Hoping for a Summons to the Portal to Hell...

What else is there to say on a Friday except...thank goodness? Even though it's technically been a short week, it's felt like a long one.

Still, the weekend looms ahead and I cannot wait. At the very least, it means I don't have to set my alarm and the blissful luxury of being able to sleep in awaits me.

I was hoping I might get to go to the DMV yet again but, alas, it does not seem to be in my immediate future.

Yes, I repeat, I was hoping I might get to go to the DMV.

This may seem like a strange and un-Monkeypants thing to hope for, especially given my previous DMV rants.

Don't get me wrong, I still despise them with every fibre of my being but the sad fact of reality is that I need them.

I wish there was an alternative, that there was a happy place to go to take care of all things vehicular-operation related but, alas, the Portal to Hell seems to be my only option.

If you read my blog regularly, you'll recall my last unsuccessful attempt at the DMV. I went to finally give up my California license in order to exchange it for an Ohio one. I took my Ohio test. I passed. Then I was told that the State of Indiana had a hold on my license and they'd suspended it. Lovely. How kind of them not to let me know. I finally discovered it was because of an accident I'd had in 2001 that wasn't even my fault. The DMV said it never received proof that I'd been insured at the time. Never mind that the police report has my insurance proof on it. Never mind that there's countless tales of "The Indiana DMV lost my insurance proof" on the internet. Never mind that it was EIGHT YEARS AGO.

Being the responsible little Monkeypants that I am, I was horrified. I asked how I could fix it. I was told I could go to an Indiana DMV License Reinstatement Centre with a Certificate of Compliance from my Insurance Agent and get reinstated.

So I did. The only problem was the insurance company hadn't filled out the form completely. They forgot to put their name and address on it. The DMV office couldn't accept the form, nor would they let us write in the information. I drove all the way to that DMV which, I'd like to add was not conveniently located, for absolutely no reason.

I tried again Monday, faxing the completed form to the DMV per the instructions of the lady who'd turned me away. I'm now waiting seven-to-ten business days for it to clear and have the hold removed. Then I can attempt to get licensed in Ohio.

Except...now there's a problem there. I guess my attempt to do the legal thing and get my license changed over in the first place has now alerted the Ohio DMV that I'm having trouble in Indiana. Last night, I got a delightful letter in the mail informing me that as of three weeks, my license will be suspended in the state of Ohio, that I must surrender it and not drive until my issues in Indiana are resolved.

The problem with this is that I am receiving the same notice that someone who has commited a crime would receive. It's the "You Screwed Up and We're Going to Punish You by Taking Away Your Driver's License" letter. In Ohio, they take away the license after you get 12 points in two years or you get more than two DUI's. I know this because I read the handbook before taking my test.

Here's the thing: I didn't do anything wrong. After my accident, we called the police. The lady who hit me admitted it was her fault. My damage was paid for by her insurance. My insurance company was alerted. Now, I don't know if it was my insurance agent who didn't send in the form or it was that the DMV lost it. Either way, because, alas, I am not psychic, I did not know that the form hadn't been received because no one told me.

Now, I admit, in many cases, that's the excuse of a passive-aggressive person: "I didn't do it because no-one told me!" It's easier to place the blame on others because sometimes it's hard to admit we made a mistake.

However, in this case, I truly don't think I can be at fault. After all, I managed to change my Indiana license to California when I moved to L.A. in 2001. I've renewed my license plates at the DMV several times since 2001. Thus, they know where to find me. They have my address on file.

Which leads me to wonder how, exactly, I managed to drive for eight years without being informed that my license was suspended in the state of Indiana.

You can see why I'm a little irked, right? I'm also a little worried because I really need my driver's license. If I look at the logical steps, I've already sent in my paperwork to Indiana. I just need them to remove the hold which, theoretically, should be next week. After this, I have to go to an Ohio reinstatement centre, apparently pay $30 and be reinstated there. Which is just fantastic since I don't want to spend $30 to get my license back when I didn't have anything to do with it getting suspended in the first place. I can appeal my case but that takes 30 days. My license is going to be suspended in less than 21 days. Thus...if, along the way, at any time, the Indiana DMV loses my form again, I'm going to be in some hot water.

I wonder if anyone has the same travails with the DMV that I do. I know they are the Pit of Despair for many people but why does it seem like I have more trouble than anyone else? All I want to do is drive legally in Ohio. I could have gone until January before my California license expired. Instead, I'm being punished because I tried to be responsible. I'm just glad I didn't wait. I'd hate to think what the DMV would do then.

Yet, we are all at the mercy of the DMV if we want to drive our cars. Unlike with airlines that make our lives difficult, we don't have a choice with whom we license our cars and ourselves to drive. Besides, in United Airlines' case, they did, at least, send me a gracious reply after I emailed again telling them I didn't like being ignored. They also gave me $250. I may not like their planes but I appreciate it anyway. It's a bribe but I'll take it.

I don't see the DMV apologizing for anything. They don't have to, that's the problem. I know they have to cater to a lot of unsavory folks but I do wonder why, exactly, they try so hard to live up to their reputation as being the Portal to Hell. Ah well, hopefully next weekend, I'll get to enter the portal and finally be legal to drive again. At least they did tell me they're going to confiscate my license. That was nice of them. I guess communication has to start somewhere.

Happy Friday and have a great weekend.

Adventures at the DMV...Again.

I'm going to try to be happy that it's Monday today. It's a beautiful day out there. There's a very slight crispness to the air, the sun is shining and as I drove in, there was a light mist hanging over the fields, enough to make it seem mysteriously beautiful.

Of course, the mere fact it's Monday makes it hard to appreciate the things like that as I drove in my Monday-Morning-Stupor but I am trying.

I did manage to have a good weekend though, for the most part. I was a good homeowner and spent a good part of the day in the garden, trying to do some weeding and clearing. I bought some shrubs and a tree on Saturday from Home Depot and planted those.

I like gardening. I find it nice to be outside, doing something useful. I probably should have stopped sooner since today, I feel like I went to the gym yesterday. My hands are stiff and sore from pulling weeds and geraniums up out of the dirt. My back feels sore from bending. It's nice to know that gardening is good exercise. It must be if my muscles ache that much. Nevertheless, I'm pleased with what I got done even though when you look at my garden, it only looks like I did a tiny piece of weeding. I'm quickly learning that it takes time to get things looking good. I have at least a few more weeks of weeding before it's going to look tidy.

It was nice to have a project to work on. It distracted me from the fact that I had yet another disappointing trip to the DMV. I say disappointing instead of infuriating because in all honesty, this time it wasn't my DMV's fault. I had to go and take my Ohio written driver's test to switchover from my California license. I passed. I was excited about that. Unfortunately, when it came time to get my license, I was told, "Oh, looks like the State of Indiana has a hold on your license." Of course, the DMV couldn't tell me why because they didn't know. They gave me a number to call. I called it. Naturally, the State of Indiana is closed on Saturdays.

I was furious. The only thing I can think of is that either a) they don't have a record of me paying the speeding ticket I got last December or b). they're mad that I didn't get my license switched over sooner.

If it's option a, then the nice little receipt I dug frantically to find should prove otherwise. If it's option b, I'm a little confused. I'd understand if I lived in the State of Indiana that yes, I know, technically I should have got my license switched over after becoming a resident. However, if the State of Ohio doesn't care then why on earth would Indiana?

Here's the thing. I just bought a house. That's a permanent residence. For all intents and purposes, my apartment was a temporary residence. Thus, I'm doing what is legal by the State of Ohio and attempting to switch my license over within 30 days of becoming a permanent Ohio citizen.

I'm baffled. I'm also infuriated that the DMV can't make anything easy. I'll find out shortly as to why I can't get my damn license.

Ok. So now I know. I had an accident in 2001 in which a lady I worked with ran a stop sign and hit me. Apparently, my insurance agent back then didn't fill out the mandatory paperwork and so, as a result, my license has been suspended because now it looks like I didn't have insurance.

I find this interesting given that it happened eight years ago and since then have been permitted to get a California license as well as get Ohio plates for my car. Nevertheless, until I can get the stupid insurance agent to get me the requisite Certificate of Compliance, I cannot be a licensed Ohio driver.

Why can things never be easy? That's what I'd love to know right now.

Still, I'm not going to let myself get stressed over this. I do have a legal license and if anything were to happen where I have to show the police my license, I certainly have a story to tell them as to why I still don't have an Ohio license. Oh, the joys of being a grown up.

Still, I will say, this trip to the DMV to take my driver's test was far less nervewracking than the last one I took when I was 16. I never had to take a test in California so it's been a great many years since I first got my license and had to take the test. So much of driving becomes second nature over time and aside from a quick read of the specific State laws for driving in Ohio, I didn't have to do much cramming. When I was 16, I was terrified of failure. I'll admit this time, I had the typical test-taking adrenaline rush that I always feel when I'm a little nervous but overall, the test was easy. I just had to close my eyes and pretend I was driving.

There were so many young teens in the DMV though and I know that for them, it was a far more nerve-wracking experience. They don't yet have the experience I have as a driver and you can see the stress written on their faces. They want their licenses so badly, they want to have the freedom of being able to get from place to place by themselves. That tiny laminated piece of plastic is their ticket to freedom, their way of proving that they're on the path to being an adult. You can see the hope, the desire, the need in their eyes as they go to the DMV. They clutch their Ohio Driver's Handbooks with white knuckles, trying hard to retain everything they learned in Driver's Ed.

Things have changed since I was last there; now there's a testing area with computers set up. Back in the olden days, we had a pencil and a hard copy of the test. For me, taking a test at a computer terminal isn't as stressful. It's a familiar place for me and so aside from getting mixed up over school buses, I passed with flying colours. I missed one of those questions that has two potentially correct answers and I picked the wrong one.

I don't think some of the teens were lucky. I saw one girl, eyes red from crying coming out the same time as me, clearly license-less. I feel bad for her. She can retake the test, obviously but aside from the lack of license, she also has to tell her friends that she can't drive without her parents yet. That's quite traumatizing at her age, I remember that. That's one of the reasons the DMV is scary.

For me, the DMV is turning into a stress-filled place due to the fact I never get what I want the first time I go. Nevertheless, at least I know why now. Let's just hope my former insurance agent gets his act together and can prove that eight years ago, I was insured.

If he can, there will be another DMV trip in my future. Let's hope this one goes well. You know I'll keep you posted.

Happy Monday.

Adventures at the DMV, the Sequel

Yes, there are two blogs today. I've had so many condolences for my thrilling adventure at the DMV on Saturday, I thought it prudent to post an update.

I am now a registered Ohio driver.

Hurrah.

I won't say it was easy. In order to be a registered Ohio Driver, I had to have proof of my Social Security Number (SSN), as I mentioned on Saturday's blog. Due to the fact that my social security card is MIA, I had to thusly go to the Office of Social Security to apply for a replacement card.

Naturally, this was a fun experience. As with all beauracratic agencies, I had to wait. I had to wait a long time. During this time, they had a TV with a show called "The Doctors." Did you know that you can change the shape of your chin in five minutes with a simple injection? Me either! Of course, when the injections were performed and the results demonstrated, the poor girl who wanted a new chin merely look like a thousand bees had stung her and it looked pretty weirdly shaped but she did say she wanted to look different so I suppose she did get her wish.

Obviously, my waiting time was spent wisely. When I finally was called, getting a new Social Security card proved WAY easier than getting past the DMV. Ironic, don't you think?

Finally I emerged with a temporary card. I drove with my usual police-paranoia to the DMV. It was a different portal to hell than the other one I went to on Saturday. You know what?

They didn't ask for my SSN.

This DMV just took my driver's license and proceeded to register my car. Due to my intense irritation with this whole debacle, I finally said to the lady "Don't you want to see my SSN?" She blinked and you could tell it wasn't something she was used to answering. After a long pause she turned to her coworker and said "Do we need to see the SSN?"

Me, being the patient lassie I am, let them have thier little conversation in which both DMV employees looked baffled. So, I interrupted them and said "I was turned away on Saturday for not having a Social Security card so you better ask me for it now." I believe glaring was involved, me being the glarer, of course.

I think I might have frightened the lady a little. She meekly said, "oh, ok," and took a look at my temporary card. I left the DMV with two Ohio plates. Of course, they don't fit in my nice frame anymore 'cause apparently they put the dates on the bottom of the plate which is covered by a frame but I will not complain. Not today. You see, I rule triumphant! I now have legal plates.

Of course, they wouldn't let me switch my license over because I have to drive another 20 miles to the Highway Patrol Station to take a written test but that's another saga to begin some other time. For now, I have a legal California license and I don't have time to go take a test. I tell you, Ohio likes to make things difficult. If they require out-of-staters to switch their license when they move to Ohio, they should make it a little easier to take the test. You know, like at the DMV the way MOST states do.

Still, for now, I finally got what I needed. They say the harder you work for something, the more satisfaction there is. I wish it were the case with the DMV today but, alas, it feels slightly anticlimactic, like Christmas day after the presents are opened. However, at least I can now drive and leave my little town without the worry of red and blue flashing lights in my rearview mirror.

I better not speed, huh?