and they then ditch their items anywhere they can. This is why those random items that Don't Belong There litter every aisle. The item-ditchers are usually the people who found one or two items they thought was worth the price. For the three or more item buyers, the fact that they just survived the battle zone of a store clearance sale in order to get those three or more items leads to the decision that they may as well wait. Sometimes, like us, you have been specificially looking for an item (in this case, a coffeemaker) that you haven't been able to find anywhere and you're fed up of looking and so you end up waiting in line anyway.

On the plus side, it was good practice for Christmas shopping. Especially as Linens N' Things, despite the fact that they're going out of business, still decided to set up their Christmas Aisles. This meant there were ample objects for people to wind up and hear a never ending loop of "The First Noel" as they waited in line to pay. And when I say never-ending loop, I mean never-ending. I suppose it could have been "Frosty the Snowman" which is one of my least favourite Christmas songs ever.

Note to self: Avoid Going Out of Business Sales on weekends. So, that was The Silliness of Captain Monkeypants, incident #1.

Incident #2 came last night when driving home from my parents. It's a two hour drive and I have found that audio books are fantastic for passing the time. I love listening to the Harry Potter audiobooks because Jim Dale reads them. Jim Dale is awesome. He does different voices for every character and it feels like it's a whole new story, even if you've read the Harry Potter book many times already.

However, audiobooks can also be a bit troublesome. Especially when they make you miss your turnoff. Now, I've driven back and forth between my parents quite a few times by now and so I finally have the route memorized. However, I was so busy listening to Harry Potter last night that I forgot to turn. It was about three miles before I realized I had gone too far. Being the midwest, and being on an Interstate, there aren't many exits. Fortunately, I have this handy dandy GPS in my car that I borrowed from my dad. I plugged that in and thankfully, the nice lady who talks to me when I don't hit 'mute' guided me home. Granted, it was a strange way to go and being southern Ohio, it was very hilly. There were a couple of hills that made me feel like I was on a roller coaster. They were almost a straight incline and straight drop. Terrifying. I don't like roller coasters.

I do like the GPS though. Although the one my dad loaned me makes me laugh. She actually sounds exasperated when you don't do as she says and she has to recalculate. I think it'd be fun to design a whole line of GPS in which you can choose the type of voice you have. I would like a voice that was little nuts and would randomly shout factoids as you were driving long boring stretches. That would be funny. Anyway, there was no harm done. I just felt silly for missing my turn.

My biggest "duh!" moment came last night. Since I moved into my apartment, I have noticed how warm it is during the day. I always assumed it was because my windows were east-facing and thus the sun had a greenhouse effect on my flat. Last night, I came home from my parents. Over the weekend, the temperature outside had gone from warm and balmy to flat out cold. My apartment was still warm. And then I heard it. The heating came on. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my heat has been on for weeks and I didn't know. In my defense, it turns out my thermostat is labelled wrong. I had it set to "off" but this, apparently means "heat". Since my electricity bill is due any day now, you may hear a very loud, piercing scream of terror when I get it, no matter where in the world you are.

And so, those are the top three dumb things I did this weekend. I find the dumb things we do far more entertaining than the smart things we do. Perhaps next time I'll tell you how I was making mushroom soup last weekend with shitake mushrooms and didn't realize that the recipe was asking for dried mushrooms and I'd bought fresh. So, when I soaked the mushrooms in water as directed, I couldn't figure out why they weren't puffing up with the water until I read more closely. Well, I suppose I just told you that, didn't I?

Hey, I never said I was a genius. Happy Monday.