Life is Short But I Don't Always Want to Eat Dessert First

This year is going by so quickly. I simply cannot believe that we’re already into August. It seems like the older you get, the faster time flies. I know that’s not exactly an original observation but it’s a true one.

I don’t think I’m ready for it to be August. I feel like I’m just now getting a grip on my summer. It’s been so hot that I haven’t had chance to work outside as much as I’d have liked. Yet, my tomatoes are starting to ripen and my herbs are doing well. I even have a few ears of corn coming in although I suspect the squirrels might be as excited as I am by the fact that some of the husks had been pulled back on my largest piece today.

I do miss the lazy days of summer. That’s the thing with being an adult. Not only does time fly but there seems to be less and less time to just lie down and be lazy outside on the summer grass. I got one of those inspiration emails today that was intended to remind us how to simplify our lives. It started out by saying how things are much simpler when you’re a kid and it’s only as you get older that things get more complicated and most of this is our own fault.

For example, one of the main points was that as a child, if you’re thirsty, you have a drink. As an adult, it’s never that simple. I have to sheepishly say I can attest to that. For me, it becomes an issue of “What am I thirsty for? Hot or cold. If I go for hot, that means coffee since I forgot my tea bags at home. If I drink coffee do I want the strongest kind? Or I could have a Diet Coke although I know that’s not good for me. Tom Colicchio endorses Diet Coke but he gets criticized for it because it’s made of chemicals. Well, maybe I’ll just have some water but then I’ll probably end up drinking half a bottle and leaving the rest to sit there for ages because I never really want water. I just am supposed to drink it….”

You get the idea. It’s true. We do complicate things as we get older but I think that’s just the nature of being older. I like the idea of being a wide-eyed child who just takes things as they come but, truth be told, it’s never that easy. Sure, I could take the fact that I had to fire a perfectly nice man on Friday and just do my job and move on. Yet, how as a human can I do that when the whole time, I’m thinking of how he took out a loan to move for the job and how unfair it is that he’s being fired without being given a chance to try to fix his errors….

My point is that while I do enjoy a certain childish joy in life for the small things, the reality of being an adult is that nothing is every simple…black and white. It’s like that saying: Life is short, eat dessert first.

I get that. I get the philosophy behind that statement: Most people enjoy dessert most so why not just do what you want in life without dealing with formality and structure. Just jump straight to the good stuff.

Yet, in truth, if we could jump straight to dessert, would it be as rewarding? I say no. Then again, I’m not the hugest fan of desserts so my opinion probably doesn’t count for as much as that of someone with a major sweet tooth.

It might be fairer to change the phrase to something that does appeal to me such as “Life is short, just eat the damn cheese.” Which is probably the name of a book that’s actually out there…I mean there’s books about moving cheese and such…why not eating the damn cheese?

I digress. What I mean is that I like cheese almost more than any other food. However, because I try hard to watch what I eat and balance my meals, there’s not always room for cheese. Sometimes, I want nothing better than a salty bite of pecorino romano or the tang of a strong blue cheese but if I’ve already eaten rather badly that day, I usually don’t give in to the craving even if I want to give in to it.

Which leads us back to the “Life is short, just eat the damn cheese.” If I’m going to die anyway, why not enjoy the cheese when I want it?

I do. Sometimes. If I really, really, really want the cheese, I’ll eat it. However, most of the time, I’ll only want it because it’s there and I can have it. If I could eat nothing but cheese all the time, chances are my desire to eat the damn cheese would diminish.

Which is how I feel about the “Life is short, eat dessert first” saying. If you got to eat dessert first and ended with the soup, doesn’t that take away the slightly forbidden pleasure in eating dessert in the first place? For me, part of the delight of dessert is that it’s just a little decadent and it adds a realistic level of ‘naughtiness’ to a meal. I think to some degree, many of us feel a little guilt when we get to the dessert course and already quite full but something sweet might be rather nice. So, we either let ourselves get talked into it or we talk ourselves into it. If you really want dessert, it doesn’t take long.

So, in actuality, while it’s nice to want to eat dessert first or be as wide eyed as a child, life sometimes gets in the way. Things are more complicated as an adult. It would be nice to stay up all night if I wanted to because that’s what I felt like doing but the reality is that I have to work and that would simply be a bad idea. It’s the same as if all I wanted to eat all day was hot dogs. Sure, it might seem like a good idea to just go with the flow but is it, really? I think maybe sometimes knowledge gets in the way but mostly, it’s what complicates things. If we don’t know that eating hot dogs all day leads to high cholesterol, digestive issues and weight gain, does that make it ok to do it? I didn’t know that if I only ate fishfingers and chips as a child, it would be an unhealthy diet. Same with chocolate milkshakes.

No, I think that while it would be nice to keep the innocence of youth, that old wisdom thing kicks in. We are more aware of who we are and what we want. It makes it hard to just keep things simple when you know that while some things are black and white, most of the time there’s a lot of grey between the two opposites.

Still, there are some things that continue to remain simple: Mondays are not my favourite days. That doesn’t seem to change much no matter how quickly time flies. Today was no exception. Tomorrow will be better. That’s another simple-ism that I think remains true.

Sometimes, simple is good…

Happy Tuesday!

Passions, Cheese and Writing....

So, I just wrote this whole blog about my life and my writing and my job...and when I tried to publish, the server gave me an error message and now I have to start all over. I'm annoyed. I'm an impatient sort of Monkeypants. Also, I'm very tired and it's late and I really don't have a clue if I can mentally pull it together to recreate that blog.

Basically, the gist of it was that, scarily, I'm actually liking my job at this moment in time. I know, I know. The idea of me, Captain Monkeypants, saying that is...alarming. I think the scariest part of all is that it's temporary. I know that, in a week, my euphoria is going to be over and that I'm back to concocting ways to entice a squirrel to a) eat through the power lines or b) take down the internet. Either option would render us useless. Even if a squirrel is not involved, on a normal day, I confess that I do find myself imagining ways for our building to be out of commission long enough that we get to go home.

Still, for now...I'm liking my job. Today, I got invited to a meeting that involved the programmers and me and, interestingly, I was vital to the meeting. That has never happened before in this job. It happened in my last job but it was at a point where I could see that I'd finally hopped over a fence that I'd never have to navigate again. This job...who knows. One minute, my boss is asking for my assistance, the next thing he's treating me like a blond bimbo who can't possibly comprehend anything more technical than "microwave or toaster"?

But, I'm scared to say that today and yesterday were, um, fun for me at work. I am getting to test issues that have been found to be wrong with our software. Then I get to try and break them. Then, when I'm successful in breaking them, I get to tell the programmers what to do.

I'm good at telling people what to do.

I know it's only temporary, that once we release our software, I'm relegated back to the ranks of "what are we supposed to do with you?" Those days make me hate my job. They send me back to the days where I'm job searching. They send me back to the days when even working as a cheese shop manager at Jungle Jim's sounds appealing.

For the record, the last time this happened, I did apply for a Cheese Shop Manager position at Jungle Jim's. I'm annoyed that I didn't even get an acknowledgment for my application. While I might not have an official background, I still think I was a good applicant. While I might not have a passion for software, I'm sad to say I have a passion for cheese. I'm good with customers. I like people.

Also, twice now, for the record, I've been in Jungle Jim's and have been able to assist customers when the store employees could not. I'm not joking.

For the record, Creme Fraiche is found on the top shelf of the "French" cheese section. It is a mild sour cream and can be substituted for American whipping cream although it doesn't have quite as much bite. I highly recommend the real stuff.

Also, though Gorgonzola is a strong blue cheese, it is not Danish blue, as many assume. It is, in fact, Italian. Thus, it can be found in the "Italian" section of Jungle Jim's cheeses. I can recommend it as an excellent topping for salads or, even better, with mashed potatoes or stuffed mushrooms.

Anyway, I'm moving on, even though I'm slightly saddened that my future in Cheese Shop management is not to be. I know this sounds sarcastic. But, in truth, like a wise friend of mine says, [I'm] not sarcastic!, [I'm] British."

Seriously, even though my day job in software is sometimes good, as it was today, I do know this is not my passion. I can't pretend that I will ever compare the thrill I get to doing well at this job to the thrill I get when I'm writing.

When I'm writing or doing anything to do with my writing, I get wired. I find an excitement that can't be replicated by much else in my life. I'm doing scarily well with my Amazon Kindle sales of my novel, The Reluctant Demon. In a few days, my book will be for sale in a paperback format. If I do half as well as my potential sales targets promise, I'm going to be ok.

But it's not about the money. You must know that about me by now. It's more about trying to get my book out to people who I think will enjoy it. I don't care if I get any profit...I really, honestly, just want people to find it entertaining and not mind paying the $10 I'm charging.

(For the record, I'm going to charge $9.99. My original wish was to charge $7.99 but in the interest of not going into insane debt and still getting my book out there, I had to compromise. A fact, for which, I apologize).

No, I really just want people to read it, to laugh, to not mind that they had to buy the book to read it. That's it.

Ironically, in my attempts to find out the status of my proof copy of my novel, I clicked on Amazon.com. I discovered that tonight is "The Night" for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award entrants.

A year ago, I was one of them. I had a novel entered in Amazon's competition. I wanted to pretend I didn't care but I did. At 3 a.m, I remember awaking, panicked after a dream in which I realized I sucked as a writer. When I checked my emails, I discovered I had been awarded a semi-finalist position for my novel.

I was elated. I was excited. It was the furthest I'd ever come with a novel. I reveled in the knowledge that I didn't completely suck.

That lasted until I got my prize from Amazon.com: A review by Publisher's Weekly. My review was terrible. It summarized my book. It gave a good explanation of the events. Then it trashed me. It gave no explanation why, no constructive criticism to help me figure out why my reviewer hated it, only that my book was awful. It was, in short, destructive criticism.

Sadly, as much as I hate to admit it, it began a horrible period of writer's block for me. A period in which I doubted my skills, my abilities, my desire. I tried to write something...anything. There was nothing but this blog.

Then I did some research and discovered that for the purpose of the Amazon.com Breakthrough Novelist Award reviews, Publisher's Weekly had hired reviewers for a pittance, just so they could get the 'job done'.

Someone's $50 profit was my mental breakdown into self-doubt about my writing. Thanks, Publisher's Weekly for being professional.

Still, then came the wonderful, amazing National Novel Writer's Month challenge (NaNaWriMo for short). In November, in the short space of a month (or three weeks if you're me and helping a friend with a master's thesis), I managed to write my novel, The Reluctant Demon. It was easy. It was light. It was fluffy.

It was fun.

I'd re-discovered my passion and my love for writing. The result is my most marketable novel to date. A novel which can be yours for the low-low price of $9.99 once I approve it. It's not about the money, it's about the fact that a would-be novelist found her path in life again.

And, no matter how much I enjoy my day job in software, for me, it's about the passion I feel in the evenings, when I get to write. Granted, I'd love to find a day job that solicited my passion too but...we can't have everything.

In the meantime, I'll settle for loving cheese but being passionate about writing. In between, I'm enjoying my current job.

It's all about the now...right?

Happy Thursday.

Snow, Glorious Snow....

Well, as predicted, today was slighly off-kilter because of the snow. The snow definitely came down. I'm not sure how much we've had but it hasn't stopped snowing since about 8 a.m. I'd say there were at least 5 inches out there, possibly more.

We did not get to leave the office early. Nor did most of us get to work from home. I could spend time complaining about my boss who is rather spineless and refuses to make a decision in our company president's absence even though he is the vice-president but I've had a lovely evening and I refuse to be bitter. Bitterness is catching; I've realized this and I don't want to be infectious so I'm trying to nip it in the bud right now. Work is what it is, this is my mantra. I cannot change it. I know that I'd much rather be the Assistant Cheese Shop Manager at Jungle Jim's but I have a feeling that either my salary request was too high or I lack the experience with cheese that I need. It's also hard to sound sincere when talking about cheese, particularly with a British accent. Somehow, it always sounds sarcastic, even though I don't mean to sound sarcastic. In case you were wondering, my favourite cheese is probably either a really, really sharp white cheddar or a piece of Quemby Hall Stilton. I also like stinky cheeses and soft cheeses. There really isn't a cheese I don't like. Except maybe head cheese which actually isn't a cheese but, rather, pieces of meat from the head of a pig or calf and stuffed with vinegars, salt and seasonings. Apparently this is also called brawn. Ironically, when I was a child in England and we'd go get meat from the deli counter, I'd see brawn and think it was brains. It was jellylike and pink. Now I know it actually is brains, in a way, it makes much more sense. But it's still not cheese, even if it's called head cheese. Apparently, it can also be made of intestines. Just so you know.

I apologize profusely to my sister for the above paragraph. She has recently turned full vegetarian and prefers not to know rather unsavory meaty things such as the definition of head cheese. But for the record, she was the one who asked about cheese made from intestines. So, for future reference...if you don't want to know, you probably shouldn't ask Captain Monkeypants. I do like to research.

So, I digressed....Where was I...oh, yes, Work is Work. That's pretty much all I plan on saying about my job at the moment. That's really all I have to say about my job for the day. At least I didn't wear a horrible gold shiny shirt again. I don't know what I was thinking there.

All in all though, despite the tedium of the day, the evening has been good. I can't say why, exactly; it's just been...good. I had to shovel when I got home from work. My driveway was invisible under the layer of snow. I have to confess, as odd as it sounds, I rather like shoveling the snow. It allows me to go out and let the snowflakes swirl around me. When you shovel, it's not cold because you're moving all the time. It's good, physical labour and it lets me spend time with snow which, if you do any search on my blog topics, you'll know snow is one of my favourite things on earth. People have told me the novelty of shovelling will wear off. I'm not so sure. Unlike lawnmowing which I didn't like from day one, shovelling is therapeutic and somewhat...mediatative. That sounds odd but it's true.

When I had shovelled and salted, I came in and rewarded myself with a mug of William's Sonoma Peppermint Hot Chocolate which is one of the truly great treats of winter. Then I made gumbo which turned out rather tasty if I do say so myself. I spent the rest of the evening working on my synopsis, my query letter and editing the first few chapters of my novel, The Reluctant Demon, for submission. Unlike last night, everything went well tonight. I managed to submit to five agents who seem to be a good target for my manuscript. Having been through this process several times, I'm not going to expect a miracle but if I can just get one to be intrigued enough to want to read more, that's something. If not...well...I'll keep trying. It feels good to be trying again.

All in all, it's been a nice, relaxing, lovely evening. As strange as it sounds, I think the snow outside has relaxed me somehow. It's made me feel calm and happy. I know it's an inconvenience to drive in but there's something about a coat of heavy snow on the ground to even out the world around us just a little. Everything is hidden, everything looks the same. It's beautiful and mystifying.

You can tell I'm happy because I'm waxing poetic about snow...again. I wondered if it'd wear off from last year but, apparently, it hasn't. I'm glad about that. I know for most people, it's a pain, it's cold, it's inconvenient but, to me...it feels right. Somehow the thing that made the day seem off-kilter has righted me after all. I'm back on balance. Hopefully tomorrow will follow suit.

Happy Friday...and have a good and safe weekend.

No Substitute for Bad Food When it Comes to Good Taste

Today is a bagel day in the office. We have those sporadically and they're rather unpredictable. Bagels either just mysteriously appear in the break room or we have these slightly weird gatherings to welcome new employees. The reason the gatherings are slightly weird is because we're summoned to the conference room by our president or vice-president with very little notice. Then we go sit in the conference room and end up chatting amongst ourselves. The new person sits there awkwardly, trying to talk to people around him or her. We all wait for the president to introduce the new person, to welcome them. It never happens. Eventually after we chat and get loud and eat our bagel, we're told to 'get back to work' and we all leave, wondering, exactly, what the point of that was aside from having a bagel.

Either way, we often have bagels. I'm not a huge bagel fan. Most mornings when I'm at home and can eat breakfast, I don't because I don't like to eat as soon as I get up. I have to wait a while. Sometimes I bring fruit so I can eat when I get to work. Yet, on mornings like this where I wasn't hungry when I left home but am ravenous by the time I get to work, they're a good way to stop my tummy from growling.

I suppose I should worry about calories. Bagels aren't exactly good for you especially when you load them with regular cream cheese. Usually, if I have the choice, I will opt for light. Cream cheese is one of those things that I'm not that picky about. It's tasty but unless it has chives in it, isn't something I really seek out other than to just take away the dryness of the bagel away.

There are some tastes that I'm just not fussy enough about to care that it's a 'light' product. Salad dressing is one of them. I tend to like the lower fat dressings.

However, maybe it's my new found love of cooking but I am recently realizing that there are some things that just shouldn't be compromised for 'diet' purposes.

I suppose it's easy for me to say that; I was born with a good metabolism. Until recent years, I could eat almost anything and not gain any weight. As I've got older, my metabolism has slowed and I do have to watch what I eat. I weigh more now than I've ever weighed and while sometimes I wish I was still skinny as a rake, it's really not that bad to have a few more curves. It's taken me a while but I'm beginning to accept it.

Of course, my newfound addiction to the Food Network is probably to blame for some of those curves but, also, for the fact that I am beginning to not mind that I'm not so skinny anymore. The thing that I am learning is that there needs to be a balance between deprivation and over-indulgence. There are just some things that I think life is too short to not eat.

I have a coworker who is constantly on a diet. Over the years, it seems, I've always had one coworker like this. It doesn't matter if it's WeightWatchers, Low Carb, Protein Diet, Fat-Free, SlimFast...there's always one of them.

I salute these current and former coworkers. Diets are hard to stick to but these die-hard dieters manage. Unfortunately, it many cases, they're the types who like everyone around them to know they're on a diet and they make remarks to the rest of us about what they're eating so that we're supposed to feel slightly guilty that we too aren't depriving ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, there are times when I get on kicks where I try to be healthy. It's not a diet per se but I watch my calories and I'm careful not to go overboard on anything that's bad for me. However, for the most part, I'm lucky enough to enjoy healthy food. I'm a vegetable lover. Many of my 'creations' in the kitchen are centred around vegetables. I enjoy some meat too so I don't think I could ever go vegetarian. Yet because I like vegetables, it helps me eat healthily.

I think, as my good friend over at RadLinc Crafts said, I've become a Foodie.

Foodies are people who...enjoy food. They love to eat good food, they care about ingredients and I think it's fair to say they don't compromise for taste. If a fat-free product will detract from the flavour and/or preparation of a dish, it won't be used.

I watched an episode of Iron Chef America last night. I noticed that there's never a pause from the chefs to stop and consider calories. They're making dishes based on taste. There is no compromise for taste. This is why they have the finest ingredients with which to cook. The judges are an assortment of Foodies and never once has a single one said, "I can't eat that. It's deep fried!"

And they deep fry a lot on Iron Chef. It's interesting; no matter what they deep fry, it seems gourmet. According to Alton Brown, the host of the show, deep frying is popular on the show because it's the quickest way to bring out flavour in food and given the hour time-frame the chefs have, they need quick methods of making food tasty. No longer does deep-frying seem like a crime because it makes things fat-laden and greasy but, instead, it's a way of cooking a side dish, a way of adding flavour.

What it really comes down to is moderation. There's a big difference between going to a fast food restaurant that deep fries everything to cooking a side of sage-filled potato rounds, ala Mario Batali. It's ironic really; you go to McDonalds and order a side of fries with your hamburger and you know you're committing a diet-crime. Yet, you go to a gourmet restaurant that serves pommes frites with your steak or "shoe string rosemary fried potatoes" and the guilt isn't there even though, technically, they're still cooked in a deep fryer.

That's where the moderation kicks in. If you eat everything deep-fried, yes, you're going to turn into a bad-skinned hippo-like creature. Yet if you're eating a balanced meal where the deep fried portion is only a small part of the meal, it's not so bad. I'm not saying it should be every meal either, just that if you're cooking to enjoy the taste of food, sometimes it seems a little...wrong...to stop and pause and think "I can't cook that because it's bad for me!"

And again, there's a compromise to this too. There's no substitute for butter if you're making sage-butter sauce but there are 'light' butters out there that are still butter but not quite so bad for you. I admit, I use light butter sometimes just for the fact that it still is butter but it's also a nod to the fact that I know it's bad for my cholesterol. However, if I thought it detracted from the dish, I'd use real butter instead...I just wouldn't make the dish too often.

This is all just my personal philosphy; please keep that in mind. I have friends who diet who have lost a ton of weight and changed their lifestyles to be healthier. I definitely salute them while appreciating and admiring them. It takes a lot of discipline. Yet the thing I've noticed about my friends who have had the most success is that they don't completely deprive themselves of the things they love. They treat themselves once in a while; they're not fanatical about everything. They know what they should and shouldn't eat and every once in a while they 'cheat' with a chocolate bar or a small order of french fries.

In contrast, I've noticed that some of the coworkers I've had are fanatical. They won't eat a single thing that's not on their diet but allow themselves a 'cheat' day. This day usually entails eating about 3,500+ calories in one day.

I'm not judging but it seems like it would be better to more frequently give yourself a 'small' reward than binge like that.

Yet, again, it's not me. I'm hoping that my new "foodie" status doesn't mean that I'm going to have to consider going on a real diet in the future. It would be hard. There's just no substitute for Parmigiano Reggiano cheese or fresh baked bread.

Maybe I should watch the bagels though.

Happy Wednesday.