Black Friday, Thanksgiving and No Complaining Allowed!

I'm actually writing an early blog today rather than wait until tomorrow morning. This is because tomorrow is the Big Day at work in which we leave our cosy, familiar office building and move into our more "professional" corporate style offices. From all reports of the new office space, our particular division of the company has now been given new cubicles rather than the nice offices that the rest of the company has. In addition, our cubicles are designed so that our monitors face outwards rather than give us any privacy. As previously mentioned, I, for one, am slightly jumpy. Also, while I try not to abuse the freedom I've had at work to surf the internet, there are times when the mind-numbing dullness of my job drives me to escape to the world of Facebook once in a while. Thus, I'm slightly concerned that I may end up going a little crazy because I have absolutely no freedom.

However, we are all assured that our new offices are absolutely spectacular. Also, if we complain, we'll get fired.

Sadly, this is not an exaggeration. I believe the exact words were, "if you complain, consider it your last day at [insert company name here]."

Now, while I am not an ungrateful brat, I do understand that great expense and time was spent on our office and I'm sure it's splendid. I'm sure it's the best office that ever existed.

I just have to admit, I don't particularly care for the fact that we are, essentially, being threatened if we dare use that dastardly right to freedom of speech and express even the slightest negativity.

Of course, I would never do such a thing. Ever. Since my boss made a slight reference to the fact that he knew I had a blog, I'm wondering if that whole complaining thing applies here. If so...I'm doomed. Doomed, I say.

Unless, of course, I do what I'm doing now and write when I'm NOT in the office and thus can complain as much as I like.

As you can see, I'm already feeling a little negative towards the whole situation. I simply don't like being threatened. Also, I like to have a little freedom while I work instead of feeling like I'm being carefully monitored.

Still, I'm lucky enough to have had an entire week away from the office due to the fact that were were moving and, also, there was that lovely Thanksgiving holiday.

I enjoyed my holiday immensely. Even the actual Thanksgiving dinner turned out rather well thanks to some rather absurdly organized scheduling. I believe I can officially say that I watch too much Food Network. By the end of Thanksgiving Eve, I had managed to plot out the time table for prepping the food, cooking the food and plating the food.

My mother and I cooked the meal. All together, it took about five hours of prepping, roasting, sauteeing and roasting. It took approximately 20 minutes for the family to eat it.

I suppose that's the point. It's just that when you are actually the one who helps cook it, it's a little painful to watch those stuffing balls that took quite a long time to prepare, cook, cool, shape and roast disappear quite so quickly. It's also just a wee bit painful because you just want to hold onto the food for a while and admire the fact that it all got cooked with only one teensy little incident with roasted root vegetables and an electric skillet and one minor over-boiling of the mashed potatoes.

Still, it was a good holiday and any excuse to make roast turkey is ok by me.

Of course, cooking Thanksgiving dinner for 14 people is nothing compared to the chaos of the day that follows it.

Yes, once again, my sister and I were among the insane folk who were waiting at Walmart at 4:30 a.m. for Black Friday to begin.

Once again, I got to witness the chaos of a segment of the population who were going to get that 32 inch big screen LCD TV for $249.

Fortunately, neither my sister or I did not need a TV. We focused on the smaller items. Unfortunately, some of them were in the same aisle as the TV so there were so near misses with crazy people. Let me just say that being hit in the thigh with a shopping cart hurts a bit. Nevertheless, by 5:30 a.m. we were on our way to our next stop.

In the end, we spent 13 hours shopping. We saw humanity at its finest and most bizarre. For the record, if there is no parking spot in parking lot that's within reasonable walking distance, it is NOT ok to park on the sidewalk outside a store. Also, it is not smart to just abandon your mini-van wherever you want to because, chances are, there's a reason no one else was parked there.

Nevertheless, I have to confess, I love Black Friday. I love the chaos of Walmart at 5 a.m. and I love being done with shopping around noon. I also love having the freedom to continue shopping for a few hours after lunch, even though you've already been at it a very long time.

It was a good weekend. Not only did I get to spend time with my family but I got to catch up with friends and see "New Moon."

Yes. I confess. I willingly saw "New Moon." Regular readers know how I feel about the Twilight saga. I think it's asinine and dumb. I think Bella Swan needs to be tied up and yelled at for being such a pathetic role model for women. Also, I think any man named Edward is never going to be particularly masculine and tough no matter how much he sparkles in the sunshine. So why did I see the movie? Well, for all the reasons above. I have decided to embrace the fact that the movies are terrible. I am fortunate enough to have a friend with whom I can see the movies who understands why, sometimes, it's good to see a movie purely because it's going to be so silly, it's delicious. Thus, rather than write tomes regarding the creepiness of a shapeshifter (formerly known as a werewolf) who falls for an infant and the ickiness of a vampire who chews through his wife's placenta to deliver said infant, I'm just going to embrace the daftness. Also, sometimes, you just need to mock and "New Moon" was perfect for this. I don't quite think the Twi-hards in the theatre appreciate my friend's and my own snickers at the melodramatic dialogue and need for Kristin Stewart once again to play second fiddle to her hair but I, personally, had a great time. Isn't that really the point of movies?

Anyway, now it's Sunday night. Tomorrow morning begins a new era at work. It may mean I will have to be a good little Monkeypants and not blog quite so much from work. However, I will continue to blog regularly because I have to have an outlet of some kind. Also, because it's fun. Also, because I'm not permitted to speak my mind at work. Not that I think there'd be any reason to complain because it's perfectly natural for a company president to send a warning email like that...right?

Of course, the way my mind works, it's kind of like having someone who looks a little unusual and being told NOT to stare...the first thing you want to do is stare. Or being told that it's a serious occasion and you are NOT to laugh...yes....I'm the one that's trying to stifle giggles because the mere act of not being allowed to laugh suddenly seems funny. Not being allowed to complain means...I might be in trouble.

Oh dear.

Happy Monday and thanks, as always, for reading.

There's always a Weatherly....

I am at a workshop all week. I think I mentioned that. Yesterday, I had to put in 13 hours of work. I'm playing two roles at the moment, one as a trainee which means I forced to cram a lot of information into my brain and the other as an employee of my company since they're providing the training. This means that I am expected to retain the learning.

I'm trying. I mentioned I wasn't good at meetings yesterday. I probably should mention today that I've never been particularly good at listening to lectures. I don't mind if it's a good lecture for which I have an interest in the subject but if it's remotely dull, I don't do to well.

This is not to say I don't keep trying. It just means that if the lecture is slightly dull or boring, i'm doomed.

Take yesterday for example. I had to learn some rather complicated stuff about how the software our company develops works. I managed to take in almost all of the first session. After that...well, it was spotty.

I did spend some rather interesting time observing people. I have learned in every training session, there's always one person whose head you wouldn't mind chopped off and served on a platter. Um, wait, maybe I should make that less barbaric lest you think I'm some kind of weirdo. There's always a person you would like to throw something at. Yes, much better.

In my session, we shall call her Weatherly for that is almost her name. Weatherly has used our software for a few years and thus, is an expert. Or so she claims. My first interaction came when I sat at her table for the obligatory welcome-and-introduce-yourself-by-saying-something-witty session. Bad idea. I didn't have a name badge on so she had no idea who I was. I got to listen to Weatherly talk about how tiny this training was compared to last year. I discovered afterwards that she hadn't been to the training last year and that she was thinking of a conference from two years ago. The conference is an annual event with over 200 people. Trainings average about 10-15 people. This one is 25 people.

She also managed to bad mouth several staff members who I know and like and respect. After a few too many moments, I reached across the table and introduced myself, pointedly. All this did was earn me a somewhat condescending sneer and meant that she began to whisper to her companion instead of talk full voice for the rest of the session.

She also likes to talk. A lot. Except it's never about anything useful, just very much about what a wonderful and fascinating person she is. She also likes to read the New York Times during the training sessions and then, during the exercises in which we apply what we've just learned, she spends the whole time asking the trainers questions because she's confused.

Fortunately, she's not the only distraction. We get a lot of breaks. I have a computer. This is dangerous as I'm a chronic surfer. I'm actually supposed to be listening but Weatherly just asked a question. She just arrived. 20 minutes late. She missed the discussion that would have answered her question. I'm trying to be patient but it's first thing in the morning. If the people who are from a time zone that's 3 hours behind can be here on time, I don't get why Weatherly, from a place within this time zone has to be late.

So I surf. I've read my Entertainment Weekly for the day. Normally, I like that website. Lately, it's been all about the Twilight movie. Once upon a time, I was curious about that movie. Then I read Breaking Dawn and I've retroactively reformed my opinion of the Twilight story. I hate it now. I'm so thrilled that teenage girls are fainting at the site of Robert Pattinson whenever they happen to catch a glimpse of him. He's playing the lead vampire in the movie, the swoony, perfect Edward Cullen. I say that with full sarcasm.

The funny thing is, in reading the Entertainment Weekly, I realized that Mr. Pattinson doesn't seem to care for his role much. Stephanie Meyer, the author of the novels, seems to think this movie is going to set him up for Leonardo DiCaprio levels of fame because it's such an amazing role. She makes a few slightly disparaging comments in the article about him disguised as compliments. I found that amusing.

More amusing, I found that both Robert and his costar, Kristin Stewart, don't seem to be taking their roles as seriously as both Meyer and the fans would like. They both seem to want to make sure that this isn't the defining role of their careers, that they'll be able to be actors without forever being able to be referred to as "Bella" and "Edward." I'm glad for them. It's quite a commitment they've made and neither of them seem to have known exactly how insane the fans and their mothers are.

So, seeing that they have teenage girls swooning before the movie comes out, makes me smile. I think it's good to have that sort of passion. It worries me a little in their mothers but...well...maybe it's a bonding thing. Maybe those mothers don't really fancy themselves a seventeen year old vampire. Granted, he's been 17 for a long time now but, well, that fictional character...he's still seventeen

Anyway, along with that surfing, I've also managed to read my email, make a move in my online scrabble-type game and read WAY too much on Facebook. And I still manage to get all my work done.

I'd say I'm proud of that but I'm really not. It's just the way I get through the day. I can't help it...I really want to be a good little student but I'm not. Not really. After all, I am the one who, in high school, tried to read Moby Dick, read the first page and then decided I could not read that book. I managed to do quite well in the discussion and on the paper; it's amazing how much deep thought you can make up when you read the back cover of a book. This is even before Wikipedia.

Anyway, I'm just babbling today because I don't have the usual time or brainpower to be able to write anything too funny or deep. Besides, Weatherly has sucked what little brain power I had away. She's currently asking why she can't connect to her home network on her personal laptop. My response would be much less polite than the instructors. Then again, her office only paid a few hundred dollars to send her here; why on earth would she need to learn anything?

Clearly, Captain Monkeypants is feeling snarky and crabby today. I apologize. I promise to be perkier tomorrow. Well, maybe not perky, perkiness in me is a little alarming. But I don't have to work quite so long today so maybe I'll this will help.

Then again, Weatherly is here all week. I can't wait.