Dear Crystal Meth Makers...Thanks for Making Things Difficult...

It's Sunday evening already. I'm blogging earlier than I normally would because, after 7 p.m., tonight belongs to Lost.

Yes, I'm that much of a television nerd that I planned my Sunday around this evenings TV. In my defense, it's a big night for Lost- the last episode ever. I think given how much entertainment and puzzles it's given me since it aired, it deserves a proper send-off.

I shall sit down tonight and watch it with the puppies who I am hoping will sleep through the actual episode which is 2.5 hours and doesn't start until 9 p.m. Before that is a 2 hour special that basically honours the show and recaps everything that's happened. Or something like that anyway.

I haven't spent the whole weekend planning for it though. I spent most of yesterday cleaning my house since Saz is coming to stay next weekend. I also did some grocery shopping and bought a new TV as well as a stand for it. No, Captain Monkeypants has not come into the money- she just promised herself that when she got her tax refund, she was going to move into the digital age and actually buy a LCD television.

I bought it from Amazon.com and it should arrive Wednesday. I'm quite excited although I'm sure hooking it up might be a wee bit daunting. We'll see.

So, yesterday was a busy day. Today has been too. I spent much of it outside, sweltering in the sunshine. I mowed the garden, pulled some weeds, planted the last of my vegetable plants that I grew from seed, baked sausage rolls and bathed the puppies.

The latter did not go quite as well as I'd have liked since the puppies hate baths. They're small enough that the kitchen sink works quite nicely. Today, Rory decided that when I was bathing Sookie and she couldn't see her sister that I clearly was inflicting some awful punishment upon her. She proceeded to whine and cry and act like she was terribly wounded. Then, when it was her turn to be bathed, Sookie decided to whimper and cry and act like she was terribly wounded. Then when they were both done...they ran out into the garden, rolled in the grass and chased each other without another whimper. Strange puppies....

I also went to Walmart today. I think I've mentioned that I'm not a big fan of Walmart. When they first opened, like so many other people, I was enamoured with its cheap prices and easy-to-find..stuff. Then as time passed by, Walmart became far less friendly and cheap and eventually became the Evil Walmart that Destroyed Small Town Businesses and Then Became More Expensive than Kroger and Target- at least in my mind. These days, while Walmart does have some good deals, most of the time you can find the same grocery items on sale at Meijer or Kroger for the same price or cheaper. As for the non-grocery items, I find more and more that Target is better value and it's a lot more convenient.

Not to mention, Walmart have recently taken to remodeling the inside of their stores. Have you been in one like this lately? There's absolutely no rhyme or reason to the organization. You're in the kitchen stuff one minute then in crafts and then back in Kitchen. Also, there is tons of empty space between the aisles and it looks like a ginormous warehouse. That might be the idea but, let me tell you, when you're in a hurry and you need to dash in for two items, a ginormous warehouse is not where you want to go. You want to go somewhere where you can a) find the items because they're logically organized and 2) will not cause an asthma attack because it's so damn huge, you have to sprint from one side of the store to the other if you're unlucky enough that the two items you want are far apart which, I find, is most of the time.

My second complaint is actually not just towards Walmart. Today, I needed to buy some Claritin-D for my allergies. Over time, I've gone from being a casual seasonal sneezer to someone who wakes up with red, itchy eyes, a stuffy nose and a need to sneeze every two minutes and they're not the nice, dainty little sneezes... they're the ones that make puppies want to hide.

Here's where I say: Thank you, Crystal Meth Makers for making us allergy-prone people's lives so much more complicated.

I hate Crystal Meth Makers as a group. I don't think I know any personally. I hate them not only because they tend to be the less-intelligent members of society or the ones who have no grasp of reality but, also, because they need allergy medicine to make their stupid drug.

This means that because they were going and buying all the pseudoephedrine-containing products to make their drug, the government had to find a way to stop them. Now, everyone, not just Crystal Meth Makers has to jump through hoops just to buy a box of Claritin or Sudaphed that actually works.

Oh, I know- you can still buy the basic Claritin and other allergy medicines from the shelf because they don't contain pseudoephedrine but the thing is...they really don't work that well. They might curtail the sniffles or the sneezes a little but they don't stop it. It's like putting a band-aid on a badly bleeding cut- sure, it stops the bleeding for a bit but eventually, it's going to be useless.

So now, we all get to show our ID's and have them scanned whenever we buy allergy medicine from behind-the-counter. If we exceed our limit, we can be arrested. You might think, oh, this is just a 'soft' law but, let me tell you, they do arrest people. Take little old Sally Harpold- a grandmother of triplets from Indiana who was locked away in Clinton, Indiana where she was caught buying two cold medicines within seven days. Sadly, she wasn't even buying them for herself- one was for her husband and one was for her daughter. She was charged with a class-C misdemeanor, which carries a sentence of up to 60 days in jail and up to a $500 fine. Her record is potentially able to be expunged of the crime if Harpold pays the court costs, stays clean for 30 days, and presumably comes to terms with “her problem.”

This isn't a joke. It's a news story that I first heard on the radio and then researched because I didn't believe it.

This is one of the reasons I hate Crystal Meth Makers. Poor old Sally Harpold didn't know the law and now she's being treated like she's a Crystal Meth Maker even though all she did was run two errands for her family.

I know it's not the pharmacies' fault that they have to get our ID and report us if we exceed the limits of our pseudoephedrine allotment. It just seems to be that the law isn't always working the way it's supposed to an now it's not possible to have a super quick trip to a pharmacy- it involves digging out your ID, having it run through the computer and waiting to see if you're allowed to buy the medicine.

I suppose it's not that big of a deal, it's more of an inconvenience that the stupid members of our society are the reason we all have to comply to laws like this. I respect the law and all that but every now and again, you have to wonder if it's really doing anything. I mean, I'm not a crystal meth dealer but surely all it would take is asking some of your clients/friends/family to go and buy their allotment of pseudoephedrine for the month and then having them hand it all to you. It doesn't take a genius to figure out ways round a law like this which is probably why there's still a huge problem with crystal meth labs and the consequences that go along with them.

Ah, well...such is life. As I said, it's not Walmart's fault but I'll blame them anyway because I always leave there in a bad mood. Half the time I go in one now and then leave because I can't find what i'm looking for and its easier to go elsewhere.

Still, today, I did get most of what I needed. It turned out to be a nice productive Sunday after a nice productive Saturday. Those are sometimes the best kind of weekends even though they're not what some people call relaxing. For me, that's a different form of relaxation- at least it doesn't involve sitting at a desk, staring at a computer screen and dealing with office politics.

I hope you had a good weekend too. I'm off to start my Lost evening and find my puppies.

Happy Monday!

In the Kitchen with Captain Monkeypants, The Sequel

It's a week until Christmas, can you believe that? I'm having a hard time realizing it, actually. I've been shopping for a while- I start looking for gifts early so that I'm not pinched for funds or time by the holiday. Of course, this doesn't mean I don't still have last-minute stuff to do. I do a lot of online shopping. Unfortunately, this can be a bit of a nuisance. I'm still waiting for two gifts to arrive. Even though there's a week until Christmas, I have to put one of those missing gifts in a box to ship to California. I was hoping to do that this week. Actually, I HAVE to do that this week, missing gift or not. I'm heading to my parents for the whole of next week and this means I won't be able to get my mail while I'm gone.

Still, aside from that, the holidays are sliding nicely into place. Last night was the Great Fudge Making Event of 2008. I cheated- my friend over at RadLincCrafts forwarded me a recipe for easy fudge because she's awesome. It's a website by engineers with really easy ways of baking and cooking. You can look at it here. Rather than have to do scary stuff with sugar crystalization and all that, I just melted chocolate chips, bunged some condensed milk and butter in there and melted it all. Voila, fudge! It looks like fudge. It even tastes like fudge. I put some peppermint extract in there along with some creme de menthe chocolate chips, sprinkled it with crushed peppermints and, well, it sort of looks like I knew what I was doing. I even used a pizza cutter to score the fudge. I even know what scoring the fudge is. Although when I put it like that, it feels like I should add "That's what she said" to the end of that sentence.

However, I now have something that looks like fudge in my fridge. It tasted pretty decent. I'm shocked. I also even baked sausage rolls. These are a British savory snack that are remarkably easy to make and are always a hit at parties. They consist of...sausage meat and pastry. They're quite tasty, if I do say so myself. My only calamity there was realizing I lacked a rolling pin. Naturally, this realization couldn't occur when, you know, I could do something about it. Also, given our recent ice-storm, running out to Walmart isn't as easy as normal. So I improvised. I used a bottle of wine.

Surprisingly enough, the wine bottle made a great rolling pin. I was very careful not to relive the Great Wine Disaster of 2008. I made sausage rolls. It was nifty. I even had a couple because, well, frankly, it is, as my grandmother used to say, "cook's privilege."

I had a bit of leftover puff pastry so I decided to get creative. Why waste good pastry? So I had a bit of ham in the fridge and I used that in place of sausage meat. I put a bit of mustard between the ham and the pastry and you know what? It tasted like one of those fancy hor d'ourves thingies you get at parties. HA HA! Captain Monkeypants baked!

If it sounds like I'm tooting my own horn, I'm not. Trust me. The fact that I managed to emerge from baking in my kitchen with no fire, no burnings and a complete set of edible goods is a little frightening, actually. I didn't break anything. I even got to use my meat cleaver to cut the sausage rolls. It's a bit excessive but I imagined I was Dexter and it was sort of fun.

Not that I have Dexter fantasies because that would just be weird.

However, this morning, contrary to normal happenings, the sausage rolls still look like sausage rolls and the fudge is still looking like fudge.

Now that the scary Cookie Exchange is taken care of, I can now look forward to Christmas. With a week to go, I have to squeeze in a lot of traditions. I still have to watch "Love Actually." I still need to have a mince pie. I need to finish shopping. I need to just enjoy the fact that it's Christmas and sit by the glow of my tree and take it all in. It's the small things that make me love this season most, the warmth, the lights, the snow, the food, the family and the friends.

I love Christmas.

Happy Thursday

Let's Not Deck the Halls Just Yet...

So, it's Friday. It's all gloomy outside, as though the sky is thinking about raining but doesn't quite have the energy to do so. It's like all mornings at the end of the week where your alarm goes off and you think, "five more minutes," and roll over, trying to get up the energy to sit up and eventually crawl out of bed. Not that weather has an alarm clock...but you get the idea. It's supposed to rain a lot today. I'm going to my parents tonight and it's supposed to snow there, even though it's a mere two hours north.

But it might be good for it to snow. You see, apparently, it's almost Christmas. I know this because my TV tells me so. I've never made a secret of the fact that I watch a fair amount of television. I have my regular shows for the week. I've also told you that I don't have TiVo. I actually don't have cable. I also have to get one of those digital converter box thingies. I even got the $50 credit towards it. Note to self: Buy digital converter box.

Anyway, so, without TiVo, I tend to watch most of my shows live. Which means I also watch the adverts- or commercials- depending on which side of the ocean you're from. Now, I actually don't mind watching commercials, especially now the damn election ads are done. (Hooray for that, by the way). I enjoy the PC/Mac commercials because I'm a bit of a geek and they make me laugh. My favourite one is the one where the PC demonstrates the line of teas that Microsoft has invented to soothe harried Windows users (Refresh Raspberry being my favourite). I'm also a sucker for the adverts that have funny acts of violence in them such as the one for Sprint (I think) where the two men were comparing phone features and one of them claimed to have theft deterrent which he demonstrated by throwing the phone at the other man's head. Outpost.com had some my all time favourites in which they'd try to make an impact on viewers of the commercial by unleashing packs of wolves on high school bands and firing gerbils from a cannon.

Ok, yes, let's get it out of the way: I have a bit of a dark sense of humour. It's not like any real band kids or gerbils got hurt. And throwing a cell phone at someone's head is probably a little mean but it still made me laugh because it was so unexpected.

Anyway, so I actually pay attention to the commercials. I like them, particularly if they're entertaining. I'm a good little consumer: If the ad makes an impact, I might be inclined to consider checking out the product. After all, I love that little Cockney Geico Gekko so much, I actually switched to Geico for my car insurance needs.

And, um, actually, that's true. Mock all you like. He's cute. I even have a little statue of him on my desk. So there.

Back to the blog topic at hand. Now that the election is done (did I mention...hurrah!?), I've been paying more attention to the ads again. And, well, I've noticed a disturbing trend.

Christmas. My TV is showing me commercials for Christmas stuff.

Here's the thing: I adore Christmas. I love the snow, the holly, the decorating of the tree, the delicious baking that surrounds me, particularly my mum's sausage rolls and mince pies, the gift buying, the gift wrapping, the carols...all of it. I love the comfort of the holidays. I even love the crazy shopping, most of the time.

It's just...well...I'm not ready for it yet. I don't think we're supposed to be. It was Halloween a week ago. Thanksgiving hasn't happened yet. It's still three weeks away.

I suppose we're lucky, really. I've noticed that Wal-Mart has subtly been sneaking in Christmas stuff into their garden section since late August. Lowes too.

I know it's an attempt to get people spending money sooner. I know that stores think the earlier they start selling stuff, the more money they can make. I just don't like that.

I'm ok with Christmas hitting in full swing the day after Thanksgiving. In fact, last year, I was one of the psycho-shoppers looking for the bargains at 4 a.m. It was an experience, that's all I'll say. I just like to be prepared.

The thing is, I actually have started Christmas shopping. I try to buy gifts that I think people would like when I find them. This means I don't have a mad dash right before Christmas and also allows me to spend more wisely. But that was my trick and I liked being able to peruse stores WITHOUT the insipid "Frosty the Snowman" type songs being played on a repeatable track and without everyone crowding in in case they just happen to find that Tickle Me Elmo v.5000 that also works as a personal assistant as well as having maniacal giggling fits when you tickle it.*

I also don't like Christmas to be forced on me like this. I want it to sink in, slowly. I want the first snowfall in November to be quiet and stand on it's own merit; I don't want to have it ruined by a sudden rush of Christmas cheer. I want to be able to still have a pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks until Thanksgiving and THEN I want to have the option of a Gingerbread Latte instead. Pumpkin comes before Gingerbread and it spans two holidays- Halloween and Thanksgiving. Let me have my Dryers pumpkin ice-cream for a couple more weeks until I have to dig through the Candy Cane Crunch to see if Wal-Mart still has it.

And, Wal-Mart, DO NOT turn put your Christmas food stuff in the juice aisle. Seriously, I want to go buy my Juicy Juice without being distracted by the increasingly large array of candy-cane flavours. Seriously, candy canes=peppermint. What is up with with the cinnamon chocolate ones? I love licorice but even I would not consider eating a licorice candy cane.

Well, not until Christmas, anyway.

So, that's my rant for now. In a couple of weeks, I might be ready to hit the department stores and start shopping. This means it will be freezing cold out so that you have to wear a heavy coat and then when you get inside, you will almost die of heatstroke inside the department stores. That's a Christmas tradition in itself I think.

Some traditions I could deal with now. Like mum's baking. Particularly the sausage rolls. Those can be a year-round thing. Or even a this-weekend thing. And yes, Captain Monkeypants is nothing if not a subtle hinter.

But as for the rest of Christmas, I don't think any of us are really ready to start decking the halls, going on sleigh rides, dreaming of a white Christmas or roasting chestnuts on an open fire. We all have rotting pumpkins to clear away, Halloween candy to buy at 75% off and Thanksgiving turkey to think about first. Only when the blissful peace of a Thanksgiving Night after all the guests leave settles upon us should we turn our thoughts to Christmas.

And until then, I will try to ignore the commericals I see on my tv and avoid the juice aisle in Walmart. Maybe I'll start drinking fresh juice instead. I really like that Florida Orange juice commercial with the man on a crate talking about things that he likes....

Happy Friday. Have a great weekend!

*Note: There is no such thing as Tickle Me Elmo v.5000 to the best of my knowledge just in case you decided to go looking for it or something. I made it up. Obviously.