You've Got (Fan) Mail!

Today started with a bumblebee.

I got to the office at my usual around-7 a.m. time. Today, someone else beat me in though I'm often the first. As I crossed from the stairway to my cubicle, something big and fuzzy caught my glance from the corner of my eye.

Upon further examination, I realized it was a rather large bumblebee. How it got into our building and up to the second floor, I'm not entirely sure. Bumblebees don't seem to wander into buildings as often as flies, mosquitoes and wasps.

I admit, it took me a little by surprise because I wasn't expecting it. Nevertheless, I decided that though the poor thing seemed sluggish and unable to fly, it shouldn't be trapped in our office. So I did the decent thing- I gave it a ride in my Phantom of the Opera mug downstairs and, when outside, I released it onto the ground. Even if it died not long after, at least it died outside with nature and didn't make its tomb our cold and slightly stuffy air-conditioned building. I have a silly soft spot for creatures that get trapped inside. Last week, there was a rather large spider hanging from the ceiling behind my cubicle. Though it sort of made me a little creeped out, I managed to scoop that spider up in my plastic water cup and put it outside where it belonged. I suppose it would have been easier to kill it since there's a lot of spider-phobic folks in our office. However, as I always say, it's not the spider's fault it's a spider and naturally creepy to many people.

Anyway, after the bumblebee, I settled down to work. Then I realized it had been a while since I checked the email on my author website that I created when I published The Reluctant Demon. Lo and behold! I had mail. Better yet, I had fan mail! Four pieces of it, to be exact.

I suppose to some authors, that's not really much fan mail. To me, it was one of the best feelings ever. All of the writers had nothing but kind, sweet things to say about my book. One of them said it was her new favourite book. Another wanted me to know how much fun she had reading it.

I have to confess, I felt like I was on cloud 9. It's my first fan mail ever and it really, really made me feel like a real author. One of the emails had a request to review my book to post on her website and, if possible, to receive and advance copy of my sequel, Emmy Goes to Hell (tentative title), in order to review that. Of course I said yes because, well, that's just a lovely request. Even better, she wrote the kindest, nicest review of my book on her rather nice blog "Fangs, Wands and Fairy Dust." If you want to read it, you can check it out here: http://fangswandsandfairydust.blogspot.com/2010/05/reluctant-demon.html

Her blog is fun and if you're a fan of the paranormal, it's definitely worth checking out. She has a lot of followers so I'm hoping it gets me a few more readers. I'll be sending some materials to Comic Con this year with a friend. I won't be attending, alas. It's a fun adventure but having gone for the past three years, my finances and my sanity need a break. One day, it'd be cool to be a 'professional' there but, for now, I'll live vicariously through my friend who is kind enough to let me send materials to the 'amateur crap' table, as I call it. The 'amateur crap' table isn't really, well, crap but it's the place for writers, comic-book illustrators/writers, poets, filmmakers, etc. to put advertising materials. Generally, when you go to Comic Con, you grab a free bag from one of the many booths giving them away and you just put as much...crap...into it as possible. This includes a sweep of the 'amateur crap' table. I figure if I send some postcards, there will have to be a few people who pick it up and think, "Hey, I'd like to read this."

Still, even with my publicity and promotion, I know I still have a long way to go. For one thing, I really need to get the sequel to my novel written. It's coming along nicely but not as quick as the last one to write just because I seem to have less time. It's much easier to write in the winter since staying inside is the best option. In the summer, there's always something that needs to be done, particularly if you're a hopeful gardener like me.

I also need to keep trying to get my name out there, to get more people to read my book. The fan mail today was wonderful; it made me realize that it's ok to have put my book out there and to let people read it because that's what being an author is all about. It's a nice thing to know that people are reading my book which, really, is why I published in the first place. It's even nicer to know they're enjoying it.

As always, thanks for reading and Happy Wednesday!

The Brutal Nature of Reviews.

I'm not going to wax poetical about spring today. Truth be told, I'm not feeling very poetical. Mostly, I'm feeling slightly angry, horribly frustrated and rather sad.

The Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest has reared its head again. As you probably remember, I made it through to the quarter-finals. I didn't make it to the semi-finals but I was ok with that. All quarter-finalists were promised a professional review of our entire manuscript by Publishers Weekly, regardless of whether we advanced in the contest or not. The 400 of us who didn't make it forward got our reviews last night, supposedly our 'consolation prize.'

I would like to say on record that if this is supposed to be a prize or a reward, I'd very much like to not make it to the quarter-finals next year, please.

When I say that, I can hear the imaginary voices of the thousands of other writers who didn't make it to the quarter-finals saying "INGRATE!" and "At least you got that far."

Except, to be frankly honest, I'm wondering how I got to the quarter-finals, based on my professional review.

I confess, I am a little sensitive to criticism and I know I need to thicken my skin to it. I still don't handle rejection as well as I like and the more specific it is, the harder I find it. No writer likes to have his or her work attacked, criticized and placed under a microscope. However, it is a part of writing. Criticism, when constructive, does make us better writers, even though it feels like a slap in the face when you first hear it.

So what, then, of non-constructive criticism? What, then, of criticism so brutal that it gives you no bright spot, nothing to cling to in order to say, 'at least they liked X in my book', whatever X might be?

That's my review from Publishers Weekly. They called my book "repetitive" and "plodding", my characters "one-note" and "dull". It was written as though it would be posted on Amazon.com for all to see. I really, really hope it never is. Thus, most of the review was a recap of my novel which meant they read it. Which meant they hated it. In the entire review, there was not a single positive word, not one.

Naturally, when I read it, I was devastated. As I mentioned in that last wallowing post I wrote a few months ago, aside from the pep squad of friends and family, I haven't had much affirmation from anyone that my writing is actually good, that I am good enough to become a published author. I shouldn't need that.

I do need that. I thought I had finally got some affirmation by advancing in the ABNA contest. Yet the readers who put me there read the first 20 or so pages of the work. Publishers Weekly read the whole thing. Aside from my lovely mother, I've let 3 people read the entire novel. Not one of them has given me any feedback, though I asked, which only leads me to believe that they didn't like it and can't bring themselves to tell me that. Yet, you know, I think I might even be ok with that as long as they could tell me why they didn't like it. It would give me something to fix instead of nothing.

With my Publishers Weekly review, I have nothing to work with aside from burning the entire thing and pretending it never existed. This poses a problem with the novel I'm currently working on because it features one of my "one-note" characters from my previous novel. Do I keep working on it? Is it worth writing?

I think the answer is yes. It's worth writing because I want to write it. Whether or not it turns into another "repetitive" and "plodding" novel, doesn't really matter. Not yet, anyway. Maybe this is a sign that I'm not supposed to be a writer. Maybe it's supposed to be a sign that I'm not. I think I'm going to do what I often unintentionally do with speed limit signs, I'm going to ignore it. If I don't, I'll sit here and doubt myself, doubt my writing and wonder if my writing will ever go anywhere.

Instead, I'm going to remember what I said last week, it's about the roadtrip, not the destination. I just hit a massive bump in my road, a dead-end in which I'm going to have to go around. I've done that on real roadtrips and sometimes that dead-end leads to a detour that adds a couple of hours onto the trip which is frustrating and makes you want to turn around and go home. Yet, on those detours, you do get to see things you wouldn't have seen otherwise, landmarks, nature, interesting-looking people.

I wallowed last night when I read my review. A lot. Then I talked to a couple of members of my 'pep squad' who, as always, came through for me. My parents are wonderful because they believe in me, no matter what. They pooh-poohed the review and said in their British accents that it was "rubbish" and that I shouldn't listen to it. My friend who was smart enough to realize I was having a meltdown on my Blackberry Instant Messenger when I told her my news called me and, in her normal frank and wonderful style, that any review that has absolutely no constructive criticism cannot be taken seriously. She reminded me that even when I'm ranting about, say, Stephanie Meyer or Dan Brown, I do, at least, recognize that it's just my opinion and I usually do say positive things too. I might not like the Twilight series and think much to Ms. Meyer's writing but I do recognize that there is an audience out there for it and I give her kudos for writing something that reaches them so deeply.

When I do reviews for others, be it stories, books, screenplays or even web-sites, I always start with a positive. Even if I hate the thing I'm reviewing, nothing is ever so bad that good things can't be found in it. With Stephanie Meyer and Dan Brown, there are enough people out there to disagree with me that I don't feel quite so inclined to do that but I do try to make that the exception, not the rule.

I know our reviews were supposed to simulate the review we would get on our novel if it was published. However, my sensitive soul wants to know why Amazon.com and Publishers Weekly couldn't be...a little gentler, why they couldn't take into consideration that even if we've been writing for years, we're all mostly still newbies who are trying to get published and thus...be a little more helpful and a little less cruel.

I don't know if I'll be entering ABNA again next year. What positivity I felt by getting to the Top 500 is now threatened to be quashed by the fact that my book, apparently sucked. It's too uneven; even the Top 100 semi-finalists didn't get very nice reviews leading us all to wonder, exactly, how bad the other 400 reviews for of us who didn't advance would be.

Now I know. I was upset last night. This morning, I'm better. I'm angry that this is my 'prize' for doing so well in a contest. To me, it feels like I was made to feel comfortable, felt good about my writing and then BAM! someone comes and hits me with a two-by-four and say, 'by the way, you're NOT a good writer and your book blows.'

Thanks for that, Amazon. Thanks for that, Publishers Weekly. Right now, I hate you both. I'll get over that. The anger feels way better than the depression that threatened to loom last night. Shockingly, although if I think about it too much, the pangs of feeling sorry for myself begin, I'm feeling much better this morning. I even forgot about it long enough on my commute to work that I began to think about tonight's dinner.

I recently watched a movie called "Happy-Go-Lucky" about a lovely woman named Poppy who is always cheerful and always sees the bright side of life. I loved her. No matter what happened, she took it in stride, accepted it and moved on. Poppy came into my mind this morning on my commute. In the film, Poppy has to take driving lessons from a man who is her polar opposite, he hates life and is miserable. His way of making her remember to check her three mirrors is to constantly say 'En-Ra-ha", the names of fallen angels. I got stuck behind a student driver this morning and found myself chanting, "En-RA-HA!, EN-RA-HA!" It made me laugh, a lot and I realized when I was laughing that there are few shadows in life that can't be chased away by a good laugh. I want to be more like Poppy and so today, I will.

Shut up, Publishers Weekly. I'm sure you've said many bad things to a lot of good writers. I hope that you enjoy the view from your Ivory Tower because one day, I'm coming up there and I'm going to throw you out the window.

Ok, so the positivity probably should be a little less...violent, huh? I'll work on that.

Sorry, it's such a long blog today. Thanks for reading as I work through my psychological issues.

Happy Wednesday.

Two weeks to go...

It's very nearly the end of the week already. It's been a fast week, it seems. I'm still trying to get a grip on this Ohio weather; one minute, it's 75 degrees out there, the next, it's 38 degrees and I'm shivering. It snowed on Sunday, actually; it was only a brief flurry but it was still bizarre to see it falling on the daffodils and hyacinths. It's such a contrast, the sunny warm flowers and the icy cold precipitation. Naturally, it's a contrast I love.

Aside from the weird weather, it's been an odd week. I've still been going onto the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award message boards just to see if there is any news or interesting posts. At the moment, the conversation is all a little blah. It's still an amazing feeling to be in the quarterfinals; I've been getting some awesome reviews on my excerpt. I have a few from friends and family but there's also some rather generous reviews from complete strangers. When I see that I have another review, my heart always skips a beat as I wonder if it'll be a good one. So far...it's all good. It's a little alarming and yet also feels amazing.

This round in the contest is suppose to be about the reviewers from Publishers' Weekly reading our entire manuscript. That alone gives me a teeny bit of confidence because while the beginning of my novel, the excerpt that is posted, is a good beginning, the action and story takes place right after that introduction. One reviewer said that they felt like I didn't show enough of how my main character was reacting to what was happening to him....the hard part about that is that while it's constructive criticism, that reviewer really needed to read the book to figure out why, exactly, I couldn't let the reader see things from his point of view. He's an interesting character, that's all I'd say and he's not actually what he seems. That becomes clear as the book goes on....I hope.

So, it's a pleasure to read those comments and the feedback people have been kind enough to leave. It's helping me as a writer because I'm getting perspective on how people are reading what I've posted, what they're seeing as opposed to what I see.

I've even done a little reviewing on my own of some of my competition. I'm trying to read excerpts that don't seem to be receiving a lot of attention. As it was before the last round of eliminations, the forums have become something of a popularity contest again. While most of the 'clique' that I blogged about before have cut back on their postings if they even post at all, there's a new inner circle, all pimping their works, trying to get reviews. Some of the excerpts have up to 40 reviews. Mine has nine. Considering, at this point, the reviews are supposed to be for feedback only and votes won't count until the final round, I think that's a respectable amount. I thought I'd be lucky to get one review, to be honest. I'm happy with my nine. I'm really hoping that the rules are true, that Publishers Weekly is judging the works on their own merit, not on who is the best salesperson because some of those folks out there...they can SELL!

(As I side note, as I've read and been told before, I know that at some point, all writers have to be salesmen for their own work. I know marketing is as important as getting published these days. However, at this stage, in the contest, I'm still suffering the delusion that it's still about the writing. If it is a delusion, it's a delusion that helps me get through the day.)

As I've said, some of the excerpts I've read, I've greatly enjoyed. There are some really talented writers in the competition and reading their works is a bit daunting. Stiff competition, it's definitely out there.

I confess, I've checked out a couple of the excerpts with a high-volume of reviews and, well, I didn't leave a review on either. There's a reason for this; a couple of weeks ago, there was a discussion about why you shouldn't leave a 'bitter' review. Several people who were eliminated in the last round were accused of leaving negative reviews because they were bitter. Eventually, this turned into a discussion of whether it was better to leave constructive criticism or none at all. I don't know what the verdict was but I know I slunk away from the forum with the distinct impression that no one was going to say anything really negative because they were likely to be flogged in the forums for it. So rather than leaving a negative review on the popular excerpts, I left nothing. It's not that the popular excerpts are bad per se...they're just...average. Yet they have so many glowing reviews that I started to feel like perhaps I just wasn't getting it and that maybe I was already biased because of their forum postings. Thus, it wasn't right to leave a review that was likely to paint me as 'bitter'.

And I'm not bitter. I'm ecstatic to be included in this round of quarterfinalists. I'm revelling in the 'anniversary' of my notification every Tuesday with a glass of wine or, if I have it, even inexpensive champange. It's my way of toasting my success and reminding myself how blessed and lucky I am to have made it this far. I lurk in the forums but I don't post; I just like to keep up, make sure I'm not missing anything. We have two weeks left before the next round of cuts. I won't lie and say that I don't care if I make it. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be writing posts on my experience in the contest.

I do care. I've made it this far; to keep going...that would be unbelievable. Yet, I'm working myself up, conditioning myself to know that the chances are stronger that I won't make it and, if I don't, I will not wallow. I will not dwell. I got further than ever before and once you get to stand on a ladder, getting back off, even when you're only standing on the bottom rung, seems a little more difficult than before when you've had a brief, shiny look at the sky above

So thanks to anyone reading this if you did review my excerpt...this is not a blog to say "Thanks but it means nothing," it's a blog to say it does mean something...to me. It means that people took the time to read my work, give me feedback and note that they believe in me as a writer. If that's all I get out of being in the quarterfinals...then that is something to which it's worth toasting with a glass of wine.

It's always nice to have an excuse to drink, anyway.

Happy Thursday!